Tonks and Lupin: Until the Very End
by LupinxTonks4ever
Summary: Tonks and Lupin's relationship from the hospital scene in the Half Blood Prince till the end. The story we know with the joy of embellishment, and lots of filling in spaces. There is fluff - you have been warned;) All property of the lovely J.K.Rowling. Bear with me - it's my first fanfic.
1. After the Battle

1. After the Battle

An exhausted and devastated Tonks and Lupin returned in the early hours of the morning to the Headquarters of the Order. Moody was asleep at his house, taking one of his rare breaks, and neither had the heart to go and wake him and tell him what had happened. Kingsley and McGonagall, the only other members close by that weren't on other business, were with the Minister at Hogwarts. The silence was thick with sadness and tension because of the things Tonks had said desperately in front of the others.  
>She felt guilty for speaking so rashly and at such a bad time; she hated it when he argued so stubbornly. But she meant every word. Now, as she and Lupin sat silently across from each other in the kitchen of number 12, Grimmauld Place, she felt almost angry with him. She hated how he thought so stubbornly that he wasn't good enough for her. He was so kind, and the past months of him ignoring her had been agony. She couldn't remember ever being so unhappy before.<br>They had met two years before, when she'd joined the Order of the Phoenix. Mad-Eye, her retired (not really, but he tried) teacher from the Ministry, had contacted her and told her the beginning to end story of how Voldemort had returned to power, but that the Ministry was already denying these claims. He told of an Order that he had been part of during the first Wizarding war. Dumbledore was forming it once again, having already found several trusted members.  
>The Order of the Phoenix.<br>When Moody had invited her to join them, she'd agreed without hesitation. She wanted to help, wanted to stand and fight. The Auror's wouldn't be seeing much action if the Ministry was only denying Voldemort was back.  
>The day she had gone to number 12, Grimmauld Place, Lupin had been the first person she met. He reproached Mad-Eye for bringing someone so "young".<br>She remembered it perfectly...  
>She walked into the drafty entry, noticing the hangings over the paintings with curiosity.<br>She followed Mad-Eye into a spacious but long-unused kitchen where two men were sitting, one with longer, rather unkempt black hair whom Tonks immediately recognized as Sirius Black. As she knew the true story of these events, however, she was not alarmed. Next to him sat a handsome man; several gray hairs contradicted the younger, though worn, age of his face. He had kind, understanding blue eyes. She liked him immediately.  
>They both looked up as Mad-Eye entered the dirty kitchen, followed by Tonks.<br>"Mad-Eye," Sirius greeted at once, "I'm glad you're here, I have a question about something I've found upstairs. Some bloody "family artifact" Kreacher keeps trying to steal from me-never mind that it's cursed." He rolled his eyes. Tonks smiled slightly, already liking this man also.  
>They didn't seem to notice her yet.<br>Right as Mad-Eye was about to leave the kitchen with Sirius, he looked at Tonks, "This is Remus Lupin." He gestured to the handsome man before them.  
>"Remus, this is Nymphadora Tonks." He introduced.<br>She gritted her teeth, hoping this man wouldn't call her Nymphadora.  
>She smiled at him, as he studied her for a moment and then turned angrily to Mad-Eye,<br>"What are you playing at?" He demanded sharply.  
>"Don't start Remus-"<br>"Mad-Eye! I thought you weren't going to bring anyone else young in! You do remember what happened to most of our younger members last time don't you?" Said Lupin.  
>"I don't have time for this..." Mad-Eye muttered. Tonks knew he had Order business Dumbledore had entrusted him that day.<br>"I'm fine Mad-Eye, I'm sure I can answer all of Lupin's questions." She reassured him.  
>"Alright- Remus, if I hear you were a git to her, you'll have me to answer to." Moody said warningly. "Let me have a quick look at what you've got up there Sirius." Moody said, heading towards the staircase with Sirius.<br>She turned back to the Remus Lupin fellow, and found him still staring.  
>"What?" She asked impatiently. She didn't want to be rude, but what exactly was so interesting about her? She thought they wanted new members to join their Order; why was this Lupin bloke so surprised and angry?<br>"How old are you?" He asked quietly.  
>"Twenty-one." She answered, though she thought perhaps she should have lied and told him she was older.<br>"How old are you?" She asked, curiosity getting the better of her.  
>"Thirty-four." He said, sounding preoccupied.<br>"Twenty-one...you're certain you want to join the Order of the Phoenix? You're related-"  
>"To Bellatrix Lestrange and Narcissa Malfoy, I know." She cut him off impatiently. "I can't really do anything about that. It's not like Bellatrix hasn't tried to kill me before. What difference does it make why she wants to?" She said, offended that he thought he could talk her out of this, or worse, scare her out of this.<br>"How has she had the chance to get at you before now?" He asked.  
>"I'm an Auror at the Ministry of Magic; Mad-Eye taught me everything I know." She said; hoping this would earn her at least some respect as far as ability to protect herself went. She wasn't disappointed.<br>"Oh, that's um...congrats. If Moody taught you, I'm sure that you know what you're doing." He conceded hesitantly, as though he couldn't believe she really was old enough to do whatever she wanted.  
>"I'm twenty-one, perfectly old enough to make decisions for myself." She insisted, trying not to sound as annoyed as she felt.<br>He nodded, defeated...  
>She was brought abruptly back to the present moment in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, by Lupin's sad sigh. Dumbledore's death, Lupin's rejection, Bill's injury, all flooded back to her with painful clarity, and to her utter dismay, tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks, though she tried to check them, it was no use. She looked over at Lupin, the man she...loved, and the tears only came faster when she saw that his eyes were wet as well, though he still refused to meet her gaze. She hated to admit it, but she missed the warmth in his eyes, the humor dancing in them when he told a joke. And she couldn't be mad at him anymore, despite everything he had put her through.<br>Trying to see clearly through her tears, she noticed Lupin still had blood on his face where a Death Eater had cut him on the forehead; his face was exhausted, miserable. She didn't really stop to consider her actions, but a sudden wave of tenderness for him swept over her. She Summoned a clean cloth out of the drawer and silently charmed it so that it became damp. She moved around the table to where he was sitting, and offered it to him.  
>He didn't move. She sighed and gently tilted his face up so she could wipe away the blood.<br>He seemed to come back to present, tense while she was touching his face.  
>She turned reluctantly to go, before she could, however, Lupin grabbed her hand to keep her from going. He pulled her down carefully to sit beside him. As she looked at him, surprised, he met her gaze for the first time in months. A sort of bittersweet joy filled her heart at the sight of his blue eyes, which were also filled with tears.<br>For a moment they were simply frozen, staring into each other's eyes.  
>She couldn't breathe as he slowly, as though he wasn't sure yet whether he should, leaned forward and met her lips. Joy as sudden as a firework burst through her, and she wrapped her arms around him. He kissed her so gently that more tears came to her eyes. Her face was cupped tenderly in his hands; the moment stole her breath completely.<br>The spell broke only when they finally broke apart; staring into each other's eyes.  
>Lupin's eyes were shining and the tender look in them made her catch her breath. His hands still held her face, and he stroked her cheek softly, gazing deeply into her eyes, "Dora..." He murmured, pulling her into his arms, holding her tight.<br>An inexplicable emotion filled her when he called her 'Dora.' He used to, when they were only friends, and he hadn't known of her feelings yet, but through the last year, he had reverted back to Tonks.  
>All of a sudden she was crying again. She wasn't sure why, she just knew she didn't seem to be able to help it.<br>Too much had happened that night. He stroked her hair, and she felt wetness sinking into it, his breathing uneven, and knew he was shedding tears right along with her.  
>He had always been good friends with Dumbledore, who had let him into Hogwarts as a young boy despite his being a werewolf. And had employed him to teach at Hogwarts three years previously. She wished she could ease the pain of this for him.<br>They held each other for a long while, the kitchen fire warming them. Her tears ebbed after time in his arms, and his breathing evened out, and still he continued to hold her. She wasn't in any hurry to move.  
>Tonks was nearly asleep when he loosened his arms carefully. She sat up straight and looked into his eyes again. They were tired and sad, but he looked a bit more peaceful.<br>Finally Lupin spoke, "We can't stay here tonight." He said wearily.  
>She clapped her forehead with her hand. "I didn't even think of it!" She gasped. Dumbledore had been the Secret Keeper for Grimmauld Place and now that he was gone, that duty was transferred... to the twenty or so other members of the Order...which included Snape.<br>"Come on," She said, getting up, "Let's go."  
>He followed suit, "Is there anything important to the Order here?" He asked, looking around.<br>"Just some papers in here." Tonks replied, opening a drawer and taking out a stack.  
>"Ah yes." Lupin said thoughtfully, looking through them quickly.<br>"We should take them with us, just in case Mad-Eye wants them." Tonks said.  
>"Right." He said.<br>"Where are we going to sleep tonight? At first I thought my parents', but they're not at home. We'd give them a dreadful fright for sure, going through their magical barriers." She said hurriedly. Concern set into his features.  
>"Well, the same would hold true for the Weasley's. Besides, I suspect Molly and Arthur are still at Hogwarts with Bill. That leaves my place." He said awkwardly. "It's not big or anything, but just for tonight it ought to be fine." He said.<br>"Are you sure you don't mind-"  
>"I'm not going to leave you here." He said firmly, sounding a tad alarmed.<br>"Come on." He said, offering his arm.  
>She took it and they Disapparated. They landed in front of a small cottage, tidy, but plain. She had never been to his place before, but she rather liked it. Before they went inside, Tonks and Lupin set several protective spells and enchantments around the place.<br>All the Order members had to protect their houses these days.  
>The inside was much like the outside. Tidy, but very sparsely decorated and had the air of a place that, while clean, wasn't often inhabited. She liked it though; she could see the charm in the place.<br>There was one bedroom, a small kitchen, with a table and three chairs and a sitting room with an old, comfy looking sofa, armchair, and rocking chair, and a small fireplace.  
>"Like I said, not all that nice, but it'll do..." He said awkwardly.<br>"I think it's nice." She said honestly. She'd always been fond of cottages.  
>He glanced over at her dubiously, and she tried to smile at him. A staggering sense of déjà vu hit her; this felt almost the same as when Sirius had died. Her eyes filled with tears again, and she looked down, angry that she didn't have better control over herself.<br>She felt almost embarrassed all of a sudden. Very conscious of the fact that Lupin was standing right next to her; she turned away, attempting to stop crying. Lupin noticed, he silently took her hand and led her over to the couch, putting an arm around her.  
>I'm awfully weepy tonight. She thought to herself.<br>After a couple minutes, she was finally able to pull herself together a bit.  
>"Sorry..." She muttered, attempting to dry her eyes on the sleeve of her robe. It wasn't exactly what you'd call absorbent material. She gave up that and looked at Lupin, who seemed to have lost his speech capabilities for a moment.<br>"Don't apologize. What are friends for?" He said, and then tensed all of a sudden, as though he was expecting her next words.  
>Her eyes narrowed, "Friends? You know, correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't meet a lot of friends who kiss each other." She said, her temper igniting, "I never see Harry kissing Hermione and they're best friends. Maybe we should just ask them?" She said, her voice rising.<br>She stood up, too angry to sit, and paced back and forth a couple times, shaking her head angrily at his next words.  
>Lupin's eyes had fallen to the floor again, his head in his hands. She pushed away the pity she felt for him- he was the one who had said that. This was his fault – he knew how she would take that.<br>"You know how I feel about this Dora, I'm too old for you, too poor, and too dangerous, besides-"  
>She cut him off, "You are not too old for me! If I thought you were we wouldn't even be having this discussion! And I'm poor anyways! I have job, what else are they for? And if I was really so worried about danger, an Auror wouldn't have been my career choice would it? Did you lie to me after Sirius died? Did you mean ANYTHING that you said to me?" She yelled.<br>She didn't mean to yell, hadn't meant to bring up Sirius. She didn't want to fight, but she was fed up with his stubbornness.  
>He chuckled slightly, humorlessly, "Why do you have to be so good at arguing?" He said, sounding pained.<br>She didn't speak for fear she'd yell again. But bit her tongue and sat down next to him, shoulders slumped, defeated again; she waited to hear what he had to say.  
>"Dora, it's not about whether I care for you or not, it's about what's best for you..." He began. She didn't let him get farther.<br>"Well I'm sick of what's best for me.  
>Can't you see how wrong you are about yourself Remus?<br>I don't know how long we've all got; Voldemort kills people every day, hard to say who'll be next. I wanna live, not cower in a corner. I wanna fight and if he, or Bellatrix, finds me, I want to stand up to them, and if someone kills me, so be it. At least I'll have made it a little bit harder for him. At least then I'll die without regrets!" She said hotly.  
>She got what she wanted, Lupin finally looked at her again, and she saw pain in his eyes.<br>"Don't ever say that." He snapped.  
>"What?" She said just as angrily.<br>"That he's going to kill you. He's NOT." He said, his voice hard, "He'll have to kill me first before he can get to you. I love you too much to-" He stopped suddenly; obviously he hadn't meant to speak that last bit out loud. But those three words in the midst of the other angry ones had disarmed Tonks completely. And she felt hope spark in her again; more vulnerable than if she were standing before a Death Eater without a wand.  
>"Did you just...do you mean...what did you say?" She whispered, stammering, her voice seeming to fail her a bit.<br>He turned to her with anguish and guilt in his eyes.  
>"Dora, please." He begged.<br>Her gaze was locked with his, and she couldn't have looked away if she'd wanted to. She wished he would just accept the fact that she was always going to love him. Couldn't he see that there was never anyone else for her? He was the only one. Something he saw in her eyes made him speak, finally crash all of his defense, his barriers.  
>"I love you so much." He whispered, closing his eyes as he said it, as though he was afraid that she would recoil, ashamed of himself.<br>She couldn't hold back a second longer. She kissed him, her lips crashing into his, passion filling every part of her brain, overcoming her rationality.  
>For a moment, he didn't move at all, and then he answered her kiss as ardently as she'd given it. Her hands held his face, and his were in her hair and on her face. And she couldn't breathe. Tears spilled over onto his hand, and he moved his mouth from hers just long enough to kiss them away. He kissed her again, but slower this time.<br>They broke apart after a few minutes, their breathing shallow, and she laid her head on his shoulder. His eyes were misty. After a moment, when she could speak again, she pulled back.  
>Looking directly into his eyes,<br>"I love you too, Remus." She whispered.  
>He gathered her close in his arms, kissing her hair.<br>A few moments later, she began to laugh.  
>Lupin looked surprised.<br>For some reason, the fact that they had been yelling at each other moments before they had kissed seemed suddenly hilarious.  
>"What?" He asked a bit self-consciously.<br>She attempted to convey this to him.  
>"Just...I was yelling..." She was overcome again, and it was a minute before she could control herself enough to speak, "And I was...so mad at y...you. And then...we..." She trailed off on purpose that time.<br>Now Lupin was laughing with her, though he looked a bit guilty.  
>They eventually got a hold of themselves.<br>She could tell Lupin was already feeling guilty again.  
>"Please Remus," She said seriously,<br>"Don't berate yourself. You always judge yourself so much more harshly than everyone else. When we could all learn a lesson or two from you." She said softly.  
>"You know, when we first met, you scared me half to death. Still do. You're so young, so beautiful. Back then, I couldn't imagine you taking out Death Eaters. And yet you've proved yourself time and time again. And I...fell in love with you. I didn't want to tell you what I was, afraid I'd lose you, even though I knew I was going to have to give you up..."<br>They both fell silent, remembering that night. It was just after Sirius's death, and their feelings for each other had finally surfaced. But she'd been denied over and over by Lupin, who insisted that he "wasn't good enough for her". She never believed it for a second. The trouble was getting him to believe it. She thought she was nearly there now, though.  
>"Are you sure? Really, really sure?" He asked, looking seriously into her eyes. "I am poor, and thirteen years older than you, and a-"<br>She stood up, throwing her hands in the air.  
>"How many times do I have to tell you that I DON'T CARE?" She exclaimed. "I really just don't! I love YOU. Not money or my age, nor am I phobic of werewolves." She said, teasing a bit there at the end.<br>He smiled a little in spite of himself.  
>"I'm glad you're sure, because I'm tired of trying to find good reasons for keeping us apart; none of them are good enough." He said, surrendering at last.<br>He stood up and faced her, putting both hands on her shoulders.  
>"Thank God for that." He said, sounding relieved.<br>She stood still as if she'd been Stunned. For a moment she thought she might have imagined it, then his words registered and she realized she had not, in fact, been hallucinating.  
>She gave a cry of delight and threw herself at him, kissing him with an ardor she hardly knew she possessed. She felt weak with relief and joy that he had finally quit, that their long, painful separation was over at last.<br>He returned the kiss passionately, caressing her face, tangling his hands in her hair. After several more minutes, Tonks felt sort of light-headed. She wasn't sure whether she was giddy or lacking in oxygen. She didn't really care which.  
>She felt as though the world had stopped. Time was frozen just for the two of them.<p> 


	2. Tonks's Dream

2. Tonks's dream

Sirius gone, SIRIUS GONE, the words played like a mantra in her head. Even though she tried to stop them. It was her fault. She should've finished Bellatrix. Poor Harry; he would never forgive her. And now he was all alone.  
><em>No. No he isn't, I'll take him in myself if need be. He's not alone.<em> A fierce thought contradicted the mantra.  
>Though she suspected Molly would beat her to taking him in, she would still would be willing. It was thanks to Mad-Eye that she was alive at all. She didn't know what he had done to fix her, but she felt ok, just very tired. She had already thanked Mad-Eye and he had given her stern instructions to stay with Lupin or Molly that night, so that someone could make sure she was going to be alright, and wake her up at least twice. She felt guilty to be a burden, but Moody was very firm. She had offered to stay behind and help move the remaining Death Eaters, whilst Lupin oversaw Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, and Luna back to Hogwarts using a Portkey.<br>_Lupin._  
>The thought struck her, as horrible and fast as lightening.<br>She remembered Lupin's words to poor Harry as he'd struggled to find Sirius. Mad-Eye had just managed to revive her. She had been able to hear but not to see. In the silence she heard the words. And they had locked her chest tight, kept her from breathing.  
>"There's nothing you can do, Harry...Nothing. He's gone." Looking back, she heard the pain laced in those words, and knew that those were the words that Lupin said to try to convince himself as much as Harry. She gasped, and as two Ministry officials came back through the door with more enchanted rope, she dragged the last Death Eater hurriedly to them, hastily finishing her work. And then she ran, ran like someone was chasing her. She disapparated quickly to the front step of Grimmauld Place, and just the sight of the door tightened her chest; she blinked back tears. Remorse and sorrow filling her as she realized she would never see Sirius in this house again.<br>She rushed through the door. Slamming it and hurriedly tapping it with her wand so that it would relock itself. She jogged down the hall, and tripped over the troll leg cloak-rack.  
>"Bloody darn thing." She swore quietly as she righted it and then went forward towards the kitchen entry.<br>She saw him. Lupin was sitting at the table, staring at a picture of the first Order of the Phoenix, his eyes wet. For all the rush she'd gone through to get there, she hesitated in the doorway, unsure of what to say.  
>She walked in slowly. He didn't even look up; he didn't seem to care, though he wiped his face hastily. She sat down next to him. Wishing she could just hug him. Her feelings for him had increased so much lately, and she wanted to tell him, but she was afraid he would react… badly.<br>She studied the picture for a moment, saddened when the sudden thought struck her that most of these people were dead. Gone forever. All because of the evil ambition and cruelty of one man. Hatred for Voldemort coursed through her veins. And she wanted to take him on right then. Wanted to kill him herself.  
>She focused on the picture again, and saw Sirius's face, standing with James, Lily, and Lupin. Huge smiles on all their faces.<br>And tears filled her eyes and overflowed onto her cheeks and she didn't even try to stop them.  
>A single teardrop fell onto the table beside her, and she saw that Lupin was crying also. The last of his old friends was Sirius. And he was gone. He was the only one of them left.<br>He finally looked up at her, and the pain and grief she saw in his eyes broke her heart cleanly in two.  
>She reached out a hand and slowly put it on his shoulder, trying to comfort him somehow.<br>For a moment, his tear-filled eyes stared into hers and then he was pulling her close. Wrapping her in his arms and holding her close. She felt his body shaking slightly with sobs as he cried into her hair, and she soaked the shoulder of his robes with her tears.  
>They cried together for a long time. Disbelief making the pain worse. She wished they could have had a funeral, knowing that seeing him laid to rest would have comforted Lupin slightly; and Harry and herself also.<br>She wished Harry could be there with them, so she could hug him, and he wouldn't have to bear this burden of grief alone.  
>Their tears finally slowed in the comfort of each other's arms. Though Tonks thought the only reason hers had stopped was because her eyes had run out of them.<br>"Remus, I am so so sorry. I fully understand if you can't forgive me for what I'm about to tell you." She said, her voice breaking. She collected herself a moment before speaking again.  
>"It's my fault Sirius is gone. I stopped dueling Bellatrix. I should've finished her. I'm so sorry, Remus."<br>She was so ashamed she could hardly bring herself to speak the words.  
>"Thank you Dora." He said, his voice hoarse, but steadier now. "But listen carefully," He looked her in the eye, "This. Was. Not. Your. Fault. Bellatrix nearly killed you. Would have, if it hadn't been for Mad-Eye. Scared me so much, the sight of you falling down those steps..." He trailed off, horror mixing with his grief. He shuddered.<br>Love for him surged through her.  
>"I'm still here. And I won't ever leave you, I promise." She said solemnly.<br>She hugged him again, so that he wouldn't see into her eyes; see the love in that promise.  
>"Thank you." he whispered.<br>They sat quietly in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, remembering happier times there, times when Sirius had been with them. Christmas here, when they had been rejoicing that Arthur Weasley was alive, and Sirius had gone around singing "God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriffs."  
>All the late nights that Sirius, Lupin, and she had stayed up discussing Order business and other things.<br>Tears burned her eyes again, and she looked up at Lupin to see that his own were still running silently down his face. She didn't really think about what she was doing; she reached up and wiped away some of his tears. Her own spilling over again, seeing the pain he was in.  
>Lupin stared at her, surprised. Their eyes met; he must've been holding his breath, for it came out like a sort of gasp. She froze when he traced her chin gently. His eyes were full of a strange emotion she couldn't quite pin-point. He caressed her cheek and she bit back a groan as he traced gently over her lips.<br>He ran his hand slowly down her neck and to her shoulder. Her breath caught as he leaned forward slowly, his eyes on fire with that inrecognizable expression.  
>His mouth met hers gently, and she gasped, new tears in her eyes.<br>The sound seemed to ignite something between them. The gentle kiss that might have been disappeared. He kissed her passionately, desperately.  
>She returned it with the same ardor, and bittersweet joy filled her. She couldn't believe this was finally happening.<br>He pulled her closer still, and she held him tighter, never wanting this moment to end.  
>Warmth spread through her, like she was standing in the sun after a cold night, and being warmed by its' light. She kissed him like she'd been longing to. Her heartbeat was a hundred miles per hour, and she could hardly breathe.<br>She let herself drown in the love Lupin was giving her. His lips were soft yet urgent. She clung to him, his lips warming her, body and soul.  
>He pulled away after a time Tonks had no idea of.<br>Lupin leaned his forehead against hers, their breathing slowly returning to normal.  
>Her elation was beyond description, Lupin's eyes were full of joy at first too. But a new expression filled his eyes after a minute. He seemed to be warring between guilt and joy while they caught their breath.<br>She wanted to speak, but she didn't know what to say.  
>She looked up at him, a question on her lips.<br>She was still sitting close to him, his arms around her. She wrapped her arms around him and they sat on in the silence. Tonks no longer wanted to speak, but she had promised Mad-Eye...  
>"Remus, can I ask a terribly rude favor of you? Mad-Eye said someone should wake me up a couple times tonight to make sure I'm ok. He had urgent business to take care of, so he couldn't do it. I don't want to be a burden though, I can go to the Weasley's or my parents' house." She said uncertainly.<br>"Don't be silly Dora, you'd give them a heart attack if you went knocking at this hour. I'll check on you; let's just camp out in the living room tonight." He suggested.  
>"Thank you, Remus. That would be great." She said, very grateful. She really hadn't wanted to wake anyone; they would surely think she was a Death Eater.<br>"Alright if I just sleep on the couch?" She asked when they entered the living room. There was a bedroom off this room.  
>"You can have the bed, Dora." He said.<br>"No! You're already having to do too much for me tonight. Besides, the sofa is comfy." She said, patting it energetically.  
>His lips quirked up a bit at the corners and he seemed to accept defeat.<br>"If you change your mind..." He left the offer open.  
>"You'll know because you'll have been levitated off of your bed." She teased mischievously.<br>"Actually, you wouldn't even have to be going to that kind of trouble. Because I'm not going to be sleeping in it." He said.  
>"What? Where are you sleeping?" She asked, confused.<br>"On the floor." he said as a Summoned mat floated out of his room accompanied by two blankets and two pillows. He had a small house, but had been staying here lately, keeping Sirius company, and doing work for the Order.  
>He laid the mat beside the couch and gave Tonks a blanket and pillow. She took off her shoes and socks, so that she could sleep more comfortably. She lay down and tossed the blanket over her. She sank into the pillow; it smelled like Lupin; she smiled slightly.<br>"What?" Lupin asked curiously.  
>"Oh, nothing." She answered, preoccupied remembering the intoxicating way his lips moved with hers.<br>Lupin fixed his mat next to hers, and was preparing to lay down on it when she protested.  
>"What are you doing?" She asked.<br>"Going to sleep, and you?" He said casually. He was trying to act normally, but she could tell he was devastated.  
>"Remus please. Go to bed. I'm really fine. You don't even have to check on me. I feel good, actually." She said, yawning and stretching.<br>"No. Because if you're not fine, it will be on my head." He said firmly.  
>"And I care too much about you to let anything happen to you too." He said the last part quieter, looking down quickly, though not quickly enough for her to miss the pain that filled his eyes.<br>"Oh Remus..." She sat up, her eyes filling with tears. He came over and sat next to her and she put her arms around him.  
>"I'm sorry, Remus. And please don't worry about me at a time like this- I'm not going anywhere." She said softly.<br>She felt something wet in her hair and she hugged Remus tighter. Knowing nothing she could say now would help, she just held him.

Tonks awoke to see the weak light of dawn coming through the front window. It was so pretty...but where was she? She felt disoriented.  
>Then she remembered.<br>Sirius.  
>All of a sudden the light looked almost bleak. She buried her face in her pillow.<br>She was slowly starting to remember everything that had happened the night before. Sirius...gone, returning to Grimmauld Place, Lupin's tears, Lupin kissing her. She felt suddenly more awake. Had all that really happened? It felt like a dream...she realized she was covered by a blanket, and remembered that she and Lupin had fallen asleep in each other's arms. He must have left at some point in the night, for he now lay on his mat on the floor.  
>She vaguely recalled being woken up several times during the night.<br>She looked over at Lupin again, and saw that he wasn't actually asleep.  
>Sadness lined his face as he stared up at the ceiling.<br>"Wotcher," She said quietly.  
>He looked over to see her staring at him; she gave him a sad half-smile.<br>"Morning Dora," He replied.  
>"Did you sleep okay down there?" She asked, trying to keep it casual, hoping that not mentioning Sirius's name would somehow help. But in this house, memories were everywhere.<br>And it was painful, especially when she considered how Lupin must feel, having known him almost his whole life.  
>"Oh, yes- fine." He said, sounding as though his thoughts were a million miles away. Or several years away.<br>"You shouldn't lie, Remus." she sighed as she sat up.  
>"What?" He asked, surprised.<br>"You didn't sleep hardly at all." She said quietly, seeing dark shadows under his red eyes.  
>He shrugged. "I wouldn't have anyways," He must've seen that she was about to protest, for he quickly added "even if I had been in my own bed."<br>"I'm sorry." She whispered.  
>He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "Thank you."<br>"Would you like some breakfast?" She asked mechanically. She wasn't hungry herself, but she knew they should eat.  
>"No, I'm alright." He said, and she suspected he felt like she did.<br>"Too bad." She said, trying to make her voice light but not really succeeding.  
>She padded barefoot into the kitchen and whipped up some toast so they'd at least have eaten something. She smoothed hair and brushed her teeth without any energy while she waited for it to warm.<br>Lupin came in as she was finishing up making breakfast.  
>"Dora, you didn't need to worry about this." He said.<br>"I don't mind." She insisted.  
>They sat down, and Tonks took a bite halfheartedly, and found she was ravenous.<br>Lupin simply looked at his.  
>"Remus. Eat it. It'll help." She said softly.<br>He nodded and obliged, albeit hesitantly.  
>After their quiet breakfast, Tonks cleaned up manually, not wanting to break any more plates.<br>Lupin helped her, silently drying the dishes she had washed.  
>She wished he would say something, or that she could think of something to say.<br>She wished she could take away this grief, fix it somehow.  
>When Lupin put away the last plate they still hadn't spoken a word.<br>He turned to walk away but she caught the back of his patched robes.  
>He turned, a horribly empty, forlorn look in his eyes.<br>"Come here." She said quietly, opening her arms.  
>He closed the distance between them in one stride, and caught her up, burying his face in her hair.<br>She felt his tears take over. Though she could tell by his breathing that he was trying to keep them at bay.  
>Her own eyes were swimming now.<br>"It's okay to cry, Remus." She whispered. She meant to say more, but the lump in her throat made it impossible to speak further.  
>He pulled her closer to him, and she held him tighter. He finally let himself cry, and her own tears spilled over, washing her face, as grief at losing Sirius and at seeing Lupin's pain engulfed her.<p>

An hour later, they were now in the living room where they had slept. Sitting on the couch, and just trying to get a hold of themselves before they went to work.  
>She looked up at him, wondering if he even ought to worry about the Order today.<br>He was already gazing at her, and she met his eyes readily.  
>She saw a lone tear glittering on his cheek, and wiped it away gently.<br>He closed his eyes, looking even more pained.  
>"Dora, I apologize for what I'm about to say to you." He paused and took a deep breath. "Please know that I never meant to give you the wrong impression. I should have told you long ago."<br>Dread fell like a heavy rock in her gut. She'd been afraid of this.  
>"I...I shouldn't have, um..lost control and kissed you like that. I'm...sorry."<br>"Why?" She asked, stung.  
>He looked at her cautiously, and noticed in her voice what she'd tried to hide.<br>"Dora," He began, reaching out a hand as though to touch her face. He seemed to think better of it, and dropped it to his side. "I can't...we can't do…this." He mumbled.  
>"What is "this" exactly?" She asked, trying not to let her voice sound as angry as she felt.<br>"We can't just go on our merry way and fall in love. It's not that simple." He sighed, sounding tired.  
>"I'm not following you, why does it have to be complicated?" She asked. Mutual attraction was there, and she loved him dearly, though she wasn't about to tell him now. She didn't know if he felt the same way, though she had hoped for some time. What was so complicated?<br>"It doesn't _have_ to be, it just_ is_.  
>I'm too old for you, Dora. I'm 35 years old. You're only 22!<br>Doesn't it bother you? You should be with someone young. Someone your age." He wouldn't look at her.  
>"If it bothered me I wouldn't have kissed you, would I?" She fought hard to keep her tone level through this statement, but she thought he might've seen through her a bit.<br>"I am too poor. You know I can't keep work, though I've never told you why that is. The truth is..." He stopped; she saw fear plain on his face, and she thought she knew what he was about to say. He just had to think up as many "reasons" as he could for them not to fall in love, didn't he? Didn't he see that it was already too late for that?  
>"I'm...I'm a werewolf." He said, ashamed. Clearly he was afraid she wouldn't even talk to him anymore.<br>"I know." She said, shrugging.  
>He looked up at her, shocked. She was very glad to be able to see into his eyes.<br>"You know? How?" He asked, looking as though she'd announced she had broken into Gringotts or something.  
>Even if she hadn't known, it wouldn't have been all <em>that<em> hard to figure out.  
>"Cause Mad-Eye told me you were a werewolf right when I joined the Order. Doesn't bother me - it's not as though it makes you a different person." She said honestly.<br>"So you were okay enough with that knowledge to kiss me?" He exclaimed in disbelief; alarmed and angry that she could he so foolish.  
>"Relax, Remus. It's not like I go around looking for werewolves; walk up to them and tap them on the shoulder and ask 'can I kiss you?' Yes, I'm completely okay with this "knowledge"." She said firmly. "I know you, Remus, and I trust you. You're a good man." She said softly, wishing he could see it too.<br>He chuckled sadly. "I'm dangerous to you, Dora. I could never live with myself if I hurt you." He sounded so resigned, like that was something that would deter her.  
>"No, you're not. And besides, you won't have to worry about that anymore. Dumbledore has said that the new Potions master, Professor Slughorn, would gladly make the Wolfsbane potion for you - free." She reminded him of this news.<br>"But even if that wasn't the case, I still wouldn't care! I'm sorry that you have to carry this burden, because I know it's hard for you - but no one else thinks of you like that Remus - we all know you better than that...I know you better than that." She said earnestly.  
>He sighed. "Dora, I can't give you the sort of life you ought to have. And I'm not going to stand in the way of your happiness." He said, resolve settling into his voice.<br>"Well you are! I don't want to be rich, or find someone young, and danger doesn't bother me, I'm in more danger from my everyday career than you could put me in in a lifetime!" She didn't understand why he was being this way. This 'I'm not good enough for you' speech was ridiculous! She would have married him in a heartbeat. But she was just as stubborn as he was. She loved him, and she wasn't giving up this easily.  
>"You don't understand, Dora." He said tiredly.<br>His words stung.  
>"You're right, I don't. I don't understand how you can't see what a good man you are, Remus." She said, exasperated.<br>"I would have thought you would know me better than that by now." She said angrily.  
>"Dora, you don't know what you're saying. I will not put you in danger and ruin your life." He said firmly.<br>"You are the best thing in my life! The only way you could ruin my life is by dying or leaving me forever." She said hotly. She couldn't believe him. Well, actually she could. But she was still furious.  
>"Well I'm not dying, but really Dora, can't you see that I'm doing this because I care about you?" He asked, his voice gentle; maddeningly so.<br>She hated knowing her cared for her when he wouldn't even look at her. Pain coursed through her at the prospect of knowing that each of them harbored feelings for each other if they could never be more than friends.  
>Before she could reply, before she could yell at him that he was being an idiot, Mad-Eye barged through the door.<br>"Mad-Eye! What's happened, is everyone-" Tonks asked, worried.  
>"Everyone's fine, fine. Dumbledore wanted me tell everyone we can't use this place as headquarters for the Order till we sort out Sirius's will." She felt Lupin flinch when Mad-Eye said Sirius.<br>She went to lay a hand over his, compassion overcoming her anger at him, but he stood suddenly.  
>"Right, of course." Tonks said, her business-like side taking over.<br>They took out anything important they needed in case something happened and the secret of 12 Grimmauld Place was discovered by Death Eaters.  
>Over the next three months, Lupin increasingly avoided Tonks, clearly not wanting to hear her arguments. He was not happy; any fool would recognize that straight away. He never looked into her eyes, and left the room hastily whenever they were alone together. She had tried, on several other occasions, to convince him that he was being ridiculous. But he never listened. The only person Tonks confided this all to was Molly Weasley. She was so understanding, and invited Tonks round often, hoping to distract her. Snape, shrewd as he was, guessed the reason for her changed Patronus and mocked her. She had tried believing what Lupin said about Snape being on their side, but she really just didn't like the man. He was so nasty to everyone.<br>And so Tonks had fallen into a sad state, loving a man as stubborn as she was. Her hair became a dull brown in reflection of her depression. Lupin just didn't care, it seemed. When Hogwarts was scheduled to restart, the Ministry wanted Aurors in Hogsmeade to help guard the school and its' students. She was chosen at the Ministry, and she went to Dumbledore and asked for a posting at Hogsmeade from the Order too. And so the year wore on. She saw little of Lupin. She had hoped seeing less of him would help; also she was still angry with him for ignoring her and decided that two could play at that game.  
>She hated that game, but it continued till the night Dumbledore died, and she had been moved by Fleur's unchanging love for Bill, and she hadn't been able to hold it in anymore.<br>To her surprise and gratitude, Molly, Arthur, and Minerva McGonagall all stood behind her.  
>He finally gave up...<p>

Tonks awoke from the dream, and rubbed her eyes, looking around sleepily. Where was she?  
>She was lying on a comfy old sofa, a blanket covering her, facing the window.<br>Memory started to come slowly back to her...Lupin. She smiled to herself.  
>Lupin had moved at some point during the night, and was now sleeping in the armchair; he was such a gentlemen.<br>She lay there for a moment, recalling Lupin's sweet kisses the night before; falling asleep in each others' arms while talking.  
>He wanted to know everything she'd been doing, how it was to work at Hogsmeade. He was rather jealous of her being near the Three Broomsticks.<br>She had laughed at him.  
>It was nice to be distracted from the coming war, but she knew it was on both of their minds.<br>The memories had made her smile. She remembered her dream also. When she and Lupin had started to travel down this rocky road. Right after Sirius had died.  
>She didn't allow herself to keep remembering Sirius and her sadness of Dumbledore. She focused instead on unexpected happy events.<br>She laid back onto the couch, thinking of Lupin, his warm eyes.  
>And she did something she normally never she allowed herself to do. She dozed off again, dreaming.<p> 


	3. Love and Grief

**Hello!:) I finally figured out how to do this...I think! haha:) Thi is chapter 3 of my Tonks and Lupin fanfic, though publishing chapter stories is bloody confusing on here, but anywho - I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to anyone who's read this! I really really appreciate it! and thank you so much to the two people who have left reviews! I love you! 3 :D Thank you for reading and may God bless you!:D**

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><p>3. Love and Grief<p>

She woke up and looked to the clock by the mantle to see that it was later than she'd thought. For the first time, she noticed three, detailed wooden carvings on the mantle. An eagle, a dove, and a rougher, almost lopsided looking, but rather cute duck. She half-smiled before looking around to see where Lupin was.  
>He had silently left his chair; she heard some noise from the kitchen.<br>She ran a hand through her hair, turning it pink before she went to investigate.  
>She found Lupin in the kitchen, and he was making pancakes.<br>He hadn't noticed her in the doorway, and a devious idea came to her. She grinned and snuck up behind him.  
>"Wotcher." she said.<br>He jumped and pancake batter from the ladle in his hand went flying across the counter. The bowl went flying the other direction. Tonks caught it just before it crashed to the floor.  
>She was laughing.<br>He grinned sheepishly, "Good morning." He said, startled but polite nonetheless.  
>"Nice save." He said, gesturing to the unspilled bowl of pancake batter.<br>"I have my moments." She grinned.  
>"Sorry I scared you." She apologized as he cleaned up the spilled batter.<br>"I'm used to that now." He joked half-heartedly.  
>"You didn't have to cook, Remus." She said, wishing she hadn't let herself fall back to sleep.<br>"Well, now we're even. You cooked for me last time..." He trailed off for a moment. Pain flashing into his eyes, and she knew he was remembering Sirius. He seemed to shake himself out of that memory.  
>"Just know you're lucky that you're here for breakfast because it's the only meal I can cook decently." He said with a chuckle, tousling her pink hair.<br>When he really looked at her hair, he smiled softly and fingered a lock of it gently.  
>"You are so beautiful." He murmured.<br>She was startled, and looked down, hoping she hadn't blushed, though her face felt warm.  
>"Remus..." She paused and looked into his eyes; they had a tender look in them.<br>"So are you." She whispered...now she was definitely blushing, she looked down again quickly.  
>But he was. His kindness, his compassion...he was the best man she knew. Why couldn't he see it?<br>His hands cupped her face, bringing it up gently till he could look into her eyes.  
>He stared wordlessly into her eyes, and love for him overwhelmed her. She kissed him, and the moment his lips met hers the world and all its troubles disappeared. He smiled against her mouth, a hand tangling in her hair as he pulled her closer.<br>A few moments later, a burning smell caught her attention. She reluctantly pulled away to investigate.  
>She looked around at the oven and started to laugh.<br>A black pancake was slowly catching fire in the pan.  
>"Aguamenti!" she said and water doused the beginning flames and charred pancake.<br>Lupin was laughing; it was nice to hear that again.  
>"Oops." He said, still chuckling.<br>She smiled and wiped a bit of pancake batter off his chin.  
>They finished making breakfast and sat down at his small wooden table.<br>It was a quiet meal, and Tonks suspected Lupin might be thinking about Dumbledore.  
>Well, we needed to talk about the plan for today anyways. She thought wearily. Today would be a hard day.<br>"We need to get to Hogwarts and see if we can do anything to help." She said quietly.  
>Lupin sighed and nodded<br>"And check on Bill." she added, remembering.  
>His expression darkened at the mention of Bill's name and he stood.<br>She put the plates hastily in the sink, thinking she probably ought to wash them so that he wouldn't have to do it later.  
>"Dora-don't worry about washing my dishes. We should go."<br>"Okay." She said, though she felt bad to leave them, she knew he was right.  
>She was ready to go in five minutes.<br>Lupin joined her outside, and they Disapparated to Hogsmeade, as it was the closest they could get to Hogwarts.  
>The town was more crowded than Tonks had ever seen it in her life.<br>"They're all here for Dumbledore's funeral." He said quietly.  
>She took his hand, wishing she could make him feel better. They walked through Hogsmeade and on to Hogwarts together.<br>When they got to the gates, Tonks sent her corporeal Patronus through to ask permission to enter.  
>She had done so unthinkingly, and now rather wished that she had let Lupin send his. Hers had changed into a werewolf a year ago.<br>Maybe he won't notice. She thought.  
>Lupin turned to stare at her wordlessly, complete surprise in his face; he hadn't seen her new Patronus form until now.<br>She met his eyes, a bit embarrassed, but defiant against the emotion.  
>She felt like everything lay before him as clear as an open book when his blue eyes stared into hers that way.<br>"How long?" He asked quietly.  
>"Since the day after Sirius..." She trailed off; her Patronus had changed right after Lupin had rejected her for the first time. The day after Sirius had died.<br>He pulled her into his arms, holding her close, "I'm so sorry for everything I put you through." He whispered.  
>"Just promise me you won't do it again?" She asked; she didn't think she'd be able to bear it.<br>"I promise." He said softly.  
>She sighed in relief and he kissed her forehead before letting her go.<br>Hagrid was coming up to the gate.  
>Sadness at Dumbledore's death filled her once more when she saw Hagrid's swollen, red eyes.<br>"Wotcher." Tonks said half-heartedly.  
>"Hi Hagrid." Lupin said.<br>"Tonks, Remus." He said, nodding. His voice was hoarse.  
>He opened the gate to let them in.<br>"Thank you Hagrid." Lupin said.  
>They walked slowly and silently back to the castle, sadness weighing heavy on each of them.<br>They reached the huge front doors and Hagrid turned to part their company.  
>Lupin spoke compassionately to their old friend...<br>"Hagrid, if there's anything we can do for you, anything at all, just name it and it's done." Lupin said. Tonks was devastated at Dumbledore's death, even though she'd only known him for two years, Mad-Eye had always talked very highly of him. But Lupin and Hagrid, Tonks could see, were sharing the same grief. Dumbledore had done much for both of them, and accepted them when few others would. She still couldn't believe he was gone.  
>"Thank yeh, both of yeh. Yeh've always been so nice ter me." He said tearfully.<br>Tonks hugged him, and Hagrid pulled Lupin over and gave them both a bone-crushing hug.  
>They watched him walk slowly back onto the grounds towards his hut, Fang on his heels. Even Fang looked subdued.<br>They opened the big oaken front doors and slowly walked in, stopping right inside the doors. Memories of being in this castle as a student overwhelmed her…  
>Professor Sprout admonishing her about sneaking out after hours to fly in the dark with Bill and Charlie,<br>falling asleep in her History of Magic O.W.L… She smiled slightly at those memories.  
>Then the memories of last year, depression, solitude. And the recent devastating events...the Battle and Dumbledore. Her thoughts caught back up with reality and she sighed. Tonks looked over at Lupin and saw his eyes were sad. He must have been thinking of happier days here too. Of a life with James and Sirius that was so much simpler. She took his hand gently, and he threw a grateful glance her way.<br>After a minute they moved on, past the memories to the difficulties of today.  
>Professor McGonagall was just coming out of the Great Hall as they reached it. She looked worn and sadder than Tonks had ever seen her. Immediately upon reaching her, Tonks hugged her, surprisingly, McGonagall accepted the hug.<br>"Hello Nymphadora." Minerva greeted. Tonks gritted her teeth and Lupin smothered a wry smile.  
>He shook her hand.<br>"How are you, Minerva?" He asked, concerned also. Her sadness, even for McGonagall's usual lack of outward emotion, was understandable. She had been Dumbledore's friend and colleague for nearly fifty years.  
>"Managing." She said briefly, and Tonks could see she didn't really want to talk about it.<br>"Is there anything we can do Minerva?" Tonks asked quietly.  
>"Well, Albus left a will, so it's really all quite straightforward. The funeral will be tomorrow morning at ten o'clock. Hagrid, Professor Slughorn, Professor Sprout, Professor Flitwick and I have already seen to the grounds arrangements. He will be laid to rest here. Even Scrimgeour saw the sense in that..." She trailed off, her eyes far away.<br>"I'm sorry, Minerva, so sorry." Lupin said.  
>"As am I." Said Tonks, "If there's anything we can do, please let us know." She said sadly.<br>McGonagall blinked rather rapidly a few times.  
>"Thank you, Nymphadora, Remus." She said, sounding as though she was holding back tears.<br>She cleared her throat and spoke a little more clearly, "I suppose you'll be wanting to visit Bill Weasley?" She asked.  
>They both nodded.<br>"Molly stayed up at the Hospital Wing with him last night. I'm not sure how his condition is; I'll be dropping in later though."  
>"Thank you Minerva." said Lupin.<br>"Thank you." Echoed Tonks.  
>She nodded politely before turning away, her shoulders slumped in exhaustion.<br>"Poor Minerva." Tonks said once they'd gotten out of earshot.  
>Lupin nodded his agreement, looking rather tired himself.<br>"Did you sleep last night?" Tonks asked worriedly.  
>He paused for a moment, looking hesitant to speak.<br>"Not much, only when I was on the couch with you." He said, sounding kind of embarrassed.  
>"Remus-" She started, but he cut her off.<br>"Dora," He said, stopping outside the Hospital Wing. He traced a hand gently down her face,  
>"I will be alright." He said reassuringly.<br>She put her hand over his on her cheek, meeting his eyes, but didn't speak. She couldn't think of anything to say. After a minute, he looked away and took a deep breath, as though refocusing himself.  
>"Come on." Lupin said.<br>She nodded and they proceeded to the Hospital Wing, hand-in-hand.  
>Bill was still lying in the same bed as the night before, asleep. Fleur was asleep on the next bed, the salve cloth still in her hand.<br>Tonks thought rather better of her after last night. Fleur really was alright. Her loyalty to those she cared about unwavering, and Tonks respected that very much.  
>Remus loosened his hand slightly, but she only gripped his tighter. "People will know at some point Remus." She whispered gently; He looked dubious but he conceded, squeezing her hand.<br>Molly was sitting in a chair beside Bill's bed, wringing a damp cloth back and forth in her hands, red eyes on her sleeping son.  
>She jumped slightly when she saw them. Upon seeing their hands, her tired face perked up a bit.<br>"Tonks! Remus!" She exclaimed in a whisper, so as not to wake Bill or Fleur.  
>She hugged them both and gestured for them to sit down on the beds across from Bill, so they could talk more freely.<br>"How is he?" Lupin asked immediately.  
>"Much the same, really. He woke up briefly early this morning, and he talked to Fleur and I pretty normally. He dozed off again quickly, but...still it was a relief. After that, poor Fleur finally fell asleep." She gestured at the bed where her soon to be daughter-in-law lay sleeping.<br>Tonks knew that Molly wouldn't have slept a wink.  
>"You really ought to try and get some rest too Molly." said Tonks.<br>Lupin backed her up, "We'll be happy to sit up with Bill while you rest."  
>She looked uncertain. Tired, but worried.<br>Lupin laid a hand on her shoulder.  
>"Get some sleep, Molly. Tonks and I will be here." Lupin said gently.<br>She stayed on the bed across from Bill's and propped up the pillows so she could see him, then leaned back.  
>Tonks and Lupin sat down on the bed next to Bill's, and Lupin rubbed a hand tiredly across his eyes.<br>"Maybe I should let you sleep too." Tonks suggested.  
>"No, no. There'll be plenty of time for that later." He said, sitting up a bit straighter.<br>They sat quietly for a while, each thinking their own thoughts.  
>Tonks glanced over at Molly, and saw that her eyes had drifted shut and she was now sleeping, the worried lines on her face finally relaxed.<br>Time seemed still in the school, an unnatural quiet had befallen the place. She looked back at Bill.  
>Bill, Charlie, and Tonks had been good friends when they were going through Hogwarts together.<br>Bill's scarred face was rather rugged, he was almost unrecognizable... but he was ok. That was what mattered. Remus was gazing upon him with pity.  
>"He'll be alright, you know." She said quietly, remembering Lupin's words from the night before in this same place - he'd said he might have some wolfish characteristics, but wouldn't be fully affected.<br>He looked unsure, but nodded nonetheless. "At least he won't be a full werewolf." Remus said, relieved.  
>"I'm glad he won't have to carry that burden, but even if he did, he would be alright. He would still be Bill Weasley. Just like you are Remus Lupin. It doesn't make you less of a person Remus." She said gently, wishing he would believe her words.<br>He looked over at her, opening his mouth to speak, then closed it, looking into her eyes for a long moment. She saw tenderness fill his eyes and he kissed her so gently it took her breath away. His hands worked themselves slowly into her hair, pulling her closer, and hers wrapped around his neck.  
>Lost in their own world, the Hospital Wing seemed to fall away.<br>She didn't know how much time had passed when someone cleared their throat.  
>They jumped apart and stood abruptly; Fleur, who had apparently woken up, spoke in her throaty voice: "I am 'appy to see zhat you two 'ave worked zhings out." She said, a sly smile on her face.<br>Tonks blushed, smiling a little; feeling sheepish, but happy.  
>Lupin looked rather embarrassed. But when he saw Tonks's expression he relaxed, a half-smile on his face<br>"Thank you Fleur." Tonks said, smiling at her.  
>Tonks looked over to where Molly was and saw that her eyes were open and wet with tears, a smile upon her face for the first time since she had learned the news about Bill.<br>She got up and hugged Tonks, "I'm so happy for you dear." She whispered tearfully.  
>She hugged Lupin also.<br>"Thank you Remus, you've no idea how happy you've made our Tonks." She said knowingly. Molly was the only one Tonks had confided everything in, and seeing her elation for them was really touching.  
>Fleur was tending to Bill's face once more, a loving look in her eyes that Tonks fully understood; they would be friends yet.<br>Molly sat back down in her chair by Bill's bed, and Tonks and Lupin sat back down on the Hospital bed next to Bill's.  
>They talked for a while, both Molly and Fleur discussing the wedding.<br>"We are planning on sending out zhe invitations in a few weeks. But Bill and I would like to invite zhe both of you now." She said.  
>Tonks glanced at Lupin "We would love to come - Thank you so much! I'm so happy for you both!" She said warmly.<br>"Congratulations. We would be glad to come. Thank you." He said, smiling more genuinely now.  
>They talked of the exciting news and who was coming. When Fleur mentioned inviting Mad-Eye, Tonks gasped and looked frantically around for a clock.<br>"What time is it?" She asked, jumping up.  
>"Half past 11." Molly said, looking at the large clock on the wall that Tonks had completely forgotten about.<br>"I've got to go- I'm on watch with Mad-Eye today in Hogsmeade." She explained hurriedly.  
>"I hope Bill feels better Molly, I'll drop back by later if I can. And Remus, I'm making you dinner tonight-" He looked like he was about to protest "Don't argue. You can come over or I'll bring it to you-you're decision. Thank you Fleur, I'll see you soon." She said. She caught Lupin's eye for a second before turning and running out the door.<br>Man I'm so late- I was supposed to be there at eleven. She ran all the way to the gates and then Disapparated to Hogsmeade to make better time.  
>She landed right outside the Hogsmeade, making a middle-aged witch in bright green robes jump and drop her package. Tonks apologized and handed her the package quickly, then set off at a run towards the edge of town, where they kept watch on the people entering. After running into a couple people and breaking a cart, which she hurriedly repaired, she stopped running and walked quickly instead.<br>She finally reached her destination and Mad-Eye. He was standing leaned up against the wall of an old building, slyly checking the witches and wizards coming in. He was ideal at this sort of thing because his magical eye could see through objects, so he could examine the contents of their bag without ever bothering them. There had been a temporary Anti-Apparition charm placed on Hogsmeade till after Dumbledore's funeral, because they wanted to see exactly who they were letting into Hogwarts.  
>She took her spot next to Mad-Eye, nonchalantly leaning up against the building beside him.<br>They looked like two old friends, enjoying the weather.  
>"Sorry I'm late! I was up at the school visiting Bill and Molly. Molly's a mess, poor thing, but we managed to get her to sleep a bit. I'm so-"<br>Mad-Eye held up his hand and she stopped talking.  
>"Stop worrying yourself about it. Just don't let it happen again." He said gruffly.<br>"My word." She said.  
>"Had your word last time too, didn't I? Lot of good that turned out to be." He said.<br>To anyone who didn't know him as well as she, this would seem a stern comment. But she knew that sly, joking expression.  
>"Thanks Mad-Eye." She said appreciatively.<br>"Don't mention it, Dora." He said gruffly; she half-smiled.  
>They stood quietly for a few minutes, subtly inspecting each witch and wizard came into the village.<br>Mad-Eye seemed especially quiet. Usually when it was just the two of them on watch, he'd answer some of her questions about what was going on in the wizarding world, or tell stories of when he first became an Auror. But today he was silent.  
>Tonks glanced over at Mad-Eye; his battle-worn face was holding a brave attempt to keep his feelings un-surfaced. But Tonks saw the sadness there.<br>"Mad-Eye, I'm truly sorry...about Dumbledore. He was a great man, a great wizard. He will be very much missed." Tonks said.  
>Mad-Eye looked down, and she knew he didn't want her to see the sadness in his eyes.<br>Well, eye. She thought wryly.  
>She tactfully pretended to be inspecting a young wizard's rather unusual case.<br>When the wizard had passed, she saw that Mad-Eye had regained his composure somewhat… though he never really seemed to have lost it.  
>"Thank you Dora." He said, his voice quieter than usual and rough with emotion.<br>He put a hand on her shoulder, which for Mad-Eye was the equivalent of a bear hug. She put a hand on his shoulder, and they stood together on the warmth of that early summer day, each remembering their lost friend.

After her duty was up, she headed back up to Hogwarts. She sent her Patronus up to the school, and waited. After a few minutes, she could make out a figure coming her way. To her surprise, Lupin came walking up to the gate.  
>"Wotcher." She said, happy to see him.<br>"Hello Dora." He greeted.  
>There were few people who she didn't mind calling her 'Dora'. Mad-Eye, her parents, and Lupin. It was more of an endearment from Lupin; he only called her that when they were alone anyways.<br>"How's Bill?" She asked, wondering if he'd been up in the Hospital Wing this whole time.  
>"Alright. He actually woke up for a bit while I was there. He's not feeling great, naturally, but he's fine otherwise. Arthur got here a little while ago, and Bill was still awake. I decided to give them some family time, so I came out to visit Hagrid. I was just leaving when I saw your Patronus.<br>"I'd been thinking of going back up, but perhaps not tonight." She said, looking up at the castle thoughtfully.  
>"Probably a good idea." He said.<br>He came through the gate and they walked a little ways before Tonks stopped and groaned, face-palming.  
>"What's wrong?" Lupin asked.<br>"Nothing." She said too quickly.  
>Tonks, why can't you keep your big mouth shut! she scolded herself mentally. If she didn't tell Lupin, she could just get a room in the inn at Diagonal Alley...kind of dodgy these days, but better than nothing. He'd already done too much for her; she didn't want to put him out further.<br>"Should I pretend that I believe your answer?" He asked with a touch of sarcasm.  
>She pretended to think for a minute and then nodded, "Yes...yes, you should."<br>His tired features transformed into an echo of the joking look she loved so much, and his mouth tugged up a little at the corners.  
>"Ah, unfortunately for you, I'm not that easy to fool." He said.<br>"Really Dora, just tell me what's wrong."  
>"I um...I forgot that...my parents are out of town."<br>"I'm not following you..." he said, confused.  
>"They always put up really complicated magical barriers and alarms when they're gone. Being related to two of the most notorious Death Eaters does inspire one to be cautious. I could get through them, with a spot of difficulty, but my parents would know, and it would scare them to death."<br>At the worried expression on his face she reassured him. "I've got another place I can stay." She lied.  
>"Really? Where's that?" He asked, calling her on her fib.<br>She hesitated, hoping he'd drop it. But a pointed look from him told her that was unlikely.  
>She gave in. "I'll just get a room in Diagon Alley."<br>"Like hell you will." Remus muttered fiercely.  
>"Excuse me?" She said, wondering if she'd heard him right.<br>"Just stay at my place again tonight, the couch is still there. I'd worry like crazy over you being in Diagon Alley, too many Death Eaters around there these days." He closed his eyes briefly as though the thought horrified him.  
>She was an Auror after all; she could take care of herself.<br>But she knew he hadn't meant it that way, so she bit her tongue.  
>"Come with me." He said softly, holding out his arm.<br>She looked into his eyes, "If you're sure-"  
>"Positive."<br>She took his arm, and they Disapparated to outside the enchantments of Lupin's little cottage once more.  
>"Thank you for letting me stay here." She said, rather glad she would not have to sleep in Diagon Alley after all.<br>"Anytime Dora, you're always welcome." He said warmly.  
>"What should we have for dinner then?" She asked.<br>"I'm not going to have you cook." He said, as though this were obvious.  
>"You've already done too much for me; let me do something for you." She said, sauntering ahead of him into the house.<br>She went directly into the kitchen.  
>He followed her, a protest still on his lips.<br>"Dora, you really don't have to-"  
>She cut him off by pressing her mouth to his gently. She had meant it to be brief, but even the best laid plans... A hand on the small of her back drew her closer, and her breathing unsteadied. Her hands went to his hair without her permission, pulling him closer. He kissed her urgently, and she could barely breathe. He opened his mouth on hers, asking to deepen the kiss for the first time. She gasped, and opened hers, letting him in. His hands at her waist pulled her tighter to him. She was suddenly warm all over; it felt as though she was standing right next to a large fire. They were both breathing heavily now, and Tonks felt as though this much emotion really could kill a person, and it was wonderful.<br>When she was getting dizzy, they finally broke apart.  
>He leaned his forehead against hers as they gasped for air. She stared into his eyes in utter amazement.<br>He was looking at her with the same expression.  
>He took her into his arms.<br>"Dora..." He murmured gently, stroking her hair.  
>For a moment they stood, holding each other, everything else lost to them. Then she remembered...dinner.<br>"Are you hungry?" she asked, starting to focus again.  
>"A little." he admitted. "But you really don't have-"<br>"I know. But I want to." She said in a low, soft voice.  
>He stroked her cheek gently, a tender look in his blue eyes.<br>"Then I'll help you." He said, looking suddenly a little cheerful.  
>"What have you got in here?" She asked, opening the pantry.<br>They dug around in his pantry till they came across some pasta.  
>"Ah, Italian. Sound good?" She asked, holding up the box and shaking it a bit.<br>"Now that you mention it, yes." He said.  
>"If I remember..." He muttered, digging around in the pantry, "I have some sauce right-" He moved a couple boxes of cereal and chips, and pulled out a jar of sauce<br>"Here!" He said, satisfied.  
>"Perfect." She said, smiling.<br>They set to work, Tonks making a bit of a mess with the sauce before Lupin took over that area. They sat down to fresh pasta.  
>They ate in silence, listening to the radio to see if there was any news on Voldemort's whereabouts.<br>They were clearing away the dishes when Lupin exclaimed, "I forgot to tell you!"  
>He led her over to the couch and they sat.<br>"When Bill woke up, I explained to him some things he might expect now, if the bite caused any changes. Of course I couldn't be sure because this isn't the sort of thing that happens very often. I had some good guesses though. Bill took it very well. And he and Fleur are still planning to be married." He said, relief in his voice.  
>"That's wonderful!" She exclaimed. "I'm so happy for them!" She said, excited and relieved that Bill was staying sensible about the whole thing. He always had been of a very steady character.<br>After a minute, Lupin spoke, though he sounded distracted...  
>"Me too." He said. His voice sounded different though. She looked up at him, and he was staring at her with a strange look on his face.<br>"What is it?" She asked, self conscious all of a sudden.  
>He stood up suddenly.<br>"I'll be right back, just...stay there." he said over his shoulder as he went into his room and disappeared from view.  
>What on earth? She wondered to herself.<br>He came back about five minutes later, something clutched in his left hand. He looked nervous.  
>"Remus what is it? Is there something..." Her voice trailed off as he kneeled down before her.<br>For a moment, he didn't speak; he was looking at the floor nervously. She watched him, worried, though she couldn't have spoken if she'd wanted to.  
>He seemed to take a deep breath and then he looked up into her eyes,<br>"Nymphadora Tonks," He began, his voice low and fervent; he ignored her raised eyebrows at his using her full name.  
>"I love you so much. I have for a very long time. There's nothing more I want than to spend the rest of my life with you." He said, his voice barely louder than a whisper.<br>"Will you marry me?"  
>Was this... really… happening? So much emotion had filled her that she was unable to speak. Joy was a high mountain and she was flying above it, higher and higher.<br>Lupin looked very apprehensive at her silence. She wished she could speak, but her voice evaded her.  
>He looked down, "I know I'm not...I don't- have much to offer. But I love you more than-"<br>She threw her arms around him, kissing him; ardent passion overwhelming her. After several minutes she broke away, breathing fast. She was pretty sure he could guess her answer by now. But she wanted to tell him.  
>She laid a hand on the side of his face, looking into his blue eyes,<br>"Yes." She said softly.  
>He sat next to her on the sofa, and<br>Joy filled his eyes and he pulled her back into his arms, holding her close.  
>Neither of them spoke for a little while.<br>But there was something she needed to say, she met his gaze, "Remus, you're wrong you know, you have more to offer me than anyone else ever could...you love me. That is all I need, all I want." She said, her voice soft.  
>A tender expression filled his eyes,<br>"Thank you Dora." He whispered.  
>He kissed her cheeks, her hair, her eyelids, and slowly kissed down the side of her face. Her breath was unsteady, and her lips were trembling. He kissed her nose and finally brought his lips to hers.<br>This kiss was sweet and slow and spoke of longing and joy.  
>She'd be happy to live this moment for the rest of her life.<br>She didn't know how long the kiss lasted, but she really didn't care.  
>They parted, holding each other.<br>He pulled back after a moment, and he opened a worn-looking small white box. Inside was a beautiful ring; it's beauty was simple, but breathtaking. The diamond was set traditionally, but rather than a golden band, it was silver, and the diamond glittered beautifully against it.  
>"I know it isn't much-"<br>"It's beautiful," she whispered, smiling up at him with misty eyes.  
>Before Tonks could ask where it had come from, Lupin took her left hand and slid it onto her finger.<br>A tear spilled over as she saw it there; how many times had she dreamed of this moment?  
>Tonks was still in a state of disbelief.<br>"Wow." She whispered.  
>He pulled back a bit to meet her eyes, "What?" He asked, gazing at her happily.<br>"We're getting married." she said in happy awe.  
>"Yes." He confirmed, "Though you're crazy to marry me." He shook his head.<br>"Nope, I'd be crazy not to marry you." She disagreed.  
>"Why's that?" He asked, looking truly as though he didn't know the answer.<br>Would he never see?  
>"Because I love you more than anyone I've ever known." She said, smiling softly.<br>"I love you." He said, smiling a bit also.  
>And so they held each other, in that little sitting room. Having found happiness despite those dark times.<p> 


	4. The Funeral

**Hello! This is chapter four...sad to write, funerals are so hard, even though they bring the closure we all need. ;'( Also, sorry I'm such a sap. *giggles* Hope y'all like it! Thanks so much to Laura for her kind review! :D God bless y'all! **

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><p>4. The Funeral<p>

Tonks awoke on the couch much the same as she had the morning before.  
>Lupin was still sleeping in his chair by the little fireplace.<br>She looked around groggily, vaguely wondering what time it was.  
>The clock above the small fireplace read 9:00 a.m.<br>She had slept in way late.  
>She jumped up - they had to be at Hogwarts by ten o'clock a.m. She tried to concentrate only on what she had to do, right then, not the day itself.<br>She walked over to where Lupin was sleeping. She needed to wake him, but didn't want to. Didn't want to see the sad look in his eyes, didn't want him to feel pain. He looked so young when he was sleeping; all the sad lines of his face relaxed, peaceful.  
>An expression she'd rarely seen on his face when he was conscious.<br>For a moment she had a crazy, senseless impulse to just lie down next to him, to watch him stay there sleeping so peacefully. But she knew that wasn't really an option, so after another moment, she hesitantly spoke.  
>"Remus..." She said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder.<br>His eyes opened a bit, when he saw her standing there next to him and he jumped slightly.  
>"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." She apologized, "We have to get ready to go." She said gently.<br>Sadness filled his eyes, and he sighed, nodding.  
>He stood slowly, and pulled her into his arms.<br>"Hello." he said quietly.  
>"Wotcher." she said half-heartedly.<br>For a short, quiet time they held each other, unspeaking. She felt a sense of peace at being near him.  
>When the clock struck nine-fifteen, she reluctantly broke away.<br>And they went to get ready, Lupin insisting she change in the bedroom.  
>She resigned the argument rather quickly since she was in a hurry.<br>She changed into black robes she had Summoned from her room - she was glad that had worked and combed through her short pink hair, not bothering to look in the mirror.  
>Then she went to the kitchen, looking around to see Lupin already dressed, staring into the pantry.<br>She joined him silently, staring at the food neither of them wanted to eat.  
>She looked over at Lupin, "Are you hungry?"<br>"Not in the slightest." he replied.  
>"Me either." She sighed.<br>"How about we eat later, whenever we get hungry?" he suggested.  
>She nodded.<br>She was just turning away from the pantry when he caught her hand to keep her from leaving; she turned back, looking at him curiously.  
>He looked into her eyes for a moment and then took her into his arms.<br>"Thank you." She whispered.  
>"For what?" He asked.<br>"For giving up." She said around the lump in her throat.  
>"Thank you." He returned.<br>She smiled slightly, "What for?"  
>"For not giving up." He said quietly.<br>She seemed to have lost her speech capabilities, and simply held him tighter. Glad she could be here with him through this hard time, and glad to have him with her.  
>After a few minutes, they walked outside together through the enchantments around the house, and Disapparated to just outside the village of Hogsmeade.<br>She took his hand, and they walked silently through the sun-lit village to the gates of Hogwarts. Mad-Eye and Horace Slughorn were standing at the gates, making sure there wasn't anyone suspicious coming in.  
>Mad-Eye nodded in their direction, looking worn, but he raised his eyebrows when he saw their entwined hands. Judging by the look on his face, Lupin would later get the "If you hurt her I'll kill you myself" speech. Mad-Eye knew she could take care of herself, but it was Mad-Eye's way of caring to try and protect her, she'd learned.<br>She nodded back at him, and he clapped Lupin on the shoulder as they passed.  
>Slughorn tilted his head towards Lupin questioningly and she nodded, trying to give him a smile.<br>He smiled a bit and winked, patting her on the shoulder as they walked by.  
>"I didn't know you knew Slughorn." Lupin said quietly.<br>"Met him last year when I showed up for duty." She said vaguely, wondering if she was lying. _I probably ought to tell him at some point_, she thought guiltily. But what with the sadness overshadowing them all, such thoughts were quickly and easily forgotten.  
>The grounds were filled with witches and wizards of all ages come to pay their respects to such a great wizard. What was sad, she thought, was how many of them never knew what a good man he was.<br>Walking through the crowd, she saw familiar faces stricken with grief...  
>Minerva, Pomona, Filius, Fred, George, Charlie, and Fleur supporting a very weak looking Bill, who Madam Pomfrey was watching with a wary eye; Bill oughtn't to have been out of bed at all, but Tonks knew that this would be the only occasion in which Poppy would budge from her normally strict rules for her patients. Poppy seemed deflated, and her eyes sad and tired, and didn't speak to caution Fleur as she normally would have done as Bill and Fleur took seats next to each other on the sunlit grounds. Then she saw Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny.<br>She wondered if her heart had snapped when she saw Harry's face.  
>He looked devastated and so tired. Ginny had his hand clutched in hers, trying to comfort him some, she imagined.<br>She held Lupin's hand tighter in hers, as tears filled her eyes. He rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand gently. They sat down together, Lupin blinking in rapid succession when he saw the great white tomb at the front of the rows of chairs.  
>This felt unreal. Dumbledore was always the one who knew what to do. Who had good guesses as to what Voldemort would try next- Voldemort knew that and so he feared him. Now Voldemort had no one to fear. The thought chilled her to the bone. A few minutes of hushed conversations and people taking their seats went by.<br>Then the crowd fell silent, and turned in their seats to see Hagrid, silent tears streaming down his face, carrying Dumbledore's wrapped body in his arms.  
>Her tears spilled over, seeing Hagrid's tears, Dumbledore's body, feeling Lupin suddenly grip her hand tightly and hold on.<br>Hermione was sobbing with Ron's arm around her shoulders; Ron had tears in his eyes. Harry had tears falling fast; Ginny still had his hand held in hers, tears on her face too.  
>Even McGonagall had a handkerchief at her eyes; Pomona was sitting next to her crying, and patting her shoulder.<br>She looked up at Lupin and saw his tears running over, anguish plain on his face. She stopped her attempts to quell her tears and let them run over, ignoring them as a tiny old little wizard started to make his speech.  
>"It takes a great man to be a great wizard, and Albus Dumbledore was such a man. Just and fair were two things Dumbledore always stood behind, though he was one to err on the side of mercy, rather than punishment. He protected innocents, and fought for his beliefs. The loss of such a man, the death of such a powerful wizard does shock and sadden the Wizarding community at large. It is a great loss to be felt at such a terrible time. We must all stand together and protect those we love, as our beloved Headmaster did for so many years..."<br>He kept speaking, but she couldn't have told you what he said. She was crying too hard.  
>Lupin wrapped his arm around her shaking shoulders and she threw hers around him, needing him right then so much.<br>It was hard to believe Dumbledore was gone. The Order, she knew, would carry on his work, but Hogwarts, the Ministry, the Wizenmagot...These would suffer his absence harshly, and would change because they didn't have him to fight for their justice anymore. It was a sad day for Muggles too, though they did not know it.  
>The funeral passed in a blur of tears and kind words spoken by those who could speak clearly enough to stand and do so.<br>At the end, some people left, others stayed in their chairs, overcome and trying to comfort one another; Tonks and Lupin walked silently towards the white tomb, Tonks holding some white lilies.  
>They stood quietly for a moment, Tonks laying down her white lilies atop the now closed white tomb. Lupin was shaking, looking at Dumbledore's tomb with that horribly empty, sad look in his eyes.<br>She grasped his hand tighter, breaking him out of his reverie, and led him away.  
>Instead of Disapparating again, they walked down the grounds, each lost in their own thoughts. They ended up down the lake, Tonks watching the people from far away, wondering absently what the Minister was saying to Harry.<br>Lupin was staring at the ripples the spring breeze was making across the lake.  
>For a time, neither of them moved nor spoke.<br>Finally Tonks looked at Lupin. When she saw the grief on his face she was overcome with compassion for him.  
>"Let's get you home." She said softly.<br>He took her arm and they Disapparated back to Lupin's.  
>"Thank you Dora." he said, sounding weary.<br>He made as though to walk away.  
><em>Does he really think I'm going to leave?<em>  
>"Remus..." She said, catching his arm. He turned to face her; the sadness in his eyes was heartbreaking.<br>"I'm not going to leave you alone right now." She said firmly.  
>His eyes were misty as he took her hand and walked with her to the door.<br>They settled silently on the sofa, hands still entwined.  
>She wanted to say something, to ease his burden somehow. But she didn't know how.<br>She leaned her head on his shoulder, wishing she could make this all stop. She felt so helpless; more than she ever had before.  
>This war was going to demand a terrible price from everyone. And Dumbledore's death, she feared, was only the beginning.<p>

Tonks woke up at seven o'clock that evening. She blinked sleepily, her bearings slowly returning to her.  
>Her head was on a pillow in Lupin's lap, one of his hands was rested gently in her hair, the other on her shoulder; he was staring down at her with a tender, sad expression in his eyes. She stared up into them, losing track of time.<br>He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her up so she was sitting on his lap, and held her close.  
>After a little while, she pulled away a bit and looked into his eyes. She wanted to see how he was after the funeral today. He met her eyes and she was relieved to see that he was alright. Sad, but alright.<br>Their gazes held and slowly, with an unknown and inexplicably tender hesitance, his mouth met hers; his lips warming her inside and out. His hands entwined themselves in her hair and she wrapped hers around his neck.  
>His lips were gentle and sweet, and a peace settled blissfully over her.<br>After a few beautiful moments, they pulled apart.  
>After a minute, she spoke, "Sorry I fell asleep." She rubbed her eyes.<br>"Don't worry about it, I slept some too." He said.  
>Tonks looked closely at him and saw that he did look a bit less weary.<br>"I'm glad." She said, smiling a little.  
>"So, about dinner... What would you like?" She asked.<br>"Dora, how many times must I tell you that you don't need to cook for me?" He asked, half-exasperated, half-amused.  
>She pretended to think deeply for a moment, then answered, laughing a little, though she was serious...<br>"Probably a lot."  
>His mouth quirked up a bit at the corners. They were both still deeply sorrowed at the passing of their beloved friend and leader, but Tonks knew that what Lupin needed most now was normalcy. She could do that. He was trying to do the same, she could tell; they both saw through each others' attempts a bit, but appreciated them, and just stayed close to each other, drawing comfort from each others' company.<br>She stood up and stretched, then made her way to Lupin's kitchen.  
>He followed her, and looked in as she opened the refrigerator.<br>"Ahhh." She sounded pleased.  
>"What?" He asked curiously.<br>"Eggs - would you like an omelet?"  
>He laughed out loud and Tonks was delighted to hear the sound.<br>"Come on. Breakfast for dinner is fun." She insisted, though she was laughing with him. It felt good to be able to share a laughing moment with him after the day's sadness.  
>"Okay, I'll try it." He agreed, shrugging in an 'oh why not' sort of way.<br>She smiled and got the eggs out, setting them on the counter with the pan and some cheese.  
>He stepped up next to her and took out his wand as she had done.<br>"Let me - I don't mind." She insisted.  
>"Neither do I, as it happens." He said good-naturedly, "Have you ever done this before?"<br>"With magic? No. But how hard can it be?"  
>Oh, famous last words...<br>Twenty minutes later, it looked as though Tonks and Lupin had had a food fight. Tonks tried another egg, and she flicked her wand a tad too enthusiastically and it went flying, hit the ceiling (where half of them had ended up) and then fell unceremoniously on top of Lupin's head.  
>"I'm sorry Remus!" She exclaimed, trying to muffle her laughter, but he was laughing too. She stepped up on tip-toes and took the eggshell off of his head, still grinning.<br>She looked up at the ceiling and a bit of egg yolk landed smack on her forehead. She giggled.  
>He was smiling, an amused expression lighting his eyes as he reached out to wipe the egg yolk off her face.<br>But when he had done so, he started gently tracing her face. She closed her eyes as he ran his hand slowly down from her temple to her chin.  
>She opened them, smiling softly at him.<br>After Lupin convinced her to make the omelets the Muggle way, they finally ate.  
>They now went about cleaning up the mess they had made - with magic.<br>Though Lupin ended up being much better at the charm needed, she did try.  
>It was late when they had finished, and she needed to ask Lupin if she could stay here again as her parents were not back yet, but didn't want to impose again...<br>_Maybe I'll go over to Diagon Alley_...she thought to herself.  
>She came out of her thoughts to find Lupin staring at her across the kitchen, where she been putting away the last dish he had washed.<br>She blushed a bit...she wasn't used to this. Usually nothing unsettled her...but Lupin…He was…well - different for her.  
>"Dora, there's something I want to say..." His eyes held that all too familiar look of guilt.<br>"If you're marrying me just because you feel sorry for me...I don't want that." He said quietly.  
>"Will you never understand Remus?" She exclaimed, more angrily than she'd meant to.<br>"Understand what?" He asked.  
>For a smart man, he really was the most oblivious.<br>"That I love you, you crazy man!" Again, that was a bit more yelling than she'd been going for.  
>She lowered her voice, "I love you, more than I've ever loved anything. More than I thought it was possible to love anyone. And I wish that you could just accept that. Because it's never going to go away." She said, looking straight into his eyes as she spoke.<br>He looked surprised...  
>"How come you always look so surprised? I've told you a million times-"<br>"I know. It just seems too good to be true. Like when I was at Hogwarts, it seemed too good to be true that James and Sirius didn't mind me being a werewolf." He said, his eyes sad.  
>"But it wasn't too good to be true. They stayed your best friends.<br>You couldn't get rid of them, and, sorry to break it to you, but you can't get rid of me so easily either."  
>She said, resolved.<br>"I just...I want you to be happy, Dora." He said huskily.  
>"I <em>am<em> happy, Remus. I'm happiest when I'm with you." She said softly.  
>He had walked towards her as she was speaking.<br>Their gazes met and held; she took two steps towards him involuntarily. She reached up and touched his temple, trailing her hand slowly, ever so gently, down his face. He cupped the side of her face in his hand, and her breath caught.  
>His lips met hers more desperately than last time. She lost herself to it, knew nothing of this world but Lupin, his arms wrapped around her, and hers around him. She kissed him harder when his arms tightened, and joy was an all-consuming force she was engulfed in.<br>After a few minutes, that pulled part to catch their breath.  
>She looked up and Lupin,<br>"I love you so much." He said quietly.  
>"Remus," She said softly, but before she got any farther than that he was kissing her again.<br>She kissed him back fiercely, wishing she could take away his doubt; he pulled her closer in his arms, and kissed her even more passionately and she groaned. He deepened the kiss, and he was everywhere, she didn't feel anything that wasn't him.  
>She was could hardly breathe, but didn't let him go, she gasped when he picked her up without breaking the kiss. He breathed in as she had breathed out, then she breathed in as he breathed out.<br>She was crying from the joy and tenderness of this moment.  
>He carried her to the couch and sat them down, her on his lap, and continued to kiss her. Just when she thought she wouldn't be able to draw another breath, he broke away, both of them gasping for air.<br>He kissed her nose, her eyelids, her cheeks, her hair, her neck, and her forehead then pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly. Their breath was slowing a bit, and they sat, time frozen, just the two of them together was all there was in the world.  
>She sat happily in his arms, thinking that it would be alright if this moment lasted forever.<p> 


	5. Plans

**Hello! So here's chapter five...um, I didn't really know what news to make them all have, so my apologies that that bit was rather vague. Also, I imagine Lupin to be a gentlemen, so nothing inappropriate goes on between them while she's staying there:) And as for Hagrid and Fleur's accents...idk, I tried! haha:p :D So I guess that's all, I hope y'all like it!:D **

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><p>5. Plans<p>

The next morning during breakfast Tonks got an owl from her parents, wanting to know where she was, having just returned from their trip and heard the awful news about Dumbledore.  
>She sent her Patronus to their house to let them know she was safe and would be there soon.<br>Then she helped Lupin clean up the last of breakfast.  
>"Thank you so much for letting me stay here these past three days, Remus." She said gratefully.<br>"It was my pleasure." He said kindly.  
>She smiled up at him.<br>"When are we going to tell them about us?"  
>"Dora are you-"<br>She kissed him before he got any farther. She smiled against his lips when he pulled her closer.  
>After a few minutes, she pulled back.<br>"Yes." She said, looking into his blue eyes. "I have _never_ been more sure." She said breathlessly.  
>He smiled slightly, stroking a lock of her bright pink hair.<br>"I love your hair this way." He said.  
>She looked into his eyes, and found she couldn't speak for the tears now blurring her vision and clogging her throat.<br>"I love you so much." He whispered, wiping away a tear.  
>Still unable to find her voice, she kissed him, slow and sweet.<br>And wrapped her arms around him, vowing she would never let him go.

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><p>Tonks Apparated outside her parent's protective enchantments, her mum, Andromeda Tonks, looked out the window on the door when she heard the crack of someone Apparating.<br>Tonks waved, and her mother came to the gate to meet her.  
>Lupin had decided to come along later, Tonks having invited him for supper.<br>She met her mother at the gate,  
>"What nickname did your father give you when you were little?" Her mother asked.<br>"Dora. Only Dad, Remus, Mad-Eye, and sometimes you, call me that." She answered.  
>Her mum sighed in relief.<br>"Where did you and Dad get married when you eloped together?"  
>"At a little church in Godric's Hollow." her mother replied, smiling at the mention.<br>Her mum and dad had been forced to elope because her dad, Ted Tonks, was Muggle-born and her Black family relatives (including her sisters Bellatrix and Narcissa) were not...er - welcoming.  
>So they were now black-listed. No pun intended.<br>Tonks relaxed and walked through the gate towards her home.  
>"I'm so sorry you couldn't get home Dora. Where were you staying?"<br>"I stayed over at Remus's place." Tonks replied casually as they made their way through the white-painted wooden front door and into the entry.  
>Her mother looked over at her suspiciously, and Tonks hastened to reassure her and quickly explained the predicament that had brought about said events.<br>"I would have stayed at Molly's, but she's been up at Hogwarts with Bill and I didn't want to cause more trouble for her. And Remus was a perfect gentleman." She said.  
>Her mother did not comment, simply nodded.<br>"Mum, I would have had to stay in Diagon Alley if it weren't for him."  
>Her mother's eyes widened a touch, and she seemed to rethink her disapproval, "You're right, of course." she said briskly.<br>"He's a good man mum." Tonks said firmly, stopping and looking her mother square in the eye.  
>"I know that. I just... worry, that's all." Andromeda said, smiling at her daughter.<br>"You don't have to worry about me." Tonks said, trying to reassure her.  
><em>After all, Remus should be the least of her worries about me.<em> She thought darkly, thinking of the Order, the Ministry and their charming bloodthirsty relatives.  
>Her mum smiled and patted her on the shoulder. "I'm glad you're home."<br>They walked into the kitchen to see her father drying dishes, a task he often took up for her mum.  
>He smiled when they walked in.<br>"Dora!" He said, "I'm so glad you're alright." He crossed the kitchen and hugged her; she hadn't realized how much she'd missed her father.  
>"Wotcher dad." She greeted happily as she let go of him.<br>"Hello 'Dromeda." He said, kissing his wife.  
>He led them into the sitting room so they could talk. Tonks started at the beginning with the watch duty Kinglsley, Bill, Lupin, and she had been assigned at Hogwarts the night Dumbledore had been killed. Her parents looked very tense as she started to describe the battle, so she left out the details to spare them as much worry as possible.<br>Tonks then went on to tell them the rest of the story of what happened the night Dumbledore died, though she glossed over the bits involving Lupin and their rather sudden engagement. Though really, it wasn't that sudden, it's just that her parents didn't know the whole of their history or the extent of it.  
>She wasn't sure whether or not her mum and dad would approve, but she knew that they were aware of how sad she'd been last year and why.<br>She was hoping that they might be sympathetic though; her mum and dad had fallen in love, though the family despised Muggle-borns, her mum had fallen for him. But Ted Tonks had definitely NOT been welcomed by the Blacks, and rather than even try (for that could have been extremely dangerous to her father) they had eloped.  
>They loved each other very much, and Tonks knew they both knew how it felt to love someone that other people said you weren't really 'supposed' to love.<br>They had always been kind to Lupin, and she hoped that the knowledge that he was involved with her wouldn't blind them with prejudice because of worry.  
>She and her parents spent the afternoon together, doing chores and talking. Her mum always cleaned when she got back from a trip - she was notoriously tidy, a trait Tonks had<em> not<em> inherited.  
>They were taking off a couple of the enchantments so they could come and go more easily, when Tonks suddenly remembered...<br>"Oh! I forgot to tell you! Remus is coming for dinner." Tonks exclaimed. "He's not coping very well with Dumbledore's..." She couldn't say it; it still felt as though it was all a bad dream. "He's having a hard time and I thought it'd be nice to get his mind off things for a little while." Tonks finished.  
>"Poor fellow." Her dad said, shaking his head sadly.<br>Her dad had always rather liked Lupin, something for which she was glad of, especially now.  
>"I never knew Dumbledore all that well at school, but I know what a good man he was. What happened is just awful." Her dad said.<br>"Of course he's welcome," Her mum said graciously, looking sad herself, "but I haven't the slightest idea what we're having!" She exclaimed.  
>Her mum looked suddenly stressed.<br>"Mum, I cooked for him, and he ate it, I'm sure whatever you make will be perfect." Tonks said reassuringly.

Her mum shot a smile over her shoulder at Tonks, already making her way to the kitchen.  
>"Now Dora, your food isn't that bad." Her dad said kindly.<br>"Do you remember that cake?" Tonks asked, laughing.  
>The year she was thirteen, her mum was sick on her dad's birthday. They took her to St. Mungo's and Tonks visited, but wasn't allowed to stay for very long on account of where her mum had been in the hospital, and a no more than one visitor rule.<br>She was sent home, and Tonks had been determined to make them something nice for when they got back...it hadn't quite turned out the way she had hoped.  
>Her dad was smiling, "Yes, I remember. It was very sweet of you." He said, chuckling.<br>Tonks rolled her eyes, only her father would be nice enough to say that about _that_ meal.  
>They went into the kitchen where her mum already had pasta on the stove. Tonks smiled, remembering cooking with Lupin.<br>She set about helping her mum - though not with the sauce.  
>She did put on an apron though; she couldn't remember how many robes she'd ruined while cooking, and didn't care to add to the large number.<br>Her father had gone outside, saying something about some bricks on the shed being loose.  
>When supper was nearly ready, Tonks's mum spoke up,<br>"Dora, would you go and tell your father it's time for supper?"  
>"Yes, mum." Tonks said, preoccupied with thoughts of how they were going to break their engagement to her parents.<br>She looked out the window as she walked past it to the front door, what she saw made her fall over the coatrack near the door.  
><em>Blast, I will never own any bloody coatracks.<em> She thought, aggravated.  
>Lupin was outside talking to her father.<br>She couldn't see Lupin's face, but she saw her father's. He looked sympathetic and he was smiling slightly.  
>She thought she knew what they were talking about.<br>She turned around and walked back the way she had come. Her father knew dinner was almost ready, they would be in in a moment.  
>"They'll be here in a minute." Tonks told her mum.<br>"They? Did Remus arrive then?" She asked conversationally.  
>"Yes, yes. They're out there discussing something, I guess." Tonks said, not really wanting to say anything about her engagement till she knew her father's reaction.<br>She felt nervous suddenly, but an excited sort of nervous. A few butterflies were doing summersaults in her stomach.  
>Her father and Lupin entered as she was setting the table.<br>"Wotcher." Tonks greeted.  
>Lupin smiled at the familiar greeting, walking in her direction.<br>Her dad smiled at them, and turned his back tactfully to "check the sauce".  
>"Can I have a quick word, Dora?" He asked quietly.<br>"Sure thing." Tonks said, curious.  
>"I'll be right back dad." She said before following Lupin out the door into the yard.<br>"I talked to your dad about...about us, and he gave us his blessing." Lupin said, sounding relieved.  
>She'd told him it wasn'g necessary to ask, but Lupin had wanted to "do things right", as he'd put it.<br>For a second, she ran the words through her head...then the significance of them became clear.  
>"We can get married?" She asked.<br>He nodded, his eyes happy as he watched her expressions.  
>She threw her arms around him, smiling as she hugged him.<br>He held her close, and she felt so happy all of a sudden, happier than she'd been in a long time.  
>"I can't believe it." She whispered.<br>"I love you." Lupin whispered back, kissing her hair.  
>"I love you too." She replied.<br>For a wonderful moment they stood there, happy in each other's arms; then Tonks sighed.  
>"We'd better get back." Tonks said a bit reluctantly.<br>"Dora," He said, and she turned back to him.  
>"I like the apron." He said, wrapping his arms back around her and tugging the strings, grinning mischievously.<br>She grinned, and kissed him.  
>He kissed her slowly and passionately, his arms tightening around her and hers round his neck. Tonks was in danger of losing track of time when Lupin pulled back and took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure.<br>"Sorry." He said, a bit breathlessly. "Your parents are waiting."  
>He looked as though he really would have rather stayed right where they were.<br>As much as she would have preferred that too, she smiled softly and took his hand, and they walked back inside together. Neither of her parents were to be found in the kitchen.  
>Lupin looked at the sauce,<br>"Looks like it's ready. I'll get Ted." Lupin said.  
>Not thinking, she had grabbed the sauce to take to the table right as her dad and Lupin re-entered. Her father smiled when he saw her, though his eyes were a bit damp. Lupin's warm eyes met hers.<br>Tonks tripped over the loose board in the floor and she fell, cringing as she waited for the sound of the saucepan hitting the floor.  
>It didn't come. Lupin had it floating in midair. Once again his speed surprised her; he held no wand and had not said a word.<br>He was _good_.  
>She rubbed her shoulder as she stood up, a sheepish smile on her face.<br>Her father was laughing, and she shrugged, seeing the humor in the incident as she joined his laughter. Lupin chuckled; it was good to hear him happy. Her heart softened at the sound.  
>"Nice save." She said, using his words from the other day when she'd somehow caught his pancake batter.<br>"I have my moments." He said, obviously remembering. They shared a smile at their inside joke.  
>Her mother came running into the kitchen. Having been in the cellar getting jam for the bread.<br>"Dora are you alright? I heard a crash." She asked, worried.  
>"I'm fine, mum." Tonks replied, laughing again.<br>"And so is dinner, thanks to Remus." Tonks said, nodding to Lupin who, having retrieved the sauce from mid-air, was setting the sauce on the table.  
>"Hello Remus." She said kindly. "Thank you for saving the sauce." She smiled.<br>"Anytime, Mrs. Tonks." Lupin said politely.  
>"Goodness, Remus, please call me Andromeda." Her mother said quickly.<br>"Thank you." He said with a grin.  
>"Please, sit down. Let's eat while it's still warm." Her mum said, gesturing to the table laden with food. Her mother always cooked too much, but she seemed to enjoy it.<br>They talked and laughed over their supper, sharing stories and avoiding heavy topics. Out of courtesy for Lupin, they did not speak of Dumbledore's death.  
>Lupin caught her eye many times over the meal, and she found herself smiling more than she had in over a year.<br>They had all finished and were sitting around the table talking when Lupin looked at her, raising his eyebrows; She nodded.  
>"Dora and I..we, well we have something we'd like to tell you." Lupin said, mostly addressing her mum. He looked nervous; she took his hand under the table, and he gave it a gentle squeeze before continuing.<br>"I've asked Dora to marry me, and she's said yes."  
>Her mother looked astonished.<br>"I've already talked it over with your husband," Lupin said, looking in her dad's direction. "And he's given us his blessing."  
>For a minute her mother sat still, unmoving and Tonks began to fear what she might say. Would she disapprove? Not that that would keep her from marrying Lupin, but she didn't want to have to make that choice.<br>Then her mother smiled, her eyes filled with tears, and got up to hug them.  
>As did her father.<br>"Congratulations." Mum said, seeming unable to say any more.  
>"Thanks mum." Tonks said, hugging her.<br>She was very surprised that her mum had taken it so well. Her expression was a bit off, but all in all, Tonks was very relieved with how it went.  
>Her mother hugged Lupin also.<br>Looking at them both and seeing the jubilant smile on her daughter's face, her mum smiled genuinely.  
>They went into the sitting room, her mum leaving the dishes for once.<br>"When were you two thinking about doing the wedding?" Her mum asked, looking excited. She did love to plan things.  
>Tonks looked at Lupin, who shrugged, smiling. He looked happier than she'd seen him since before Sirius died.<br>"Soon." Tonks said with a grin.

* * *

><p>That night found them walking, hands entwined, outside under the stars.<br>Tonks felt more content than she had since...well she didn't care to remember when.  
>They stopped walking when they met with the fence surrounding her parent's property.<br>Tonks gazed at the stars twinkling above them; so far away, and so peaceful despite the coming chaos.  
>Lupin was staring at her, a soft expression in his eyes; she looked up at him, about to ask a question, but when she looked into his eyes, she stopped. He put his arm around her, drawing her close to his side. She leaned her head on his shoulder, happiness and peace filling her. And suddenly, the war seemed less scary. As long as Lupin was here, she would be okay, would have her own ray of warmth on even the coldest days. Everything would be alright as long as they were together.<br>An owl hooting broke the silence.  
>Lupin looked at her, that joking look that she loved so much on his face. The expression she imagined he must have worn often as a young Marauder.<br>"I have learned a very important thing about you this week, Dora." He said, his eyes twinkling.  
>"What's that?" She asked, puzzled.<br>"_Never_ trust you with sauce." He replied, chuckling.  
>She glared at him, turning her hair red, feigning anger for a moment. But she couldn't keep it up; she started laughing along with him.<br>"I always knew you were smart Remus." She joked back.  
>She turned her hair back to pink with a thought.<br>He tucked a lock of it behind her ear, and kissed her hair.  
>"Remus...thank you for making me happy." She said softly.<br>His eyes filled with that tender look, and he kissed her gently before pulling her back into his arms.  
>She gazed happily out into the beautiful night, wrapped in Lupin's arms, completely content.<p>

* * *

><p>Tonks and Lupin decided on a June wedding.<br>As spring was ending and summer broke out all around them, Tonks couldn't help but think it was the most beautiful one she'd ever seen.  
>It was getting into mid-May now and Tonks and Lupin were happier than they'd ever been.<br>Outside their small place of happiness, though, things were looking very bleak.  
>Voldemort was only increasing in power and support.<br>The new - well, he'd been in the post nearly a year now, Minister of Magic, Rufus Scrimgeour, was a hard-faced, stubborn man, who didn't take well to being told that he couldn't have what he wanted.  
>Tonks was dubious of her boss.<br>He was a strong leader, but what the whole of the Wizarding community did not realize was that this also came with a price.  
>A stubborn man, while able to be stubborn about what was right, was equally stubborn even when he was wrong. He still hadn't gotten over Harry refusing to tell the Wizarding world that the Ministry was "doing a good job". Tonks was downright proud of Harry though.<br>The Aurors were seeing a lot of work, though they rarely caught anyone, no thanks to a few of the Auror's who had gone over.  
>Tonks, Kingsley Shacklebolt, and Arthur Weasley had been doing some investigating on the sly and it was becoming clear that Voldemort and his twisted followers were trying very hard to infiltrate the Ministry. The thing no one else seemed to notice was that it was working. Several had already been promoted, including Dolores Umbridge, who was to be the head of the newly created 'Muggle-born registration' office. Tonks was afraid this was nothing but an excuse to get rid of Muggle-borns, but was trying not to jump to hasty conclusions.<br>She was on her way to a meeting of the Order to discuss news and try to plan for more recruiting, all of this information running through her mind.  
>She hoped someone coming had some good news; goodness knows she didn't.<br>They had been meeting lately at the Burrow, because it was large enough to fit everyone during meetings. Though poor Molly had a time of it feeding everyone, though she did insist on doing so. Tonks was going early to help her.  
>She sent her Patronus through the invisible magic enchantments surrounding the place; as they had been using it for meetings, they had placed stronger protection than ever over it so no one could come uninvited. They had to be let in by one of the Weasley's.<br>Molly stepped out of the door, coming quickly towards her.  
>"Wotcher Molly." She greeted.<br>"Hello Tonks." She replied, looking rather disheveled.  
>She stopped just inside the enchantments, "Who was my first thought for Bill to marry when he was younger?" She asked, though she had seen her Patronus, one could never be too careful these days.<br>"Me. Sorry to have disappointed you." Tonks replied, grinning.  
>"Well that doesn't disappoint me." Said a familiar voice behind her.<br>She spun around, pointing her wand at Remus Lupin.  
>"What was one thing you said you could never trust me with?" Tonks asked, smiling a bit at the memory.<br>He smiled, "Italian sauce."  
>She sighed in relief and lowered her wand, turning back to Molly.<br>"What did you know about me all last year that no one else did?" Tonks asked.  
>"I knew that you were - well are - in love with Remus Lupin." She said, smiling.<br>Lupin looked surprised at hearing this, but he was smiling.  
>She let them through the enchantments and they entered the new Headquarters.<br>"Speaking of, there's something we'd like to tell you." Said Lupin once they'd reached the kitchen.  
>He looked at Tonks and she grinned and turned back to her friend.<br>"We're getting married!" Tonks announced.  
>"Oh, how wonderful!" Molly cried, embracing each of them.<br>There was a tearful smile on her face when she let them go.  
>"Arthur! Come in here a moment!" She called.<br>Arthur Weasley came running into the kitchen; he looked worried something was wrong. Upon seeing them, relaxed and smiled.  
>"Hello Tonks, Remus." He greeted.<br>"Tell him!" Molly exclaimed, dabbing her eyes.  
>"Tell me what?" Arthur asked, curious.<br>"Remus and I are getting married." Tonks said happily, looking up at Lupin's face, which mirrored her happiness.  
>"That's wonderful! Congratulations!" He exclaimed, hugging Tonks and clapping Lupin on the back, grinning hugely.<br>"Thank you, Arthur." Lupin said.  
>"I really am so happy for you both!" Molly exclaimed.<br>"I've got to get back to the cooking." Said Molly apologetically after a few more minutes of excited conversation.  
>"I'll help." Tonks volunteered, following her.<br>Arthur and Lupin also followed, standing out of the way and starting to discuss news.  
>"How is Bill doing?" Tonks asked.<br>"He seems to be feeling better. His wounds are healing, though slowly. But he came home yesterday.  
>Fleur is sitting with him now, although she'll join us for the meeting so she can fill him in." She said, looking relieved.<br>"I'm so glad he's alright. And that he's home." Tonks said, not even allowing herself to think of how awful Bill's attack could have ended up.  
>She pulled herself back to present.<br>Tonks helped Molly with supper for the Order and her family. Tonks taking care not to drop anything.  
>Things were nearly finished when Kingsley and McGonagall arrived outside. Lupin and Arthur went to let them in.<br>As soon as they had left the kitchen Molly started happily talking about Lupin and Tonks.  
>"When are you two having the wedding?" She asked.<br>"Mid-June, I think." Tonks replied, smiling at the thought.  
>Molly smiled at seeing the blissful look on Tonks's face.<br>"I'm so happy for you dear. And so glad Remus finally saw sense." She said.  
>"Thank you Molly." Tonks said earnestly.<br>The conversation was cut off with the entrance of Minerva McGonagall and Kingsley Shacklebolt.  
>After their arrival the other members came along quickly.<br>Mundungus Fletcher, Dedulus Diggle, Elphias Doge, Hestia Jones, Mad-Eye, and Hagrid all arrived within half an hour.  
>Fleur came downstairs as the Mad-Eye and Hagrid arrived.<br>The meeting started at the Weasley's long table. They all shared the news they'd collected. Most of the news was bad news.  
>Voldemort had gained power in several crucial areas, along with success at recruiting the giants.<br>News on their side was sparse. Tonks, Kingsley, and Arthur shared what information they had gathered from inside the Ministry, all of which was bleak and alarming.  
>Once everyone had shared intelligence and updates, they all started discussing their suspicions about what they thought Voldemort might try to do next.<br>As they were discussing this, Tonks could not help but think of Harry.  
>He had information directly from Dumbledore about Voldemort, and Tonks had the sneaking suspicion that he knew what Voldemort was up to.<br>He was too young to join the Order, but on the information side of things he'd be bloody perfect.  
>A long silence had fallen while Tonks was thinking those thoughts; no one seemed to have any ideas or good leads.<br>Mundungus, Dedulus Diggle, Hestia Jones, and Elphias Doge all left shortly after. Fleur, McGonagall, Mad-Eye, Hagrid, and Kingsley all remained, along with Tonks and Lupin.  
>Molly broke the silence, "I'll get supper then." She said, her voice sounding tired.<br>Tonks and Fleur stood and followed her, helping bring out all the food.  
>Tonks was trying her hand at levitating a bowl of mashed potatoes into the dining area. She was carrying two other dishes of food in her hands.<br>It wobbled alarmingly as it floated through the door of the kitchen.  
>Tonks had just walked through the doorway into the dining room when it began to fall.<br>She made to grab for it, but remembered the dishes in her hands and watched helplessly as it flew towards the floor.  
>It stopped half an inch above the wooden floor.<br>She gasped and looked up to see Lupin staring at it; he had caught it just in time, and was keeping it there.  
>He stood and walked over, keeping his eyes on it so it wouldn't fall.<br>He bent and picked it up when he reached her.  
>He straightened and met her eyes, laughing.<br>She grinned sheepishly and they carried the food to the table.  
>Fleur had noticed the exchange and was smiling knowingly.<br>Molly also had noticed and was wearing a similar expression.  
>When Tonks sat back down next to Fleur she spoke, "I theenk that you two weel be very good for each ozzer." She said.<br>Tonks smiled, "I think you're right."  
>She said, looking over at Lupin on her other side. His face had an off expression, but before she could ask him what was wrong, Kingsley spoke: "Molly and Fleur apparently have something they're happy about. Please share it - we could all use a piece of good news." He sounded tired also.<br>Lupin looked at Tonks and smiled a bit; she took his hand under the table, and turned back to their friends.  
>"Well there is some good news - I'm not sure if it's the kind you'll be wanting to hear-"<br>"Nonsense Tonks, we've all been waiting for this to happen. I believe Fred and George even have a private bet standing." Arthur said, chuckling.  
>"Remus and I are getting married." She said, happy once again at just saying the words.<br>Cheers, congratulations and drinks ensued.  
>The kitchen was full of merry laughter and discussion for the rest of the meal. Tonks couldn't stop smiling; her heart was warmed by all her friends' warm reception to the news.<br>Fleur had gone upstairs after dinner and brought Bill down with her, and he was standing next to Tonks and Lupin, leaning on Fleur and, though he looked a bit rough still, talked animatedly after giving Tonks and Lupin hearty congratulations.  
>They were all standing about discussing the weddings that would happen over the summer: Tonks and Lupin's and Bill and Fleur's.<br>"I for one, would like to say thank you to the two happy couples, for giving us something to be glad about." Kingsley's deep voice said heartily.  
>"Hear, hear!" Everyone echoed.<br>After a few more minutes of happy chatter, people began departing.  
>"I really am sorry to be going, but I must; the Minister wants me around as much as possible for the sake of the muggle Prime Minister." He said apologetically.<br>He came over and patted Lupin on the back and hugged Tonks,  
>"Congratulations, you two." He said, looking much less tired than he had when he'd arrived.<br>He congratulated Bill and Fleur, and then made his way out the door.  
>A little while later, McGonagall and Hagrid also departed.<br>"Are you sure you won't stay?" Molly asked.  
>"Got ter, though I'd rather no'." Hagrid said, clearly enjoying the happy atmosphere.<br>"I'm afraid I must get back to Hogwarts - I believe Filius and Pomona are indeed capable, but..." She trailed off, though they knew what she meant; she was working on fortifying Hogwarts during the summer vacation, so that it would be as safe as possible for the student's return come September.  
>She walked towards Tonks, Lupin, and Fleur.<br>"Congratulations Mr. Weasley, Miss Delcour. It's so wonderful to have some happy news at such a time." She said.  
>She said kindly to Bill and Fleur.<br>"Thank you Minerva. Does this mean you forgive me for all the trouble I put you through when I was at Hogwarts?" Bill asked, eyes twinkling.  
>Tonks laughed out loud, remembering that she'd been involved in some of those adventures.<br>"Yes, I think I've finally been able to do that." She said dryly, and Tonks was amazed to see she was joking.  
>She grinned at the older woman as she congratulated Fleur also.<br>"Zhank you." Replied Fleur.  
>McGonagall turned to Tonks and Lupin next, as Fleur began speaking quickly in her heavy accent to her fiance.<br>"I am so happy for you." McGonagall said, hugging Tonks. Tonks was really surprised, but after she got over the shock of it, she was very touched.  
>She even hugged Lupin; Tonks was grinning happily at seeing this new side of McGonagall.<br>"I wish Albus could have seen this - he would be so happy for you both. And especially you, Remus; a good man like you deserves how happy you'll finally be with our wonderful Nymphadora." She said kindly.  
>Tonks wondered what McGonagall must have seen poor Lupin go through when he was young.<br>She wished she could have been there for him then. Also she wished she could thank Lily Potter for helping him when she couldn't.  
>She congratulated them again, and departed, looking really happy, for McGonagall.<br>Hagrid walked up before leaving also, "I'm so happy fer the two of yeh. It seems like not tha' long ago when the two of yeh were just gettin' ter Hogwarts..." He trailed off, giving them both a bone-crushing hug, and wiping his eyes as he squeezed out the door.  
>Mad-Eye, Tonks, and Lupin remained. Fleur was staying with the Weasley's so that she could see Bill while he was recovering.<br>Mad-Eye donned his traveling cloak a little while later, he also walked up to them before leaving.  
>First he addressed Tonks,<br>"Well Dora, congratulations. I see you finally got him to stop being an idiot." He said, as much of a grin on his face as Tonks had ever seen. "I'm happy for you. Both of you." He rested a hand on her shoulder, his voice gentler than usual at seeing Tonks's glowing face.  
>Then he turned to Lupin,<br>"Now, you know I've always liked you Remus, know you to be a good man. But listen carefully.  
>Two years ago, I told you that if you were a git to her, you'd have me to answer to. That hasn't changed.<br>Don't break her heart or I'll make sure you regret it." He growled. "Congratulations." He finished.  
>Now Tonks was laughing; only Mad-Eye. She hugged him, not caring that he wasn't exactly a hugging sort of person.<br>He patted her on the back awkwardly before she let him go.  
>"Thank you Mad-Eye."<br>Lupin was grinning too, "Thank you...if I ever broke her heart again I reckon I would deserve whatever you did to me Mad-Eye." He said good-naturedly.  
>Mad-Eye patted him on the shoulder.<br>"Always knew you were a good man." He repeated gruffly.  
>He congratulated them again and walked out with Arthur.<br>They visited with the Weasleys for a while before Tonks said she'd better get back before her parents started worrying about her. She'd told them she might stay the night somewhere if the meeting went too late, because she didn't want to wake them or frighten them.  
>They thanked Molly and Arthur for the meal and Fluer and Bill and all of them for their well wishes, and bade them goodbye, with promises that they would visit them soon.<br>Lupin's expression was still strained and Tonks had a feeling of dread building in her.  
>Once outside the magical barriers surrounding the Burrow, Lupin stopped.<br>"We need to talk." Lupin said his voice worn, tight.  
>"Not here." Tonks said, glancing back at the Burrow. She had a bad feeling about this, but she wasn't giving in without a fight.<br>Lupin looked at her with sad eyes for a moment before holding out his arm. She took his arm firmly and they Disapparated to Lupin's cosy house.  
>Tonks was already tense; she thought she knew the nature of this "talk" and she didn't like it one bit.<br>She followed him inside wordlessly. He stopped once inside and turned away from her; stubbornly, she went around him and stood directly in front of him, daring him not to look at her.  
>He sighed and silently admitted defeat, looking up into her eyes.<br>The amount grief she saw there was surprising.  
>"What is it?" She asked, reaching out a hand to touch his face.<br>He tried to pull back, but she continued to reach forward till she caressed his face gently.  
>He stared into her eyes for a moment.<br>His face crumpled, and he looked down, away from her eyes again.  
>"Remus," She said quietly, tilting up his face so she could see into his eyes.<br>"Oh Dora...we can't...I don't know why I...shouldn't have..." He mumbled, searching for the words he needed.  
>"We can't get married Dora. Don't you see?" He said, hushed agony in his voice.<br>Tonks groaned, her temper flaring up and she walked away from him, pacing.  
>"No, I <em>don't<em> see! I _don't_ understand! Can't _YOU_ see Remus?"  
>"See <em>what<em>?" He asked, sounding nearly exasperated, though utterly miserable, and still not looking at her.  
>"That <em>I'm<em> the _lucky_ one in this - you are the best man I've ever known! I don't know why you can't see what everyone else does!" She said desperately. "Why can't you see what I know to be true?" She asked this question softer.  
>"I love you, and I don't want to be without you, I'm not happy without you Remus, and I never will be. I thought you'd realized that! Does this-" She shot her werewolf Patronus around the room "-mean nothing to you?" She yelled. She winced, hadn't meant to yell, but she couldn't help it.<br>He watched the Patronus until it faded, then turned, staring into her eyes sadly.  
>"I'm no good for you." He said quietly.<br>"WILL YOU _NEVER_ SEE?" Tonks yelled, throwing her hands up in the air.  
>He turned again, walking across the room, standing by the fireplace, a hand resting on the wooden carved dove on the mantle.<br>Tonks briefly considered leaving, but she knew that if she couldn't convince him tonight, they would never be having a wedding.  
>"See what?" He asked tiredly.<br>She walked to where he was standing, and waited to speak until he looked up. She was waiting for a few minutes.  
>When he finally met her eyes, she answered his question.<br>"That I love you. That I would do _anything_ for you. I'm not asking anything of you, Remus, but just to let me love you."  
>He blinked rapidly a couple times.<br>Cupping her face in one of hands, "Dora please, at least hear me out-"  
>"NO!" She said forcefully, "I've heard all of this before, Remus and guess what?" She asked loudly.<br>"I STILL DON'T CARE!"  
>Her hair was flame-red as she shouted at him; she hoped it would help get the message across.<br>His lips tugged up a bit at the corners at the sight of her red hair.  
>But his eyes grew sad again when he met her fiery gaze.<br>His eyes and the guilty, sad expression on his face disarmed her, and her temper left her as quickly as it had come, replaced by the familiar sadness.  
>She closed her eyes, "Please, just let me, Remus." She begged in a low voice.<br>"Oh Dora, please don't..." He asked, guilt prevalent in his tone.  
>"Remus, if you don't love me, just say it right now."<br>He looked up at her then, shocked.  
>"How could you even think that?" He asked, angry. "Do you think I lied to you, is that it?<br>Dora, I love you more than _anything_ I've ever loved in my life; don't EVER question that. I fight you on this so hard _because_ I love you! I just want you to be happy, have a good life."  
>"I AM! How many times do I have to tell you? I <em>am<em> happy Remus! I'm happy _with you_! There's not one single person on this earth that could make me happy like you do, or make my life better, because life's best with you! You may as well get used to me being around because I'm not going ANYWHERE!" She yelled.  
>"I just want you to be sure; are you?" He asked.<br>"How many times are you gonna ask me that question? The answer's still the same." She said, exasperated.  
>"You're honestly ok with my issues- you've never seen me during the moon cycle-"<br>"Remus, listen carefully and try to understand…  
>I. Do. Not. Care." She said, slowly and firmly. "Just please let me love you; let me help you when you're suffering. You can't get rid of me so I hope you get used to that idea after a while." She said almost desperately.<br>He studied her face as she spoke, and the look on his face changed, growing softer, and by the time she finished, he was staring down at her with the tenderest expression in his eyes, and it took her breath away.  
>"Thank you."He whispered.<br>"For what?" Tonks asked, puzzled at this turn of the conversation.  
>"For loving me." He said softly.<br>"You make me insane, you crazy, beautiful man." Tonks said, exasperated that it had taken him so long to realize what she'd been telling him for over a year.  
>She kissed him, and his lips were exultant on hers. He tangled a hand into her still red hair, and the other wrapped tightly around her waist, both of them pulling her closer. She moaned, kissing him passionately, wrapping her arms securely around his neck. The kiss deepened and she smiled against his mouth; a deep noise came from the back of his throat. She kissed him harder, reveling in the victory she'd finally won.<br>After a beautiful, immeasurable time, they broke apart, staring happily into each other's eyes as they caught their breath.  
>She flicked her hair a bit and it went back to pink. Lupin smiled softly, running his hand through it gently.<br>She closed her eyes, and sighed happily. She wished she could stay there; that they could fall asleep talking and sitting together, but Tonks couldn't, she knew. Her parents would worry sick. She couldn't even think up a good excuse.  
>She tried to think of of one, but at that moment, warm in his arms, she didn't really care how many - or how few - she thought of; she wasn't going anywhere.<p>

* * *

><p>Tonks woke to find herself on the couch with Lupin. She vaguely remembered nearly falling asleep standing in his arms, and him carrying her over to the couch.<br>She was lying across the couch with her head on a pillow in Lupin's lap, a blanket draped over her. He was asleep, his head leaned sideways resting against the side of the couch, one of his hands resting on her hair.  
>He looked so peaceful.<br>She smiled a little.  
>She was contemplating returning to sleep when a crash in the other room sounded; making her jump and sending chills down her spine.<br>Had someone gotten in? How?  
>She stood up quietly as possible, taking out her wand; the noise had awoken Lupin as well, and he mirrored her movements.<br>They looked at each other for a moment, sharing a sort of unspoken communication. The kitchen opened around one side, so each of them would take a side.  
>They crept along quietly, keeping a sharp eye out for any other uninvited guests.<br>Tonks felt anticipation and adrenaline running in her veins as she rounded the corner.  
>The sight that greeted her eyes, however, had her frowning in confusion.<br>An owl had attempted to fly through the window and had obviously not succeeded. It was sitting on the ledge looking rather disgruntled, for an owl.  
>Tonks laughed and looked over at Lupin, who looked very relieved.<br>A closer look at the owl made her sigh. It was her parent's owl.  
>She went to open the window and Lupin stopped her.<br>"Wait! Do you recognize it? It could be an Animagus." He said quickly.  
>She studied the owl for a moment,<br>"It's my parent's owl, I'm sure of it." She said.  
>"Alright." He said, sounding relieved.<br>The note was hastily written in her father's hand:

_Dear Dora,_  
><em>Your mother has been worried sick since she woke up and found you hadn't come home. Please send a message back by owl letting us know if you're alright. Don't be specific about your location in case the owl's intercepted.<em>  
><em>With love,<em>  
><em>Dad. (Who's helping Arthur with equipping Sirius's motorbike behind Molly's back)<em>

She hated she'd made her parents worry, but she wasn't sorry that she was still here with Lupin.  
>She was glad he'd put authentication that it was him-one could never be too sure these days.<br>"Is everything alright?" Lupin asked.  
>"Yes, they just want to know if I'm safe." She replied.<br>She wrote back a quick reply:

_Dear dad,_  
><em>I am safe and among friends, I'm so sorry I worried you. I will be home soon. Please tell mum not to worry.<em>  
><em>You don't need to worry either.<em>  
><em>I'm in good hands.<em>  
><em>I love you both very much,<em>  
><em>Your daughter,<em>  
><em>Tonks. (who hates being called Nymphadora and is engaged to the werewolf Remus John Lupin)<em>

She tied the letter to the owl's leg and he flew away.  
>She closed the window and turned to find Lupin watching her across the kitchen, an odd expression on his face.<br>"What is it?" She asked, feeling suddenly self-concious.  
>"Did you know that you talk in your sleep?" He asked, his eyes half-amused, half-tender.<br>She groaned and dropped her forehead into her hand.  
>He laughed, and walked across the kitchen; a hand tilted her chin up so that she was looking into his eyes.<br>"Should I even ask what I said?" Tonks asked, not sure she wanted to know.  
>He grinned, "Yes, you should."<br>"Fine. What did I say?" She asked, playing along.  
>"Well, first you asked why I didn't trust you with sauce; I suppose you were having an Italian food nightmare." He said, his eyes dancing with laughter.<br>She laughed out loud.  
>"Is that all?" She asked, prematurely relieved that she hadn't said anything totally embarrassing.<br>"Not quite." He said, clearly enjoying himself.  
>She groaned again and he chuckled.<br>"You said my name, asked me not to leave, said you were sorry and that you loved me."  
>His eyes grew soft as he said this, and he reached a hand up to touch her face.<br>Her cheeks tinted pink, coordinating with her hair and she looked away from his eyes.  
>She remembered the dream - which had pretty much been an echo of last night's events.<br>He waited till she finally looked up at him, and then spoke,  
>"I didn't really understand the sorry part." He said, "But the other parts I did well enough...I am sorry that I did this to you." He said quietly, regretfully.<br>She entwined his hands in hers.  
>"It's alright Remus, we're together now and that's all that matters."<br>She said, closing her eyes and leaning her forehead against his.  
>"I love you." He whispered, looking into her eyes.<br>"I love you too." She said softly.  
>The kitchen slowly filled with early spring sunshine as they stood quietly together.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>I swear, I wasn't trying to go all 'Bella' on y'all, it just seemed like something Tonks would do. *sheepish grin* Also, the next chap is more interesting, promise:) God bless y'all!3<br>**


	6. Breakfast With a Side of History

6. Breakfast With A Side of History (A History):

After that day, Lupin didn't ever say anything else about not getting married.  
>Tonks was relieved, and happy to see him happy.<br>The time leading up to their wedding was wonderful. Tonks spent as much time with Lupin as she could.  
>The wedding was drawing close now as the first of June dawned bright and warm.<br>Tonks opened her eyes to see the bright green wall of her room and the sun just coming up.  
>She looked around the room towards the window.<br>A few roses sitting on the window sill in a small, antique butterbeer bottle caught her attention. She and Lupin had shared it's contents once after his return from infiltrating werewolves on Voldemort's side and trying to persuade them to join their cause.  
>it triggered a memory, and one she remembered well...<p>

Tonks left Hogwarts trying not to panic.  
>So Dumbledore wasn't at the school, that didn't mean anything.<br>But which werewolf would have made Fenrir Greyback so angry? He was normally alright to his own kind.  
>But what if he'd discovered Lupin's true allegiances? Would he kill him for that?<br>The thought that it could be Lupin had injected ice into her heart, and now, try as she might, the horrible idea wouldn't leave her.  
>What if it had been him?<br>She knew there was no way she could find out; she had to wait. When Dumbledore got back, he would know.  
>She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep, miserable and afraid as she was, instead she walked.<br>Walked through Hogsmeade. The March air was cool and pleasant and the stars twinkled brightly above, but Tonks noticed none of this.  
>She was sick with worry. It didn't matter that he'd been ignoring her, didn't matter that he'd been denying her; none of it mattered when she was faced with losing him.<br>Was he alive? Where was he?  
>As she walked, sudden inspiration struck and she turned and Disapparated on the spot.<br>She landed on the regular Muggle street in front of number 12 Grimmauld Place.  
>She hoped against hope that there would be someone inside who knew if Lupin was alright.<br>She dashed inside as soon as the door appeared, relocked it, and ran, dodging that bloody troll cloak-rack, into the kitchen.  
>It was empty. Her heart sank; she walked upstairs to see if anyone was there, and found no one. She walked through the whole house, just in case, but was once again disappointed.<br>She walked back to the kitchen, thinking about just waiting here for the rest of her time off watch in case someone showed up. She didn't have to be back to stand guard for the school till the morning.  
>She sat down at the table, but soon she was pacing.<br>For about half an hour she paced and tried hard not to panic, but she was losing that battle when she heard the door open.  
>She jumped up and ran out of the kitchen to the hallway to see who it was.<br>The figure had their back turned, locking the door.  
>Joy overflowed her heart and she gasped when the figure turned. It was Lupin.<br>A smile of relief broke across her face and without thinking, without worrying about what he would say, she ran to him and threw her arms around him. To her surprise his arms wound around her waist as he whispered her name. The only coherent thoughts in her head were of relief and joy.  
>"I thought...I thought..." She started, but couldn't finish; her voice failed her. She had never been so afraid before; she was used to being braver than this, and it disconcerted her to have panicked so, but she couldn't stop the emotions that were now overflowing.<br>"It's alright Dora." He said softly, a hand in her hair.  
>Dora. He'd called her Dora. It had been months - nearly a year - since he'd called her that, though he used to all the time.<br>After a few moments she tried again, and found her voice.  
>"I thought... Greyback had…had killed you." She whispered.<br>She realized she was crying, and blinked in frustration, trying to rid herself the tears, but it was no use.  
>Lupin must have noticed her tears, for he continued holding her and whispering comfort, stroking her hair softly.<br>"I'm right here, Dora. It's alright. Everything's alright." He said softly.

Peace settled into her, and she wished she could stay here forever.  
>But all too soon, he loosened his arms, trying to put some space between them. She wished he wouldn't, but she was so happy to see him that she wasn't angry like she normally would have been.<br>"What happened? I heard Greyback killed a werewolf - were you there?"  
>She noticed for the first time how tired and haggard he looked.<br>She put a hand on his shoulder, "Come on, you need something to drink." She said.  
>He followed her into the kitchen where she started rummaging around the pantry.<br>"Are you alright Remus?" She asked, as she turned with a dusty bottle of butterbeer and two goblets in hand.  
>For a minute he didn't speak.<br>"I'm alright - now. It's good to be above ground in civil company again. The werewolves that live with Greyback, their barbaric habits, the people they bring back..." He trailed off with a shudder, seeming to not want to say any more.

She sat down next to him at the table and slid a full goblet to him.  
>"I'm sorry, Remus." she said quietly, sad that he'd had to face such nightmares.<br>He took a shaky breath and she felt her heart break a little more as she wondered what he was remembering. She was so relieved and grateful that he had made it back home alive. Back to her.  
>"Fenrir Greyback killed an older werewolf named Curtis Davidson. He had been asking a lot of questions and challenging some of Greyback;s decisions. He had been rogue for quite some time before he'd reluctantly joined up with Greyback's pack. From what I could gather, he only joined up because the Ministry is hunting them so ferociously, and he was safer in a large group. Because of his obvious disagreement with Greyback's way of running things, I tried to talk him over to our side - subtly of course," he added, to calm what must have been obvious worry on her part. "But he didn't seem to like anyone. Well on the full moon three days ago, Curtis tried to attack Greyback, and that was the final straw. Several other wolves got involved in the fight because of the..." He trailed off, his eyes, which had looked far away and horrified, came back to hers with an ashamed expression that she recognized by now. He was still afraid that he would scare her away; after all this time.<br>"You can tell me Remus. Get it all off your chest," she offered, wanting to help him as much as she could. Though she knew it was too little, too late – nothing could erase these awful memories now. Memories he would be haunted with for the rest of his life.  
>His blue eyes pierced her very soul as they searched hers for the sincerity of her words. He must have found what he was looking for, because after a moment, he went on. "When the other wolves smelled the...the blood, it turned into a frenzy. It was only because of the Wolfsbane that I was able to...keep my head." he finished quietly, looking away from her.<br>But she still saw the pain, the shame and sadness and it tore at her heart to see him so broken.  
>She placed her hand over his, and, though he avoided her eyes, spoke with the fervent emotion she felt in her heart, "I'm so grateful you're safe Remus."<br>He still did not meet her eyes, but she saw several emotions cross his face in quick succession…tenderness, guilt, shame, fatigue, and sadness. Always back to the sadness.  
>When he looked up, as though intending to reply, she spoke again quickly.<br>"Will you...have to go back?" She asked, praying he said no, but carefully guarding her expression and trying to maintain a passable poker face.  
>Something flashed through Lupin's eyes, but it was gone before she could identify it.<br>"I don't...well, I doubt it. I made little to no progress with them - I did gain their trust, but I was still unable to convince them- Greyback has them all believing this rubbish about how they'll have better lives with Voldemort in power. Look at Voldemort's hatred for the Muggle-borns - they're a perfect testament that that will not be so.  
>Dumbledore knows a lost cause when he sees one, I think. The only thing that was gained was for Greyback's sake anyways..." He said, his tone tinged with bitterness and sorrow.<br>She hesitated before asking what she wanted to know, "What did Greyback gain?"  
>"A chance to torment me about how much better I - and my life, would have been if not for him." He said, his voice hard, bitter.<br>But she heard the pain behind the words, and her heart ached for him. She placed a hand on top of his on the table, and was so grateful he not only let her, but placed his other hand on top of hers.  
>"I'm sorry, Remus." She said, looking into his eyes sadly.<p>

"Remus, don't you listen to him." She said angrily.  
>"Don't you see what a good man you are?" She asked, wishing desperately she could make him to believe her words.<br>He looked up into her eyes, which were sparkling with unshed tears; his eyes broke her heart. Never before had she seen a look so sad, so pained, in any eyes.

He looked worn and tired, and she hated to see him so upset.  
>"Yes. I do believe him. Life <em>would<em> have been much easier if not for him." He said, sadness heavy in his voice.  
>"I'm sorry, Remus. Sorry you have to suffer so much. I can't stand that you have to go through so much. But an easier life is not necessarily always a better one, you know." She suggested gently.<br>"And you truly are the best man I have ever known." She whispered, looking down.  
>"Do you know how amazing you are?" He asked, something like awe in his eyes.<br>She was completely shocked at this turn in the conversation and looked up at him in surprise.  
>"I'm not that different from anybody else." She said with a small, surprised laugh.<br>"Yes, you are." He said quietly, reaching out a hand to touch her face. He traced her face gently, and so slowly. Her heart beat quickened, feeling his hands gently caressing her.  
>He traced all the way down and then, even more slowly, traced her lips.<br>She gasped, desire taking hold of her; looking at him in surprise.  
>He looked up into her eyes; there with the pain was now a softness, and their gazes held for a few moments before he suddenly dropped his eyes and his hand, letting out a huge breath and seeming to attempt to resettle himself.<br>He picked up the goblet of butterbeer she'd given him and drank a bit.  
>"Thank you." he said quietly.<br>"Thank Mad-Eye, it wasn't mine." She said with a wave of hand and a small smile, her heart still pounding.  
>"I wasn't talking about the drink - but thank you for that as well."<br>"What then?" She asked, puzzled as to what he meant.  
>"For caring, and looking for me. For trying to help me. I'm not used to that...and goodness knows I don't deserve it from you." He said, the guilt that seemed so familiar now etched into his face.<br>"Remus, no matter how long you keep being stubborn; drive me crazy though it may, I still care for you." She said honestly.  
>"I always will." She whispered, looking him dead in the eye.<br>He stared into her eyes, looking as if he was about to beg her for something.  
>"Dora...please don't do this again. You know this can't be. I wish-" he seemed to catch himself and stopped short.<br>"You wish what?" She asked.  
>"It doesn't matter. I can't give you what you deserve, and I'm not going to put you in danger."<br>"Remus, if I could ever deserve you, I would be the luckiest woman alive." She said, her voice intense.  
>"Why are you so blind?" She asked, her frustration mounting despite her better judgment.<br>"I _will not_ do this to you Dora. I'm a werewolf and I am too dangerous for you." He said firmly, though his eyes were pained.  
>"Remus, will you never understand what I mean when I say that <em>I DON'T CARE<em>?" Tonks said a bit more...er, forcefully than she'd meant to.  
>"I...I love you, and I honestly don't care that you're a werewolf! I'm sorry you have to go through it, but it doesn't affect <em>my<em> feelings for you!  
>I. DON'T. CARE."<br>His eyes filled with a tender, stunned expression at her first three words.  
>He looked down at the table for a moment; when he looked back up, he smiled a bit, but his eyes were filled with grief. He reached out and caressed her face again,<br>"I know you don't Dora, but I do, and I just...I can't do this to you. Don't you understand?  
>"I love you so much, and all I'm doing is holding you back." He said, speaking so gently that she wanted to cry.<p>

He loved her, she'd wanted so long to hear those words, and now he spoke them, while telling her they could never be. She bravely held back her tears, searching for the anger as protection against her weakness. She found it quite easily.  
>"You aren't holding me back!" She yelled.<br>"Why are you SO _STUBBORN_ about me? Do you _want_ me to be unhappy?" She stood, too angry to sit now.  
>"Of course not!" He snapped, "Haven't you heard anything I've said?"<br>"Yes, I've heard EVERYTHING you've said; a better question might be whether YOU have heard ANYTHING I've said to you?"  
>She sat back down next to him; clutched the front of his robes, "Please Remus, how many times do I have to tell you for you to believe me?" She asked, her voice quiet, hard.<br>She tried to conceal the pain, but wasn't sure she succeeded.  
>The anger that had been piercing her suddenly evaporated as he stared into her eyes.<br>His own filled with such pain and sadness that hers filled with tears. She saw in his eyes what she felt in her heart.  
>Anguish.<br>Compassion and longing, hopeless though it was for them, took over.  
>He ran his hands slowly down her face, tracing it gently; her breath caught.<br>He leaned slowly over and kissed her.  
>A jolt of warmth and desire shot through her when his lips touched hers. She gasped and he pulled away slightly, their eyes locking. For a moment, neither of them even breathed; Lupin's eyes seemed as though they pierced her very soul.<br>He asked the question unspeaking.  
>Staring into her eyes, he must have seen what he was looking for; he kissed her, his mouth warm and urgent on hers. Her lungs seemed to stop working. His hands were at her waist pulling her closer.<br>She clung to him, kissing him passionately, her hands tangled in his hair, pulling him closer.  
>His hands traveled upwards; he grabbed her face in his hands almost roughly, kissing her harder when she groaned.<br>She kissed him ardently. Joy spilled over her heart and into their kiss at how good it felt to finally be in his arms.  
>They pulled apart, taking a minute to breathe.<br>He stared deep into her eyes for another moment, and then kissed her again.  
>His hands tangled in her hair, and hers wrapped around his neck; she felt tears in her eyes, joy tremulous in her soul at being held by him.<br>The kiss deepened slowly and he moaned softly, pulling her closer. She lost track of everything; wouldn't have noticed someone standing right next to her. After a blissful time Tonks couldn't have measured, they broke apart.  
>Tonks sat dazed, startled, overjoyed, and gasping for air; waiting for Lupin to explain.<p>

She didn't know if she wanted to hear it or not, but she did know that it was wonderful to have his arms around her again.  
>But of course, all too soon, he let her go.<br>He caught his breath for a moment before speaking.  
>"I'm...sorry Dora." He said quietly, looking down away from her eyes, shame coloring his tone.<br>"I'm not sorry." She said softly, meeting his eyes with a sad half-smile when he looked over at her.  
>"Oh Dora." He whispered miserably.<br>His face was so sad, she wished he would just believe her, would just let her love him, would stop fighting this.  
>She rested a hand on the side of his face, stroking his cheek softly, staring into his beautiful blue eyes.<br>"I shouldn't have...I'm sorry." He said heavily.  
>"I'm...<em>I'm<em> sorry Remus." She said softly, suddenly ashamed of herself for having caused him so much pain.  
>"No," He said, looking up into her eyes, "Don't ever apologize for this, Dora. You have nothing to apologize for." He said quietly, sounding surprised.<br>"You love me; nothing has ever made me so happy. If anyone should be apologizing it's me, I'm sorry I'm hurting you so much, I _hate_ hurting you. It's just so hard..." He trailed off.  
>Her eyes filled with tears and she wrapped her arms around him, her tears spilling over onto his shoulder.<br>He laid his head on her hair, embracing her tightly.  
>Sadness once again enveloped her, and she clung to him, knowing she was going to have to tell him goodbye...<p>

A bird's early morning song broke her out of her reminiscence.  
>She glanced around fondly once more as she got up.<br>It was odd to think that there weren't many more nights she would spend in this room.  
>But it was a good change.<br>She dressed quickly, grabbing a goblet of pumpkin juice and walked outside to watch the sunrise.  
>She sat happily, the rising sun's light warming her. She shook her head slightly to the left, turning her hair curly shoulder-length and an orange-ish color, rather matching the sunrise.<br>It was a quiet morning; her mother and father were still asleep.  
>So she was startled when she saw someone walking towards the house.<br>As the person was still some distance away, she stood slowly and moved behind a tall oak that was beside the house, watching as the stranger approached.  
>They stopped when they reached the garden gate, looking up at the house for a moment, then around the yard.<br>She moved to try to get a better view and tripped over a protruding root, accidentally revealing herself.  
>She cursed silently but pulled out her wand and walked determinedly up to the gate.<p>

As she got closer some of her nerves quieted when she saw the familiar face of none other than Remus Lupin.  
>She pointed her wand at chest level, ready to strike if he was an imposter.<br>He smiled when he saw her, but she still was wary.  
>She reached the gate, "Where did you refuse me for the first time?" She asked quietly, staring him in the eye.<br>His eyes softened and even before he answered she knew it was him.  
>"In the sitting room of number 12, Grimmauld Place, the day after my oldest friend, Sirius Black, died at the hands of Bellatrix Lestrange. Mad-Eye Moody interrupted what would have been a continued argument."<br>Pain flashed into his eyes as he finished, but she had needed to hear that part to be sure.  
>She opened the gate and threw her arms around him. His arms wound around her waist.<br>"I'm sorry Remus." She apologized. "I should have picked a different question."  
>"No, that was a good one, there's no way a Death Eater could have known that."<p>

For a minute they were silent. When he spoke again his voice was happier.  
>"Hi." He said, almost sounding like he was smiling.<br>"Wotcher," She greeted, grinning; happy that he was here.  
>"I like your hair this morning." He said, kissing her forehead and her hair.<br>She smiled and kissed his cheek. Then dropped her arms and took his hand.  
>"Come on inside." She said, leading him through and closing the gate.<br>"Nice sunrise this morning, yes?" She asked conversationally.  
>He smiled, "It was. I take that was the inspiration for your hair?" He asked, grinning.<br>"I couldn't resist." She said, grinning back.  
>"So what brings you here this early?" She asked, the horrible thought suddenly occurring that something might be wrong.<br>"I'm taking you to breakfast." He said, dousing her fears.  
>"Breakfast?" She asked curiously. She couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face.<br>"Well, I figured you might want some eggs, but since our attempts are rather disastrous, I thought maybe someone else cooking would be safer." He said jokingly.  
>She laughed, "You're right; we're going to have to work on that." She said, grinning.<br>"So where are we going?" She asked.  
>"Well," He hesitated, and then asked uncertainly, "there is one place that I find has exceptionally good food...though it is a Muggle place." He said like it might change her mind.<p>

"Remus, I don't really care who makes it, if it's good food, it's good food." She said with a grin.  
>He smiled, "I thought you'd feel that way."<br>Tonks wrote a quick note to her parents and then she and Lupin Disapparated to a small town in eastern England.  
>Tonks was glad Lupin knew where he was going, because finding Muggle places could be nastily difficult business because one couldn't Apparate straight to or into them.<br>They walked up to a small, quaint house advertising itself to be a B&B.  
>"What's a B&amp;B?" Tonks whispered as they walked up the steps.<br>"Bed & Breakfast. Muggles stay in places like this on trips to get a room and a meal."  
>Tonks rather liked the look of the place; it had a welcoming feel that made one at ease immediately.<p>

A plump, kindly middle-aged woman with friendly face and curly graying hair greeted them.  
>"Remus!" She exclaimed, looking thrilled, "It's been so long since we've seen you around." She said warmly, coming around the small counter and hugging him.<br>"Hello Angela," He greeted as she stepped back. "Good to see you again. How's John?"  
>"Well he's doing fine, just working on repairs out back." She said, gesturing to the back of the building.<br>"How have you been?" Angela asked.  
>"Very good." He said, smiling quickly in Tonks's direction.<br>"I'd like you to meet my fiancé, Nymphadora Tonks." he said happily.  
>She looked back and forth between Lupin and Tonks with a huge smile spreading across her face.<br>"Congratulations you two!" She exclaimed, hugging Lupin again.  
>Angela looked at Tonks properly then and, rather than comment on her bright orange hair or unusual name, she hugged her and greeted her warmly.<br>"Hello Nymphadora, it's a pleasure to meet you." She said, shaking her hand.  
>"Nice to meet you too - please, call me Tonks." Tonks greeted back, rather liking the woman.<p>

Angela looked at Lupin and smiled at him with a maternal sort of fondness.  
>"Remus, she's lovely. It's wonderful to see a smile on your face, young man. Used to be so quiet; always so kind though." She said. "I'm so happy for you both! I can't wait to tell John!" She said excitedly.<br>"Thank you Angela." Lupin said, smiling.  
>"Thank you," Tonks echoed, rather confused, but happy nonetheless.<br>Tonks would never understand the wizarding worlds' prejudice against Muggles. They really were very kind folk, and no different from wizards albeit magical capabilities.  
>"Well, I suppose you'll both be hungry, follow me." She said, bustling off towards a table.<br>She seated them by a window looking out the back of the house across the English countryside. Chicken salt-n'-pepper shakers and a checked table-cloth adorned the wooden table.  
>Other than Tonks and Lupin there was only one other person eating. A young man with some sort of Muggle contraption he was tapping away at in the corner.<p>

"So...how did you find this place?" she asked.  
>She looked at Lupin across the table, hoping he would explain.<br>"I used to live here. During the first Wizard's War and afterwards, for a while. Very safe as none of the Death Eaters would have suspected the place; I did what I could to protect the place and Angela and John nonetheless. I knew my staying here could put them at risk; as it was, I had to leave and lock myself in an abandoned barn down the road every month. But usually I can blend rather well in Muggle society. Being less accepted in wizard's society makes one look in unusual places for meals, board and the like. When I found this place Angela and John took me in...out of pity I suspect. Angela always said I was too peaky; gave me food practically every time she saw me." He said with a laugh.  
>"They helped me find a job at a local Muggle shop in town and put me up here for several years. When I couldn't stay with Sirius or James and Lily I came to this place. After the war ended...and Lily and James..." He paused, looking down. She rested her hand atop his, wishing she could ease his pain.<br>"The Order wasted no time trying to catch Death Eaters; but once that was done with, I had nothing to do. The only person inside the wizard community that I kept contact with at that time was Dumbledore. He would write often; Angela and John seemed to accept as perfect normalcy the fact that my friend sent me letters by an owl. But after a while, I...I knew that it wasn't fair for me to stay here and put them in danger every month when there was a full moon. Especially as I had no Wolfsbane at that time. So I had to leave. I hated to go; they'd been so kind to me. But it was the right thing to do. I'd managed to earn enough money to buy my house from some Muggles that were selling it, and here we are." He finished.  
>She squeezed his hand, and he covered hers with his other hand.<br>"I'm sorry you were so unhappy for such a long time Remus." She said sadly, "I wish I could have been here for you then." She said quietly.  
>"That you even wish that at all is more than enough, Dora." He said softly, squeezing her hand.<p>

They both ordered omelets, as they had no hope whatsoever of making these themselves.  
>Tonks discovered that Lupin was indeed right about the food, it was <em>wonderful<em>.  
>After breakfast they had another long talk with Angela and Tonks met John, who was just as kindhearted as his wife.<br>Once they'd said goodbye with every promise of visiting soon, they left.  
>"Thank you for breakfast Remus, it was delicious." She said, "And it was nice to finally have some proper eggs." She said with a laugh.<br>"It was my pleasure. It was - they always did have good eggs." He said, grinning.  
>He took her hand, and they walked around the town, Lupin pointing out things and showing her around.<br>"Where did you work?"  
>"At a small grocer's shop."<br>"Can I see it?" She asked.  
>"If you want." He said, as though he couldn't imagine why she would want to.<br>"Yes." She said, nodding with a smile.  
>It was a small grocer's and hardware store. She looked at it in interest, and walked up the steps and inside, Lupin following reluctantly.<br>It was all unorganized, but tidy and homey like the rest of the town.  
>"What did you do here?" She whispered.<br>"Stocked shelves, checked out costumers, inventory...a little bit of everything. The hardest part of working here was knowing where to find everything." He said wryly.  
>"Checking out costumers?" She asked, thinking it sounded rather questionable.<br>He looked puzzled for a moment, and then he laughed out loud, "No, I mean, I took their money and rang up their food. Muggles call it 'checking out'." He explained.  
>She laughed, "Ahh, ok." She said.<br>She wandered around inside, imagining a younger Lupin here.  
>She could see it, could see him stacking cans and bags, helping people. For a minute, she was transfixed, loving standing here where he had spent so much time.<br>"What are you looking for?" He asked, looking slightly amused.  
>"Just picturing you here." She said quietly.<br>He looked surprised, she took his hand again and they walked back towards the entrance.  
>The shopkeeper, a young man with dark hair and an enthusiastic smile stopped them as they were passing the counter.<br>"Sir, sorry if I'm mistaken...are you…Remus Lupin, sir?" He asked.  
>Yes," Lupin turned, surprised; he looked at the young man for a moment. Suddenly he smiled, "Freddie Long?" He asked.<br>"Yes! You used to live up at my grandparents' Bed & Breakfast - you always played football with me there. And with my team before games you played the whole other team so we could practice." Freddie said happily.  
>"I remember. You had to teach me how to play. Even when you were my only opponent, I never did win a game." Lupin recalled. A fond light she'd never had come into his eyes and he spoke with animation.<br>"Sure you did!" Freddie insisted.  
>"When you let me." Lupin said, laughing.<br>"Well...I had hoped you wouldn't notice." Freddie laughed.  
>"You were very good." Lupin complimented.<br>"You always were so nice Mr. Lupin."  
>"Please, call me Remus; I'm sure you're old enough by now." Lupin said, smiling.<br>"Thank you sir." He said politely.  
>"Do you still play?" Lupin asked conversationally.<br>"Yeah. Yeah, I'm in my last year of school; I'm saving my money for a college in America, hoping I can get a scholarship there." Freddie said, excitedly. "Odd though, the Americans call football soccer over there." He explained.  
>"They'll be lucky to have you." Lupin said.<br>"Thank you sir. Who's this?" He asked, looking curiously at her.  
>"This is my fiancé Nymphadora Tonks." Lupin said, grinning when he noticed her annoyance at his introduction of her full name.<br>Freddie grinned hugely at Lupin when he made this announcement, "That's...wow, congratulations! That's wonderful! Congratulations to both of you!" He exclaimed, coming around the counter to shake both their hands enthusiastically.  
>"Thank you." Tonks and Lupin said together.<br>"It's nice to meet you ma'am." He said, shaking her hand more formally.  
>She laughed. Never once in her life had someone called her ma'am, "Nice to meet you too. Please, call me Tonks."<br>After a couple more minutes of animated conversation, they said their goodbyes.  
>"Good to see you again Freddie, give my best to your folks, and tell your grandparents thank you again for me. Good luck with that scholarship, you'll do great." Lupin said kindly, shaking his hand.<br>"Thank you Mr. Lupin. Good to see you again." Freddie said.  
>"Good luck, Freddie. You go to America and show them how to play football - well, soccer." Tonks said, the words football and soccer rolling off her tongue strangely; she would have to ask Lupin exactly what that they were.<br>"Thank you! And it's wonderful to meet you, Miss Tonks." He said enthusiastically.  
>He waved as they left, the little bell ringing over them cheerfully as the door shut behind them.<p>

She stared at Lupin as they walked, a smile on her lips; it was a minute before he noticed.  
>"What is it?" He asked, surprised.<br>"I didn't know you were so popular." She said, grinning.  
>"I wasn't. It was just fun, playing football with the kids, helping out in town. Nice people around here; I was lucky to have gotten the chance to live here."<br>"They were lucky to have you." She said, using his words from the shop.  
>"I'm lucky to have you." Lupin said softly, putting his arm around her shoulders as they walked.<br>They were getting near the edge of town now.  
>"There's one more place I want to see." Tonks said.<br>He cocked his head to the side.  
>"Where you spent your werewolf nights." She said quietly.<br>He stopped, and she turned to face him.  
>"Dora-" He started to protest.<br>"Please?" She asked. There was something she wanted to do.  
>His eyes softened and he kissed her hair, drawing her into a hug.<br>After a minute, he pulled back and nodded.  
>They walked, hands entwined, past the edge of the small, friendly town. About a mile or so out, there was a large barn a little ways off the road.<br>It was an old wooden barn, with chipping red paint and aged, faded wooden shutters closed over the windows.  
>She walked to it, and pulled open the heavy doors, walking inside.<br>Sadness filled her at the thought of Lupin in here all alone, miserable and suffering.  
>He stood beside her, stiff; his eyes had a haunted look about them.<br>Her eyes filled with tears, and she stared up at him as they flowed down her face.  
>"I'm so sorry, Remus." She whispered.<br>He looked down at her, and the haunted look in his eyes disappeared, replaced by a tender, loving expression that made her catch her breath.  
>He gently wiped away some of her tears.<br>"Don't cry, Dora." He said softly. "Everything's alright now; I'm not alone anymore." he pulled her into a hug.  
>She tried to speak but her voice failed her.<br>After a few minutes in his arms, she collected herself and pulled back, looking into his tense face.  
>"I want to give you a good memory here, so that it wasn't always a place where you suffered." She said gently.<br>"What do you mean?" He asked.  
>Instead of answering him, she kissed him.<br>Her soul flew as his arms wrapped around her; the kiss was gentle and sweet, and spoke of the deep love they knew for each other.  
>The kiss deepened slowly and Lupin's hands pulled her closer, and joy, completely overwhelming, filled her; his lips were gentle yet fervent on hers.<br>She gasped, her breaths short and uneven. He breathed in as she breathed out, and her in as he breathed out.

Happy tears filled her eyes and an immeasurable space of time passed as the embrace warmed their souls.  
>When they broke apart at last, he cupped her face gently in his hands and kissed her nose, cheeks, and her forehead before pulling her back into his arms.<br>She sighed in contentment as the warm, early summer light filtered through the barn wall slats, making visible old hay dust particles dancing about in the air.  
>Suddenly, this place didn't seem so bad.<br>"Thank you." Lupin said softly.  
>"For what?" She asked.<br>"For giving me a happy memory here." He said, voice rough with emotion.  
>The thought of all his other memories made her so sad; she hated to think of it.<br>She hugged him tighter, "You never have to be alone ever again Remus." She promised quietly.  
>"I love you." He whispered.<br>"I love you too." She said softly.  
>A few minutes later, Lupin sighed and dropped his arms.<br>She looked into his eyes, and found them more peaceful than she'd seen for some time.  
>"We'd better get you back before your parents start worrying."<br>"You're right." She said reluctantly.  
>"Hey- one more thing before we go...what exactly is football - and soccer?" She asked, the words falling uncertainly from her lips.<br>Lupin laughed out loud,  
>"Well, it's a rather interesting game really, the Muggles get very excited about it - though it has nothing on Quidditch..." He explained the game in detail, Tonks giggling here and there. It sounded like an odd game, but a bit funny; she was sure she'd like to see it sometime.<p>

They walked out of the old barn, closing the doors behind them; they strolled around to the back, which you couldn't see from the road. She took his hand and they Disapparated, landing in front of her parent's house.  
>"Thank you for everything." Tonks said, smiling.<br>"Thank you." He said, smiling softly.  
>He kissed her sweetly and briefly before he bade her goodbye.<br>"I'll see you soon." She said, as she turned and walked in the gate. She waved and watched as he Disapparated.  
>She walked inside the house, surprised to find that it was past two o'clock in the afternoon.<br>"Mum? Dad?" She called when entered.  
>Her mother came bustling into the entry, "Nymphadora! I was starting to get worried."<br>"Sorry mum, Remus was showing me the town he used to live in and I sorta lost track of time." She apologized.  
>"It's alright." Her mother said briskly, quickly setting her about some chores.<br>If her mother had been in a better mood, Tonks might have made a joke about her mum trying to get all the work she could out of her daughter before she left.  
>The actual reason for all this cleaning though was that the wedding was being held here in a week. She couldn't believe it was so close.<br>Her mum still seemed a bit dubious about Lupin, but Tonks knew she'd accept him over time.  
>Her dad seemed to accept him more quickly, but he was more like her in nature - though Tonks knew he worried.<br>Time passed quickly in the week before the wedding.  
>The Order and the Ministry were pretty much working at odds against each other now, and Tonks, Arthur, and Kingsley were having to be extremely careful at work.<br>But as with all things, time kept moving, ignorant of all happy and sad events, simply passing in its' own existence as they all struggled to fight this war.  
>The more small joys everyone could find amidst the awful times, the better. And as Tonks saw every day the increasing numbers of deaths and disappearances, those small joys were what kept Tonks going. And everyone else, as well.<p>

**So, that's chapter 6. :) I took a lot of liberties making up Remus's past - it seemed like something he would do, but idk:)**  
><strong>Also, I realize I did terribly with the names of my characters - not original by any means, and certainly not British! hahaha:p :) Also, I gather that soccer is called football in England:)<strong>  
><strong>And are y'all getting sick of my flashback scenes yet? Sorry, there are still more! hahaha<strong>  
><strong>Sorry for the fluff overkill in this chap, but I hope y'all liked it:D<strong>

**Well, I admit I feel like a complete **_**genius**_** because I just now realized after all this time that Tonks always trips over is actually an ****umbrella stand**** - not a ****coat rack****! Lol!*shakes head disparagingly at myself* Well, since I started that way, I suppose I'll finish that way, and y'all can just have a little laugh every time you see that! hahaha:P :D**  
><strong>Don't y'all be jealous cause I'm so smart! LOL!<strong>

**So yes...thank you for reading and God bless!3**


	7. The Wedding

7. The Wedding

The morning of the wedding dawned bright and clear. Tonks woke up at six o'clock, yawning and stretching.  
>She looked out the window and saw the sun just coming over the horizon, making the dew on the grass sparkle.<br>Then she remembered what day it was.

She gasped and jumped out of bed. Nerves fluttered in her stomach and she grinned; she dressed hurriedly and went downstairs to the still empty kitchen and grabbed a goblet of Pumpkin Juice and went to sit on the front porch steps. She could hardly believe she was getting married today. If someone had told her six months ago that she would be here, she wouldn't have believed them. The sun was still relatively new in the sky and Tonks relished in the warm light it bathed the world in.  
>But she found that she couldn't really sit still for long; she walked back inside and to the kitchen, looking for something to do.<p>

To her surprise, her mother was in the kitchen.  
>Her mum wasn't usually this much of an early riser, but she looked up when Tonks entered and smiled.<br>"Morning Nymphadora," Her mother greeted.  
>"Mom, please don't-"<br>"It's your last morning at home, my girl. Humor me." She said, turning away as she said it.  
>Tonks walked over to the counter where her mum was starting some eggs, "Mum, I won't be far away." She said gently.<br>Her mother dabbed at her eyes and hugged her.  
>"I know dear." She said. "I'll just miss you, that's all."<br>"I'll miss you too mum, but I won't be far, and I'll visit." Tonks promised.  
>"You're right." Her mum said, smiling at her and seeming to begin regaining her usual composure.<br>Tonks started to go upstairs and her mum called her back and handed her a plate of eggs.  
>"Thank you mum," She said, knowing better than to argue. But the butterflies in her stomach made her wonder if eating was really the best idea. She could still hardly believe this day was finally here.<p>

She ate quickly and went up to get changed. Ginny, whom she had chosen as her bridesmaid, was getting there early so they could do each others hair.  
>Molly was to be her maid of honor; Molly had protested, saying it should be Ginny, but Ginny had stepped in, siding with Tonks, agreeing that it should be her mother because she'd been the one to encourage Tonks about Lupin even when it looked hopeless.<br>She put on her wedding dress and looked in the mirror.

She hardly recognized herself.  
>It was a simple dress. It dipped low in the front and the back, and was nearly strapless, with very thin straps over her shoulders; the off-white, silky material clung softly to her body and flowed seamlessly down past her ankles into a short train.<br>She had just started messing with her short pink hair trying to see what would work, when a knock sounded at her door.  
>"Come in." She called.<br>"Morning Tonks," Ginny greeted excitedly.  
>"Wotcher Ginny," Tonks got up from her chair to hug her, and Ginny exclaimed,<br>"Tonks, you look so beautiful! Lupin won't be able to keep his eyes off you." she grinned.  
>"Thank you, Ginny. That's the idea." She said, laughing.<p>

She stepped back from Ginny and took in her appearance. She was wearing a light blue long dress that flowed around her ankles, and had little rhinestones set in about the fabric of the bottom, making it sparkle as it floated above the ground.  
>"Ginny you look absolutely wonderful!"<br>"I wish Harry was here - he wouldn't be able to keep his eyes off you either you know." Tonks said, winking.  
>Ginny's face fell ever so slightly and she spoke quickly, "Shall we start on your hair then?"<br>Tonks wondered exactly what had gone down between them...she debated for a moment on whether she should ask or not...  
>"Ginny, what happened with you and Harry?" Tonks asked carefully.<br>Ginny looked away, but Tonks still caught a glimpse of her sad face.  
>"Do you want to talk about it?" Tonks asked sympathetically. "I know it did me good to talk to your mum when Remus was being...stubborn." Tonks said, not allowing herself to think back to that time.<p>

Ginny was quiet for a couple minutes, trying different things with Tonks's hair, but after a few moments her hands stilled and the whole story came forth.  
>"Harry...well, Harry has something he has to do. A job Dumbledore left for him. And apparently Ron and Hermione know what it is and are going with him. But they keep saying they can't tell anyone else. Well, Harry seems to think that this is going to be dangerous and that Voldemort might try to...to use me to get Harry to do -or not do- something and he doesn't want me in danger. So after Dumbledore's funeral, he told me all this, and said that we couldn't be together anymore." She stopped there, taking a deep breath, her eyes slightly wet.<br>She had never seen Ginny cry.  
>Ever.<br>Sadness for Ginny's sadness filled her; even though she thought she understood Harry's reasoning behind this decision, it didn't make it any easier - for either of them.  
>She knew that Harry didn't want to do it, but Tonks felt as though Ginny might be missing that bit of this.<p>

"What did you say when he told you, Ginny?" She asked, wanting to know the whole story before she told Ginny what she suspected.  
>"I said I didn't care if it was dangerous." She said, her eyes fierce, "And I meant every word."<br>Tonks lay a hand on her shoulder, understanding Ginny's feelings exactly.  
>"What did Harry say?"<br>"He said he _did_ care." She said, now having put up a mask of bravery to cover her expressions.  
>Tonks knew her suspicions were correct now. She turned to face Ginny, hoping that she could somehow help her see.<p>

"Oh Ginny. Don't you see?" said Tonks, now as sad for Harry as she was for Ginny.  
>"Harry didn't want this; didn't want to let you go. I'll bet he hated every second of it.<br>Don't you see though that he wouldn't have done that if he didn't truly care about you?"  
>"What do you mean?" Ginny asked, looking a bit confused.<br>"Remember what happened with Sirius... That tore Harry to pieces. He holds himself responsible for that. I'd bet you that's what he was thinking of when he let you go. Because he cares about you so much, and wouldn't be able to stand it if something happened to you, too. I know Harry; Remus knows Harry and you can ask either of us and we'll tell you that Harry doesn't say things he doesn't mean, and he wouldn't just mess around. I know he cares about you. The fact that he tried to break up with you proves that." said Tonks, conviction in her words.  
>"Do you really think so?" Ginny asked, looking hopeful.<br>"I'd bet a sack of Galleons I don't have on it." Tonks said, "Remember, I had to put up with the same from Remus for a while. Except he wanted to protect me from himself - he obviously failed." She said, grinning.  
>"But Harry'll come around. Mark my words." Tonks said, hugging Ginny.<br>"Thank you Tonks." She said, her voice sounding thick as though she was crying a bit.

Tonks tactfully didn't remark on her tears, but simply started to brush her long, beautiful red hair. She pulled part of it into an elegant twist, with soft tendrils hanging around her face.  
>"There. You look so gorgeous you ought to be the one getting married." Tonks said, smiling. Ginny smiled in the mirror, her cheeks turning slightly pink. Tonks took a picture before Ginny could object; and planned to give it to Harry before he left on his mission.<br>"Don't tell Molly I said that." Tonks said quickly, chuckling.  
>Ginny grimaced, "I wouldn't do that to a friend." She said, laughing.<br>Tonks laughed with her, and Ginny tried some things with Tonks's shoulder-length pink hair. Tonks had decided to leave it pink for the wedding because it was Remus's favourite of her hair colors.  
>They ended up deciding on pulling a bit of the front back in two intricate braids, letting the rest fall in a shiny pink curtain, for Ginny had done some sort of magic to make it lie flat.<p>

"Oh Tonks, you look lovely!" She said admiringly.  
>"Thank you, Ginny," She said warmly. "Especially for saving my hair." She added with a grin.<br>They headed downstairs together. Halfway down Tonks tripped and caught herself on the staircase. She laughed out loud.  
>"Ah, I knew there was a reason I didn't wear dresses."<br>Ginny was usually rather well balanced, but as Tonks spoke, she tripped also.  
>Ginny and Tonks reached the bottom in one piece, and laughed till their stomachs hurt.<br>Tonks's mum came rushing in around the corner, apparently wondering if something was wrong.  
>She stopped quickly when she saw Tonks, and when Tonks looked at her, she saw tears in her mum's eyes as she gazed upon her daughter.<br>"My girl." She wrapped Tonks in a hug, seeming incapable of saying anything else.  
>Ginny respectfully pretended to be admiring the decor.<p>

After another tearful comment her mother bustled back into the kitchen, where Molly was helping her with the food.  
>Tonks and Ginny looked at each other and grinned. They made their way outside, where the yard had been transformed, with a small tent, and a banquet table already set up, waiting for food to be placed upon it. She caught a glimpse of Mad-Eye, looking extremely uncomfortable in dress robes, though she had told him he could dress like he always did.<br>Lupin had stayed over at the Weasley's the night before, and he and Arthur were arriving in a little while.  
>They had hardly been outside for two minutes when Molly came hurrying out the door.<br>"There you are! Tonks dear, you must stay in the house - don't want to ruin the surprise." She reprimanded gently.  
>She took a breath, and looked at them properly for the first time.<br>"Dear Tonks, my Ginny, you both look so beautiful." she said with a watery smile, giving them each a hug.  
>"I'll let you know when it's time." she said, rushing back to the kitchen, leaving them sitting in Tonks's bedroom.<p>

Tonks sighed, "I always knew I'd hate this part of getting married. Not doing anything, just being told to sit and wait."  
>"Yeah, I guess Aurors don't exactly have that sit-and-wait mentality do they?" Ginny said dryly.<br>"Not at all." Tonks agreed.  
>Tonks noticed that Ginny had looked much happier since Tonks had explained Harry's likely logic for breaking it off with her.<br>"Tell me about how you and Harry got together!" Tonks exclaimed suddenly, for she hadn't heard this story.  
>Ginny smiled, and told her the story, Harry getting detentions through the last Quidditch match of the year, because of that idiot Cormac McLaggen. And them winning despite all this, and the victory, and the kiss...<br>Tonks smiled and laughed through almost the whole thing.

_Love, is the best part of this world. It makes this crazy place worth living in._ She thought to herself.  
>Ginny was almost to Dumbledore's funeral when Molly poked her head in. "They're ready for you." She said smiling.<br>They walked downstairs, and suddenly Tonks noticed her heart was pounding.  
>Molly sent Ginny out the front door of the house first, carrying a basket of flowers.<br>"Molly, you look stunning." She said.  
>"Thank you Tonks. I'm so glad we're here - you are so beautiful my dear, I can't tell you how happy I am for you and Remus." She squeezed her hand, and then walked out the door.<br>Molly reached the front, where a minister and Lupin waited in the dappled summer shade of an ancient oak tree. Now it was Tonks's turn, and all of a sudden, fighting a couple Death Eaters seemed less scary than what she was about to do.

The butterflies that had been fluttering in her stomach all morning seemed to be in chaos now.  
>Her father came up beside her; taking her arm, and smiled at her.<br>"My girl, you look..." He trailed off and rested a hand on her shoulder, seeming to understand her expression.  
>"Dad, why do I feel so...nervous? I know that Remus is the only man I'll ever love, but, I still feel..." She didn't want to say any of this aloud, but she had to ask.<br>"The day I married your mother, I was a nervous wreck." He said gently.  
>"That was the best decision I've ever made; it was the beginning of the happiest days of my life. Giving you away today... that's going to be the hardest thing I've ever done." He stopped there and cleared his throat. She gave him a hug.<br>"I love you dad. I promise I won't be far." She said, getting a bit damp-eyed herself.  
>"I love you too, darling - don't be a stranger." He said.<br>She smiled and was about to step out the door when her father opened his mouth to speak again.  
>She stopped and waited, and after a moment he spoke again.<br>"Dora, I want you to know that...I'm okay with Remus. I like him, I think he's a good man - of course I'll worry, but the most important thing is that you two love each other. I'm just glad to see you happy." He said.  
>"Thank you dad." She said, touched more than he knew that he had accepted Remus as part of their family.<br>"You ready?" He asked.  
>She took a deep breath, and nodded.<p>

He led her out the front door and into the sunlit yard. It was transformed; in the trees someone had artfully woven white streamers in and around the branches. Her father led her down the short aisle. Sighs issued from the friends and family she as walked between them.  
>Butterflies danced crazy in her stomach as she walked. She looked around for Lupin, wondering if he was as nervous as she was.<br>At last she saw him.  
>He was standing to the side with Arthur; Molly and Ginny were standing by where Tonks would be standing in a few moments. But Tonks barely noticed anything else after seeing Lupin. Her breath caught when she saw the man she loved; the man she would spend the rest of her life with. Suddenly, all the butterflies seemed to quiet; peace filled her, knowing that Lupin would always be by her side. His eyes widened when he saw her, and she blushed.<br>She actually blushed.

All of a sudden she almost felt like laughing. She was being ridiculous.  
>Her nerves quieted as she reached him and looked up into his warm blue eyes. Amazement was in his eyes, and that tender, loving expression that had become so dear to her.<br>Her father placed her hand in Lupin's, and she laced her fingers with his. When they turned to face the minister and Tonks saw who was standing before them she gasped.  
>"Kingsley?" She asked in disbelief.<br>The friends and family sitting behind them laughed. Apparently she'd been the only one who hadn't known.  
>She looked over at Lupin; he was grinning.<br>"Surprise," He said.

She smiled hugely - Kingsley was smiling too, and Tonks thought that she could have hugged him.  
>"Remus thought I would be a better choice since we don't want all the Death Eaters at the Ministry to know everything what we are up to." Kingsley explained.<br>Tonks nodded, "Well, minister, are you going to use that 'power vested in you by whoever' or what?" She asked with a grin.  
>Kingsley laughed, but as she turned to face Lupin so the ceremony could begin, she saw that, though his mouth was quirked up at the corners, he looked as though he felt exactly the same way.<br>She couldn't believe this was finally happening.

Hagrid, wearing his rather horrible fuzzy brown suit, in his giant seat in the back, was crying, a huge hankie wiping at his eyes.  
>Kingsley began with a lovely speech, and it seemed to go so quickly till the end.<br>And then the words rang out clear and slow:  
>"Do you, Remus Lupin, take Nymphadora Tonks to be your wife to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love, comfort, honor, and keep her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to her so long as you both shall live?"<br>His eyes were soft, and when he spoke, the words came like a quiet promise. "I do."  
>Her heart beat faster as Kingsley now spoke to her.<br>"And do you, Nymphadora Tonks, take Remus Lupin to be your husband to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love, comfort, honor, and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him so long as you both shall live?"  
>She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said.<br>"I do." Two words alone had never held so much meaning.

Kingsley hardly got out the words:  
>"I now pronounce you bonded for life. You may kiss the bride." Before Lupin pulled her into his arms, kissing her, his lips exultant and yet so gentle. Tonks barely noticed the applause and whistles.<br>He was hers, she was his, and they would never have to be parted again. Her deep, unmeasurable joy overflowed into their kiss.  
>When they pulled back, they stared for a moment into each others happy, tear-filled eyes.<p>

The sound of more clapping broke out around them. Tonks had barely turned around when Molly embraced her, her eyes wet, and her mother came rushing up, crying, to hug them both. Her father hugged them both, bidding them to take good care of one another. When Slughorn approached (whom they'd both felt glad to invite, seeing as he'd been so kind to them over the past two years, and had been making the Wolfsbane potion for Lupin.) Tonks hugged him, and they both thanked him repeatedly; he was as genial as ever, with a large smile on his face and as kind as always.  
>She stood with Lupin, accepting their dear family and friends' congratulations and well wishes. The summer sunshine couldn't have been any more beautiful, and as she stood there, her hand held tight in Lupin's, she felt she had never been happier in all her life than right at this moment.<p>

Mad-Eye was the last to approach; he was pulling at the neck of his dress robes.  
>"Remus, congratulations." He said, shaking his hand.<br>When he turned to Tonks, he paused, looking uncomfortable, but more emotional than Tonks had ever seen him.  
>"Congratulations. I'm...happy for both of you, and I'm...really glad to see you so happy Dora. I'm proud of you." He said gruffly.<br>There were tears in her eyes; for Mad-Eye that was as good as him saying 'I love you'.  
>He went to pat her on the shoulder but she threw her arms around him. "Thank you Mad-Eye." She whispered tearfully. He hugged her back awkwardly.<p>

The reception was wonderful. They talked and laughed with the Weasley's and Mad-Eye, and Kingsley, McGonagall, Slughorn, Bill, Fleur, Hagrid, and Tonks's parents.  
>Lupin kept catching her eye, all through dinner and dessert.<br>"What?" She finally asked in a quiet voice, curious.  
>"You are absolutely breathtaking." He said softly.<br>To Tonks's surprise, her eyes dampened a bit and she had to suppress the sudden urge to kiss him again.  
>"You too." She whispered, his eyes drew hers like a magnet, and for a moment the sounds of their loved ones conversations faded.<br>The expression in his eyes made her warm all over and she blushed.  
><em>I'm really setting myself a record with that today.<em> She thought, amused at her own expense, but too happy to really care.

When the afternoon sun was getting lower in the sky, Molly stood up.  
>"Two things," She said, smiling, "First, I want to say thank you to our dear friends Tonks and Remus for letting us share this happy day with them. Congratulations you two! Secondly, I think it is time for Mr. and Mrs. Lupin to be off."<br>Tonks smiled when she heard herself called Mrs. Lupin; this day had been so wonderful it was better than a dream.  
>Tonks already had her things that she wanted sent to Lupin's earlier that day. Lupin had wanted to take her on a honeymoon, but what with the war, it wasn't practical; so they were going home. Which, to Tonks, sounded more wonderful than any other place.<p>

Everyone hugged them one last time, wishing them congratulations, and Tonks and Lupin thanked everyone profusely.  
>As she gazed around at the happy faces of the people she loved most in the world, it all felt so surreal.<br>She was married. To Remus Lupin.  
>She looked at Lupin, and her smile only got bigger when she the expression in his eyes.<br>He looked so happy.

After waving goodbye one last time, Tonks and Lupin Disapparated to the surprisingly silent yard in front of Lupin's house...and her house now too.  
>They walked to the door, and she was about to walk in when Lupin stopped her by putting a hand on her shoulder. He looked at her, his eyes sparkling and she smiled; she was completely shocked when he bent and picked her up.<br>"Remus what-"  
>He interrupted her by pressing his lips to hers gently for just a moment.<br>When he pulled away, she was silent, staring into his eyes, love for him filling every fiber of her being.  
>He carried her inside, and set her down carefully on her feet.<p>

"Welcome home, Mrs. Lupin." He said, his eyes twinkling with that happy look she loved so much.  
>She felt something like tears well up in her, and she couldn't think of a single way to say how much those words meant to her.<br>Instead she hugged him, his arms wound around her, and he held her tightly for a moment before pulling back to look into her eyes.  
>He slowly reached up and loosed her hair, letting it fall around her shoulders. He ran a hand through it and she closed her eyes. She reached up and traced gently down his face, following the track of his scars, and tracing all the way down and across his lips. She couldn't believe he was finally hers.<br>When she looked into his eyes again, the look froze her; she couldn't breathe.  
>Desire and longing shone in them. His soft lips caressed her forehead, her cheeks, and her chin, teasing her with their slow speed. A gasp escaped her, lips trembling.<br>He cupped her face in his hands.  
>Her heart was beating crazily when she opened her eyes to look into his; the love she saw there made tears come to her eyes.<br>Then finally he was kissing her. His lips were gentle and loving at first, but what started as gentle slowly began a sweet crescendo into loving passion.  
>Now his lips were near to desperate on hers and she couldn't breathe. She offered to deepen the kiss and a low sound rose in his throat as he obliged. He pulled her tighter to him and backed her up slowly till her back hit the wall, then he slowly moved closer to her than his gentlemanly respect had ever allowed him to before.<br>But now they were married, and truly belonged only to each other, and no matter what happened, nothing could change that. It was a heady feeling, the joy that was filling each of them as they drew closer together, their kisses joyful and happy, while at the same time ardent with appetency.  
>She'd no idea how much time they had passed just kissing each other, but she was content with the slow, sweet pace. She could spend forever in his arms.<br>When Remus pressed the full length of his still clothed body against her, she moaned again, her knees weak, her body molding onto his without conscious thought. He groaned softly in reply, and her already speedy heart ratcheted up a bit as he deepened the kiss further. His hands released her face and trailed slowly down her to her waist.  
>It was wonderful to know she didn't have to leave, that he was hers and always would be. At last, they were how they'd always been meant to be.<br>A happiness like she had never known unfolded within her, and she knew that she really was home.

* * *

><p><strong>Well there you have it:) Umm, I don't write honeymoon-ish sorts of things. This last bit was even a bit much for me...but I hope y'all liked it anyhow:D It occurred to me when I was writing this that Tonks and Ginny's guy problems are rather similar, so thus the heart-to-heart. What do y'all think? Was Ginny too...not Ginny? Also, it's been ages since I've been to wedding (I was seven the last time, actually) though I'd really like to go to one again, I love them!:D Also, I've no idea how to describe clothing! hahaha:p :) And Kinglsey being the Minister...idk where that idea came from, but I left it, because it was fun:D As for Slughorn, well we'll be seeing more of him in the next chapter - I rather like that fellow, he makes me laugh! haha:D I hope y'all liked it, and may God bless you! 3<br>**


	8. A New Life pt 1

**Hello! Sooo...this is the first half of chapter eight...and after you finish chapter 8 I'll tell you how many Word pages you just read! haha:)  
>Also, I have a bit of a hard time coming up with good 'security questions' so sorry if they're not exactly brilliant! haha:) Also, I've started experimenting with Remus's point of view, so bear with me! :) But it's always Tonks's POV unless I state otherwise, so hopefully it won't be too awfully confusing! One other note: chapter 8 spans for them nearly a month and a half, so I do skim over a bit of time here and there with only a brief paragraph, etc. But believe me when I say the timeline fits the DH book - it took me <em>ages<em> to work it out properly!  
><strong>**Also, it's thanks to Addie W that I can post this chap, so thank you! Also, a few people I would like to thank that I could not send PMs to, but that I really appreciate: futureseeingpixie, Sarcastic girl, and xxxPeacexxx. Who were kind enough to read and subscribe to this story!3 Thank y'all!** **Also I'd like to say a huge thank you to my friend ThisLoveHasNoCeiling, for her kind words and unwavering support, help answering questions, and for inspiring me with her beautiful writing of these two! **

* * *

><p>8. A New Life (part one)...<p>

The next two weeks after the wedding passed in a sweet blur of happiness.  
>But outside of their happiness, the world was in chaos.<br>The war wasn't going well. Voldemort continued to gain power in areas that could make him even more dangerous and powerful than he already was. His influence at the Ministry was such that Tonks honestly found it astonishing that Scrimgeour hadn't noticed or done anything about it. Tonks, Kingsley, and Arthur had been treading very carefully at work. Lupin was so paranoid that he didn't even want her to wear her ring to work because he didn't want her in danger or given grief because of him. Not that their wedding was exactly public knowledge, but Tonks knew that it could be dangerous for both of them if word got around, so she generally kept things strictly business like. But she still wore her ring, despite Lupin's protests, because it was a symbol of a vow.

She'd tried to be nice about his protests so far, but if he said that one more time she doubted she'd be able to keep herself from telling him exactly what she thought of that idea, should he brought it up again.  
>Which he did, of <em>course<em>. That night, actually.  
>She got home late, Scrimgeour having kept the Aurors after hours for a meeting - which was basically him angrily telling the Aurors that they needed to make some arrests so that the Wizarding community felt like they were doing something.<br>Tonks had been rather annoyed, thinking she could point out at least three possible suspects sitting in the meeting with them at that moment.  
>But she knew she couldn't say that; the Ministry and Voldemort still weren't entirely clear on who within the Ministry were Order members, and she didn't need to make it obvious. They could be of much more use if they remained anonymous.<br>Kingsley had had the same expression on his face, but their hands were tied.  
>Mad-Eye especially had told her to be very careful, he knew first-hand how it was to be dealing with crooked Aurors and a Minister who was at his wit's end and was willing to arrest anyone with a smudge on their record to save face and keep the people semi-calm. As calm as anyone could be in these mad times.<p>

These thoughts swirled around in her head as she came up to the gate. She was exhausted; tired of seeing all the horrible things happening around them, yet powerless to stop them.  
>Even the Minister was falling prey to prejudices. Just today he'd laid down some very strict anti-werewolf legislation. Of course, Umbridge was also heavily to blame for this.<br>She was dreading when Lupin found out - he'd been so happy lately. Both of them had been...  
>One thing was for sure...<br>The Order needed a plan, and they needed one soon.

She went through the enchantments guarding their home and knocked on the door, so that she wouldn't alarm Lupin.  
>A voice on the other side of the door answered her knock.<br>"Who's there?" He asked.  
>"Nymphadora Tonks Lupin, married to Remus John Lupin, werewolf, sometimes called Moony; I normally go by Tonks or, by a few, including my father and my husband, Dora." She said.<br>Lupin opened the door, and Tonks pointed her wand at him and asked, "Who is one other person that always calls me 'Dora'?" She asked.  
>"Mad-Eye Moody. Former Auror at the Ministry of Magic, your teacher and also our 'constantly vigilant' member of the Order of the Phoenix." He answered.<br>She sighed in relief and lowered her wand, falling into his arms.  
>He embraced her tightly.<br>"Are you alright?" He asked, concerned.  
>"Yes. Just a long day." She sighed.<br>His hands stroked her hair gently, and she closed her eyes and her tense shoulders relaxed. A great sigh left her.  
>In his arms, she relaxed, starting to feel better.<br>After a moment he kissed her hair, "Come on and eat and then you can tell me about your day. " He said, putting an arm around her shoulders and leading her into the kitchen.  
>"Thank you, Remus." She said gratefully, gesturing towards the table and dinner.<br>She took a bite of chicken and found she was ravenous. She didn't know why, but she did know it was delicious.

"Oh, you so lied to me when you said breakfast was the only meal you could cook." She said afterwards, "That was wonderful."  
>"Thank you." He chuckled.<br>"Thank _you_ for cooking." She said.  
>"Now, tell me what happened at work today?" He asked carefully, concerned.<br>She hesitated...well he'd hear about it sooner or later.  
>She looked at him; loving him so much, wishing she didn't have to hurt him by telling him this, but knowing it would be taken best coming from her. Taking a deep breath, she spoke, though she didn't even know where to start.<br>"Well...Scrimgeour passed some new legislation today...I'm sure that the only reason they passed this far and got to him is because some of Voldemort's supporters signed them." She stood up, starting to pace. "Oh, I wish Scrimgeour would open his eyes! He's surrounded by his enemies, and he just keeps bloody promoting them!" She shook her head in frustration.  
>She forced herself to stop pacing and face him.<br>"Remus, please understand that this really makes no difference. It doesn't change _anything_." She said earnestly, hoping and praying that he wouldn't overreact.  
>"Dora, what happened?" He asked slowly, his voice hard.<br>"Scrimgeour passed some... some new anti-werewolf legislation." She said quietly.  
>Pain and anger flashed into his eyes and he turned away from her.<br>"What exactly does this new legislation entail?" He asked, his cold tone doing little to disguise the anger in his voice.  
>She explained the details as gently as she could, hating every word and hating herself for inflicting this pain on him. He flinched sharply when she went over some points, and his hands clenched slowly into fists. She absolutely hated Scrimgeour at this moment.<p>

His head was bowed in shame by the time she was finished, though his hands were still clenched tightly in fists.  
>Tears filled her eyes; she went to him and put her arms around his waist, holding him tightly. His rigid stance softened, and his shoulders slumped in defeat.<br>Her tears overflowed onto the back of his robes, despite her best efforts to keep them in.  
>"I'm sorry, Remus." She whispered.<br>He turned around, wrapping her in his arms. Hers wound tightly around him.  
>Tonks didn't know what to say.<br>She wished she make this easier for him somehow. And she felt so selfish for crying; it wasn't her burden, though she wished she could help him carry it. She couldn't stand seeing his sorrow...and a few more tears escaped at seeing his pain, despite her best efforts to rein them in.

After a minute she pulled back, speaking hesitantly.  
>He began to pace.<br>"Remus, what you have to understand is that Scrimgeour passed this with werewolves like..." She paused, wondering if it would be unwise to bring up the werewolf that had bitten him. But he needed to hear this..."Like Fenrir Greyback in mind." She said quickly.  
>Lupin shook his head and laughed bitterly.<br>"If you asked Umbridge or Scrimgeour, they'd tell you that all werewolves are like Greyback."  
>"But they would be wrong. He's a prejudiced man, Remus. This doesn't matter-"<br>Lupin spun around, pain bare in his eyes,  
>"It DOES matter! When it only affected me, it didn't matter, but now it affects you too, and that <em>does<em> matter!" He exclaimed; anger and guilt were raw in his eyes and she couldn't bear to see it.  
>"It DOES NOT affect me! I LOVE YOU! Do you honestly think I care about any bloody piece of <em>legislation<em> they pass?" She shouted, her temper overcoming her.  
>"I'm not being fair to you. This is only going to make your life worse-"<p>

There she froze, and stopped him, "What do you mean by 'worse' exactly?" She asked sharply.  
>"Ever since the day I married you, I <em>knew<em> how selfish it was. This isn't the life you ought to have Dora, it's not fair to you..." His eyes held that old, all too familiar anguish and guilt.  
>"Remus, stop. Listen - this is the truth...<br>The day we got married was the happiest day of my _whole life_. And yes, I do quite literally mean, my _entire_life. And ever since then life has been more wonderful than I could have dreamed . I've never been happier - this is the best my life has EVER been. I love you, and this bloody legislation doesn't change that one bit." She said passionately.

He was staring at her, his eyes so sad, and so loving. For a minute she just stared into them, reading there his apology and his gratitude that he seemed unable to voice. Seeing that his anger was past, she flew across the room to him, throwing her arms around him and kissing him.  
>He caught her up, lifting her feet right off the ground. His kiss was sad and full of longing.<br>"Dora," He whispered against her lips.  
>Her feet came back to the floor and his hands came up to grasp her face, pulling her closer. The kiss deepened and she moaned softly, and he kissed her more desperately, a deep, low sound coming from the back of his throat.<br>She felt a tear run down his face and she caught it with her hand that was holding his face.  
>They broke apart and he cupped her face in his hands, kissing her neck, cheeks, nose, eyelids and hair before pulling her back into his arms.<br>"Do you know how much I love you?" He asked, his voice husky.  
>"As much as I love you?" She guessed, a tear falling down her face.<br>He wiped it away gently, "Even more than that."  
>"I'm not sure if that's possible." She said with a rueful smile.<br>He kissed her again, and Tonks happily lost all sense of everything but him.

* * *

><p><strong>Lupin's POV...<strong>

That night a soft rain fell, the steady pitter-patter of it hitting the roof and covering the world in a warm, still, mist, was soothing.  
>Yet Lupin could not sleep.<br>His mind was back on the new werewolf legislations.  
>He clenched his jaw, angry at the thought of it. His whole life be had spent agonizing over the safety of others from himself, and though he had succeeded thus far, he was still punished like a criminal.<br>Unable to work, now not even allowed to own a business of his own, hunted, hated, feared, despised by most respectable people. And the new legislation, which had restricted his life even more, made him burn inside with anger and shame.  
>Shame because it was not only himself this would hurt anymore. Shame because she would have to bear the brunt of the prejudice as well as him. Shame because he had been so weak as to allow himself to have her. And fear.<br>The nagging, ever present doubt that whispered constantly in the back of his mind. The fear that his Dora would realize what this life with him would do; realize all that she would have to give up for him, and would come to resent him for it. Grow to hate him for the pain it caused her, and all the things she would have to give up.

But even today, when he'd been cruelly jerked from the state of bliss he'd been living in for the past two weeks, she'd been there. She'd been hopeful, loving, understanding.  
>She'd broken his heart with her youthful hope and he had never loved her more. Someone so good, so full of light and life and love shouldn't belong to him; someone filled with darkness, pain, bitterness from a hard past. But yet she had chosen him, even though he had told her these things. And deep down, past the fear, he knew the truth. Knew that she truly loved him. But he was afraid to let himself believe it, because it seemed too good to be true.<br>Just as that familiar despair tried to overtake him, Dora stirred in his arms and turned over, her nose brushing his chest, arms tightening around his bare torso, and she sighed in her sleep, a tiny, sleepy smile gracing her beautiful features.  
>Lupin's arms tightened around his wife, a smile pulling up the corners of his mouth despite his bleak thoughts.<br>He stroked the bare skin of her right shoulder, marveling at how very soft she was.  
>He relaxed into her arms and pressed his face into her hair. Breathing in, he closed his eyes and let the intoxicating scent of her hair soothe him. He didn't know what he'd done to deserve such a loving, wonderful woman, but he knew that he would never, not even for a minute, take for granted the love of the incredible woman in his arms. The woman that, miraculously, belonged to him.<br>A smile on his face, he kissed her temple and then closed his eyes, letting sleep take him, his mind finally at peace.

* * *

><p><strong>Tonks's POV<strong>

Work continued to be difficult, Voldemort's growing influence at the Ministry was keeping Scrimgeour from getting anything truly productive done.  
>But that morning when Tonks went into work, Scrimgeour was bound and determined to catch someone responsible for some of the horrible things that had been happening...<br>He sent out Kingsley and Tonks to look into some disturbances that had been reported twenty miles out of Godric's Hollow.

Kingsley and Tonks Disapparated to the place, and began looking for traces and hints of what - or who - the suspect been after, who it was, which way he'd gone, etc.  
>After a couple hours, they'd found quite a bit to help them. Mercifully it was a small village, so they had been able to check most of it rather quickly. They were now on the outskirts of the small town, following a pair of boot tracks carelessly left uncovered.<br>Tonks walked around the corner of an old abandoned house and curse shot by her ear.  
>She jumped back around the corner, barely missing a green jet of light.<p>

Kingsley had obviously seen the spell; he motioned for her to go back and distract the Death Eater while he snuck around to catch him by surprise.  
>She nodded and went back around the corner, shooting a jinx as she went.<br>The Death Eater was ready for her and performed a shield charm to block her jinx.

He shot a spell at her quickly, and she her shield charm was a moment too late. The spell hit her leg. She yelped in pain, unable to help herself, and glanced down to see that her robes were torn and she had a severe gash on her left leg.  
>She grimaced and shot another two spells in quick succession, one of which hit him and sent him flying backwards. She sent the Stunning spell his way, but he leapt up more quickly than she expected and blocked her. And so they continued, Tonks dueling the masked Death Eater with skill.<br>_Anytime now, Kingsley should show up,_ she thought to herself, adrenaline racing - she did get an odd sort of enjoyment out of her job.  
>It was good to know she was finally doing something productive against Voldemort.<br>Tonks shot another Stunning spell, but the Death eater blocked it. Her next spell, however, sent him flying again.

After a few minutes of dueling, the Death Eater finally got in another spell.  
>Though she jumped back, and the full impact of it didn't hit her, this one still grazed right across her abdomen. She uttered an oath, firing back a Stunning spell so quickly that the Death Eater didn't have time to react.<br>He fell to the ground, motionless.  
>Tonks muttered one more spell and ropes flew from her wand and securely bound the Death Eater, as a precaution. And then she stood, guarding him; experience had taught her to never leave a Stunned victim. If they had comrades near by, they would release the victim and escape.<br>She was waiting for another five minutes before Kingsley came striding around the corner, a Stunned and bound Death Eater levitated in front of him.  
>Tonks wasn't all that surprised. When Ministry security was this heavy, the Death Eaters tended to travel in twos and threes for more wands if it came to a fight.<p>

"Nice job," Tonks congratulated with a grin. "Who is it?" She asked.  
>"I'm not sure, but he put up quite a fight," Kingsley said.<br>"Same with this one," She said, feeling her stomach gingerly.  
><em>Ah, that's gonna hurt later.<em> She thought.  
>"Good work," Kingsley said appreciatively.<br>"You too," she said, nodding at the still figure floating before him.  
>She and Kingsley shared a small, relieved smile, both of them obviously glad that they'd defeated their opponents and were still standing.<br>Tonks was glad they'd at least caught them for as much trouble as it had been.

Her leg and stomach protested as she started to walk forward.  
>"Are you alright Tonks?" Kingsley's deep voice asked, concerned.<br>"Yeah, fine. You?" She replied, walking forwards, attempting to use her leg as normally as possible.  
>She supposed she ought to have told Kingsley she was hurt. But they weren't cursed wounds, and they needed to get these Death Eaters to the office and into custody.<br>"I'm alright," He said calmly.

They Disapparated and took the Death Eaters back to the Ministry.  
>After handing them over to Magical Law Enforcement, Tonks limped back to the Auror department with Kingsley, feeling very satisfied with their days work.<br>They were just starting on the monotonous paperwork that accompanied an arrest when Kingsley's deep voice broke the silence.  
>"Tonks, why don't you go on home and get yourself cleaned up." Kingsley suggested.<br>She looked over at him; he'd apparently noticed the blood starting to show through her robes at her stomach and he looked worried.  
>"I'll help you finish the paperwork first-"<br>"Go on. I think I can handle the paperwork - we already took care of the hard part." Kingsley said firmly, his deep voice kind.  
>Tonks would have protested, but she was starting to feel a little odd: dizzy and the like.<br>She didn't know how to magically repair wounds, but she did have a potion at home that would help with that.  
>"Are you sure...?"<br>"I'm positive," Kingsley said, "get on home."  
>"Thank you Kingsley," She said gratefully, "G'night." She said with a smile.<br>"Night Tonks," He said with a wave.

She limped up through the visitor's entrance out of the old Muggle phone booth - Scrimgeour had put an Anti-Apparition ban around the Ministry. For security purposes, he'd said.  
>She walked out of the phone booth and Disapparated home.<br>Wincing as she landed, she limped through the gate, and up the three stairs, feeling rather cheerful because of the productive day she'd had.  
>When she closed the door and turned she found Lupin standing before her, wand held aloft, eyes wary.<p>

She sent her Patronus into the air, to save them the trouble of questions.  
>He did likewise and she sighed in relief.<br>"Wotcher," She greeted happily.  
>"Hello," He returned, pulling her into his arms.<br>"How was your day?" He asked.  
>"Great. Kingsley and I caught two Death Eaters in a little village twenty miles out of Godric's Hollow." She said.<br>"Good work," He said, smiling and seeming to understand her feelings on this.  
>Tonks was in the middle of trying to figure out how to get away for a moment so she could get rid of the blood and he wouldn't overreact when he spoke.<br>"Why don't you go change - supper's in the oven."  
>"You're too good to me, know that?" She said softly, kissing him briefly on the lips.<br>He smiled against her lips before they parted, "I'm very lucky to have you, that's what I know." He said softly, tucking a lock of her pink hair behind her ear.  
>She smiled and hugged him for another moment before the pain in her abdomen and leg prompted her to let him go and walk as normally as she was able to their room.<br>Lupin went to the kitchen to check on supper.

She quietly eased the door shut a little; she grimaced, looking down at her stomach. The blood was still seeping slowly but steadily from each of her wounds, although her leg was _much_ worse off.  
>She carefully started to pull away the fabric of her robes from her stomach, wincing as she did so.<br>When she finally pulled her robes over her head she sighed in relief.  
>She pulled on some old gray sweats, gingerly inching the leg up so that her cut was exposed so she could tend to it. Unfortunately, charms used to heal open wounds had never been her forte. This time she decided to go the Dittany route.<p>

She started to pick up a shirt before realizing she would need to tend the cut on her belly first. So she looked around for a cloth to clean her stomach wound with. It stretched from one hip to the other, spanning across the whole surface of her stomach. Though, as it had only grazed her, it was thin, not gaping like the wound on her leg.  
><em>At least my bra doesn't interfere with this injury.<em> She thought wryly.  
>She was still digging around in the dresser when Lupin came into the room behind her.<br>"Supper's ready whenever you are." He said kindly, settling on the bed to talk to her while she finished.  
>She muttered an oath; he was going to overreact, she knew it. She'd noticed since knowing him that he had a tendency to overreact when the full moon was near. He got much more fiercely protective around then and she knew that time was drawing near.<br>But she had found her cloth, no sense in delaying the inevitable.

She turned around, intending to ask him where the Dittany was; he gasped and jumped up, reaching her in two strides.  
>"Dora what happened?" He exclaimed, staring at her wounds with shocked eyes.<br>"Catching Death Eaters has its hazards." She said with a shrug.  
>He sighed, "Why didn't you tell me?"<br>"Because it's not a big deal." She said gently.  
>"Not a big-!"<br>"No, it isn't." She cut him off, "I'll just put some Dittany on it and I'll be fine by tomorrow." She said firmly.  
>"There's no need for that." He said, drawing is wand.<br>"What do you mean?" She asked, puzzled.  
>"I can fix you up; it'll just sting a bit." He said. His face was taught, and she could tell he was angry, though not at her.<p>

It dawned on her that he would have experience with healing wounds, as he'd often inflicted himself with them before he'd had the Wolfsbane potion. The thought made her sad, and she forced her mind away from it to the situation at hand.  
>He was looking into her eyes worriedly, asking permission.<br>She gazed back, love for him crashing over her.  
>She nodded mutely, trusting him completely.<br>He placed a warm hand reassuringly on her bare shoulder, and though she knew her timing wasn't great, her heartbeat picked up and her breathing unsteadied.  
>He laid his wand carefully on her hip, and looked at her,<br>"Ready?" He asked.  
>She nodded, ready to have this over with; she'd had wounds closed before, and while it was effective, it didn't feel all that great. Not always painful, just uncomfortable, depending on the severity of the wound.<p>

He performed the incantation silently, slowly drawing his wand over the injury and she sucked in a breath as it closed up gradually behind his wand.  
>His hand on her shoulder steadied her and squeezed reassuringly.<br>She looked steadily into his eyes while his spell did its' work.  
>His eyes were worried and hard, but as she gazed into them, his blue eyes softened.<p>

She looked down when the odd, uncomfortable stretching feeling had gone and saw that her belly was as good as new.  
>She sighed in relief, "Thank you Remus."<br>She paused then spoke quietly, "There's one more...would you mind...?" She asked.  
>"Of course I don't mind, where-?"<br>She sat down on the bed and slid herself back till her calf was stretched straight and Lupin could see it.  
>She grimaced as Lupin's eyes took on an angry expression.<p>

"At least we caught them," Tonks reminded him optimistically.  
>His gentle fingers carefully rolled up her sweat pants past her knee and then he glanced up at her.<br>She nodded again, ready to have it done with. She felt a little bit helpless for having Lupin do it, but he was so much better at it than her. The only time she'd attempted it she'd made her wound worse; she still had the scar.  
>He laid his wand at the tip of the injury and she winced; he glanced up at her apologetically.<br>"I'm fine." She assured him quickly, "Go ahead." She said.  
>He drew along this one as he had the other; this wound was deeper and more painful as it healed; it burned because of how deep in had cut her.<br>But she looked into his eyes same as before, drawing comfort from his quiet strength, and hoping he would relax when she was better.  
>When her skin stopped tingling and aching, she looked down and stretched her leg experimentally.<br>She grinned; back to normal.  
>"Thank you," she said gratefully.<br>She slid to the edge of the bed and onto her knees, wrapping her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist, letting out a huge sigh that sounded like relief.  
>Her bare waist tingled and warmed from his touch.<p>

"What happened?" He asked quietly.  
>"I dueled a Death Eater." She said simply, "He was a little faster than me, but not for long." She said with a grin.<br>"Who was it?" He asked, sounding angry, as though he was going to go to Azkaban and give the Death Eater a piece of his mind.  
>She nearly laughed at that thought, but she knew that if he were to do such a thing, he would only have to do it once - he was a very very skilled wizard, and had a passion for protecting those he loved.<br>She pulled back so she could see into his eyes, "I don't know, I didn't take off his mask."  
>"Why-?"<br>"That's Magical Law Enforcement's job, not ours - we just bring 'em in." She said gently, laying a hand on his face and drawing it down slowly.  
>"I really am alright - especially now." She said, smiling and softly pressing her lips to his.<br>His hands came up to cup her face and her arms wrapped around his neck. She melted against him and his hands hands gently traced down to her waist, leaving a warm trail behind them.  
>She lost complete track of everything as Lupin pulled her closer and the rest of the world seemed to disappear.<p>

* * *

><p>The full moon was due that night for the first time since they'd been married. Lupin was very tense and quiet all afternoon, and he looked very tired, as he had for the past two or three days.<br>Tonks tactfully didn't mention it at all. She knew that when - or if - he was ready to talk about it, he would.  
>For the last two days he'd taken small doses of Wolfsbane, though not a full dose until today.<p>

She remembered asking Dumbledore, a long time ago when Lupin was still only a friend for whom she was just beginning to develop deeper feelings for, why Lupin was sometimes gone the night or two before the full moon.  
>Dumbledore had explained that Wolfsbane worked best when taken a night or two before the full moon as well, to subdue the more wolfish tendencies Lupin would be given to around that time. But as Lupin didn't have a lot of money, he often rationed it to make it last longer, taking it only on the night of transformation instead. Which normally worked just as well, though often caused him to a bit more short-tempered or over-reactive the day or two before, and the transformation more painful.<br>Remembering the conversation, she was glad Lupin felt he could take it the day or two before as well. Though she had noticed he was more tense when she left for work yesterday, and extremely glad to see her return home safely the night before.

So today she acted as she would on any other day, though she was nearly as anxious as he, dreading the pain for him, and a little afraid of not knowing what to expect - though during the time of Lupin's denial of her, she had done plenty of research. But she was not so foolish as to think that anyone had really studied the topic in depth. Most people were too prejudiced to feel sympathetic enough for that, so her learnings had been limited.  
>Tonks was 'reading the paper' that evening when he drank his Wolfsbane potion from Horace Slughorn. She was so grateful that he was so generous as to make this potion for Lupin.<br>As soon as she'd heard that there was going to be a new Potions master, she had gone to Hogwarts to ask Dumbledore if he thought that Slughorn would do that favor for an old friend of Dumbledore's. Dumbledore had laughed and said he thought she would be successful.  
>She remembered what a rather humorous meeting it had been.<p>

She had - literally - run into Slughorn at Hogwarts and strewn his parchments all over the floor.  
>She remembered how terrible she'd felt about being so clumsy when she was about to ask a favor of the man.<br>But he had laughed and genially invited her to his office.  
>When she'd asked the favor of him making the Wolfsbane potion for an old friend of Dumbledore's and a dear friend of hers, Slughorn had agreed easily, 'What good are my potions if I keep them all to myself?' He had asked.<p>

He was quite a kind man, though she had the feeling it might've partially been because of her Black family heritage that he'd agreed so quickly - her mother had been one of the students he had been very proud of; as had Regulus, though Tonks had never known her cousin that well.  
><em>The Blacks aren't exactly the family reunion type,<em> she thought wryly.  
>As soon as she'd mentioned Lupin was a dear friend of hers, he had most happily agreed.<br>Still she remembered how it had hurt her to say that he was only a friend, when at the time that she had visited Slughorn, she already loved Lupin and wanted him to be so much to be more, and yet at that time he was less than a friend.

She was grateful that time was over.  
>Lupin didn't know it had been her that had asked for the Wolfsbane potion on his behalf, he thought it had been Dumbledore. She wasn't sure whether it mattered if he knew...<br>She didn't intend to bring it up though - least of all tonight.  
>She did, however, fully intended to stay with him throughout his transformation.<br>But she decided not to mention it until he did; perhaps she wouldn't have to argue with him about it - though she rather suspected she would. Nevertheless, she held her tongue as they fixed dinner together, hoping that _maybe_he wouldn't fight her on it.

It was after dinner that Lupin hesitantly broached the subject.  
>"Dora, I was thinking...maybe it would be best if you stayed at your parents' or with Molly and Arthur tonight." He said carefully, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably, and avoiding her eyes.<br>"Remus. I'm not going anywhere." She said firmly. "I told you that you'll never have to be alone again and I stand by that promise."  
>"Dora-" he began, finally looking up at her.<br>"NO." She said loudly. "Please, Remus. Don't you understand? I love you unconditionally. I _hate_ that you have to go through this; hate the thought of you going through it alone. And now I can be here for you, and I _am_ going to be." She said, finality in her tone.  
>"I know you say that now, you've never seen..." He trailed off.<p>

She walked back from where she'd been putting away the plates and wrapped her arms around him.  
>"Remus. You don't have to be alone anymore. Please just let me...let me help in some way." She begged quietly.<br>He pulled away just enough to look into her eyes. His eyes were sad, but as he stared down into hers, they filled with that tender expression she loved so much.  
>He pulled her back into his arms, holding her tight, his lips touching her hair several times.<br>He surprised her by picking her up, but rather than go anywhere, he just held her closer. She snuggled into his chest, laying her head on his shoulder, wishing she could protect him from the suffering he would have to endure this night.

"Thank you for staying with me." he whispered.  
>"I'll always stay with you." She replied gently.<br>"I love you so much," He murmured  
>"I love you too," She whispered, picking her head up off of his shoulder so she could look into his eyes.<br>The love she saw there made her catch her breath.  
>He kissed her softly and sweetly, and she sighed happily against his lips, bliss settling over her.<br>When they broke apart, he set her back on her feet and kissed her cheeks and her forehead before his lips met hers gently.  
>When they parted a few minutes later, she spoke softly, "Thank you."<br>"What for?" He asked.  
>"For letting me love you." She whispered, stroking his cheek gently.<br>Lupin's arms tightened around her waist and held her close, kissing her hair.  
>After a few minutes of peace in each others' arms, they reluctantly finished cleaning up the remainder of the dinner.<p>

As the sun went down, he got more and more tense.  
>"Dora, are you sure?" He asked. "I'd rather if you didn't have to see me like this..."<br>Did he truly think that her love for him could be swayed by such a thing?  
>"I'm sure." She said, sitting down on the floor against the wall of their bedroom.<br>Another thought occurred to her as she looked up at her husband, whose face was an unreadable mask. His quick, tense movements, however, betrayed his anxiety, and she could barely read in his eyes the shame and little glimmer of fear before he turned and stood, back facing her, staring out the window.  
>"Remus...do you not want me here? Would you rather I leave you?" she asked quietly, hoping he said no, but knowing she would respect his wishes if he truly did want to be alone.<p>

He sighed and walked over to where she was sitting, joining her on the floor. After a moment, he looked up and into her eyes. The mask was gone, and she saw the myriad of emotions in his blue eyes, and felt as though someone had punctured her heart.  
>His eyes were sad, ashamed, afraid, and vulnerable. But they also held a sort of weary defeat, and she wished more than she ever had before that she could carry this burden instead of him; that he could be freed from it. If she had the choice, she's take it from him in a heartbeat.<br>"Remus I...I can go. If you really would rather. I'll respect you wishes. I'm...I'm just afraid for you, and I don't want to leave you." She admitted. "Would you like me to go?" she asked hesitantly.  
>He took her hands in his, looking down at them for a minute before looking up and meeting her eyes. "No. I...I don't want you to leave me. I never want you to leave me." he conceded, looking so vulnerable that Tonks was suddenly struck by the fact that most people that knew Lupin probably thought he was never this open. She felt lucky to be the one that he let in.<br>"Thank you," she breathed in relief.  
>His eyes met hers again, and he drew her into his arms and placed a lingering, soft kiss to her forehead, "Thank <em>you<em>." he said, a ghost of a smile on his face.

He tightened his arms around her, and she rested her head on his shoulder, drawing comfort from being near him. His other hand found hers and started playing with her fingers and gently drawing on her hand.  
>Happiness at this simple moment they were sharing filled her, and she was content.<br>As night drew its dark curtains over the world, he looked her seriously in the eye. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again.  
>She was delighted that he'd learned that what he was about to say (again) would have made no difference.<br>She kissed him gently, "I'll be right here, okay?" She said, trying to reassure him.  
>A look of dread was in his eyes.<br>"Thank you, Dora." He said quietly.  
>"Every time." She promised.<p>

A few minutes later, Tonks saw the moon rise above the horizon.  
>Lupin began shaking and trembling all over; he got up and moved across the room, away from her. Tears formed in her eyes as he winced and closed his eyes, squeezing them tightly shut as an enormous tremor rolled over his body and he began to change, growing longer, bones stretching and contorting to accommodate this unnatural form. He had told her that the transformation was very painful. And now, hearing and seeing his agony, she understood exactly how grossly he'd understated that fact. It hurt her to see him in pain like this, and not be able to help him at all. The tears that had filled her eyes were slipping silently down her cheeks as the longest minute of her life ended, and before her, where he husband had stood exactly one minute before, was a gigantic wolf.<p>

Closing her eyes, she took a moment to calm herself, breathing deep and wiping her eyes dry with the sleeve of her robe before looking back at the wolf, feeling more steady now that his agony seemed to have ended.  
>She looked straight into his eyes, and was relieved to find that they were the same blue eyes she knew and loved. They stared back into hers so humanly that it would have startled a Muggle.<br>He started to back away.  
>"No." She whispered, "It's alright."<br>His blue eyes showed surprise plainly, but he stopped, sitting down.  
>She walked towards him and reached out a hand tentatively.<br>She wondered if that would be alright.  
>Her hand was inches away from his face when she paused and looked at him, asking permission.<br>He nodded his big furry head and she giggled, surprising herself.  
>She closed the distance between his face and her hand slowly. Her fingers sank into the sandy-colored hair on the side of his face; it was so soft.<p>

As she gently stroked his head, a great sigh left him.  
>She continued stroking the soft fur of his face and ears. He leaned into her touch.<br>She sat down after a few minutes and he lay down next to her. He was huge, and even if a Muggle saw him, they would know he wasn't your ordinary wolf - his eyes were too human and he was too big. She looked into his eyes, wondering what he was thinking.  
>"Can you understand me?" She asked him curiously.<br>He nodded again, his eyes meeting hers. What she saw broke her heart.  
>Pain.<br>He was still in pain, and she couldn't even bear the thought of how much pain he would be in if he hadn't had the potion.  
>Like he hadn't for years.<p>

She didn't realize she was crying again till Lupin whined and scooted closer to her so she could lean on his shoulder.  
>She looked tearfully at him for a moment, and then threw her arms around his furry neck, sobs overtaking her.<br>She tried holding them back, knowing how selfish it was for her to be crying when he was the one in pain.  
>He whined again and she pulled away worriedly, wondering if she was hurting him somehow.<br>"Are you alright?" She asked, her voice thick from the tears she was struggling to hold back.  
>He shook his head.<br>"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." She apologized, wiping at her eyes futilely.  
>He shook his head again.<br>"I didn't hurt you?" She asked.  
>He shook his head.<br>She sighed in relief and looked into his eyes again; the world was swimming with tears before them.  
>He reached out his nose, wiping them away carefully.<br>It tickled, but she was so astonished she didn't laugh.  
>She sat very still, surprised.<br>Even as a wolf he was her beloved Remus Lupin. Still he tried to comfort her.  
>Tears filled her eyes again, and she threw her arms back around his neck. His head came down over her shoulder and when she realized he was hugging her a small sob escaped her, and she kissed his fluffy neck.<br>They remained that way, and sometime during the night, Tonks finally drifted off, spent from her tears and worry.

**Lupin's POV:**

Lupin awoke when the moon was still out. It was obviously the early hours of the morning; the birds were starting to sing. He tried to ignore the pain - which wasn't as bad as usual, thanks to Slughorn's expertise - and took to observing his surroundings. He couldn't believe he'd slept. He hadn't been able to sleep while transformed hardly ever before - the pain was often too much.  
>He looked down to see his beloved Dora fast asleep, her arms still around him, her hands entwined in the fur on his shoulder. Rational thought came so much easier in this form when he wasn't alone. And her gentle touch had eased his pain greatly, enabling him the peace of sleep. He wasn't sure how it was that worked, but he was grateful beyond words for her presence beside him throughout the night.<p>

He couldn't believe she'd stayed with him all night. Trusted him enough to fall asleep against his shoulder.  
>He tried not to move; he didn't want to wake her, but also the pain was lessened in stillness. It had taken him many a night in agony to learn that lesson.<br>He was exhausted, and he could feel the dawn coming. The sun's rays were lighting the horizon when he started to shake and tremble again. He tried to disentangle himself gently from Dora's arms without waking her. But his shaking and whines had already awoken her.  
>She blinked groggily then sat up abruptly when she saw the tremors shuddering through him.<br>"I'm right here, Remus." She whispered.  
>He could have nearly cried at those words and the expression of love and sorrow in her exquisite eyes.<p>

Unbearable pain overwhelmed him, and within the next minute, he was human again. It was a moment before he could summon the strength to move; his entire body felt like a lead weight. But, wanting to reassure that Dora he was alright, he heaved himself up off the floor with a wince as she reached his side.  
>She wordlessly handed him some clothes, which he donned as quickly as possible, so that his unsteady, weak body could collapse onto the bed rather than the floor. Once he was dressed, he looked up to gauge Dora's reaction to everything that had happened, afraid of what he might see in her eyes.<p>

She had turned away, and at first he thought this was out of respect, but then he saw her shaking shoulders. He went to her, putting an arm around her shoulders and leading her over to sit on their bed.  
>"It's okay, Dora. I'm alright." He said softly, wrapping his arms around her, finally able to say the words of comfort that had been on his lips all night.<br>Her tears were silent, and she looked at him helplessly as they flowed down her cheeks; but he saw no resentment or disgust or fear; only sadness and a bit of relief.  
>"Shh, everything's okay now." He whispered.<br>Dawn was still on the horizon when they both fell asleep in each others' arms...

Four hours later, he awoke to the bright sunshine of July the first.  
>He was relieved that last night was over, but he was exhausted.<br>They were lying together on the bed, having slept till about ten o'clock... very unusual for Dora, but he figured she must need it after sitting up with him nearly all night.  
>She was still wrapped securely in his arms, her eyes finally dry.<br>Lupin moved slightly, taking inventory of his body, and found to his relief that nothing was broken or dislocated, as could sometimes happen. He was sore, and still felt weak, but Dora's warm body resting against his strangely eased the ghost pain of the transformation.

Studying her expression, he was relieved to see that all traces of her tears were gone.  
>He felt guilty for upsetting her so, and wondered what he had done during the night to cause such a reaction in her. He thought he remembered the night rather clearly, but he must have been forgetting something. He remembered Dora stroking his face, her tears, and his frustration at being unable to ask her what was wrong, and the comfort of having her near, of watching her fall asleep.<br>He looked down at her now, the sun shining a warm ray on her face and thought once again how breathtakingly beautiful she was.  
>Her pink hair was rumpled slightly from sleep and her face was peaceful.<p>

He still couldn't believe that though she could have had any man - for you would have to be a fool not to love the woman - she loved him. He didn't understand it, but the night Dumbledore died he realized that there were some things one would never understand, but that didn't mean one shouldn't accept them.  
>He lay in contentment for a while, watching his wife sleep.<br>She stirred after some time, groggily opening her eyes and then squinted and buried her face against his chest.  
>"It's so bright out there. What time is it?" She asked sleepily.<br>"Just after eleven." He answered with a smile, thinking how cute she was when she woke up.  
>"Eleven?" She exclaimed, sitting up abruptly.<p>

She looked at the clock and shook her head as if trying to clear it, starting to get up.  
>He caught her around the waist and pulled her down on top of him; it was slightly painful, but even still, her touch was soothing to his sore body, and he found the greatest relief in just having her near.<br>He'd found this batch of Wolfsbane to be especially good, minimizing the pain of the transformation and his wolf instincts as much as was possible. He was very grateful for the rather good timing of such a batch. He just hoped Dora would fare alright when she had to witness him on worse doses. He had noted that is wasn't necessarily the potion master's ability that affected how good or bad the batch was, but the time of year - as this affected the moon cycle - and his body's reaction to slight changes in the potion. Of course each batch differed slightly, it was only natural. He had grown accustomed to it, but he didn't want to put Dora through that. Perhaps he would be able to talk her out of staying with him on those occasions. Though as he briefly reflected on their relationship, he rather doubted it.

"What's the rush?" He asked, staring into her eyes and brushing a lock of pink hair off her forehead.  
>She began to settle against him, but suddenly she tensed and tried to pull back; his arms held kept her where she was.<br>"What's the matter?" he asked.  
>"I don't want to hurt you-"<br>"Dora, you're not hurting me." he said gently.  
>She studied his face for a moment as if checking to make sure he was being honest, then she smiled softly and relaxed on him.<p>

"Good morning." He greeted, smiling back.  
>"Wotcher." She whispered the familiar phrase.<br>He kissed her forehead and she rested her head on his chest.  
>He gently fingered a few locks of her hair, and she sighed happily.<br>After a little while, she looked up again.  
>"How are you feeling?" She asked, looking worried.<br>"Pretty good now, actually. This batch of Wolfsbane seems to be uncommonly kind." He answered, reveling in this peaceful morning after the trauma of last night. He was exhausted, but feeling better now. Normally he was very weak after transformations - there had been times where he could barely move. The time of year, as well as how well he'd been eating and how well his potion was made and how much he'd been able to take affected it also. Slughorn was easily as good as Snape, perhaps better. This batch had been especially kind on him, and albeit the inevitable exhaustion and aches, he felt decent.

"You look tired though." She said softly, tracing the shadows under his eyes.  
>"A bit," He admitted.<br>"Thought so," She said, snuggling back down into his chest.  
>"Are you alright?" He asked, still worried and wondering about what had upset her so much.<br>"Never better, as it happens." She said easily.  
>"Why were you crying last night?" He asked quietly. The first time she'd cried, during his transformation, he could work out on his own. The second time she's cried, though, had confused him.<br>He was still surprised he remembered, but glad that he did. Her actions the night before had touched his heart, and, if it were possible, he loved her even more.  
>Her tears had frightened him, but he hadn't been able to comfort her, or ask what was wrong. It had pained him to see her hurting and not be able to offer relief.<p>

She rolled to the side a bit and lay beside him again and looked into his eyes; hers looked so sad. He stroked her cheek gently.  
>"You...you were in so much pain, and I...there wasn't anything I could do." She whispered, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears again at the memory.<br>Love for her engulfed him and he wrapped her in his arms, "Oh Dora," He whispered, "I love you so much."  
>"I love you too." She replied, and wound her arms around his waist tightly. "I'm so, so sorry you have to go through that." She whispered, her voice sounding tearful again.<p>

He pulled back just enough to look into her eyes, and held her beautiful face gently in his hands, kissing away a tear. "It's alright. I'm fine. You being with me through that, and still being here now..."  
>He trailed off, unable to even express how much it had meant to him, how much it had helped. He wished she could somehow know what it had meant to him.<br>"That meant the world to me. You did help - my pain was eased so much just by you being there. I was actually able to sleep in that form for the first time in...years. I can't ever tell you what it meant to me to have you with me." He whispered, lost for words, kissing away two more tears. But she looked calmer now, and he was glad telling her that had helped her.  
>"I'll always be with you, Remus." She said, one more tear streaking down her face, as she gazed at him with warm, loving eyes.<br>Her gaze was intense and full of love and longing, and he felt his heart swell at the sight. What had he done to deserve such an incredible woman?

His own eyes were damp now; tender joy filled his soul and he couldn't think of anything to say that would tell her how much that promise meant to him.  
>He leaned forward and kissed her soft lips. He'd meant for it to be gentle, but when she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer, such powerful emotions stirred in him and he responded ardently.<br>He tried to tell her with the kiss the indescribable love he felt for her, and she responded just as passionately, moving her body closer to his and caressing his face. He closed the distance between them, pressing his to hers.  
>A breathy moan escaped her and his hands went to her waist of their own accord, pulling her closer still. Her body molded perfectly to his and he groaned, deepening the kiss even more. She seemed surprised at his urgency, given the trauma of the night before. She broke the kiss, and looked into his eyes, worried. He smiled softly, "I'm alright. I promise you won't hurt me."<br>She hesitated before nodding and he smiled and trailed his lips down her cheek slowly, teasing her a bit before kissing her deeply.  
>A small whimper came from her and, despite his exhaustion, he found himself responding to the sound. He rolled so that she lay underneath him now and kissed her even more passionately. She groaned as he let some of his weight press down on her.<br>He pulled back and looked into her eyes, asking permission to continue.  
>He got his answer in the burning look in her eyes, and her response to him reaching up and loosening the collar of her robes: She gasped and kissed him again.<br>And for that moment, their world was perfect.  
>Little did they know their peace would be short-lived, thanks to a surprise they certainly didn't see coming...<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Tonks's POV...<strong>

Before they knew it, July was half over. Tonks had been noticing she was feeling rather odd lately; unusual bouts of intense hunger and nausea...and there were the mood swings. She hadn't mentioned it to Lupin, though he had probably noticed. But she didn't want him to worry. Merlin knew they already had enough to worry about.  
>He was becoming increasingly protective, and even though it drove her crazy sometimes, she knew it was because he loved her and because the Ministry was fast becoming a dangerous place for anyone who wasn't a Death Eater, or 'sympathetic' to Voldemort's cause.<br>But she couldn't just quit, so they pressed on.

Tonks was getting information from the Ministry along with Kingsley and Arthur, and Lupin was busy making plans with Order to try and recruit for their side before people were too scared to come out of their houses.  
>The Order was also making plans to move Harry from his aunt and uncle's house to the Burrow before the Trace broke on his birthday, July thirty-first.<br>It was two weeks before the thirty-first now, and Tonks was on her way to a meeting of the Order of the Phoenix to plan how he was to be moved.

As she left the Ministry, she was thinking about how she'd been feeling for the last couple weeks.  
>She left through the visitors entranceexit, so that she could Disapparate out to the Burrow.  
>She was in the old phone booth when an explanation so obvious struck her hard, and she stopped dead halfway out of the phone booth; the rickety door fell shut on her.<br>"Ouch." She mumbled, not really paying attention as she pushed the door back and stepped the rest of the way out.  
>What if...could she possibly be...pregnant?<br>She looked down at her stomach in amazement; too shocked to really absorb the possibility, she dazedly Apparated to the gate outside the Burrow. Her head was spinning with the idea, but it just didn't seem possible. It felt like something that wouldn't happen to her. She couldn't imagine being a...mother.

Her reverie was broken by Fleur's appearance, who had her wand pointed at Tonks.  
>"Wotcher," Tonks greeted.<br>"I feel sure that eet iz you now, but 'owever I must ask... What was the first zhing Molly said after we told you the news of mine and Bill's engagement?"  
>"'I always thought it would be Tonks who married Bill.'" Tonks quoted, laughing at the memory.<br>"Ah, it eez you. 'Ow are you, Tonks?" She asked as she let Tonks in the gate.  
>"I'm..." <em>torn between excitement and complete, downright fear - mostly at Remus's reaction to the possibility of parenthood.<em>  
>"-Great. Are you doing alright?" Tonks asked.<br>"I'm well. Bill eez finally up and around, and it eez very good to 'ave 'im back." She said, looking very happy.  
>"I'm so glad." Tonks said, smiling at her lovely friend.<br>"Zhank you." She said warmly.

Bill was indeed up and around, Tonks found him and Lupin, who had already arrived, in animated conversation. Bill was laughing at something Lupin had just said.  
>"Tonks," Bill greeted, "It's wonderful to see you."<br>Lupin turned around quickly at Bill's words and his warm blue eyes met hers, filled with relief. She smiled at him before returning Bill's greeting.  
>"Bill! I'm so glad you're alright and back!" She exclaimed, giving him a hug.<br>"Thank you Tonks." He said.  
>Fleur joined them then, and the four talked for a bit.<p>

When Kingsley's Patronus walked through the door to let them know of his arrival, Bill and Fleur both went out to meet him.  
>She turned to find Lupin staring at her, that same expression in his eyes.<br>"What is it?" She asked, suddenly paranoid that he knew that she was thinking about asking Molly regarding her idea.  
>"I'm just glad you're safe." He said quietly, his eyes shadowed with worry as he put his arms around her.<br>"I can take care of myself just fine, you know." She reassured gently.  
>"I know...but I can't help but worry all the same." He admitted.<br>"We've got enough to worry about...I'm alright, Remus." She said gently.

She pulled back a bit so she could look into his eyes and stroked the side of his face, "I promise I'm careful." She said softly.  
>He half-smiled at her and pulled her close, kissing her forehead sweetly before letting her go.<br>"Come on - let's go say hi to our 'Minister'." She said teasingly, talking about Kingsley.

The meeting went quickly and well. Everyone had rather good ideas; most of the meeting was spent deciding the pros and cons of each.  
>They laid a tentative plan, deciding to have another meeting before the time came to make sure the circumstances hadn't changed.<br>When the Order finished the meeting, Molly, Arthur, Fleur, Tonks, and Lupin all helped carry out the meal for those who could stay.  
>The mood was lighter, what with the good ideas and the news from Bill that some of the goblins were on their side.<br>The goblin Gornuk had told Bill that they wouldn't call any wizard their master, not even one as powerful as Voldemort. So they were neutral, which was much better than having them side openly with Voldemort, Bill said.  
>Some of the goblins, however, were so affronted by Voldemort's increasing goal of possession of Gringotts that they openly declared themselves against him and went into hiding, Griphook and Gornuk among them. Griphook had told him that the goblins didn't have things very good when they'd sided with Voldemort the last time, and that 'goblins were not fools enough to make the same mistake twice'.<br>After supper, the house cleared out slowly, and they said their goodbyes to their dear friends.

Tonks was now helping Molly with the dishes – that is, Tonks was very carefully drying the dishes Molly had magically scrubbing themselves in the sink. Molly was fussing with food storage as Tonks listened to Lupin, Arthur, Fleur, and Bill, who were in the other room, talking with Fred, George, Ginny, and Ron. Their laughter carried into the kitchen and Tonks smiled.  
>She wanted to ask Molly about her idea...of all the people she knew, Molly would be the one that would know the most about it, having so much experience herself.<br>But what would Lupin say? Would he mind if people knew? He was so overprotective right now; she ruefully figured that he wouldn't want anyone to know for fear of it somehow putting her in more danger. She rather hoped she was wrong in this respect though.  
>What if she was wrong?<p>

But she couldn't ask her mother, because she still wasn't all too thrilled about Lupin and if Tonks was wrong, she didn't want to have to disappoint her dad.  
>Well, she didn't really have a whole lot of options, so she bit her metaphorical bullet and tried to think of how to ask.<br>"Molly, can I ask...how did you - I mean...how would I know if I'm...if I was - possibly...pregnant?" Tonks stammered, a little embarrassed.  
>Molly put down the dish of pudding she was filling and turned to stare at her, stunned.<br>Then the biggest smile lit her face and she hugged Tonks joyfully.

"Oh Tonks! This would be so wonderful!" She exclaimed, dabbing her now wet eyes.  
>Tonks was smiling too, her eyes shining as she really thought about it for the first time.<br>The thought of having Lupin's baby filled her mind, an image overwhelmed her and she could almost see it, see him holding their baby - a baby with his eyes. Suddenly the deep joy at the idea alone was intoxicating.  
>He would be such a good father. She thought with a smile, remembering Freddie Long talking about Lupin playing football against the whole team.<br>A happy tear fell down her cheek as Molly studied her with experienced eyes.  
>"How have you been feeling?" She asked.<br>"Hungry...but the cravings change a lot, and by the time I'm finished fixing something, sometimes I don't want it anymore. But sometimes I don't want to eat at all because I feel so nauseous. I've been sick a few times…though Remus doesn't know that. And emotional...it's so annoying." She admitted.  
>"Have you missed a period?" Molly asked, clicking into mum-gear.<br>Tonks nodded, "But just one," she added.

She asked Tonks a few more questions then put her hands on her shoulders, looking like as happy as a kid in Honeydukes.  
>"Time will tell you for sure, but I'd say that it is very likely you're pregnant." She said, a teary-eyed smile on her face.<br>"I felt the same way when I was expecting Ron and Charlie." Molly said, a knowing look in her eyes.  
>Tonks felt so different suddenly; wonderfully different. It was hard to believe, but that wonderful picture was stuck in her head and she loved it.<br>She hugged Molly.  
>"Thank you!" She said, excited to see what would happen.<br>"Let me know..." She said, smiling.  
>"I will. But Molly - would you mind not mentioning this to Remus yet? I…I just want to be sure." She said, remembering their conversation right after she'd arrived and knowing he would worry even more about her if he knew.<br>"I understand." Molly said.

They talked excitedly as they worked, though they were forced to abruptly change the subject when Ginny and Fleur arrived in the kitchen a little while later.  
>When Molly hugged them goodbye later that night, she winked at Tonks before they walked out. Tonks and Lupin said goodbye and the Weasleys waved until they reached the gate; they Disapparated home, happy with the good news and plans from the meeting. They walked hand-in-hand through the front yard to the door.<br>Once inside Tonks and Lupin sat down on their bed, snuggling in each others' arms and discussing the meeting and various other things.  
>Happy at being near him, hearing his gentle voice and feeling his hands softly drawing patterns on hers, she fell into a deep, peaceful sleep, dreaming of children and happy families.<p>

* * *

><p>A week later, an impromptu Order meeting was called at the Burrow.<br>They all sat around the Weasley's long table; the predominant mood was tension, anger, and confusion.  
>"Well, you all know why we're here." Mad-Eye said, particularly bad- tempered like they all were tonight.<br>Hagrid raised his bucket-sized hand timidly, and Tonks would have probably laughed if she'd been in better humor. It was rather funny to see such a big man have such a timid look about him.  
>"What is it Hagrid?" Tonks asked before Mad-Eye could.<br>She loved her mentor, but when he was in this mood, he didn't tend to be the most patient.  
>"I er...ter tell the truth, I don't know why we're here." He said apologetically.<p>

This time she let Mad-Eye answer. She could tell he needed to get it off his chest.  
>"Because Pius Thicknesse, Magical Law Enforcement, has been placed under the Imperius Curse. He has restricted Harry Potter's Aunt and Uncle's house so that Floo Networking and Apparition will be strictly monitored and basically, for all intents and purposes, forbidden and an imprisonable crime to boot."<p>

Outraged sounds came from those around the table who hadn't known the reason for the meeting.  
>McGonagall looked absolutely furious, Hagrid worried and angry, Molly alarmed.<br>"Scrimgeour, the fool, thinks this is all for Harry's protection. We, however, see through this pretense, and the trap he's laid so cleverly for Harry.  
>So to get Harry out, we now have to come up with plan B." He said in nearly one breath, anger at the Minister's blindness coloring his tone.<br>Everyone looked either surprised or angry. Tonks was angry, she hadn't ever particularly liked Scrimgeour, but she hadn't believed him capable of this kind of stupidity. She wondered if he'd listen to reason from her or Kingsley? But if he didn't, they could be sent to Azkaban...or worse.

"What we need to think about first is which forms of transport are still available for us." Arthur said.  
>Mad-Eye nodded, sitting down; he had that 'deep in thought' look on his weathered face and he didn't speak. For few minutes the room was dead silent, though Tonks could nearly hear the wheels turning.<br>"Brooms are still alright, but it'd be downright mental to fly Harry Potter through the open sky where anyone could fly up alongside and kill him." Bill said.  
>"Is there anything else - other types of transport?" Tonks asked, looking around the table after being at a loss herself.<br>"The motorbike...Sirius's bike – he left it ter me, and tha' would be faster, though it'd draw more notice from folk." Hagrid spoke up.

Lupin tensed at the sound of Sirius's name and Tonks took his hand under the table.  
>"What about Thestrals?" McGonagall asked suddenly. "Dumbledore said that Harry used them to fly to the Ministry and the Department of Mysteries in his fifth year with Dumbledore's Army."<br>Everyone looked interested – though a few, including Fleur, looked alarmed. Hagrid, however, looked downright proud.  
>Lupin had squeezed her hand tighter at the mention of Dumbledore and his Army and that night at the Ministry.<br>She rubbed her thumb across the back of his hand gently, wishing she could do more to help him.  
>"Will zhey allow anyone to ride zhem?" Fleur asked, directing her question at Hagrid.<br>"Ter be sure. Yeh just have to go abou' it carefully, tha's all. They know me though, I could ge' yeh on 'em in no time." Hagrid said, waving his big hand.  
>"Could they carry two?" Mad-Eye asked suddenly.<br>"Yep." Hagrid replied, looking confused, like most people around the table.  
>Tonks wondered what he was thinking. She's known him long enough that she could tell he had the loose makings of a plan in his head.<br>"What are you thinking Mad-Eye?" Tonks asked.  
>Mad-Eye threw an approving, nearly fond – for Mad-Eye – look in her direction, appreciating her perception.<p>

"Here's what I propose. I propose we use Thestrals, brooms, and the motorbike. Bill, you got me thinking on this when you mentioned brooms. These are ideas we can use. The question is, in case of an ambush by Voldemort, how could we keep Harry safe?" Mad-Eye asked, looking around the table.  
>"What we need is a way to get Harry here, and confuse Death Eaters if we meet any." Bill said.<br>The table fell silent as everyone tried to think of an idea.  
>The silence was broken, as an idea was given by the most unlikely member.<br>"Polyjuice Potion." Mundungus said suddenly.  
>"If we got a few of us to take Polyjuice and look like Harry, that'd get the Death Eaters 'eads spinnin'. They won't 'ever work it out in time to catch us." He said, leaning forward in his chair.<br>"Well, Mundungus, it's nice to see Sirius's faith in you finally pay off." Mad-Eye said approvingly.  
>Everyone murmured their approval of the plan, and, while it was risky, Tonks had to admit that there wasn't anything much better they could do.<br>"'Ow many?" Fleur asked.  
>Mundungus thought for a moment before answering, "Seven. That'd keep 'em confused long 'nough for us to get away." He said.<br>Everyone nodded their agreement.

"We'll need a protector with each Harry to really make it work," Elphias Doge said.  
>"We're going to need most of us for protector's, which leaves us with a bit of a problem as to who will actually take the Polyjuice." Mad-Eye said.<br>"That's where you need us." Ron's voice said from the doorway.  
>Tonks turned in surprise to see Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, and Ginny all standing in the kitchen doorway.<br>"Ron!" Molly exclaimed furiously. "You get your-"  
>"Hold up and just listen a minute." Ron interrupted before Molly could go into rant mode. "If we take the potion, you lot are free to be protectors and we won't have to ask anyone who might betray the plan to You-Know-Who to take Polyjuice." Ron said.<br>Hermione was looking at Ron with surprise and admiration and Tonks grinned to herself.  
>Hermione had arrived only that day, and Tonks was glad she was here for this.<p>

Molly was furious, that much was obvious, but Tonks couldn't see any other way. Ron's logic was solid.  
>Mad-Eye looked at Molly. "We do need them for this to work. Can you deal with that if it means getting Harry here alive?" He asked Molly.<br>Tonks felt sudden sympathy for her dear friend at the frightened, worried look on her face.  
>But Tonks knew she would accept. They were all old enough now to do this.<br>Molly looked at Arthur and Tonks saw the unspoken communication pass between them, and Arthur's slight nod.  
>The worry and the acceptance that this really was the only way.<br>Molly turned back to Mad-Eye, "Yes. Harry's my son too; I want to do whatever we can to get him home safe. And I know the boys and Hermione will be glad they can help." She said bravely.

Tonks thought suddenly of her own possible child.  
>She had been ravenous and nauseous in spells over the last two weeks, but so much had been happening that it had been pushed to the back of her mind. Though at times the nausea made it impossible to forget.<br>Now though, she shuddered to even imagine Molly's worry about her children in such a terrifying situation. It was hard to imagine and she wasn't even a mother yet.  
>Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, and Ginny sat down amongst the Order, and Tonks knew that they would always be a part of it now. They were old enough, and were taking their rightful places and making their own stand to fight.<p>

Lupin had a reminiscent look in his eyes, and Tonks wondered if he was remembering when it was James, Lily, Sirius, and himself that were new to the Order, young and excited for their own adventures, and remembering how devastating it had turned out to be. But he also looked proud of his former students. She took his hand under the table, giving it a gentle squeeze. He threw her a half-smile.  
>"So who exactly will be taking the potion?" Mad-Eye asked.<br>Ron and Hermione stood up, along with Fred and George. Ginny stood also.  
>"No. Ginny, you're too young!" Molly said firmly.<br>"Mum-" Ginny started to protest.  
>"There's other ways you can help, Ginny." Lupin said sympathetically.<br>Ginny sighed and sat back down in her chair, looking upset, but obviously glad Molly at least let her stay. Tonks half- smiled sympathetically at her.  
>Fleur was looking at Bill questioningly. When Bill nodded, she too, rose from her seat.<br>"Excellent." Mad-Eye muttered.

Tonks was about to stand also, but Mad-Eye stopped her.  
>"We'll need Tonks, Remus, Bill, Kingsley, Arthur, Hagrid, and I to be protectors. Seven Harrys, seven Order members riding with them to protect them. The Death Eaters wouldn't know where to start.<br>"Seven?" Tonks asked.  
>"Mundungus will be taking Polyjuice also." Mad-Eye said.<br>Mundungus jumped, "I'd rather be a protector-"  
>"No you wouldn't, the protectors will be in more immediate danger; they'll want Harry alive, but they wouldn't have a problem killing you." Mad-Eye said grimly.<br>Mundungus didn't say anything else, but squirmed in his seat.  
>"It doesn't matter who protects which Harry, and we'll have plenty of time to sort that out later. But the real Harry Potter will ride with Hagrid on Sirius's motorbike." Mad-Eye instructed.<br>Hagrid looked pleased to be a part of this plan.

The tea whistling made Molly jump up and bustle into the kitchen.  
>As soon as she'd left, Arthur got up and walked over to where Mad-Eye was sitting. As Mad-Eye was sitting next to Tonks, she could hear what Arthur said.<br>"Mad-Eye, if you'd like, I can make some adjustments with the engine on the motorbike - some added tricks may be just what it needs." He offered enthusiastically.  
>"You're the one that knows about the Muggles engines. Do what you think would help." Mad-Eye accepted.<br>"Just keep quiet about it around Molly - she hates it when I work with the Muggle machines." He said.  
>Mad-Eye nodded, but added, "She won't hate it when it saves his life."<p>

Arthur walked back to his seat just in time before Molly got back.  
>"Now how to get Harry here without pointing a blazing arrow at this house?" Lupin asked.<br>"Yes, it would be rather obvious if we all start flying towards the Burrow. Then the Death Eaters would know which house to target..." Tonks trailed off, looking around, hoping someone had a suggestion.  
>"Apparition and floo networks are out. The Ministry is watching them too carefully." Molly threw in.<br>This time, it was Kingsley who spoke... "What we need are Portkeys to bring us here. But protected Portkeys that the Death Eaters couldn't get to." He said.  
>"Brilliant." Tonks said appreciatively.<br>Lupin and the rest of the Order spoke their agreement.

"The Portkeys should be spread out a bit. We don't want them to be too obvious or we lose the advantage we're going for." Tonks said thoughtfully.  
>"Houses!" Hermione suddenly exclaimed.<br>"What exactly?" Lupin asked, looking curious.  
>"Well more than one, naturally, or it would be painfully obvious..." She amended herself before addressing the table at large. "Are there people in the Order that would be willing to have a pair each - a protector and a Harry - fly to their homes with a Portkey inside? Naturally the places would need to be protected by as many enchantments and spells as possible, but..." She left it open, "What do you think?" She asked, looking around the silent table excitedly.<p>

The only reason they were silent was because of how amazed they were at this perfectly incredible idea.  
>"I think, Hermione, that we should have let you join the Order a long time ago." Lupin said, looking fondly at Hermione.<br>Tonks had heard him say that she'd been his best student when he was teaching at Hogwarts. Now she could see why.  
>"That's brilliant Hermione! You're a genius, know that?" Ron said, gazing at her in admiration.<br>Tonks smiled, agreeing as the rest of the table echoed Ron's and Lupin's sentiments.  
>Tonks smiled as she watched Hermione blush slightly under Ron's admiring gaze.<br>She should've guessed they would turn out like this. They would be very good for each other.  
>"Excellent." Mad-Eye muttered again.<p>

And so the meeting proceeded, and they ended up deciding on the Burrow, Dedalus Diggle's house, Hestia Jones's house, Mad-Eye's place, and Kingsley's for sure. Molly volunteered to ask their Great Auntie-Muriel, and Tonks her parents and let them know. In addition, all the houses belonging to people in the Order would be given as much protection as possible, to make them all look like they could possibly be the house Harry was at.  
>The end result was rather promising.<br>Tonks, Kingsley, and Arthur were to leak a false trail to the Ministry.  
>After the meeting, Molly, Arthur, Lupin, Bill and Fleur were having a quick word with Kingsley before he left - asking more details of what was going on at the Ministry.<p>

Tonks was starving. She'd have given just about anything for something to eat - RIGHT NOW.  
>She didn't know what she wanted, just that she was hungry. She couldn't resist the smells coming from the kitchen; she looked around and then slipped quietly out of the dining room down to the kitchen.<br>The food smelled amazing. There was lasagna, bread, and veggies to your heart's content.  
>She suddenly felt very guilty...this wasn't her food, nor her kitchen. She should at least <em>ask<em> Molly first.  
>She was about to turn around and leave...though this was really hard do, when Mad-Eye came into the kitchen as she was convincing herself to leave it.<br>"Wotcher." She greeted.  
>"Dora." He nodded, returning her greeting.<br>"How're you doing? Remus treating you right? Being good to ya?" He asked, looking slightly threatening.  
>She laughed, distracted from her ravenous hunger for a moment, "Yes, Remus is very good to me. Too good to me really," She said honestly.<p>

He looked at her, his magical eyes spinning.  
>"How're you feeling?" He asked.<br>She was stunned; how did he know?  
>"Did Molly tell you?" She asked.<br>"Tell me what?" He asked gruffly, but his eye had a happy look.  
>Did he know? He was acting like he did.<br>"That I...might...be..." She trailed off.  
>But she suddenly realized that she wanted to tell her old friend - he was like another father to her, and he knew Lupin well enough to be happy for her and not worry about her. She was worried about telling her parents. They were accepting Lupin, but she didn't want to mess up anything. She had to be sure before she told them. But she could tell Mad-Eye.<br>"I might be pregnant." She said quietly.  
>Mad-Eye looked shocked, and Tonks laughed a little at his expression. He regained his composure quickly though and stared at her with an odd expression in his eyes. He looked a bit emotional actually.<br>"Are you sure yet?" He asked quietly.  
>"Not <em>sure<em>. But...I really think I might be. I've never felt this odd before. So hungry and emotional..." She trailed off.  
>"Well your instincts have always been good. You're probably right." He said.<br>"I hope so." She said, smiling delightedly at the thought.

Mad-Eye looked at her for another moment, the most tender - though still slightly surly - look she'd ever seen on his face.  
>"I'm..." He cleared his throat, "I'm really happy for you. You'll be a great mother."<br>She looked up at him, tears suddenly filling her eyes, surprising her as much as his words.  
>"You really think so?" She whispered, a smile on her face even though her tears were spilling over.<br>"I'm sure of it." He said, with a nod  
>"Thank you Mad-Eye." She said, and she hugged him. She couldn't resist. She loved the grisly old softie.<br>He patted her back, very stiff.  
>"When are you going to tell him?" He asked when she'd let go of him.<br>"It's always been a little scary how well you know me, Mad-Eye." She said with an uneasy laugh.

He shrugged and waited for her answer, his magical blue eye staring her down.  
>"When I'm sure." She said hedged slowly.<br>"You should tell him now." Mad-Eye said as gently as he ever spoke.  
>"I'm just so afraid of his reaction - and he worries so much as it is." Tonks finally let the words burst out.<br>He nodded in understanding.  
>"I doubt he'll take it well...at first. But he'll come round - he came round with you. Just be patient with him, he's suffered a lot over the years, Remus. But I can tell he...well, he really loves you." Mad-Eye said the last bit in hasty awkwardness.<br>"Thank you Mad-Eye." She said quietly. "I'll tell him soon - I know you're right." She said, making up her mind that she really would do it soon.

For a minute they stood in silence, and she could tell Mad-Eye felt uncomfortable so she changed the subject.  
>"Looks good doesn't it?" She asked, gesturing at the food.<br>He glanced down at her belly and back up at her.  
>"So that would be why you're in here with all this food?" He asked shrewdly, a bigger smile than she'd ever seen on his face.<br>"Yeah...I'm starving and it smells _so_ good." She said longingly.  
>He chuckled.<br>"Go on, get something to eat. I just wanted to say goodbye." He said.  
>"Are you going already?" She asked, wishing he wasn't.<br>"Got some business to see to. Scrimgeour wants to see me. He's probably going to ask what I know about how Voldemort came back again. Ought to be a charming little visit." He said dryly.  
>She laughed, "Well good luck." She said.<br>He patted her on the shoulder.  
>"You take care of yourself now - I'll see you next week."<br>"Wotcher Mad-Eye...and, thank you." She said.  
>Mad-Eye bade her goodbye with a wave and a quiet, but stern, commanding, "Tell him."<br>She nodded and blinked away some moisture.

The rest of the evening went by quickly. Tonks ate to her heart's content at dinner, and she noticed Lupin watching her curiously, a slightly amused expression on his face.  
>Yes, she would have to tell him soon. She only hoped Mad-Eye was right about his reaction. Well...the coming around part anyways.<br>Lupin stayed very close to her all night, albeit when he'd been talking to Bill and she'd had her conversation with Mad-Eye. And he held her hand securely in both of his as they sat and visited with the Weasley's and Fleur and Hermione. Tonks liked this, but noted that it was unusual for him to show outward affection around a lot of people.  
>They left the Weasley's in good spirits, Lupin still holding tightly to her hand. His face fell into a shadow of familiar sadness but also an expression she couldn't quite place as they left.<br>The meeting had left an air of hopefulness about things.  
>Now, all there was left to do was wait and prepare.<p>

* * *

><p>That night Tonks and Lupin arrived home very late. Lupin still held her hand tightly in his. He'd scarcely let go of it all night. Not that she minded, but she hoped he was alright. As soon as they got in the door and closed it behind them he turned and started kissing her fervently.<br>She was surprised and confused by his urgency, but responded to it happily. She wanted to ask him what was upsetting him; she knew there was something. But she couldn't bring herself to pull away.  
>Her pregnancy hormones were really kicking in.<br>His arms wrapped tightly about her waist, drawing her closer to him, and her hands went to his hair, pulling him closer.  
>He turned and backed her up till her back hit the front door, then he pressed the length of him to her and she melted into him with a short gasp.<br>He moaned and kissed her harder, and she gasped again when he pressed himself even closer to her.  
>She was lost in Lupin's passionate embrace, and she knew nothing except his warm, desperate lips on hers and his arms wrapped tightly around her, his body melded and entwined with hers heavenly.<br>He pulled back for a moment, staring into her eyes for a minute before kissing her again.

This time he kissed her long and slow. It made her heart race even faster for some reason; the kiss deepened and she groaned softly, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer, kissing him harder.  
>He responded passionately by deepening the kiss even more. When she could hardly breathe he backed off for a moment, before bringing his lips back to hers with a tenderness that was nearly startling after his ardent display a moment before. She loved his tenderness though; loved how he could speak a thousand promises and vow his love again and again in that kiss.<br>Time was lost to them both for a little while as they stood against the door of their home, the box of brownies Molly had sent home had slipped from Tonks's grasp and onto the floor; they stayed there, just kissing each other until they were gasping for air.  
>When they broke apart, Tonks was dizzy with happiness. Suddenly she was lifted off her feet by Lupin. She looked at him in shock, about to protest when he kissed her briefly and sweetly and then carried her over to the couch, setting her down gently.<p>

He sat next to her, and she snuggled into his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her. Tonks was reveling in being in his arms, thinking how grateful she was to be here with him. Glad he was hers.  
>"Have I mentioned lately how much I love you?" He said; eyes intense, tone serious.<br>She gazed into his eyes, "I love you too." She whispered, gently tracing a hand down his face.  
>He kissed her forehead and then started gently playing with her hair.<br>She laid her head on his chest, sighing in contentment.

Suddenly Tonks remembered the question she'd wanted to ask before she'd gotten distracted. She looked up at him, and got her answer without even asking.  
>"I'm so glad you're alright." He whispered, looking into her eyes intensely.<br>"What do you mean?" She asked, looking up at him, confused.  
>"When Minerva brought up the Department of Mysteries and Harry's fifth year, it just suddenly hit me how close I'd come to losing you that night, too." He said quietly, "I knew, but with losing Sirius, I just didn't realize how close it really was until tonight…" He closed his eyes, a pained expression on his face.<p>

"Remus," She said, laying a hand on his cheek. "I'm right here." She said softly, sadness at the pain in his expression filled her and she suddenly knew the reason for that look.  
>She remembered him grasping her hand tightly under the table when Sirius's and Dumbledore's names had been mentioned.<br>"I'm sorry - I know it was hard for you to hear about them. I miss them too." Tonks said sadly.  
>"So do I." He said sadly. "It was just horrible to think that you...you almost died there too." He said, looking grief-stricken at the thought.<br>"I imagined for a moment sitting there alone, without you and...Sirius and Dumbledore, and you gone..." He bowed his head and she saw a tear fall.  
>"Oh Remus," She whispered, wrapping her arms around him.<br>"I'm so sorry. Don't think of it - that didn't happen and I'm right here. I'm never going to leave you." She said quietly.

His arms came about her tightly and pulled her into his lap, and he buried his face in her hair, and she laid hers on his chest.  
>"I'm so glad you're here with me." He said softly, emotion thick in his voice.<br>"Me too." She whispered.  
>After a few minutes, he spoke again.<br>"Dora. Do you know how lucky I am to have you?" He said softly, kissing her hair.  
>"I know how lucky I am to have you." She said earnestly.<br>He pulled back slightly to look into her eyes. She smiled at him, and his blue eyes softened.  
>He brushed his lips gently and slowly down both her cheeks to her chin.<br>Her lips were trembling when he kissed within a half an inch of her lips and then back away from them.  
>He kissed the end of her nose, and her forehead and back down her cheek before finally bringing his lips to hers.<br>His lips were gentle and she sighed happily, relaxing against him. His arms wrapped around her waist and he held her close.  
>She wrapped her arms around his neck, blissful happiness filling her, and the outside world melted away.<p>

* * *

><p>Tonks struggled throughout the next week with her morning sickness; it seemed to get worse somehow. Several times at work she'd had to make a mad dash for the loo and she'd been so sick that despite the cravings she hadn't wanted anything for the rest of the day.<br>One day in particular was especially bad. She sat miserably in front of the toilet for the second time that day, holding her hair back; throat burning and head aching from how sick she'd just been. She was seriously regretting the pancakes she'd eaten for breakfast and rather doubted she would want pancakes any time in the near future.  
>After a few minutes of sitting against the wall, feeling weak, but relieved because her stomach was no longer hurting, she carefully got up, a hand on the wall to keep herself steady.<br>She walked over to the sink and Summoned a toothbrush from her own loo so she wouldn't have to continue tasting that awful taste; she stowed it in her robes and then smoothed her hair back and hoped very much that she wouldn't have to endure that again that day.

She went back to the Auror Department to continue work, which, unfortunately today was only paperwork. The upside of this, however was that she was close to the loo.  
>She passed someone just outside her department who was carrying a Butterbeer and her stomach lurched at the smell.<br>_Well that didn't last long,_ she thought sourly.  
>She sighed as her stomach started to churn uneasily again and tried to ignore it and focus on the filing she was doing. Ironically she was filing the new paperwork for arrests stemming from new legislation – including the recently passed new werewolf registration.<p>

After an hour or so her stomach took a turn for the worse again and she wondered if she was going to have to visit the loo.  
>Someone clearing their throat by the cabinet she was organizing files in pulled her mind away from her discomfort.<br>Kingsley stood beside her; she looked up and hoped she didn't look as miserable as she felt.  
>"Wotcher," She greeted, "what do you need?" She asked, wondering if Scrimgeour was going to call another Auror meeting that night. She wasn't sure she'd make it through the whole thing.<br>Kingsley was the head of their department that always took news to the Minister, so he always knew when these things were happening and could give her a heads up.  
>She shoved a file into the <em>'Y'<em>section, waiting for his answer.

"I need you to go home." His deep voice answered.  
>She looked up at him, surprised, "What do you mean?"<br>His dark eyes assessed her as he spoke, "Tonks, you've been sick all day – and you're pale and looking slightly green now. You're not doing yourself any good forcing yourself to stay." He said, looking concerned.  
>"So I look as bad as I feel then?" She asked wryly.<br>Kingsley lay a hand on her shoulder, "Yes, you do." He said honestly.  
>"Thanks Kingsley," She said, laughing and then regretting the motion.<br>"What are friends for?" He asked rhetorically, chuckling.

She opened her mouth to ask about the meeting, but Kingsley foresaw her question and answered before she'd asked.  
>"I'll gather whatever news I can from the meeting tonight. I can count on one hand the number of times you've missed work since you started here six years ago, so I think Scrimgeour will let you off without comment. He won't ask questions if I tell him you're sick." Kingsley said reassuringly.<br>She felt exceedingly grateful for her friend's generosity in helping get her off early; she would dearly love to be home and in Lupin's comforting arms right then, but still, she had work to do.  
>"Thank you Kingsley, you've no idea how wonderful that sounds, but I can't just go…" She said, gesturing to the stacks of files behind her.<p>

Kingsley grinned and flicked his wand and all the files picked themselves up one stack at a time and neatly stored themselves into the proper sections one by one.  
>Tonks gaped at him in amazement. "Why hasn't anyone taught me that spell?" She groaned.<br>Kingsley laughed, "It takes a good deal of practice…years here do teach you a few things, but I wouldn't suggest practicing unless you're prepared to clean up if the spell goes awry." Kingsley warned, sounding like he'd experienced that himself.  
>"I will definitely have to practice that one." She said, certain that she could master out of willpower alone – filing and paperwork were the unexpected side of being an Auror. But it was a job Tonks found herself doing more and more as laws were altered and legislations passed and Voldemort's grip on the Ministry tightened slowly.<p>

"What's got you so sick?" Kingsley asked seriously, a worried look in his dark eyes.  
>"I don't know," She mumbled, looking down as she lied. She didn't want to tell Kingsley here at the Ministry, there were too many nosy ears and prying eyes. Still, she felt bad for lying.<br>But Kingsley didn't press her, he simply nodded, "Well go on home and get some rest." Kingsley said, patting her shoulder.  
>"Thank you," She said fervently.<br>"And don't worry about coming in tomorrow; all the filing work you would have been doing is done." Kingsley said with a smile.  
>"Can't believe you held out on me for these past years – how much more time I would have had!" she said jokingly.<br>"Well, they had to pay you for something," Kingsley grinned.  
>Tonks laughed, "Thank you Kingsley," she said again, hugging him gratefully.<br>"Anytime," He said.

She waved and went gladly out of the Ministry and out through the visitor's entrance, turning and Disapparating.  
>Which turned out to be a <em>really<em> bad idea.  
>She landed outside the gate, on her feet, but unsteady. Her stomach churned violently, protesting the quick, dizzying motion of Apparating. Her head spun and she sunk to her knees, and promptly revisited whatever was left in her stomach, and retched before her stomach finally quit and she collapsed onto her side, trying to catch her breath.<br>She had rather hoped that Lupin wouldn't have to know she'd been so sick all day, but she didn't feel like she could stand by herself; she was so dizzy.  
>She grabbed her wand and sent her Patronus into the house.<p>

She heard the front door open and then a moment later Lupin's voice, "Dora?"  
>But she couldn't answer; her ears were ringing so loudly.<br>She heard him walking closer and saw his face as he looked out over the gate and then down, finally seeing her there on the ground.  
>He gasped in alarm and threw the gate open, getting to his knees beside her, and smoothed her hair away from her face gently, seeming to gather that she'd been sick. She was glad of his touch on her pounding head, his hands were so gentle. His eyes were panicked.<br>"Dora, what happened? What's wrong?" He asked frantically.  
>Little black dots and sharp bight points appeared, obscuring her vision and despite her efforts, the world went black...<p>

Tonks came to lying on the couch; her head was in Lupin's lap, and he had a cool damp cloth that he was using to wipe her face softly. It felt wonderful.  
>But what had happened? She looked up into Lupin's eyes, and saw that his face was tight with worry.<br>"Dora," he breathed, "thank goodness." He said softly, relief dawning on his face and he leaned down and kissed her forehead.  
>"Remus," she asked, her throat burning and feeling rather raw, "what happened?"<br>"You…well you fainted." He said, looking alarmed still.  
>"How long was I out for?"<br>"Half an hour," He said, his eyes worried.  
>The memory of Apparating and how sick she'd been that day came back to her.<br>Her stomach felt tender, but calm, for the moment.

"Dora, what's wrong?" He asked quietly, and she could tell he'd been frantic while she'd been unconscious.  
>She attempted to sit up, and Lupin helped ease her gently into a sitting position, seated on his lap.<br>"I've been rather…er, ill today. Kingsley actually sent me home early because of it."  
>"Ill in what way?" Lupin asked worriedly.<br>"My stomach. I've been really nauseous all day." She explained. "I was feeling bad when I left, but I Apparated just like always…I didn't think it through." She said, sincerely wishing she had.  
>"You scared me…I thought a Death Eater had attacked you." He said quietly, looking down away from her eyes as he breathed a deep breath, looking as though he were attempting to calm himself.<p>

She knew he meant that he'd been afraid that Bellatrix had found her.  
>She stroked his cheek, waiting till he met her eyes before she spoke, "I'm sorry I scared you," She murmured.<br>His arms wrapped around her gently, and he laid his cheek on top of her head, "Are you alright now?" Lupin asked quietly.  
>"Yes, but I'm not so sure I can eat," She said uncertainly.<br>She was very grateful that she was feeling alright at the moment, but she didn't want to ruin it.  
>"Of course, whenever you get hungry let me know and we'll start with something gentle." He said reassuringly.<br>"Thank you," She said, feeling exhausted.  
>Lupin must have heard that in her voice.<br>"Tired?" He asked.  
>She nodded, yawning hugely.<br>He chuckled, and rearranged her a bit in his arms before standing up, holding her.  
>She smiled at him, and kissed his jaw, laying her head on his shoulder, and he carried her to their room, laying her carefully on the bed and pulling the covers over her and then climbing in himself. He wrapped his arms around her and she buried her face in his chest, and he likewise in her hair, pressing a soft kiss to it.<br>"Thank you Remus." She murmured sleepily.  
>"I love you Dora, I'm so glad you're alright." He whispered into her hair.<br>"I love you too. Thank you for taking care of me." She said softly, pressing a kiss to his chest.  
>"Always sweetheart," He murmured.<br>The reassuring steadiness of his warm breath on her hair and his arms around her made her feel relaxed at last, and she drifted into an exhausted dreamless sleep in his arms.

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><p><strong>Well, that's part one of chapter eight:) What did y'all think? Too angsty? Was <strong>**Remus's lycanthropy realistic enough? Were the married moments too much? Because I had to really make myself leave those in, it was tough, and I'm still feeling rather awkward about those honestly.:p ****Well anyways, I hope y'all liked it! :D I'll have part 2 up asap! :D Thanks for reading and God bless!:D 3 **


	9. A New Life pt 2

**Hello! Well here's part two of chapter eight...I didn't realize how very long this was till now! So yeah...sorry about that! haha*blush* :) I hope y'all like it, and sorry about the two flashbacks...I promise there aren't too many more of those! But I really couldn't resist these two:D Thanks for the patience with uploads (ThisLoveHasNoCeiling, you are awesome!) Also, thanks to everyone who's been reading this, I hope you like it and are having a simply stupendous day! I'll shut up now and let you read:) ...**

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><p>8. A New Life (part two)...<p>

Another full moon was due the night Tonks came home from work and walked through the door to find Horace Slughorn on the other side of it.  
>Lupin jumped in front of her, pointing his wand at her. Slughorn mirrored his actions; though it was clear by the unconcerned way in which he did so that he believed it was actually her.<br>Before Lupin could ask her anything, Slughorn did.  
>"The first time we met, you were seeking a favor from me at Hogwarts, what was this favor and when did this take place?" He asked amicably.<br>Tonks nearly groaned. Of course, he would ask her this, the one thing Lupin didn't know.  
>"It was over a year ago. I met you in the school on the seventh floor corridor - ran into you, and knocked your parchments all over the place." She laughed, grimacing. "I am sorry about that- and asked you for...the favor." She hedged, hoping he wouldn't press the matter.<br>"Which was?" He prompted.  
>"I asked you to make the Wolfsbane Potion." She said quickly, figuring she may as well get it over with.<p>

Lupin nearly dropped his wand, and she heard his breath catch.  
>He stared at her in shock. And she was surprised to see tears form in his eyes.<br>She quickly looked away from his eyes, keeping herself from becoming undone at the look of awe and love in his eyes.  
>Slughorn didn't seem to have noticed the exchange and smiled affably at Tonks as she looked at him once more.<br>"How can we ever thank you enough, Horace?" Tonks asked, smiling at the genial man fondly.  
>Lupin seemed to get over his shock enough to echo her sentiments.<br>"Really, thank you so much. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have been able to marry Tonks." He said gratefully.  
>"Seeing you two happily married is the best thanks. It's nice to have been able to help in bringing about something like this. Anytime either of you need me, you know where to find me." He said amiably.<p>

They spoke for a couple more minutes with Slughorn before he left, him promising warmly to see them soon, and them thanking him repeatedly.  
>As soon as he was gone Lupin turned to stare at her again.<br>She looked at the floor; but the force of his eyes penetrating her was too much. She looked up at him, intending to apologize for not telling him; his expression silenced her.  
>His eyes held so much tender love and passion that they were filled with tears.<p>

Once her eyes met his, she couldn't look away. His eyes seemed as though they were seeing her very soul.  
>For another moment he stared at her with loving incredulity.<br>She blinked and he had crossed the room. He wrapped his arms tightly around her; she returned the embrace, winding her arms about his waist, reveling in just being close to him.  
>The memories of when she'd met Slughorn and how hopeless things had seemed then made her doubly grateful for this moment.<br>"Dora." He murmured, kissing her hair, "Every time I think that I couldn't possibly love you more, you do something like this..." He trailed off, pulling back to look into her eyes.  
>Her breath caught when she saw the warm adoration in them.<br>"How long did you...?...what a fool I was." He said, regret coloring his tone. He gently traced her face, as though he was cherishing every bit of her. Her heartbeat quickened under his gentle hands.

"There's one thing I want to know..." He asked, before she could contradict him about being a fool.  
>"Anything." She replied.<br>"Why? I had already denied you several times, and you probably didn't have any hope that I would change my mind. Weren't you angry with me? What possessed you to do it?" He asked quietly.  
>"Remus," She said, pretending to shake her head sadly. "I would have thought you could work this one out." she smiled softly at him and cupped his cheek in her palm. "Of <em>course<em> I was angry, but I still loved you,"  
>At his surprised look she nodded, "Yes, even then. And though I tried not to, I did hope. But most of all, I hated the thought of you suffering, and I tried for all the world to think of a way I could help. When Dumbledore announced there was to be a new potions master at Hogwarts, I finally had my answer. I knew you wouldn't let me help you in person, but this could help, and without you knowing about my involvement.<br>I had the feeling that if you thought it had come from someone else, you would accept it, and Dumbledore agreed to help me so..." She trailed off for a minute, and then she told him the truth.  
>"I was so glad just to think that things might be at least a little easier for you. That I might have been able to finally do something for you." She explained in a whisper.<p>

He stared at her, amazement filling his eyes as she spoke.  
>He gathered her closer in his arms, and she laid her head on his chest.<br>"Thank you Dora, so much. I don't know how I can ever thank you enough. You did so much for me at a time when I deserved it the least from you." He said, his voice hoarse with emotion.  
>"All the thanks I need is right here." She said, looking into his eyes and caressing his face gently.<br>And before she had time to form another rational thought besides that one, he was kissing her, his soft lips warm and gentle on hers. She smiled against his lips and he pulled her closer; she sighed contentedly against his lips, the moment seeming to last forever, but be all too short at the same time.  
>For a little while they simply held each other. Tonks's thoughts drifted back to when she'd met Slughorn.<br>She always thought back to that rather humorous first meeting fondly…

As soon as Tonks was off duty, she made her way anxiously up to the school. Dumbledore had said at the meeting that the new potions master, Professor Slughorn, would be arriving at Hogwarts that day. She was a bit nervous to ask this favor of a total stranger, but the thought of Lupin suffering drove her anxiety right back out of her mind as she hurried along the corridor where Dumbledore's office could be found.  
>Tonks had learned, from Sirius (who had ranted angrily to her one night about why he loathed Snape) that it had been several years since Lupin had been able to have the Wolfsbane potion. When Lupin had been forced to leave his teaching job at Hogwarts, Snape had been so angry at Sirius and Lupin for once again 'thwarting justice' that he had refused, point blank, to brew the potion for Lupin any longer. And so for the next two years Lupin had suffered horrible, agonizing, transformations, until Sirius had been able to come to Grimmauld Place, where he was able to, in his Animagus form, stay with Lupin through full moons.<p>

Sirius, who knew that Tonks was aware of Lupin's lycanthropy, had been subtly (for Sirius) trying to persuade Lupin to tell her, but all to no avail. While Sirius never would betray his friends' confidence by telling Tonks exactly why or what he said - as he insisted that it would be best for Lupin to tell her himself when he was ready; nonetheless, over the year and a half spent in Sirius and Lupin's company at Grimmauld Place, Tonks got the basic idea from several comments Sirius had let slip.  
>And so she knew that Lupin was afraid she would never want to talk to or even see him again if she knew - much less <em>like<em> him.  
>When she'd realized this, Tonks had been a little hurt, but upon further contemplation, also realized that of <em>course<em>he would expect that. Had he not grown used to people's disdain, disgust, and hatred? And after that, she had been unable to be angry with him for keeping this from her. And she determined that she would prove every doubt wrong and remain a true friend.

But then, even she had been blind to the fact that she was falling for him. Only Sirius had really seen it. But despite the fact that Lupin had continued to keep his 'secret', they had grown closer, and on full moons, Sirius kept Tonks informed on how Lupin was doing, and explained things to her when she asked; he had one night explained, upon her request, why he stayed with Lupin on full moons. He had told her that while his presence didn't make the transformation any less painful for Lupin, it did help him stay more sane once transformed, so that he didn't hurt himself as much. Tonks remembered the surge of gratitude she'd had towards Sirius for being there for Lupin when no one else could. He and Lupin were practically brothers, and it had comforted her to know that Lupin and he had each other. And she was glad she could lighten their spirits - especially whenever Hallows Eve came around.

But now...now Sirius was gone and Lupin was hiding from her, pushing her away with feeble excuses. She missed the days when Sirius, Lupin, and she would sit around the table at Grimmauld Place late at night after meetings, with a bottle of butterbeer and talk for hours, often times laughing until they cried.  
>But those days were gone, and so was Lupin. It hurt her to that he didn't know her well enough to believe her when she said she didn't care. Breaking out of her melancholy reminiscence, she sighed and walked more quickly, determined that she could at least do this for Lupin, even of he wouldn't let her in to help heal his years of hurt. This was something she could do.<p>

She had nearly reached the stone gargoyle hiding the entrance to the Headmaster's office when Dumbledore came around the corner of the other end of the corridor.  
>"Nymphadora, what a pleasant surprise." he greeted as he reached her.<br>"Hello sir," she returned, trying her best to seem cheerful and not groan at her loathsome given name.  
>"I take it you've come to meet our new potions master?" he said, blue eyes twinkling kindly down at her.<br>"Yes sir." she admitted quickly.

After a few years with the Order, she had grown used to his at times disconcerting habit of always seeming to know things.  
>"Professor Dumbledore, I wondered if I might ask you a question?" she asked.<br>"Of course Nymphadora. Why don't we step into my office to discuss it? I've received the most excellent Acid Pops that I am most anxious to sample."  
>Tonks smiled a bit and nodded, following him over to the gargoyle.<br>"Lemon drop." he said, and the gargoyle leapt aside, permitting their entrance to the winding staircase on the other side.

When they reached Dumbledore's office, Fawkes squawked (managing to make in sound musical) in greeting. Tonks smiled fondly at the loyal, magnificent bird, who sat proudly on his perch in the corner of the office.  
>Dumbledore stroked the bird's head as he passed, and gestured for her to take a seat.<br>He sat on the other side of his desk, Summoned a package of Acid Pops and pulled one out, then offered her one as well.  
>Tonks had never really been a lover of this particular sweet, but she took one with a quiet "thank you," nonetheless.<p>

She fidgeted, feeling like the thirteen year old who'd gotten caught flying around the Whomping Willow at night with Charlie and Bill Weasley.  
>Dumbledore smiled, "What was it you wished to ask me Nymphadora?"<br>"Do you think...I mean...is there any chance that Professor Slughorn would consider...brewing the Wolfsbane potion for Remus?" she stammered in a rush, trying to ignore the pain that accompanied memories of the man she loved and his constant refusals for her own 'good'.

Dumbledore's kind blue eyes took on an understanding expression, and he studied her for a moment before answering.  
>"Forgive me for asking, but why would you of all people wish to help Remus?" Dumbledore asked gently.<br>Tonks wasn't all that surprised that Dumbledore knew of what had transpired between her and Lupin. All the same she flushed a bit and looked down, embarrassed at the thought.  
>When she looked back up, she still didn't know what to say, but something about his kind, understanding eyes that held a bit of sadness as they studied her made her want to tell him the truth.<br>"Do you know what happened between us Professor?" she asked quietly.  
>He nodded, "I confess I do. You see, before Remus went away to his mission, he seemed agitated and rather...despondent, and as long as I've known him, I could tell something was wrong. So I inquired and he informed me of what was troubling him."<p>

Tonks nodded, feeling a tug on her heartstrings to hear that Lupin was as sad as she was.  
><em>Stubborn man - why won't he give it up?<em>  
>"And yet, after so many rejections, you still seek to help him?"<br>"Yes." she said firmly. "I can't stand to know he's suffering when I could do something to ease it for him. Even if he won't let me in...I - I can't let him suffer in such a way. I love him too much for that." she whispered, lost in thoughts and memories and half-formed dreams that had never been fulfilled, but instead fallen into shadow of despair, fear, and rejection.

When Tonks returned to reality after a moment that felt like an eternity, and realized what she'd just said, she blushed and opened her mouth to apologize.  
>"Nymphadora, you should not be ashamed of love. If anything could heal all of the hurt Remus has known, it is love. You did a wonderful thing for him - you began healing him. You gave him joy again. And I watched as he started to live again...love again." Dumbledore said gently.<br>Tonks wanted so much to believe his words. But remembering Lupin's finality when he'd left for his mission, she couldn't. She blinked hard against the tears that threatened to form at the memories.  
>"In truth it has been many years since I have seen something so beautiful. I only hope Remus will see it too, and realize how lucky he really is." Said Dumbledore. "In regards to Professor Slughorn, I believe you will be successful." Dumbledore said with an amused twinkle in his eye.<p>

"Professor, there's one last thing...when Remus comes back, he'll likely ask who - who asked Professor Slughorn to do this. Would you...mind telling him that it was you? If he knew it was me, I don't think he'd accept it, and he needs it. I don't want him to feel he owes me something or to... to suffer any more because of me." she said, talking past the lump forming in her throat.  
>"I understand. But Nymphadora, don't make the mistake of blaming yourself for Remus's sadness. I believe he knows in his heart that you would love him to the last if he would let you. He has to come to terms with his fears on his own. Just give him time." Dumbledore said gently.<br>"Thank you," she whispered. "I hope you're right."  
>"Forgive my lack of humility, but I usually am." he said with a wink.<p>

Tonks smiled a little and thanked him once more before walking out of his office, feeling more purposeful than she had in ages because at last, she was finally doing something that could help Lupin, even if he would never know it was her. That didn't matter - so long as he didn't have to hurt so much.  
>She made her way to the third floor corridor, hoping to run into McGonagall, as she hadn't thought to ask Dumbledore where Slughorn's office was.<br>As she turned around the corner of the corridor, she collided with someone, and staggered, tripping and falling flat on her back, hitting her head hard on the stone floor.  
>She groaned, experience making her remember to lay still until there was only one person standing over her.<br>"Are you alright?" asked the man that she'd apparently run into.  
>He offered his hand, and she took it gratefully, her head throbbing and aching.<p>

Once she was standing, she saw that all of the man's rolls of parchment had been strewn across the corridor.  
>"Merlin, I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed, abashed, as she bent to help him collect them.<br>"It's quite alright," he insisted as they picked them all back up and she handed them back to the man sheepishly.  
>"Are you okay?" Tonks asked, looking at the man properly for the first time.<p>

He was a bit on the heavy-set side, with brown-ish gray hair balding on the top of his head; his expression was friendly and open, and he was wearing a slightly amused smile.  
>She smiled, liking the friendly looking man already. "I'm Nymphadora Tonks. But <em>please<em> just call me Tonks." Tonks implored quickly after introducing herself.  
>The man's eyes lit up with recognition, though she was sure she'd never seen him before.<p>

He looked absent for a moment as though thinking hard, and then he smiled, "You're parents are Andromeda Black and Ted Tonks, if I'm not mistaken?"  
>"Yes." she said blankly, "Yes, that's right. Do you know my parents?"<br>"Oh I'm sorry, how rude of me, I forgot to introduce myself." he said with a chuckle, shifting his parchments so that he could shake her hand. "Horace Slughorn. I was the potions master back when your parents were at Hogwarts - longer ago than I care to remember! But your mother I always remember fondly. I've just returned to the post this year."

Tonks was torn for a moment between laughter and tears. OF COURSE she would manage to nearly knock down the man who she was about to ask a favor from.  
>"Nice to meet you Professor Slughorn. Now that you mention it, I do remember my parents talking about you - especially mum, because you were her Head of House." she smiled, letting her laughter overcome her enough that her smile would be big and happy, like it used to be all the time before Lupin-<br>She forcibly stopped her thoughts there as Slughorn began to speak again.  
>"Yes, yes," he smiled, looking reminiscent for a moment. "Amdromeda was such an impressive witch! And Regulus was very gifted. But then all the Blacks were...in their own way." he said, trailing off and shifting his weight underneath all the parchments.<p>

Tonks tried not to be angry with him for being impressed by the Black family's magic - he wasn't speaking in present terms after all. He didn't know that Bellatrix was responsible for Sirius's death. Or that Sirius was even innocent.  
>She shook herself mentally and turned her attention back to Slughorn.<br>"You aren't one of my students, surely? No, of course you're not, I would have seen you before." he said, as if thinking aloud.  
>"No. No I'm not." she replied, quieting the snide little voice that whispered of course Lupin didn't want someone who still looked like a Hogwarts student.<br>"What brings you to Hogwarts?" he asked.  
>Tonks, internally bemoaning her clumsiness, plodded on. "I'm an Auror at the Ministry, and I've been assigned to a watch in Hogsmeade. But I'm actually here at Hogwarts to speak with you, Professor. I...I had a large favor to ask you, on behalf of a friend of mine." she said.<p>

"Well well, an Auror - quite a different path in your family. Your parents must be very proud. But yes - of course my dear girl, of course. If you'll just follow me we can discuss this in my office." Slughorn said, smiling.  
>"Thank you," she returned as they set off down the corridor.<br>As it turned out, Tonks was closer to Slughorn's office than she had originally thought. She had actually just passed it when walking down the fifth floor corridor a little while ago.  
>They stepped inside, and Tonks suddenly remembered that Slughorn had only arrived at Hogwarts today; his office was not quite organized yet, though everything had been unpacked. There were books sitting on the desk, alongside old dusty potions bottles and large ancient volumes sat on the desk, clearly waiting for a proper place.<p>

Slughorn set down his parchments, which were blank, amidst the other yet-to-be-placed objects, and she guessed that it was for him to write notes and letters regarding his lectures.  
>"Sit down," he offered, gesturing at the chair on the other side of his desk; he seated himself behind his desk, which hid him from view because of the books stacked on top. Suddenly the books floated away and stored themselves nearly on the bookshelf with the others, and the potions went to a cabinet of other potions and ingredients.<br>"There. Now, what about this favor you need?" Slughorn asked, genial smile on his face, leaning on his elbows against the desk.  
>"Well, sir...Professor Dumbledore and I have a mutual friend who..." Tonks trailed off, unsure as to whether she should tell these details to Slughorn. But she had to - surely Lupin wouldn't mind if it meant he could have Wolfsbane again.<br>"Well, he needs one of your potions."  
>"Of course! That's no trouble at all." Slughorn said, rising, "Now what is it he needs?" he asked as he made his way to his potions cabinet.<br>"Well...it..it's not so simple. See he.. he needs it on a regular basis."

Slughorn turned back to her, looking curious, but wary, his genial smile wavering a bit.  
>"What sort of potion is it?"<br>"It's...it's the Wolfsbane potion." she said in a rush.  
>"Ahhh," Slughorn said, making his way back over to his desk and taking his seat heavily, looking grave.<br>She could see Slughorn was looking dubious, and spoke hoping to relieve some of his doubts. "He's not dangerous, Sir. I can personally attest to that. He's never hurt a human, and he locks himself away by magically sealing himself in when he transforms. He is a good man, Professor. The best one I've ever known - he's just been dealt a hard hand. He doesn't deserve to suffer that way." she said the last part quietly, but fervently.  
>Slughorn was looking at her curiously, but had an understand expression on his face. "I see," he said kindly. "And you say Albus is acquainted with him as well?"<br>"Yes sir-" just as Tonks was beginning to speak, a knock sounded at the office door.  
>"Just a moment," Slughorn said apologetically as he got up and went to his door.<p>

"Hello Horace," Tonks heard the familiar voice of Albus Dumbledore in the doorway.  
>"Albus," Slughorn greeted.<br>"I just came to see if you were settling in alright?"  
>"Yes, yes. Good to be back, you know." Slughorn said, his smile back again.<br>"Ahh, I like what you've done with the place." Dumbledore said, taking a step into the office and peering around, blue eyes twinkling.

His eyes landed on her and he smiled.  
>"Hello Nymphadora." Dumbledore greeted as though they hadn't spoken yet that day.<br>"Professor Dumbledore," Tonks returned.  
>He turned to Slughorn, "I take it Nymphadora was just telling you about my unfortunate friend. He's really a good sort. I hope you get the chance to meet him one day Horace. He attended Hogwarts as a young boy - I'm surprised you don't remember him."<br>"What was his name?" Slughorn asked, brow furrowed, thinking.  
>"Remus Lupin," Tonks supplied.<br>Slughorn's concentrated expression faded to recognition, "Do you mean that quiet brown-haired boy that was always along with James Potter and Sirius Black?"  
>"That's him," Dumbledore confirmed. "He has an excellent knowledge base of defense against the dark arts, excellent conversation too - he taught here at Hogwarts three years ago, actually."<p>

Slughorn's jaw dropped but he quickly closed it. "Albus, how did he manage his...condition while teaching?"  
>Tonks tried not to snap at the comment...it was a fair question, she reminded herself grudgingly. She just hated that people judged him so much and so quickly.<br>"Wolfsbane." Dumbledore answered quickly, seeming to sense Tonks's inward bristling. "Professor Snape brewed it for him, and he did quite well. He was rather inured to transforming without it, so with it he did very well, all things considered. All of his students insist he was the best Defense professor they've ever had...and I'm sure the Gryffindors are likely missing him extra this year, due to our recent staff changes." Dumbledore said with a wry chuckle. "I was really very sorry to see him go."  
>"I remember when that was in the papers. I felt sorry for the poor man. It sounds like everyone was sorry to see him go except the parents." Slughorn agreed.<br>"Yes, and perhaps the Slytherins." Tonks said with a wry smile.  
>Slughorn chuckled.<p>

There was a brief lull in the conversation for a few moments. "I'm afraid I must get back to work Horace. Good to have you back." Dumbledore smiled, bowing out of the office.  
>They said their goodbyes to Dumbledore; Tonks felt anxious to know Slughorn's answer. Crossing her fingers, she was about to ask when he spoke up.<br>"Well, let's see what I have for Remus."  
>"You mean you'll do it?"<br>"Well I see no reason not to help the poor man."  
>"Really?" Tonks asked before she could help it, feeling a surge of real happiness for the first time in months.<br>"Of course. He sounds like a good fellow - nothing like that Fenrir Greyback that we're always hearing such awful things about. And besides, what good are my potions of I keep them all to myself?" Slughorn asked genially as he turned and walked over to his potions cabinet. He leaned close to it and looked for a moment before reaching behind several bottles and pulling out a small phial filled with a gray-ish black liquid.

"This is a bit old. Not nearly so potent as if it had just been brewed, but with the full moon being tomorrow I'd never have another batch ready in time. I hope it helps." he said, handing the phial to Tonks.  
>"Thank you. And I'd perfectly happy to pay you for your trouble - I know this is a difficult potion. I would have brewed it for him myself, but potions was never my strong suit." she said.<br>"Don't even think of it - it's my pleasure to do this, don't worry about paying me." he said kindly, taking his seat behind his desk again, looking cheerful.  
>"I really don't mind-"<br>"Really, I insist."  
>"How can I ever thank you?" Tonks asked quietly, not quite managing to hide the tears in her eyes that her heartfelt gratitude had produced.<br>"Don't mention it, don't mention it." Slughorn insisted with a smile, "I'll brew a cauldron for next month so that it will be ready for him."  
>"Thank you," Tonks said, torn between wanting to cry in relief and wanting to hug the kind man before her.<p>

A clock chimed somewhere in the castle, informing them that it was five to seven.  
>"Merlin's pants! I've got to go, my shift starts in five minutes." she exclaimed, jumping up.<br>"You said that you're among the Aurors guarding the school?"  
>"Yes," Tonks nodded.<br>"Well then I owe you my thanks as well."  
>"It's no trouble, sir. Just doing our job." she said.<br>Slughorn smiled, "Well hopefully I'll see around again Nymphadora."  
>"You too," Tonks nodded, "and thank you for everything."<br>Slughorn waved aside her thanks and bid her farewell.  
>Tonks had scarcely felt so grateful for a person's kindness in her life.<p>

Tonks hurried out of the Slughorn's office and rushed down the corridor and around the corner.  
>Where she nearly ran into Dumbledore.<br>_Merlin I have GOT to stop doing that,_ she thought to herself.  
>"I'm sorry!" she exclaimed.<br>Dumbledore merely chuckled.  
>"Sir, since Remus needs to believe this favor comes from you...could I ask you to send this to him?" Tonks asked, holding up the phial of potion.<br>"I had the strangest feeling you might ask." Dumbledore said with a smile, taking the potions phial she offered.  
>"Thank you," she said fervently.<br>"Thank you Nymphadora. Remus is very lucky to have you. And do not lose heart - sometimes it is when things seem most hopeless that they begin to turn for the better."  
>"I hope you're correct about always being right." she said with a grin.<br>Dumbledore chuckled, "As I said, I usually am."  
>Tonks smiled and waved as she started off again.<br>She felt a new sense of purpose, and as she stood in the fading sunlight outside the gates of Hogwarts, on alert and glancing at the sun set, her heart was a bit lighter, and her sorrow a little less painful, knowing that tomorrow would begin a better life for Lupin. She only hoped he would allow her to share it with him...

Tonks drew out of her reminiscence with a small smile, glad to be in her husband's arms and away from that time without him.  
>Lupin stroked her hair slowly, and she drew little circles on his collar bone with her fingers. The quiet would have been peaceful but for the tension they both felt mounting as the light in the room faded.<br>As the sun drew away and the shadows began to fall over the world, Lupin spoke.  
>"It's almost time now." He said, dread in his voice.<br>"I'll be right here." She promised.

She felt him beginning to tremble, and she held him tighter for a moment before letting him go.  
>All of a sudden he jumped back; his body beginning to shake and tremors rolled through him.<br>Tears flooded her eyes as his pain overwhelmed him and he closed his eyes, appearing to brace against it.  
>He looked up, his agonized eyes meeting hers, and the last words he said before transforming were:<br>"Thank you."  
>Her tears spilled over at that, and she watched as his body stretched and jerked unnaturally, causing him to yell in pain.<br>As that eternal minute ended, his pain quieted and once again, the giant wolf was before her.

Unlike last time, however, the shaking and trembling continued.  
>His blue eyes were filled with pain and wild in such a way that they were almost unrecognizable.<br>She walked slowly towards him, wary of the look in his eyes.  
>The wolf snarled and Tonks sensed she was hearing an echo of what a werewolf without the Wolfsbane potion would be like. He began walking towards her slowly, teeth still bared, and she instinctively took a step back.<br>He followed her, and she walked backwards still further.  
>As much as she hated to admit it, she was scared. Something was different this time, and she could tell that Lupin's mind wasn't in control right now. He was acting on the wolf's instincts.<p>

He continued to walk threateningly towards her and she felt her back hit the wall, and still he advanced towards her...he snapped his teeth threateningly towards her when she started to reach out a hand, and she jerked back on instinct. His wild eyes watched her as a predator watches it's prey; he half-circled around her, and let out a feral growl while she stood frozen and trapped against the wall. Heart pounding, she took a deep breath, and looked deep into his eyes, speaking as soothingly as her higher-than-usual voice would allow.  
>"I'm right here, Remus. It's only me, it's alright." She spoke with as much calm as she could muster.<p>

When he heard her voice, he stopped growling, calming slightly.  
>His eyes looked into hers and she could see that they were calmer and his right mind was in control once again. He looked rational again, like a large, wild-looking dog with eyes so human it was startling. She breathed a sigh of relief, suddenly feeling guilty that she had ever been the least bit afraid.<br>Sudden comprehension of what had just passed dawned in his eyes, and his eyes filled with tears that came splashing down onto the floor. He yelped in a pained way she had never heard before and jumped as far from her as the room would allow, and sat down, shaking.

Compassion filled her and she was no longer afraid.  
>She started to walk over to him, and he barked loudly, and dashed away from her.<br>They repeated this five times before understanding came to her.  
>He was trying to keep her away from himself; he knew he had threatened her. If he had been human, his bark would have been a shout of warning.<br>"Remus, please, listen to me..." She started.  
>His blue eyes met hers, and such total, agonized guilt and pain were in them that a small sob escaped her.<br>She tried again to go to him and he jumped over their bed, putting it between them before turning to face her again.  
>"Remus, I'm not going anywhere. Don't keep running from me. It hurts for me to be unable to try to be there for you. None of this is your fault, don't beat yourself up. Everything's going to be alright."<br>As she spoke with painful honesty, big tears welled up in his eyes and spilled down into the fur around his face.  
>"Oh, Remus." She whispered.<p>

And before he could stop her or run again, she'd crossed the bed and thrown her arms around him.  
>Sobs overcame her and she tried to calm herself, but she couldn't.<br>She _hated_ this. Hated this for him. She hoped very much that he wouldn't remember this in the morning.  
>He put his head over her shoulder, hugging her again like her had last time, and the tears came faster.<br>"I'm sorry Remus. I'm so sorry." She said through her tears. He whined and she felt warm moisture slowly soaking into her robes.  
>Inside, her pain at seeing his suffering was crushing her.<br>She desperately wished she could do something for him. Anything.

The tremors were rolling through him again and she resumed talking immediately. Maybe this was the key to getting him through the night.  
>"Shhh, it's alright." She lied. Nothing was alright, it wasn't right that he should have to feel pain like this.<br>Taking a deep breath to steady herself so she could focus on helping him, she mopped her eyes dry with the sleeve of her robes.  
>She released him so she could look into his eyes.<br>They were still painful, but a little calmer.  
>"Can you still understand me?" She asked.<br>He nodded his big head and she smiled slightly.  
>"Does my talking help?" She asked quietly.<br>He nodded again.  
>"Alright good." She wracked her brain for something to talk about for ten hours till the sun came up.<p>

Inspiration struck as she thought of their guest earlier and where he was now.  
>"Well, I'm going to tell you Harry and Ginny's story. I'm certain Ginny wouldn't mind if she knew it had helped you..." She kept talking, relating the whole tale Ginny had told her just before Lupin's and her wedding.<br>Lupin lay down and focused intently on her.  
>His body shook and trembled all night and every once in a while a small whine or yelp would escape him. Once, in a lull of her talking, when she had taken her hands away from his fur to wipe her eyes, he let out an awful howl of pain. She immediately spoke, muttering calming nonsense as her hands went to his face, stroking slowly and gently. He still shook, and when he looked up at her, his eyes were so pained, so afraid, so vulnerable that she had to look away even as tears blurred her vision. She had to keep calm so she could speak, and she couldn't do that when his eyes bore that expression. So she continued stroking his soft fur and after a minute he sighed, relaxing, as much as the tremors would allow, against her gentle touch.<p>

After that story, she told one which she knew he would want to hear. And that was the story of her first visit to Horace Slughorn.  
>She related the whole humorous meeting word for word as much as she could remember.<br>Then she told him as many funny stories as she could remember from her childhood and all the magical accidents she'd had.  
>And at last she told him their story, told him how much she loved him; how <em>long<em>she'd loved him. How happy she was with him now. A few tears escaped his eyes through this story and his eyes took on that loving expression, though it was shadowed with pain.

She talked for seven hours straight, until she ran out of stories.  
>He visibly worsened in her silence, the tremors becoming more violent, and the wild look returned to his eyes.<br>He looked up at her, his eyes begging her for something.  
>"You need me to keep talking?" She asked uncertainly.<br>He nodded his big head, whimpering slightly as another tremor took hold of him.  
>Tears came to her eyes again; she wracked her brain, but was out of stories...at a loss, she began to sing Christmas carols. He cocked his head to the side. She stopped, feeling rather self-conscious and stupid all of a sudden. But when a soft yelp of pain came from him, and he looked at her pleadingly, she began to sing again.<p>

And if a werewolf could grin, she'd swear that was what Remus Lupin was doing.  
>She had a soft voice, slightly off key, but close enough. He closed his eyes for a moment as she - very ironically - sang Silent Night and rested his head on his paws, his eyes fixated on her.<br>His body still shook violently and his eyes were pained such that Tonks had to continue to keep hers away from them or she wouldn't be able to sing for crying; but what she was doing seemed to help, so she continued. After the Christmas carols had all been sung, she proceeded to sing almost all the songs she knew or could remember. Lupin snorted oddly at a few of the Weird Sisters songs she sang, and she stopped abruptly the first time he did, surprised by the noise, and wondering what it meant. Then she noted the same expression in his eyes that his human face held when he laughed. Laughing a bit herself, she continued, hoping that the lighthearted silliness of some of the songs would ease his spirits a bit.

Tonks was losing her voice and just out of songs by the time the first rays of sunshine touched the horizon.  
>She rather hoped he wouldn't remember her singing, but it was what she had to do to help him, so she'd done it.<br>The shaking and tremors worsened and shuddered through him violently and his body began to convulse as his form twisted unnaturally back into his human form, in what seemed like agonizing slow motion. As that one, terrible minute ended, her husband lay on the floor before her, his body still shaking slightly from the aftermath of the transformation.

He lay still for a moment, and Tonks felt a thrill of fear, "Remus?" she asked in a small voice, her thoughts a bit frantic as she wondered if he was conscious.  
>"I'm okay," his hoarse voice whispered.<br>He obviously struggled to rise, and after fetching some clothes from the wardrobe, rushed to his side and helped him the rest of the way up. It was a sign of how drained he was that he actually leaned on her support, relying on it with a grateful but ashamed "Thank you,"

When he was reasonably steady, she handed him the clothing, and he dressed carefully.  
>She let her knees give out, weak with relief, and sat on the bed, tears of relief in her eyes.<br>He looked exhausted, and still that horrible, pained expression lingered slightly in his eyes.  
>The emotions that overcame her at seeing him human again surprised her with their intensity and suddenly she was sobbing again.<br>_What in Merlin's name is the matter with me?_ She wondered to herself.  
>She didn't seem to be able to check her tears.<br>Lupin seemed better now as he donned his shirt. He was no longer shaking as he stood looking at her with so much love in his eyes that her tears came faster and a different emotion joined the tidal wave of them that was crashing over her. He crossed the room and caught her up in his arms.  
>He held her tightly, both of them unable to speak, and they lay together, relief giving way to exhaustion as they mercifully fell to a much needed sleep in each others' arms.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Lupin's POV...<strong>

Lupin was pulled out of his exhausted sleep by Dora's voice.  
>He looked down at her, and saw that though she was still asleep, her face was agitated.<br>Suddenly she started mumbling something, pleading with someone...  
>"No! No...not him...please! REMUS!"<br>The cry of agony pierced his heart, and he shook her shoulder.

She gave a start and awoke.  
>"Remus?" She asked in a hoarse voice as she looked at him blankly for a minute.<br>Her hoarse voice caused memories to flood back from the night, and he cringed at the thought of them.  
>"What's wrong?" He asked.<br>She collapsed into his arms, sighing in relief.  
>"Oh, thank Merlin it was only a dream." She whispered against his chest.<br>"What was a dream?" He asked, puzzled.  
>"Bad dream... Greyback had you, and I was begging him not to... And then..." She shuddered.<p>

His arms closed more tightly around her, "It's alright. It was just a dream." He said reassuringly.  
>"Not really. I thought that had happened, once. Remember? It was March, and you came back to Grimmauld Place..." She trailed off.<br>"Yes, I remember." He said softly, remembering the pain he had felt then. "It was horrible. I felt awful for rejecting you again, seeing that pain in your eyes…" He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes, pulling himself away from the bad memories.  
>"I'm glad I gave in." He said softly. Remembering her loving actions from night before, he could hardly keep this conversation so light, but as he looked into her eyes, he saw she was still too tired.<br>"So am I…although it took you long enough." She said with a mischievous grin.  
>He smiled back and kissed her forehead again. She smiled sleepily and her eyes started to flutter shut, but she forced them back open.<br>"Go ahead and sleep sweetheart, there's not anything to be done that won't keep." He said softly.

"Thank you Remus." She whispered, snuggling her head back into his chest.  
>He smiled, and slowly began to run his hands through her pink hair. It was so soft, and he reveled in holding his beloved Dora; he still couldn't believe she was his. She sighed in contentment and within minutes he could tell by her breathing that she'd drifted back off.<br>He absently continued to stroke her soft hair, but his mind went back to the time she'd mentioned.  
>The memory came to him so clearly, and he could see it before him as though it were yesterday...<p>

Windblown and exhausted, Lupin stumbled up the steps of Number 12, Grimmauld Place. He turned and locked the door behind him.  
>He spun around at the sound of running footsteps.<br>When he saw who it was, his heart gave an unthinking leap.  
>Dora.<br>Finally; he had missed her so much, but just _how_ _much_ he hadn't realized till now.  
>"Remus!" She exclaimed, a breathtaking smile spread across her face and she flew into his arms.<br>He caught her, holding her close.  
>"Dora." He whispered, unable to stop himself from holding her.<p>

When her shoulders began shaking, his arms tightened. Before he could ask what was wrong her tearful voice answered the unasked question.  
>"I thought…I thought…" She stopped, and he understood that she couldn't speak just now.<br>He realized that she must have thought that the werewolf that Fenrir Greyback had killed had been him. He felt a shudder of horror rise in him at the memory of Greyback's regime and quickly pushed the thought away. Dora was here. He was here. That was all that mattered in this moment.

"It's alright Dora." He said softly. He brought a hand up and gently placed it on her hair.  
>For a few minutes, he stood, happy just to have her in his arms again, but sad because she had been hurting. Her hair had been a light brown color, but when he had taken her into his arms it had turned bright pink; he hadn't noticed it when he'd first seen her.<br>She broke the silence, "I thought…Greyback had…had killed you." She whispered, her voice filled with pain.  
>He blinked away some of his own tears then; it still amazed him that she cared what happened to him. It had been so long since anyone really cared. The intensity of her reaction to this thought surprised him - after all he had done to her, she shouldn't care. But she did, and it made him love her all the more.<p>

He stroked her hair gently, "I'm right here, Dora. It's alright. Everything's alright." He said, trying to comfort her.  
>After a few more minutes, her breathing slowed and evened out, and he sensed that she was okay now. He would have rather held her all night; his joy at seeing her was staggering, and selfishly he admitted that he was glad to know that she'd missed him. But after a few more minutes, he reluctantly let her go when he thought of what he'd seen in Greyback's caves. He pulled his mind away from those horrible memories and back to the present moment.<p>

"What happened? I heard Greyback killed a werewolf - were you there?" She asked, curiosity and worry in her eyes.  
>Where did he begin? Should he even tell her? He had seen horrible things and wasn't eager to share the appalling conditions and rituals with anyone.<br>She studied him for a moment in his silence and put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.  
>"Come on, you need something to drink." She said gently, reading his silence correctly.<br>That actually did sound wonderful. He followed her to the kitchen and walked through the door to find her digging around for something in the pantry.

She carried a dusty bottle of butterbeer and two goblets to the table, "Are you alright Remus?" She asked quietly as she set them down.  
>He didn't know how to answer that question… The last months had been horrible, but now he knew he'd be alright. Dumbledore wouldn't send him back, he knew, and so he was free to be here and hopefully see Dora more often.<br>That thought he quickly put out of his mind and he decidedly rashly to answer her question honestly. She was the only one to whom he would.  
>"I'm alright…now. It's good to be above ground in civil company again. The werewolves that live with Greyback, their barbaric habits, the people they bring back…" He trailed off, wanting to spare her the details of the humans the wolves brought back and the awful fates that befell them. He shuddered and focused again on Dora, who sat down next to him and slid a goblet full of butterbeer his way.<p>

"I'm sorry, Remus." She said, looking into his eyes sadly.  
>He took a shaky breath and tried to put the screams out of his mind and answer her previous questions. "Fenrir Greyback killed an older werewolf named Curtis Davidson. He had been asking a lot of questions and challenging some of Greyback;s decisions. He had been rogue for quite some time before he'd reluctantly joined up with Greyback's pack. From what I could gather, he only joined up because the Ministry is hunting them so ferociously, and he was safer in a large group. Because of his obvious disagreement with Greyback's way of running things, I tried to talk him over to our side - subtly of course," he added at Dora's worried expression. "But he didn't seem to like anyone. Well on the full moon three days ago, Curtis tried to attack Greyback, and that was the final straw. Several other wolves got involved in the fight because of the..." He trailed off, remembering who he was talking to. He'd been too lost in the horror of the memory.<br>"You can tell me Remus. Get it all off your chest," she offered.  
>He gazed into her tired-looking grey eyes and, after seeing she really meant it, went on. "When the other wolves smelled the...the blood, it turned into a frenzy. It was only because of the Wolfsbane that I was able to...keep my head." he finished quietly, looking away from her so she wouldn't have to see the ghost of pain and shame in his eyes.<br>Dora placed her hand over his, and he dared not meet her eyes when he heard the fervent emotion in her voice, "I'm so grateful you're safe Remus."  
>He could imagine the look in her eyes and he knew he couldn't afford to be undone by those eyes as he had been so many times before in the past. <em>It would hardly be fair to her either,<em> he thought sadly.  
>When he looked up, intending to reply, she spoke again quickly.<p>

"Will you…have to go back?" She asked, her eyes apprehensive, guarded. It hurt more than he would have expected it to - knowing that she was actually trying to hide her feelings from him. He missed when they were close friends and shared everything with each other.  
><em>Well, who's fault is that?<em> A snide voice in his head commented. He shoved the thought aside and answered her questions.  
>"I don't…well, I doubt it. I made little to no progress with them – I did gain some of their trust, but I was still unable to convince them - Greyback has them all believing this rubbish about how they'll have better lives with Voldemort in power. Look at the Muggle-borns – they're a perfect testament that that will not be so. Voldemort is too prejudiced. Dumbledore knows a lost cause when he sees one, I think. The only thing that was gained was for Greyback's sake anyways…" He said, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice.<p>

"What did Greyback gain?" She asked.  
>"A chance to torment me about how much better I - and my life - would have been if not for him." He said, trying to keep the pain out of his voice.<br>She placed a hand on top of his on the table and he knew she'd heard it. He placed his other hand over hers, wishing he could hold her again, that he could tell her how much he loved her.  
><em>If you really love her you won't do that to her.<em> The rational voice in his head reminded him.  
>Misery filled his heart, but he knew that was the truth.<br>"Remus, don't you listen to him." She said fiercely, her voice angrier than he'd ever heard it. "Don't you see what a good man you are?" She said her voice surprisingly soft now, as though she were begging him.  
>He looked up into her eyes; they were filled with unshed tears. His heart broke a little more when he looked into those grey eyes, so full of life and love, and even as love for her filled him, he opened his mouth to try to stop her. She deserved better, needed to move on.<p>

"Yes. I do believe him. Life _would_ have been much easier if not for him." He said sadly, trying not to think back to that terrible night in the forest so long ago.  
>"I'm sorry, Remus. Sorry you have to suffer so much. I can't stand that you have to go through so much. But an easier life is not necessarily always a better one, you know." She said gently, her grey eyes fierce yet gentle, and he found himself mesmerized once again by them, and her ability to hold so many different emotions in her expression at once.<br>"And you truly are the best man I have ever known." She whispered, breaking their locked gaze by looking down.  
>She was the only woman in the world that would ever say something like that, and mean it; actually believe it.<br>It moved him deeply, seeing her devotion and fervency.

"Do you know how amazing you are?" He asked in awe.  
>She looked up at him, obviously surprised and he had to hold himself back as the overwhelming urge to kiss her crashed over him.<br>"I'm not that different from anybody else." She said with a small, surprised laugh.  
>Oh, did she truly not see it? How was it possible that she didn't?<br>"Yes, you are." He contradicted quietly. The emotions coursing through him were staggering and he couldn't help himself. He reached out and touched her beautiful face. Her breath caught and unsteadied as he traced slowly down her face, caressing it, memorizing every feature and soft curve. He knew he oughtn't to, but his hand moved of its own accord and traced very slowly, her soft, full lips. She gasped and looked into his eyes, clearly surprised he had done so, given their last conversation on the subject of their relationship. She didn't look unhappy though…the opposite was a more apt description. He stared into her eyes a moment, and he almost leaned forward to kiss her, but stopped himself and dropped his eyes. He let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and tried to regain his self-control.  
>He picked up the goblet of butterbeer she'd given him and took a drink just so that he would have to focus on something else for a second.<p>

"Thank you." He said quietly, knowing that maybe he shouldn't, but he really wanted to thank her for worrying about him. It had been years since there'd been someone in his life that had cared this much about him.  
>"Thank Mad-Eye, it wasn't mine." She said, waving her hand and giving him a small smile.<br>"I wasn't talking about the drink - but thank you for that as well."  
>"What then?" She asked, looking puzzled.<br>He looked up into her eyes, wishing there actually were words to tell her how grateful he was. "For caring and for looking for me; for trying to help me. I'm not used to that…and goodness knows I don't deserve it from you." He said, guilt overwhelming him as he knew how this meeting of theirs must end.

"Remus, no matter how long you keep being stubborn, drive me crazy though it may, I still care for you." She said, a soft, yet slightly exasperated expression in her vibrant eyes.  
>"I always will." She whispered, looking him in the eye still, and his joy at these words was short-lived; misery returned, doubly as forceful as it had been.<br>"Dora…please don't do this again. You know this can't be. I wish-" He caught himself there. Half-glad he did, half-wishing he hadn't.  
>"You wish what?" She asked quickly.<br>He hated himself for his next words, for hurting her… "It doesn't matter. I can't give you what you deserve, and I'm not going to put you in danger." He said firmly, trying to tell himself that just as much as her.  
>"Remus, if I could ever deserve you, I would be the luckiest woman alive." She said, her voice intense.<br>What did she mean "_IF_" she could? Before he could ask, she continued.  
>"Why are you so blind?" She asked, and he could see that her temper was rising.<p>

He hated himself more with every passing moment. Hated watching the woman he…loved, fight and hurt and yet still continue to turn her away again and again even though his heart was aching with longing for her.  
>"I <em>will not<em> do this to you Dora. I'm a werewolf and I am too dangerous for you." He said firmly, though inside he was in agony. But it was true, as much as he loved her and as much as he wanted her, it wouldn't be fair to her. Or safe.  
>"Remus, will you never understand what I mean when I say that <em>I DON'T CARE<em>?" She yelled the last three words. "I…I love you, and I honestly don't care that you're a werewolf! I'm sorry you have to go through it, but it doesn't affect _my_ feelings for you!  
>I. DON'T. CARE."<br>He heard the rest of what she said after the first three words, but he didn't really process it. He couldn't believe it. She loved him, for a moment his soul filled with the deepest joy he had ever known in his life. But then he had to remind himself who he was. He was the werewolf Remus Lupin. Poor, unemployed, and dangerous.  
>And yet he reached out a hand to caress her face again, unable to keep himself from doing so. He wished he could hold her again, one more time before he said the words he must say.<p>

"I know you don't Dora, but I do, and I just…I can't do this to you. Don't you understand? I love you so much, and all I'm doing is holding you back." He said gently.  
>It felt so good to finally let the words 'I love you' come out, but he'd had to force himself to string the others behind it; painful though they were, they were the truth.<br>Her eyes filled with misery at his words, though at those three words, her eyes had grown so warm and joyful; he wished so much that he had never met Fenrir Greyback.  
>She looked down, away from him. When she looked up again, her eyes were flashing with anger, though they still held pain concealed behind it.<br>You aren't holding me back!" She yelled.  
>He wanted so much to believe her words, but he just couldn't.<p>

"Why are you SO _STUBBORN_ about me? Do you _want_ me to be unhappy?" She stood and began pacing in front of him.  
>Her words hit him like a slap in the face. He was only denying her <em>because<em> he loved her and wanted her to be happy; to be safe.  
>"Of course not!" He snapped, his anger getting the better of him. "Haven't you heard anything I've said?" He asked almost desperately.<br>"Yes, I've heard EVERYTHING you've said; a better question might be whether YOU have heard ANYTHING I've said to you?"  
>Her eyes flashed.<p>

He knew that she knew why they couldn't do this, be this way.  
>Was it really <em>possible<em> that she just didn't care?  
>She sat back down next to him; clutched the front of his robes,<br>"Please Remus, how many times do I have to tell you for you to believe me?" She asked, her voice quiet, hard. But behind it, pain.  
>He could tell she tried to conceal it, but he could see it, and it tore at his heart; he felt it too.<br>His anger evaporated as he stared into her heartbroken eyes.

Her eyes filled with tears and such sadness that his own pain and longing and love took over his rationality.  
>Anguish filled him as he stared into her eyes, and he gave into his emotions, ignoring his reason for the first time since he roamed the Hogwarts grounds with James, Sirius, and Peter a lifetime ago.<br>He reached out, caressing her face, tracing it gently. Her breath caught and his heart sped. Slowly, he leaned towards her and met her lips gently.  
>His heart leapt at the feel of her warm, soft lips on his. She gasped and he pulled back, silently asking if this was okay, not even daring to breathe as he stared into her eyes.<br>He saw the longing and tenderness in her eyes that were crashing his defenses and his lips met hers with a passion he'd hardly known himself capable of. Her lips were warm and desperate on his and his reason was gone. His hands went to her waist, pulling her closer, and hers were in his hair, pulling him closer, too. If he could have stayed right there forever, he would have done so happily.  
>Without his bidding his hands traveled upwards and grasped her face more eagerly than he'd meant to, but she groaned and he responded, kissing her harder.<br>After a minute, they broke apart, taking a moment to breathe. He meant to stop there, but when he looked into her eyes and saw them shining with joy and love, his desire got the better of him and his mouth was on hers again.  
>He tangled his hands into her hair, never wanting to let her go. She wrapped her arms around his neck; the kiss deepened and when he felt her warm breath meet his, her soft tongue tease slowly into his mouth, he moaned, pulling her closer, desire and love spilling over and engulfing him.<br>Time seemed at a halt and their passionate embrace seemed to last for a timeless moment. The most beautiful, happy moment he'd had in so long.

They broke apart and Lupin couldn't have said how long it'd been…only that it really hadn't been long enough. It never was.  
>He kept his arms around her, even as the reality of what he'd just done crashed in over him and anguish filled him.<br>After a few minutes, he forced himself to let go of her. It was one of the hardest things he'd ever done; harder still were the words he spoke next…  
>"I'm…sorry Dora." He apologized in a hushed voice, ashamed that his weakness was going to hurt them both so much.<br>"I'm not sorry." She said softly.  
>He looked up at her, wishing so much that he could somehow deserve her; she gave him a sad half-smile and pain filled him.<br>"Oh Dora." He whispered.

Her eyes were filled with weary sadness and guilt filled him at what he was doing to the woman he loved, yet could never have. He shouldn't have kissed her. He wasn't sorry he'd done it - nay, the memory would be hat kept him going, but he was sorry because it had hurt her. He was willing to deal with his own pain, but causing her more pain than he already had…that was unacceptable.  
>She rested a gentle hand on his face, stroking his cheek and staring into his eyes, her grey eyes filled with mingled pain and love; he felt as though his heart broke cleanly in half.<br>"I shouldn't have…I'm sorry." He said, the guilt he was feeling heavy in his voice.  
>Her next words shocked him completely…<br>"I'm…_I'm_ sorry Remus." She said quietly, sounding ashamed of herself for some reason.  
>"No," He said, suddenly understanding what she meant, and surprised that she'd said it, for she had nothing to be sorry for… "Don't ever apologize for this, Dora. You have nothing to be sorry for." He said quietly, hoping she would see.<br>He hesitated, but knew she needed to hear it: "You love me; nothing has ever made me so happy. If anyone should be apologizing it's me. I'm sorry I'm hurting you so much, I _hate_hurting you. It's just so hard…" He trailed off there, glad that he'd been unable to stop the words. At least she knew that he loved her…that it was because he loved her that he had to deny her when he wanted nothing but her…he stopped the painful train of thoughts there and looked at this precious, wonderful woman before him, wishing, again, that she was his. Her eyes were filled with tears and she threw her arms around him. He couldn't find it in him to pull away; he embraced her gently, wishing they could stay in each others' arms. Her shoulders began to shake again and he laid his head on her hair, his own tears spilling over at the thought of telling her goodbye...

His memory drifted off there to the peace of sleep.  
>It was two hours before either of them stirred again...<p>

Lupin awoke to the cheery light of the summer afternoon outside.  
>He blinked at the brightness.<br>His thoughts immediately went back to all Dora had told him last night. All the stories, and her beautiful, familiar voice easing his suffering. He remembered her telling the story about them and tears came unbidden to his eyes. He couldn't believe that she loved him so much.  
>And the story with Slughorn...he smiled slightly.<p>

He looked at his Dora, who was still fast asleep in his arms; she was so peaceful. He hadn't seen that expression much in the last month. He watched her sleep, and time seemed still and unimportant in the peace of that moment.  
>He focused on her face; her soft lips were parted slightly, and her pink hair contrasted brightly with the white pillow case.<br>He reached out unthinkingly and traced her soft lips.  
>She awoke and her breath caught and she opened her eyes and stared up into his, desire, love, and warmth in them.<br>They stared into each others' eyes for a moment.  
>He wanted to trace her whole, gorgeous face; wanted to kiss every inch of it.<br>His hand traveled up to her cheek, and then he leant forward, letting his lips memorize every bit of her face, trailing them down her soft cheeks, and down over her chin. Her lips were trembling as he kissed his way gently around them.  
>He kissed slowly back up the side of her face and her uneven breathing quickened even more. He kissed back down and along her jaw.<br>"Remus...please." She asked breathlessly, begging.

So much love for her came over him that he wondered if he could possibly love her more than he did right now.  
>He complied, slowly meeting her lips, happiness filling him as her warm lips touched his. She groaned even from this simple touch, but the sound awakened in him even more desire and passion.<br>He pulled her closer and kissed her harder, and in the joy he felt he finally was able to let go of the pain of the night before. She freed him with her unconditional love and constant, unwavering devotion despite the trials he put her through.  
>She sighed happily against his lips, and softened weakly, her body molding perfectly to his and he could not hold back his moan of pleasure and longing. She whimpered as the kiss deepened and his rationality left him, he forgot his exhaustion as she pressed herself closer to him and he rolled over on top of her, letting his weight press down onto her. She half-gasped, half-moaned and he deepened the kiss further, the feeling of her warm breath on his undid what little restraint he may have been obtaining and he groaned and kissed her fiercely, his hands went to her waist pulling her almost as close as she could be.<br>When they broke apart he looked deeply into her eyes, "Please Dora?" He asked desperately. He wanted to show her how grateful he was for everything she had endured for him last night, and there didn't seem to be any words for it...though he already knew that later would find him looking for them all the same.  
>She nodded, a slow smile spreading across her face; he smiled at his beautiful wife and kissed her again, their mouths colliding passionately. In that kiss he infused all of the love and gratitude he felt for her love, given so freely. He smiled against her lips and she teased her tongue into his mouth slightly and he gasped; she grinned.<br>Time seemed to stand still as they lost track of it...

Lupin woke (again) three hours later, his body was still pressed closely to Dora's warm one and he watched her sleep again, marveling over how amazing she was.  
>When Dora woke she looked up at him then immediately closed her eyes again, frowning at the brightness, "Don't even tell me what time it is this time." She mumbled.<br>He chuckled and kissed her hair and then wrapped his arms around her; she snuggled into him, sighing happily.  
>They simply lay in each others' arms rather than moving, exhausted as they both were.<br>He played with a lock of her pink hair, braiding and unbraiding, and she was tracing invisible patterns on his chest.  
>He had so much he wanted to say in regards to the night before, but he didn't know where to start.<br>She tilted her face up to meet his eyes, "Remus what's wrong?" She asked, her voice hoarse.  
>Her perception was at times alarming.<br>"Just..." He hesitated.  
>She waited expectantly.<p>

He smiled wryly at how well she knew him and started.  
>"Dora, I am so sorry about last night. I don't know what happened exactly. I remember everything perfectly..." He trailed off.<br>"Did Slughorn change anything with your potion?" She asked.  
>Again, she asked the question he'd hoped he wouldn't have to answer. He had hoped not to worry her, but he knew that it was better to just tell her.<br>"Slughorn told me about the new 'security measures' at Hogwarts, and said he didn't know how often he'd be able to get away, but he would do his best. Just in case, he informed me of how little I could take of the Wolfsbane and still keep my mind, even if the pain was worse. He's given me a good supply, but...I decided to try it last night because I don't know when he'll be able to get away from Hogwarts again, and I needed to see how it would work… I can't put you in the danger of what I'd be without it." He explained quietly, looking down.  
>"Oh Remus." She whispered.<br>He looked up at her and saw her eyes were filled with tears.  
>"Dora, what is it?" He asked, though he had the feeling he knew.<p>

His deep, nearly constant guilt for marrying her filled him again when he saw her sadness.  
>But deep down; way down, was a man who wanted to be loved like any other, always had wanted friends. But even when he had friends, and then lost them, as lonely as he was, he never had allowed himself to contemplate the idea of a wife. Why should he? He'd never cared for someone like that before. But when Dora had come into his life, in dreams where he could not control where they took him, he started to dream of how life would be with her.<br>And now she loved him, belonged to him. He was a lucky man indeed.  
><em>Luck,<em> he thought, _does not even begin to describe it._  
>"I hate seeing you hurting like that, and last night...it was so hard to see you in so much pain. I wish I could help you more."<br>"Thank you Dora. But please believe me when I tell you that you being there helps more than you know..." He trailed off, looking down away from her eyes, shame filling him.

"Do you...do you remember everything?"  
>"Yes. I remember...everything." He whispered, the shame and guilt intensifying. "Dora. I am so sorry I threatened you. It wasn't...well you must know it wasn't me, the potion just didn't have the same affect it normally would, because I diluted it too much. I know I scared you - I'm so ashamed of myself." He paused to try and collect himself.<br>She reached out a hand, stroking his face. "I know it wasn't you Remus, I could tell by your eyes." She said.

He was surprised by this...  
>"What do you mean?" He asked, slightly puzzled.<br>"When…when you have the Wolfsbane, your eyes look just like they do now," She explained slowly, "but last night, when I was quiet, your eyes looked…not like you." She finished hastily, looking down.  
>He hated himself for scaring her.<br>"I just can't believe you came to me, even after that..." He whispered.  
>"I couldn't have stayed away when you were in so much pain, it hurt." She whispered.<br>"And when you realized what had happened, you were so... upset."  
>"Of course I was upset! I almost attacked you! You're the most important, precious, part of my life. I could never forgive myself if something happened to you…if I hurt you…" He closed his eyes, horror filling him at the thought.<p>

Her hand that was still resting on his face stroked his face gently, reassuringly.  
>"Remus, nothing happened to me, I'm just fine." She said calmly, looking into his eyes.<br>He tightened his arms around her, pulling her closer to him.  
>A teardrop fell onto his arm and he looked at her worriedly.<br>"Dora, don't cry," He said softly, he wiped away the tears that were beginning to fall on her beautiful, sad face.  
>"I'm just...so sorry you have to hurt so much." She said, her hoarse voice even more so because of her tears.<br>"Dora," He whispered her name, pulling her closer into the circle of his arms. He hated to see her sad because of him.

"Is that why were you crying last night?" He asked softly.  
>She nodded, more tears falling, and he wiped them away with gentle fingers.<br>"It hurts to see you in pain, to see you miserable and suffering and I can't take it away. I wish... so _much_ that I could." She whispered.  
>"Dora..." He murmured, kissing her hair. "Thank you." Why did those words always seem so dreadfully inadequate? "It's like I've told you before though, you being there is the best help there is. I wish you knew how much it means to me." He said softly, kissing away another tear. "And...having you there with me keeps me from…well...I'm not...I'm not afraid when you're with me, it's not as painful." He admitted.<p>

"Remus..." She whispered, tightening her arms around him. "You don't have to be afraid anymore." She whispered tenderly.  
>Tears filled his eyes at the generosity of her love.<br>They lay in silence for a moment, and Lupin was so grateful for her constant, steadfast belief of his goodness, despite worlds of contradiction.  
>"Thank you so much Dora. I can't even find words to tell you how grateful I am. And how much I love you." He said huskily.<br>"Thank you for letting me help you. I wish you knew how much I love you…but you don't need words to tell me those things." She said softly, her face a bit pink.  
>He kissed her again, pulling her on top on him.<br>Her lips were soft and sweet on his, and he found that she was right. No words were needed; love was enough.  
>When their gentle kiss ended, he kept her where she was with his arms around her.<p>

Remus couldn't resist the temptation of his next words.  
>"By the way, you didn't tell me you sang so well." He said, lightening the mood considerably.<br>"I didn't tell you because I don't." She laughed.  
>"Ah, but you do. You have a beautiful voice." He said softly, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.<br>"Well I'm glad you think so in any case since you had to listen to it for three hours." She said hoarsely, smiling up at him mischievously.  
>"Was it that long? I'm sorry sweetheart." He apologized, feeling guilty again.<br>"There's nothing to be sorry for. Did it help?" She asked.  
>"Very much. I think your voice caused my mind to be in better control." He said quietly. "I think...maybe because you're such a big part of my life, and you're always with me, that you being here...gave my mind a stronger connection to you than my wolf-sided instincts have to the moon." He explained his theory.<p>

For a moment she was silent, staring into his eyes, speaking again with no words. Her eyes seemed to do that, they sparked and danced and seemed to live and speak on their own. They were exquisite.  
>"I did notice you seemed better when I was talking. But I ran out of stories, see." She said with a laugh.<br>"So next time...maybe you shouldn't dilute the potion quite so much."  
>He looked away from her eyes, ashamed; he really had scared her, hadn't he?<br>"Remus." She said gently, laying a hand on the side of his face and bringing his eyes to meet hers. "Not because I'm scared of you," she murmured, seemingly reading his mind, "but because I don't want you to have to suffer that much again."  
>"Thank you Dora." He whispered, kissing her forehead.<br>"I liked all your stories, by the way." He said softly.

She blushed and looked down.  
>"Do you remember all of those too?" She asked, looking a bit embarrassed.<br>He nodded with a smile; as she stared into his eyes, her embarrassed expression faded away, replaced by that warm, loving expression he loved so much.  
>"My favorite was the one about a werewolf and a beautiful girl." He said, smiling softly.<br>She grinned and elbowed him in the ribs.  
>"I didn't tell it like that." She protested.<br>His hand went up to her hair, pulling her face down so that he could reach it with his lips, and he slowly began kissing down her face.  
>"Just tell me the one about you and I next time. Over and over." He whispered against her skin with a smile.<br>"I promise." She said, smiling softly right before he gave in to the urge to kiss her again.  
>As their lips met and she melted into him, peace and joy settled over him and he promised himself that if there was ever a time when she needed him as much as he had needed her last night, he would be there as she had been.<br>More time passed, some of it happy, some of it sad, some hard.  
>But each day, Tonks came home to Lupin, and they found love, comfort, and safety in each others' company.<br>Simple, stolen moments of happiness with each other, sitting together, reading, talking; all of it made the hard days of war bearable.

* * *

><p><strong>Back to Tonks's POV...<strong>

It was two a.m. the morning before they were to move Harry. Time had flown by and July was nearly past them. Tonks was awake and rummaging around in the pantry. She was starving.  
>Yet everything in there for some reason looked disgusting.<br>What she really wanted was some ice cream.  
>As soon as the thought of it popped into her head, it wouldn't go away, and she wanted some so badly she couldn't stand it. She started laughing at herself.<br>Why was she so hungry?

Her laughter was evidently louder than she'd thought, for Lupin walked into the dark kitchen yawning, while she was still laughing.  
>"What are you doing?" He asked, sounding amused.<br>His voice struck a chord of happy memories and she suddenly couldn't believe she'd been married to him for almost two months.  
>She smiled.<br>"I'm starving." She answered honestly.  
>"Ahh...sounds unpleasant. I am sorry." He joked.<br>She laughed again.  
>He joined her, turning on the light and then squinting. "I shouldn't have done that." He said, grimacing.<br>She giggled and turned the light off, "Better?" She asked.  
>"I can't see a thing." He sighed.<br>"Perfect." She said, teasing.  
>She'd closed her eyes right as she'd cut the light...worked every time. She could still see Remus's face in the half-crescent moonlight shining through the window.<br>She smiled at him looking around in the darkness and walked up to him, kissing him slowly on the lips. He smiled against her mouth. After another few moments of complete bliss, Tonks's stomach protested, reminding her of her hunger.

She took his hand and dragged him over to the pantry with her.  
>"Why are you so hungry that it woke you up?" He asked, looking concerned.<br>"Beats me." She said, shrugging.  
>But of course, the answer to that question popped into her head right after she'd answered him.<br>They'd visited the Weasley's the night before, and Tonks had had a long talk with Molly about it, as the men had gone out to "look at some damage to the shed." In truth Tonks knew that Arthur was showing them the new features to Sirius's motorbike.  
>When she'd described how she'd been feeling to Molly, she'd told Tonks that since she'd been feeling this way consistently for over five weeks, had missed her period, and had had morning sickness, she felt certain Tonks was pregnant.<br>Tonks was elated at this news. She couldn't help but be overjoyed at the thought of a baby with Lupin's eyes. She watched Molly with her children with a new fascination for the rest of their visit.  
>Molly smiled a knowing smile at the shining look of happiness on her face.<br>When Lupin had re-entered the house with Arthur, Bill, Fred, George, and Ron, he had noticed her expression with puzzlement...

The memory of this had guilt filling her. She should have told him today. Should tell him now. But she just couldn't. He was going to be so protective…she knew it was only because he loved her and that he would mean it well, but a war was no time for such overreactions.  
>"What is it you're hungry for?" He asked; she could tell by the sound of his voice he was grinning.<br>"Ice cream. Doesn't that just sound delicious?" She asked.  
>He chuckled, "Well, it's your lucky day - Molly sent some of the ice cream she made last night home with us." He said, getting it out as he spoke.<br>"Oh yum!" She exclaimed, "You want some?" She asked as she Summoned a bowl and a spoon.  
>"Nope, but I'll sit with you while you eat." He said with a smile.<br>Tonks was really appreciating Molly's cooking and generosity right then.  
>The ice cream was even more amazing than she'd thought it would be.<br>Lupin laughed at this proclamation.  
>She giggled, and finished her ice cream happily while talking to Lupin.<br>When she finished, he started to wash the bowl, but she took his hand and dragged him away from the sink and back to their room so he could get some sleep. She felt guilty for waking him in the first place.  
>They lay down and he settled behind her, his warm breath fanning across her hair, his arms warming her as she fell into a contented sleep.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Soooo...I realize this half of the chapter was really just that one scene...and that there was an ungodly amount of fluff...sorry about that! *blushes* I'm not sure if that sort of thing regarding Wolfsbane is actually "possible" in the confines of J.K.R.'s world, but it was just something I'd thought of. Sorry if this was boring or too flashback-y. haha But I hope y'all liked it and hopefully I can get the next chapter up soon -which is also more interesting, promise;) Also, y'all read about 65 pgs in this chapter here...don't faint, I almost did when I saw that! LOL! Also, the flashback scene where Lupin and Tonks are at Grimmauld Place was a bit different (besides the POVs), because I added more information about what had happened to Lupin. I had meant to do that with this scene from Tonks's POV in chapter 6, but I forgot!*laughs at self* So, I'll probably edit it into chapter six when I have the time... But anyways, I hope y'all are having a wonderful day...or night! Thanks so much for reading! May God bless ya! 3 <strong>


	10. Loss

**Hello all!  
>Well I'm alive and (don't faint) I actually updated! I am intending to finish this. Life's just in a busy patch at the moment;)<br>So, there are passages and dialogue that will be very familiar to any of you who have read Deathly Hallows...all that belongs to J. and co. Who I obviously am not - if I was, this would be a Mac and I'd have a ridiculously large expensive chocolate bar sitting next to me. LOL!XD  
>Also, I hope this chapter lives up to whatever expectations you may have formed in the two months you had to wait for it! I'm sorry it took so long!<br>Thanks to all of you for your patience and for reading!:)  
>And especially special thanks to ThisLoveHasNoCeiling for her continuing support and encouragement! :D<br>Okay, I'll shut up now and let you read. ;) ...**

* * *

><p>9. Loss:<p>

The day the Order was going to move Harry Potter dawned bright and clear. But though none knew it yet, this day would change so much.  
>Tonks and Lupin were up early, eating breakfast when a knock came at the door.<br>Lupin jumped up and Tonks mirrored him, drawing her wand.  
>"Declare yourself!" Lupin demanded in a commanding voice.<br>"Mad-Eye Moody, former Auror and teacher to your wife, Nymphadora Tonks Lupin, who is glaring at me through this door right now for using her first name. You are Remus John Lupin, werewolf, sometimes known as Moony." He said.  
>Lupin let out a quiet breath of relief andy opened the door.<p>

"What was the first thing you said to me when they brought me to the Ministry for you to teach me?" Tonks asked.  
>"'A little bit of a girl like her, an Auror!'" He quoted himself with a chuckle.<br>"Come on in Mad-Eye," Lupin greeted, shaking his hand.  
>"All right Mad-Eye? What's brought you out here at this hour?" Tonks asked.<br>"Is everyone okay?" Lupin asked, and sudden fear flowed through her at the thought.  
>"Everyone's fine," He said. "May not be after tonight though," he muttered pessimistically.<br>After her initial rush of relief, and looking over to see a similar expression on Lupin's face, she had to laugh. "You're always good at those positive prep-talks Mad-Eye."  
>He rolled his eye, making Lupin chuckle, and spoke.<p>

"I have a job for you two that I need done before we can get Harry to where he needs to be," Mad-Eye said, his tone brisk, and Tonks could tell he was in a hurry.  
>"I need to put you in charge of getting six pairs of glasses identical to Harry's," Mad-Eye said, cutting to the chase.<br>_He never has been one for small talk._ Tonks thought to herself with a grin.  
>"I believe I can take care of that," Lupin said, nodding, a thoughtful expression coming over his face.<br>"Dora, I need you to come up with seven identical outfits that are Harry's size," He said.  
>She nodded, trying to remember exactly what size Harry was. Lanky and thin ought to do it, she decided.<br>"Remus, don't let her mess them up," He added.  
>"I'm sure I can manage fine, thank you very much Mad-Eye," she bristled jokingly.<br>She was used to Mad-Eye's outer-gruffness, but she knew he had a good heart.  
>He chuckled. "I'm sure you can." He said, his tone placating.<br>"So any news with the two of you...?" Mad-Eye asked, giving Tonks a meaningful glance.  
>Tonks, remembering their conversation at the Burrow, realized what he meant immediately. She blushed and looked down; hoping Lupin wouldn't ask what he meant.<p>

Lupin didn't ask, but looked between her and Mad-Eye with confusion clear in his eyes, noting her expression with puzzlement.  
>Mad-Eye gave her a look and she knew what he meant even though he hadn't spoken. He may as well have said "Tell him already." out loud. His magical eye focused on her head, and Tonks barely managed to keep herself from rolling her eyes.<br>_Subtle, Mad-Eye,_ she thought in his direction.  
>"Well, I'd best be off. Figured it was safer to tell you myself. Mad times we live in," He muttered the last bit.<br>"Be at the Burrow at five o'clock. And bring the clothes and glasses when you come - we're having a quick run over the plan to make sure nobody messes up and gets us all killed." He said.  
>"You've always been so encouraging Mad-Eye," Tonks joked.<br>Lupin smothered a grin, and bade him farewell, shaking his hand.  
>"See you later," Tonks called with a wave as he walked out the door.<p>

Inside she was reeling; she realized she was worried about telling Lupin about their baby because she knew the moment she mentioned it to Lupin, he'd forbade her to do _anything _dangerous. And right now, everything was dangerous.  
>But she was sure, and she had promised herself she'd tell him when she was sure.<br>She'd put it off long enough - she should have told him last night.  
>Lupin closed the door, and the sound broke her out of her reverie.<br>She looked up at him, wondering what he would say if she told him right now.  
><em>Well, I won't have to wonder much longer<em>, she thought to herself wryly.  
>He must have noticed the distressed air of her thoughts because he pulled her into his arms, sighing into her hair. But she relaxed about the whole thing a moment too soon:<br>"What do you think Mad-Eye meant by 'news with us'?"  
>She tried not to tense and simply shrugged, "You know Mad-Eye, could've meant anything." She said, trying to sound casual.<br>She didn't know what had made her hedge his question like that - she needed to tell him.

It wasn't close to the full moon, so hopefully he wouldn't overreact or anything.  
>He nodded, but when he pulled back to look into her eyes, she knew he could tell she was hiding something. He was perceptive, and he had noticed that she wasn't feeling 100% normal.<br>"Dora, what is it? What aren't you telling me?" He asked, apprehensive.  
>Fear pounded in her veins as he stared into her eyes, his gaze penetrating her, making her feel as though she could hide nothing.<br>_What if he takes it bad? What if he doesn't want to be a father?_She worried internally.

Then Mad-Eye's words echoed in her mind...'He probably won't take it well at first, but he'll come round.'  
>Best to get the hard part over with. After all, it was unfair of her to assume what his reaction would be when she hadn't even mentioned it to him yet.<br>She spoke haltingly, not sure how to tell him.  
>"I...haven't been... trying to keep it from you - I just didn't want to tell you till...till I was sure."<br>Lupin looked at her steadily, anxiety and curiosity vying on his face.  
>"Everything's fine," she reassured him quickly, "better than fine actually." She said, smiling briefly as she realized how happy she was about it, even if the timing couldn't have been worse.<br>His eyes softened at seeing her smile. "What is it?" He asked curiously.  
>"It's, umm..." Excitement, pure joy, nerves like she hadn't felt since there wedding day; all of these flew around in her head, dizzying her, and she didn't know how to say it. She'd never bloody done this before, how on earth was she to go about telling him something like this?<br>"I'm...we're, um..." She took a deep breath and then ploughed forward.  
>"I'm pregnant." She said quietly, staring into his eyes, apprehensively awaiting his reaction.<br>He didn't speak, but he didn't have to.  
>Joy and disbelief filled his blue eyes. His eyes flitted down, followed by his hand, to rest on her belly, staring at it in amazement.<br>She felt the same way; she couldn't believe that a tiny person was growing inside her. Their child.  
>Her joy at the realization and at seeing Lupin's joy was heady.<br>Suddenly she could hardly believe it.

It hadn't really sunk in till now. Till she shared it with Lupin, it really couldn't. But saying it out loud to him and seeing the disbelieving joy dawn in his eyes made it more real than ever before.  
>He looked up at her, and she saw something else haunting his eyes, shadowing the joy. Before she could make it out he was pulling her close.<br>He held her tightly, and suddenly she realized she was smiling and couldn't stop.  
>She really couldn't believe it.<br>They were going to be parents.  
>She was carrying Lupin's baby.<br>A happiness she had never known filled her and bubbled over.  
>She pulled back after a minute to see into his eyes.<br>The guilt and anguish there, along with dread and compassion, confused her.  
>Her heart twisted and she dreaded what reason had put that horribly familiar, but this time more acute, look in his eyes. At the same time, compassion for his suffering filled her.<br>She caressed his face, loving him so much, feeling so happy that she thought she might burst with the intensity and joy of it all.  
>Did he know how much she loved him? How grateful she was that he'd given her this baby?<br>She hoped very much that Mad-Eye's words would prove true.

His joy and guilt conflicted eyes stared into hers, but as they did, that tender, love-filled expression came to his eyes and she couldn't hold back. She kissed him, happiness flowing through her at the feel of his soft lips on hers and at the knowledge that they were really going to have a family - something Tonks hadn't even realized that she'd dreamed about for a while until now. She'd never been happier than she was right at this moment.  
>Her thoughts cut off when Remus's arms closed around her, pulling her closer.<br>The kiss deepened and she moaned softly, tears of joy washing down her face. Lupin's hand resting on her face caught her tears.  
>His hands traveled slowly down to her waist and she gasped and pulled him closer, wanting more.<br>He was kissing her fervently, and suddenly he shocked her by lifting her off the ground and setting her atop the counter.  
>She wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer still.<br>He groaned and she felt all rational thought leave her; all she knew was Remus and his warm body pressed to hers and his lips passionately linked with hers.

After several more minutes they broke apart, gasping for air.  
>Tonks rested her forehead on Lupin's. He looked into her eyes, unspeaking, the joy she'd seen before - and felt in their kiss - dimming, replaced by guilt that Tonks was dreading.<br>But she had seen his joy, and she knew he was happy about their baby, just that this reason he felt he had to be guilty for was taking over. She'd just have to set him straight - again.  
>"Well at least now I understand why you've been so hungry and nauseous," He said, stroking her hair. "I was worried," He added softly.<br>"I didn't mean to worry you," She apologized quietly, preoccupied by the expression in his eyes.

Even as she spoke, she saw his eyes grow more worried.  
>"Remus…is there something wrong?" She asked carefully.<br>"Nothing's wrong." He said tersely.  
>Sighing, he rubbed the back of his neck and pulled away from her, pacing before stopping beside the window of the sitting room and staring out pensively.<br>"Don't try to deny it, please?" She pleaded.  
>"Dora, really, it's n-" He started, exasperation touching his tone.<br>"Remus, do _not_ say 'it's nothing'. I know that look." She said sternly, feeling her temper flair a little, and her hair threatening to bleed a bit red.  
>For a moment he didn't speak. At last he let out a long breath and his shoulders slumped a bit as he met her eyes and spoke. "Don't you realize what our poor child might have to suffer with? That he might be afflicted with the same curse that has made my life so difficult?" He asked, his eyes tormented, tone hard.<p>

"Remus. You're jumping to the worst case-scenario. Has that ever actually happened?" She asked hesitantly, finally understanding his expression.  
>"I...I don't know. I get the impression that most werewolves don't...reproduce." He said, looking ashamed.<br>Compassion and love filled her; of anyone, after all he'd been through, Lupin deserved to be happy; but it seemed he couldn't allow himself the chance without blaming himself for something at every turn.  
>"Remus, listen to me - I love you. I'm glad we're having a baby - so glad I'm having <em>your<em> baby; I can't even tell you how happy I am," She said softly. "As much as I would hate to see him suffer, I will love him no matter what, nothing could change that. And it wouldn't change who he'll be. And this's assuming that's even possible." She tried to reassure him, help him see that it didn't matter; they would love their child with all their hearts and nothing could change that. But she could see Remus wasn't going to be able to accept that as quickly as she.  
>"Let's keep this to ourselves for a while, alright? The Ministry obviously isn't feeling too friendly towards werewolves and I don't want you in danger there. Let's just keep quiet about it for now." He said, looking slightly agitated.<br>"If you want. But just so you know, it is good news." She reminded him gently. She would abide by his wishes with only two exceptions: Molly and Mad-Eye. She understood he was only worried, and hoped that was the only reason of his wanting to keep it quiet.  
>Either way, nothing could erase the deep joy she felt and she could understand Lupin's worry even if she didn't really agree with it.<br>"I am so happy," She whispered, throwing her arms around him.  
>He returned her embrace, holding her tight, but didn't reply.<br>She would just have to be patient and wait for him to come around.

She reluctantly pulled back a bit, "Come on, let's get the clothes and everything all sorted so we'll be ready for tonight." Tonks said, turning to pick her wand up off of the coffee table when Lupin's voice made her spin sharply back around to stare him in the eye.  
>"You can't go tonight!"<br>"What in Merlin's name are you talking about? Of course I'm going!" She shot back.  
>I should've expected this. She thought in a silent grumble.<br>"NO! It's too dangerous! Now with the baby - it's too big a risk." He said, tone hard, final, making it sound as if there was no room for discussion on the topic.  
>Like hell.<p>

"Remus, I _have_ to go, even if I wanted to stay - which I _don't_ - they need me. I've been pregnant all this time before now and I've been the same as ever, I'll be fine." She said firmly, trying to keep her annoyance from leaking to the surface.  
>She looked into his eyes and saw his worry and guilt there and her frustration with him dissipated.<br>She rested a hand on his face gently.  
>"It'll be all right, Remus," She reassured quietly.<br>He pulled her into his arms, burying his face in her hair.  
>For a little while they just held each other.<p>

Then they reluctantly released each other and returned to the business at hand...getting things for Harry's move.  
>Tonks worked with a new joy, though Remus's eyes retained their guilt.<br>Give him time. She told herself.  
>She worked on conjuring clothes and thought about Harry and the war and Voldemort. She wondered if he would ever be gone. But even so, at what price?<br>"Do you think this plan will work?" Tonks asked quietly as she folded the clothes she'd conjured.  
>He looked up at her from where he was sitting at the kitchen table, conjuring glasses and transfiguring them to look like Harry's, and met her eyes.<br>"It has to. It's the only plan we've got." He said grimly.

* * *

><p>At five o'clock that evening, Tonks and Lupin Apparated to the Burrow.<br>They were met at the gate by Mad-Eye.  
>Rather uncharacteristically, Tonks asked the first question.<br>"What did you tell me to tell Lupin about?" She asked with a grin, wanting to share the news with someone who would be happy about it for sure.  
>Mad-Eye nodded in approval, anticipating her news.<br>"That you might be…expecting," He answered gruffly, pulling at the collar of his robes a little awkwardly.  
>"I am, and I told him." She announced, smiling at Remus. "Course, you practically told Remus yourself, seeing as how you were <em>so subtle<em> this morning." Tonks added, rolling her eyes at his knowingly amused expression.  
>Tonks grinned and Mad-Eye patted her on the shoulder, blinking his one eye rather quickly as his lips quirked up a bit.<br>Lupin simply watched their exchange, a bit of a confused look on his face.  
>"Glad to hear it," Mad-Eye said, and shook Lupin's hand, "Congratulations Remus, Dora." He said.<br>"Thank you Mad-Eye," Lupin said quietly.  
>Mad-Eye eyed Tonks for a moment before speaking abruptly, "Watch yourself out there tonight – both of you. Constant vigilance."<p>

Tonks nodded, suppressing a little grin at Mad-Eye's well-concealed protectiveness.  
>He let them into the yard, right as a loud crack sounded behind them and Kingsley appeared outside the gate.<br>Tonks made to go greet Arthur, Bill, Fleur, Fred, and George.  
>But Lupin stopped her before they were halfway across the yard.<br>"How long did you not tell me?" He asked abruptly, his eyes burning into hers as he rubbed the back of his neck.  
>Tonks could see this had been bothering him. And her conversation with Mad-Eye probably hadn't helped.<br>"About three weeks. I wasn't _sure_...I just didn't want to worry you..." She answered.  
>He nodded, and she looked him in the eye, a bit apprehensive as to what she might see. Would he be angry? But as her brown and his blue connected, she saw instead that he looked a little sad, but understanding.<br>"I'm sorry Remus," She said, guilt flooding her as her eyes darted away from him. "I really just didn't know for sure, and I didn't want to disappoint someone besides myself if I was wrong. I had to ask Molly some questions and Mad-Eye figured it out." She explained, feeling rather ashamed of herself – she could have told him. Should have.

Then warm hands were cupping her cheeks and tilting her face until her eyes met his.  
>"It's alright Dora, I'm not angry," he said gently, seeming to sense her anxiety.<br>She smiled at him in relief and gratitude, "Thank you Remus," She whispered.  
>He smiled a little and kissed her forehead before taking her hand and walking with her to greet the others.<br>He was still so...impassive about it. It bothered her, though she wasn't sure why.  
>But his eyes were a little too composed, and she knew that look.<br>When from, she wasn't sure, but she'd seen it on his face before. The answer was elusive, sitting in the shadows of better-remembered things, and she knew it would bother her until she was able to find it.

They greeted everyone, talking animatedly while waiting on the last of Harry's guard. It was a few minutes before Hagrid and Mundungus Apparated with a loud_ crack_ and walked into the yard to meet the others after their own identity confirmations.  
>Ron and Hermione came out of the house at the sound.<br>"Wotcher Ron, Hermione," Tonks said, smiling and suddenly feeling her old enthusiasm for a bit of an adrenaline rush come back to her. Back before Sirius had died, she'd enjoyed her job for the adrenaline rush and satisfaction of helping bring some justice to their world. But that was a lifetime ago, before she'd realized on every level how serious this war was getting and how much they would all have to sacrifice to see it to the bitter end.  
>"Hello Tonks," Hermione greeted.<br>Ron echoed her greeting.

Right as Tonks started to ask them how they were, Mad-Eye called them to order.  
>"Listen up you lot," Mad-Eye called over the din of conversations and greetings in the yard.<br>"We're going to use Disillusionment Charms to see we all at least get there in one piece. Any questions before we start?" He asked impatiently.  
>Tonks could tell he was ready to be off. He always had been a tad impatient.<br>Hermione spoke out in the silence, "Professor Moody, I think you should know that Harry...well he's not going to take this plan well, he's not likely to give in easily." She warned.  
>Hermione was right, Tonks knew. Harry would hate the idea of all of them risking their lives to move him. She felt sympathy for him well up in her; she would hate that too.<p>

"I figured as much," Mad-Eye grumbled tersely as he walked over to pick up a large sack bulging with mystery contents and one additional empty sack.  
>Mad-Eye went through the plan once more very briefly to see that everyone understood.<br>They all nodded when he was finished, confident that they knew exactly what they all were to do.  
>"Now that you're all familiar with the plan, let's be off. Don't make a lot of noise when you're Disillusioned, that defeats the purpose." He said.<br>"And a warning - if we come up on Death Eaters tonight, they're going to expect Harry to be with the roughest, most experienced Aurors, like Kingsley and I. So watch yourselves." He warned.  
>"Hagrid, you're going on the motorbike with the real Harry – I trust Arthur has added to it enough?"<br>Arthur nodded enthusiastically.  
>"Yeah, it's go' -" Hagrid started.<br>But Mad-Eye interrupted, "Good," he looked over at Tonks and Lupin expectantly, "Okay, Dora, Remus, you two brought the stuff?" He asked.  
>They both nodded.<br>"Good. Put it all in this sack." He said, handing them the empty one.  
>Tonks stuffed the clothes into one, and Lupin put the glasses in the side pocket of the same sack.<p>

Mad-Eye lifted one and Lupin the other and led them out of the front yard.  
>Around the back of the yard, their transportation awaited them. Each person broke off into pairs and chose their transportation.<br>Mad-Eye turned to the still chattering group. "Constant vigilance!" He roared over the din, immediately silencing the entire yard.

Tonks, familiar with her mentor's way of silencing a room, barely jumped and managed not to laugh, both at his abrupt manner and the familiar phrase.  
>"Hurry up and do your Disillusionment Charms so we can be off. And don't forget to do your brooms." He ordered loudly to the yard at large. "The last thing we need is for flying brooms and motorbikes to end up in Muggle news. And shut it once you're Disillusioned." Mad-Eye reminded the still chattering group impatiently.<br>Tonks chuckled as everyone and everything around the yard began disappearing and Mad-Eye shot her a warning glance with his magical eye before Disillusioning himself.

Lupin, who had been sitting on his broom a moment before, had apparently already Disillusioned himself, as he was not visible. As she watched, his broom disappeared from sight as well. Only if upon looking closely could she see the air seeming to almost shiver – the tell-tale sign of a Disillusionment charm.  
>Drawing her wand, she gave herself a smart rap on the head and felt the cold sensation run over her.<br>Tonks was glad they were seeing some action again though, too long without it and life could get boring. Tonks nearly jumped off her broom when an invisible hand tapped her shoulder.  
>Stupidly, her eyes flew to the shivering air next to her, to find – nothing. Almost laughing at herself, she realized it was Lupin. "Remus?" She checked quietly.<br>"Yes." Answered his familiar hoarse voice.  
>She felt one of his hands squeeze hers for a moment.<br>"Be careful." He said in a low voice.  
>"And you too," she replied, with a squeeze of his hands before letting them go.<p>

But despite her confidence in the plan, she felt a sprinkle of nerves fly through her. _What if something happens to Remus?  
><em>She mentally shook herself, trying not to let her imagination get carried away. She'd had to train herself to do that about all the people she loved in the Order – though it had always been hardest with Lupin, but after Sirius she had had to start from scratch.  
>Ever since she had started falling for Lupin, she had been more anxious about missions.<br>Hopefully it would all go without a hitch. Ron and Hermione and Harry were so young...they'd been through a lot, but all the same, it would be nice for tonight to go smoothly. And it would be good for Harry to be a permanent resident of the Wizarding World now.  
>Tonks surfaced from her thoughts to see that the two Thestrals were the only visible thing in the yard.<p>

"On three we Apparate as discussed." Mad-Eye's voice came from the head of the yard.  
>A general murmur of agreement came from the air around them.<br>"One. Two. THREE."

Loud cracks sounded in the air around her and she followed the lead of her invisible comrades and Disapparated.  
>They all landed in a deserted alley close to Number Four, Privet Drive and then traveled from there with their various forms of transportation.<br>They arrived in the quiet Muggle neighborhood Tonks had been to once before, as part of the Advance Guard when they had taken Harry to Grimmauld Place for the first time.  
><em>So much has happened since then<em>. Tonks thought; she had only just been starting to fall for Lupin then. And Sirius and Dumbledore... she stopped her memories there; she needed to be clear minded for tonight, she couldn't afford too many emotional distractions in such a potentially hazardous situation. She had to remain vigilant and focused. A lack of it could be devastating.  
>She laughed at herself; she was starting to think a bit like Mad-Eye.<p>

They lifted their Disillusionment Charms and were greeted by Harry running out the back door, greeting them joyfully.  
>Hermione ran forward and hugged him, Ron patted him on the back, and Hagrid said, "All righ' Harry? Ready fer the off?"<br>"Definitely!" He said, beaming. "But I wasn't expecting this many of you!"  
>"Change of plan," growled Mad-Eye in Harry's direction.<br>He picked up the two large sacks, his magical eye was spinning like crazy.  
>Tonks could tell he was just worried they would be found before the disguise was ready.<br>"Let's get undercover before I talk you through it." He said, confirming Tonks's suspicions.  
>Harry led them into the spotless, clearly deserted, kitchen.<p>

Everyone was laughing and chattering, catching up.  
>"Kingsley, I thought you were looking after the Muggle Prime Minister?" Harry called across the room.<br>"He can get along without me for one night, you're more important." Kingsley replied.  
>Tonks was so glad to see that Harry looked alright. Glad he would be with the Weasley's now - he'd be happier there.<br>She jumped up and seated herself on some sort of metal Muggle contraption. Lupin stood next to her, his eyes studying the room with less anxiety and more joy now that they were all together. Even Tonks, who didn't know Harry very well, had to admit that it felt _right_ and complete when Harry was with the Order. They needed him in this fight, and if Dumbledore had known it, then she'd bet her last Galleon that it was true.  
>She smiled at Lupin, who didn't notice her following his happy eyes darting around the room, but lingering on Harry, James's son. He looked so much like him from pictures she'd seen...she wondered if that was hard for Lupin, or if he was glad. She'd wanted to ask him before, but she hated to cause him pain. He had enough of it to endure as it was.<p>

Suddenly Tonks remembered that Harry didn't know about them getting married. Tonks looked at Lupin and he met her eyes, seeing the excitement in hers. He seemed to know what she was asking and nodded, a small smile playing on his lips; she turned again to face Harry.  
>"Harry guess what?" Tonks asked gleefully. She wiggled her left hand in front of him so he would see her wedding ring.<br>"You got married?" Harry yelped; surprised, as he looked from her to Lupin.  
>"I'm sorry you couldn't be there, Harry, it was very quiet." Lupin said, and Tonks could tell he regretted that Harry hadn't been there as much as she did.<br>"That's brilliant, congrat-"  
>"All right, all right, we'll have time for a cozy catch-up later!" Mad-Eye interrupted, roaring over the noise.<p>

Silence fell at once - Mad-Eye did have a rather commanding presence...in any case, he'd never failed to quiet a room since Tonks had known him.  
>He dropped his heavy sacks - one full of clothes and glasses, and the other who knew what, and turned to Harry.<br>"As Dedalus probably told you, we had to abandon Plan A.  
>Pius Thicknesse has gone over, which gives us a big problem. He's made it an imprisonable offence to connect this house on the Floo Network, place a Portkey here, or Apparate in or out. All done in the name of your protection, to prevent You-Know-Who getting in at you. Absolutely pointless, seeing as your mother's charm does that already. What he's really done is to stop you from getting out of here safely.<br>"Second problem: You're underage, which means you've still got the Trace on you." Mad-Eye paused, and Harry started to speak,  
>"I don't-"<p>

Mad-Eye interrupted impatiently, "The Trace, the Trace! The charm that detects magical activity around under-seventeens, the way the Ministry finds out about underage magic! If you, or anyone around you, casts a spell to get you out of here, Thicknesse is going to know about it, and so will the Death Eaters.  
>"We can't wait for the Trace to break, because the moment you turn seventeen you'll lose all the protection your mother gave you. In short: Pius Thicknesse thinks he's got you cornered good and proper."<br>Harry looked as though he agreed with Thicknesse.  
>"What are we going to do?" He asked.<br>"We're going to use the only means of transport left to us, the only ones the Trace can't detect, because we don't need to cast spells to use them: brooms, thestrals, and Hagrid's motorbike."

Harry still looked dubious, and Tonks knew Mad-Eye noticed, because he started in on more explanations.  
>"Now your mother's charm will only break under two conditions: when you come of age, or-" Mad-Eye gestured around the immaculate kitchen where they were all gathered- "you no longer call this place home. You and your aunt and uncle are going your separate ways tonight, in the full understating that you're never going to live together again, correct?"<p>

Harry nodded, a wise move, Tonks thought, since Mad-Eye was in a rush, and when he was, it was best to speak as little as possible.  
>"So this time, when you leave, there'll be no going back, and the charm will break the moment you get outside its range. We're choosing to break it early, because the alternative is waiting for You-Know-Who to come and seize you the moment you turn seventeen.<br>"The one thing we've got on our side is that You-Know-Who doesn't know we're moving you tonight. We've leaked a fake trail to the Ministry: They think you're not leaving until the thirtieth. However, this is You-Know-Who we're dealing with, so we can't just rely on him getting the date wrong; he's bound to have a couple of Death Eaters patrolling the skies in this general area, just in case. So, we've given a dozen different houses every protection we can throw at them. They all look like they could be the place we're going to hide you, they've all got some connection with the Order: my house, Kingsley's place, Molly's Auntie Muriel's - you get the idea." Mad-Eye explained.

Tonks settled back a bit on her seat. They were getting to the part Harry wouldn't like, and she got the feeling it would be a long conversation...or argument.  
>"Yeah," Harry said, still looking uncertain.<br>"You'll be going to Tonks's parents. Once you're within the boundaries of the protective enchantments we've put on their house, you'll be able to use a Portkey to the Burrow. Any questions?" Mad-Eye finished.  
>"Er - yes," Harry said. "Maybe they won't know which of the twelve secure houses I'm heading for at first, but won't it be sort of obvious once-" he quickly did a headcount -"fourteen of us fly off towards Tonks's parents'?"<br>Tonks winced on Harry's behalf of what was coming. But it really was an ingenious plan - the best they had in any case.  
>"Ah," Said Mad-Eye, "I forgot to mention the key point. Fourteen of us won't be flying to Tonks's parents'. There will be seven Harry Potters moving through the skies tonight, each of them with a companion, each pair heading for a different safe house."<br>Mad-Eye reached into his cloak and withdrew a flask of Polyjuice Potion.

Comprehension dawned immediately in Harry's eyes, followed by horror.  
>"No!" He yelled, "No way!"<br>"I told them you'd take it like this." Hermione said matter-of-factly.  
>Tonks felt bad for Harry - she'd feel wretched if it was her, but they <em>had<em> to do this, and it was the best chance they had. And something told her that Harry was the key to finishing Voldemort, so they really needed him – he was the best chance they _all _had. She glanced at Lupin, and saw sympathy for Harry in his eyes, and knew Lupin was thinking along the same lines as her. But she suspected he was also thinking that James would have had the same reaction as Harry.

"If you think I'm going to let six people risk their lives-!"  
>"-because it's the first time for all of us," Ron interrupted.<br>"This is different, pretending to be me-"  
>"Well, none of us really fancy it, Harry," Spoke Fred earnestly. "Imagine if something went wrong and we were stuck as specky, scrawny gits forever."<br>Tonks reined in a laugh, seeing that Fred was trying to lighten the mood a bit, but Harry didn't smile.  
>"You can't do it if I don't cooperate, you need me to give you some hair." He said, looking almost hopeful now. Defiant.<br>"Well, that's that plan scuppered," Said George. "Obviously there's no chance at all of us getting a bit of your hair unless you cooperate."  
>"Yeah, thirteen of us against one bloke who's not allowed to use magic; we've got no chance." Said Fred.<br>"Funny," Said Harry angrily, "really amusing."  
>"If it has to come to force, then it will," Mad-Eye growled, his magical eye now quivering a little in its socket as he glared at Harry.<br>"Everyone here's overage, Potter, and they're all prepared to take the risk."  
>Mundungus shrugged and grimaced; the magical eye swiveled sideways to glare at him out the side of Moody's head.<br>"Let's have no more arguments. Time's wearing on. I want a few of your hairs, boy, now." He demanded.

"But this is mad, there's no need-" Harry started.  
><em>Bad move.<em> Tonks thought, knowing her old friend's temper.  
>"No need!" snarled Mad-Eye. "With You-Know-Who out there and half the Ministry on his side? Potter, if we're lucky he'll have swallowed the fake bait and he'll be planning to ambush you on the thirtieth, but he'd be mad not to have a Death Eater or two keeping an eye out, it's what I'd do. They might not be able to get at you or this house while your mother's charm holds, but it's about to break and they know the rough position of the place. Our only chance is to use decoys. Even You-Know-Who can't split himself into seven."<br>Tonks noticed Harry and Hermione's eyes meet and a significant look pass between them.  
>She looked over at Lupin, but he didn't seem to have noticed.<br>She didn't have long to puzzle over it and it was soon forgotten; she couldn't have known the gravity of Mad-Eye's wrong statement.

None of them save Harry, Ron, and Hermione ever would.  
>"So, Potter - some of your hair, if you please."<br>Harry glanced at Ron, and Ron grimaced at him in a just-get-it-over-with of way.  
>"Now!" Barked Moody.<br>They all watched as Harry finally recognized defeat, grabbed some hair, and pulled it out.  
>"Good," Moody said, limping forwards and popping open the bottle of potion. "Straight in here if you please."<p>

Harry dropped his hair into the mud-like liquid. The moment it made contact with its surface, the potion began to froth and smoke, then, all at once, it turned a clear, bright gold.  
>"Ooh, you look much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry," said Hermione.<br>_I'd love to know the story behind that comment_. She thought, amused.  
>Tonks suppressed laughter as she saw Hermione get a glimpse of Ron's raised eyebrows, and blushed slightly, explaining her comment. "Oh, you know what I mean - Goyle's potion looked like bogies."<br>Goyle? Crabbe? Both families were headed by wanted Death Eaters. Whatever they had been up to, she approved.  
>"Right then, fake Potters line up over here, please," Said Moody.<br>Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, and Fleur all lined up.

"We're one short," Lupin stated, looking concerned.  
>Tonks was about to step forward when Hagrid spoke.<br>"Here," Hagrid said gruffly, and he lifted Mundungus by the scruff of the neck and dropped him down beside Fleur.  
>Tonks chuckled at Fleur, who wrinkled her nose pointedly and moving along to stand between Fred and George.<br>"I've toldjer, I'd sooner be a protector," Mundungus protested.  
>"Shut it," growled Mad-Eye. "As I've already told you, you spineless worm, any Death Eaters we run into will be aiming to capture Potter, not kill him. Dumbledore always said You-Know-Who would want to finish Potter in person. It'll be the protectors who have got the most to worry about, the Death Eaters'll want to kill them."<br>Mundungus didn't look particularly reassured. Tonks felt a trickle of fear at Mad-Eye's words.

What if there were Death Eaters waiting up there? Would they be able to make sure all the Harrys made it to safety? And all of them, as well?  
><em>We're the Order of the Phoenix. This is our job.<em> She told herself firmly, attempting to push away her sudden anxiety.  
>But as she looked over at Lupin, she was suddenly worried beyond all reason. She knew he could take care of himself – indeed both of them were more than capable; she caught him glancing at her agitatedly also, and hoped that worrying about her didn't distract him at all. She supposed it was just a natural instinct to want to protect him because she loved him so much, and the thought of losing him was utterly, agonizingly unbearable.<br>Usually she liked being in the thick of the action. Still did, in fact, but perhaps because Lupin was so irrevocably, permanently linked to her now - such a constant, steadfast part of her life, it was natural for her to worry a bit, even if it wasn't entirely sensible; she decided to blame these worries on being part of the early pregnancy mood swings.  
><em>We just have to get through it, we always have before.<em> She told herself firmly, not allowing her mind to travel back to all of their close calls.

Forcibly shoving her doubts from her mind, she concentrated on the plan and what was going on now. She knew the Order could do this.  
>Mad-Eye had distributed the Polyjuice Potion in the half a dozen little glasses he had gotten from who-knew-where.<br>"Altogether, then..."  
>Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, Fleur, and Mundungus drank.<br>They all gasped and grimaced as the potion hit their throats: At once, features started to change, distorting and stretching or shrinking, depending on the individual.

Mad-Eye, quite used to the effects of Polyjuice, was unconcerned during the odd transformations. He loosed the ties on the first bulging sack.  
>All of them were exact Harry Potter replicas in less than five minutes.<br>"Fred and George turned to each other and said together, "Wow - we're identical."  
>"I dunno, though, I think I'm still better-looking," Fred said while examining his reflection in the kettle on the stove.<br>Fleur looked at her reflection in some metal box, "Bah. Bill, don't look at me - I'm 'ideous." She said.

Tonks suppressed laughter again, thinking on the irony of the fact that she became friends with a person so completely opposite of herself. But she rather liked Fleur - she was funny.  
>"Those whose clothes are a bit roomy, I've got smaller here," said Mad-Eye, pointing to the first sack where Tonks had stowed the clothes earlier, "and vice versa. Don't forget the glasses, there's six pairs in the side pocket. And when you're dressed, there's luggage in the other sack." Mad-Eye instructed.<br>She never failed to be impressed by Mad-Eye's lack of the ability to forget anything they needed.  
>The fake Harry's rummaged through the sacks, getting clothes and luggage and glasses. The real Harry (well, at least Tonks assumed he was the real one because he was standing to the side) was watching these proceedings dazedly.<br>_I guess it would odd to see seven of myself walking around_, she mused.

Tonks was enthusiastic about this plan - it was brilliant, and besides, there couldn't be that many Death Eaters out there, they'd no idea the Order was moving Harry tonight.  
>"I knew Ginny was lying about that tattoo." Ron said as he looked down at his bare chest that now was Harry's.<br>Tonks couldn't contain her laughter this time, and she put a hand over her mouth, trying to hide it, at least.  
>Lupin looked over at her, an amused, affectionate look in his eyes.<br>"Harry your eyesight really is awful." Hermione-Harry said as she put on a duplicate of his glasses.

Once all the fake Harrys were dressed and had their luggage, Tonks wouldn't have been able to tell them apart, save expressions and tones.  
>"Good," said Mad-Eye satisfied, as he gazed at the seven Harrys.<br>"The pairs will be as follows: Mundungus will be traveling with me, by broom-"  
>"Why'm I with you?" Grunted the Harry nearest to the back door.<br>"Because you're the one that needs watching," Mad-Eye growled, his magical eye not moving from Mundungus as he continued.  
>"Arthur and Fred-"<br>"I'm George," said the Harry at whom Mad-Eye was pointing.  
>"Can't you even tell us apart when we're Harry?"<br>Tonks chuckled quietly to herself.  
>"Sorry George-"<br>"I'm only yanking your wand, I'm Fred really-"  
>"Enough messing around!" Snarled Mad-Eye.<br>"The other one - George, Fred or whoever you are - you're with Remus. Miss Delacour -"  
>"I'm taking Fleur on a thestral," Bill cut in, "She's not that fond of brooms."<p>

Tonks rather wished she had the option of staying close by Lupin, but she didn't dwell on it.  
>Fleur walked over to join her fiancé with a loving look that Tonks understood, but looked distinctly amusing on Harrys face.<br>"Miss Granger with Kingsley, again by thestral -" Kingsley smiled at Hermione and she smiled back, looking reassured. Hermione wasn't very fond of flying via broomstick either.  
>"Which leaves you with me Ron!" Tonks said enthusiastically, waving at him and knocking over a mug tree in the process. She loved the Weasleys. Ron never failed to make her laugh.<p>

Lupin looked at her with that amused expression in his eyes for just a moment, but she could see the worry in them. She smiled reassuringly at him before turning back to the meeting.  
>She noticed Ron's slightly unenthusiastic expression with amusement.<br>"An' you're with me, Harry. That all righ'?" said Hagrid, looking slightly anxious. "We'll be in the bike, brooms an' thestrals can't take me weight, see. Not a lot o' room on the seat with me on it, though, so you'll be in the sidecar." Hagrid explained.  
>"That's great." Harry replied, though he looked apprehensive.<br>"We think the Death Eaters will expect you to be on a broom," said Mad-Eye, also guessing how Harry was feeling. "Snape's had plenty of time to tell them everything about you he's never mentioned before, so if we do run into any Death Eaters, we're betting they'll choose one of the Potters who look at home on a broomstick." He explained.  
>"All right then." He continued as he picked up the sack with the fake Potters' clothes in it and tied it shut, and led them to the back door.<br>"I make it three minutes until we're supposed to leave. No point in locking the back door, it won't keep the Death Eaters out when they come looking.  
>...Come on..."<br>Harry rushed off as the rest of them proceeded out to the back garden.  
>Kingsley helped Hermione up onto a great black thestral, and Bill did the same for Fleur.<br>Harry returned a moment later with a rucksack, his Firebolt - she would love to have one of those someday - and Hedwig's cage.  
>Tonks's trusty old broomstick leapt into her hand, and she mounted it and hovered a bit as she waited for Ron to come over.<p>

Everyone was adjusting luggage and getting ready. When Harry had gone over to Hagrid's motorbike and Hermione-Harry had seated herself atop one of the thestrals, Ron finally walked over, looking nonplussed, and climbed on behind her, careful not to touch her.  
>Tonks was watching the exchange between Hagrid and Harry,<br>"Is this it? Is this Sirius's bike?" Harry asked.

She didn't hear the rest of the conversation because she was looking at Lupin's distantly sorrowed blue eyes; the sad smile on his face reminiscent, as though he was remembering something from long ago.  
>She wished she could talk to him; ease his sadness.<br>But she couldn't. Suddenly, renewed sadness at all those they had lost during these awful years of war hit her, and she wished more than ever that Sirius and everyone were still there with them today.  
>A silent understanding of passed between them in a single moment and his eyes softened and he smiled a bit, though it was strained.<p>

When Mad-Eye spoke they both looked away, prepared to focus on the task ahead of them.  
>"All right then," Mad-Eye said. "Everyone ready, please; I want us all to leave at exactly the same time or the whole point of the diversion's lost." He said.<br>"Hold tight now, Ron." Tonks said brightly, excitement coming to her again – it had been a long time since she'd flown, she was looking forward to it.  
>After a minute, he placed his hands on either side of her waist. It suddenly dawned on her that he must feel uncomfortable with that because of her husband right there next to them.<br>She chuckled to herself and prepared for the off.  
>"Good luck, everyone," shouted Mad-Eye. "See you all in about an hour at the Burrow.<br>"On the count of three. One...two...THREE."

And they were off.  
>Tonks hoped against hope that they would all be alright.<br>Exhalation and freedom filled her as they dashed up into the sky, the houses underneath them growing smaller and smaller.  
>It had been too long since she'd been on a broom – she'd forgotten how wonderful it was.<br>As they all started to turn in different directions, dozens of brooms set upon them, and Tonks saw to her horror that suddenly at least thirty Death Eaters were around them.  
>Tonks heard the roar of the motorbike engine as Hagrid took off with Harry towards her parents' house.<br>"Bloody hell," Ron muttered.  
>She heartily agreed with that statement.<br>Well, this was it then.

She cleared her head, forcing her mind away from Lupin and the others, determined to get Ron and her to safety.

Taking only a moment to appraise the situation, she noted that the Death Eater's had formed a ring in the sky just above the thin line of clouds. The ring had been three Death Eaters deep, but now they had broken their formation, starting to chase down and attack Order members and their decoys. Mad-Eye had been right; all the Death Eaters had swarmed down on the tough looking Aurors. Lights were flashing as spells shot right and left, and outcries from every direction sounded all around them. Battlefields were dizzying. They had a way of making time seem to stop. It was odd to think that, as she fought for her life in this endless moment, somewhere in this same part of Britain, another person was living one of the best moments of their lives. Even as her world seemed to stop, sitting on a knife's edge as everything and everyone she loved fought the battle so they could but _remain_… somewhere a family shared a quiet peaceful night at home, a child and her siblings dreamed a fantastic tale that they eagerly portrayed, two young lovers shared a first kiss, somewhere a brand new baby was taking a its' first breath. And the ache to be able to live that kind of life – simple and peaceful and _safe_ – returned. It was that wish which had brought her to the Ministry.

It was sickening that a person could be so twistedly evil that they took away peace and shattered lives, corrupted souls and tore families apart.  
>That good people were forced to risk their lives simply to get the chance <em>to<em> live them.  
>There were no words for such a corrupt, wicked injustice.<br>But there were people to fight it.  
>As the familiar fire rose in her, Tonks steeled herself with renewed vigor. The first spell came her way, and though a myriad of thoughts had flown through her head, barely a moment had passed when she deflected a red light that shot towards her and Ron.<p>

In the next moment she heard a vague whistling from behind her and spun in time to see Lupin shoot a lightning-fast shield charm between her and the spell.  
>Their eyes met for the briefest moment, both hard with determination and desperate with panic. Tonks wasn't sure what she would have said had she been able to speak with him in that moment. But she knew that she wanted more than anything to fight by his side. But she couldn't – she had to get Ron to safety. She had to leave him.<p>

And so, with panic clutching at her heart and a desperate prayer in her heart that she would see him again, she broke their momentary eye-contact and took off through the minefield in the opposite direction. Her way straight ahead was blocked, and, in a moment of quick-thinking, she dove fifty feet and flew right under the battle commencing in the sky.  
>Immediately she heard the wind whistling and the sounds of pursuers.<br>Four Death Eaters saw her maneuver and followed. She cursed, wishing she had at least been able to break out of the circle without pursuit.

"Ron, get ready to fight." She said, her voice hard. "And whatever you do, stay on the broom." She added, not allowing herself to contemplate what would happen if one of them fell.  
>"I'm ready." He said, though he sounded a bit nervous, his voice was steely, determined.<br>She was glad to hear that same determination to make it out of this madness alive, and she smiled, feeling adrenaline flood her veins as she swerved a spell.  
>Ron started to say more, but the Death Eaters she'd hoped – though not really expected – to lose now close behind them.<p>

After the dive, she stayed lower because of the Death Eaters following them. Determinedly, she set them in the direction of Molly's Aunts'; the Death Eaters followed. They weren't going to let them go easily, so she just made for where she needed to be so that they could at least be heading in the right direction while battling. The four following them didn't have very good aims, and so Tonks was able to swerve their spells without having to slow down to shoot spells of her own.

"Hold on Ron," She ordered before risking a sudden upwards lunge back above the cloud cover.  
>Ron stayed right with her, and she felt a little bit of relief set in as she realized he wouldn't be easy to dislodge.<br>"I'm glad you're a Quidditch player Ron!" She called as they found their direction again above the clouds.  
>She looked back to see they had made it to the other side of the fight.<p>

Before she could see anything that would paralise her with too much emotion, she looked away from the fight, simultaneously hoping that few more would follow and needing some to, so that the real Harry had a hope of getting away.  
>Tonks and Ron didn't have much trouble defeating the four following, and Tonks guessed that they were a young bunch.<br>During the next ten minutes, they engaged in a mid-air fight. Ron and Tonks made a good team, as it turned out. After a few minutes one of Tonks's spells hit home and the Death Eater started to spiral downward. Another Death Eater fell back to catch him – another sign of how young they were. Tonks had learnt in her years of being an Auror that Death Eaters had no loyalty or even concern for their comrade's safety and well-being.

Two still pursued them though. And so on they fought.  
>Then finally Ron shot a well-aimed spell at a Death Eater's shoulder; he started to fall from his broom, but his companion fell back to catch him as well.<br>Tonks leaned forward on the broom, and with a new burst of speed had them flying up into the clouds that were above them and whisking them away.  
>Ron twisted around to look behind them.<br>"I think we lost them!" He called over the wind after a minute, sounding relieved.  
>"Good," She called back, hoping no more would come. "Great fighting, by the way." She added, impressed.<br>"Thanks," He said, sounding pleased if not slightly dazed. "Good flying."  
>"Thanks." She smiled, "I'm gonna fly fast." She warned before leaning forward on her broom.<br>"Go for it." He said, and it sounded like he was grinning.  
>She smiled and shot forward faster, staying in the clouds to avoid the notice of Death Eaters; though it did get them soaked.<p>

All of a sudden, a red flash shot by her shoulder, accompanied by a crazed cackle she knew all too well...Bellatrix.  
>Dread and pure fear churned in the pit of her stomach. But she remembered Sirius and allowed determination and anger to fill her instead and she shot a spell back without looking.<br>Bellatrix and her husband Rodolphus flew up alongside them, along with another masked Death Eater.  
>Bellatrix had a wickedly amused glint in her eyes.<br>"Hello doll. Have you missed your auntie? How come you haven't visited?" She asked in a deranged pouty tone before cackling out a laugh.  
>Rodolphus started shooting spells rapidly and the tension kicked up a notch.<p>

The wind and wet in the clouds helped most of the spells miss their mark – the downside of this was, of course, that Ron and Tonks's spells also went off their mark for the most part.  
>Rodolphus sent a curse at her and, as she was blocking Bellatrix at the moment, she couldn't possibly avoid it. She cringed, anticipating the impact in advance.<br>"PROTEGO!" Ron shouted just in time.  
>Tonks felt a surge of gratitude towards Ron, and relieved, she found her determination and enthusiasm for the fight anew; Ron was a fierce fighter, and Tonks was glad to have him along.<p>

As more spells were fired and near misses occurred, Tonks sent the broom into a dive to avoid another, then came out of the dive, shooting a Stunning Jinx at Bellatrix. Her aunt barely missed it, and she looked furious.  
>Bellatrix sent a green jet of light towards her, and Tonks knew that there was too much venom in this curse for it to be blocked by a simple Shield Charm, so she dived to avoid it, and then came up, shooting another curse at Bellatrix as she did so.<br>They continued in this manner, Rodolphus was targeting her too, they paid Ron no attention, and Ron constantly fired spells and curses, and shot shield charms between Tonks and Rodolphus a few times when Tonks was too busy trying not to be killed by Bellatrix. The other Death Eater paid Ron some attention, shooting several curses at him that Ron managed to dodge, but the masked Death Eater was clearly under Bellatrix's orders to mainly target Tonks as well.  
>Rather than being frightened though, Tonks felt her adrenaline race, she'd always enjoyed a good fight - plus she owed Bellatrix for killing Sirius, and she intended to fix that.<p>

Wind and moisture whipped into her eyes as they flew through the clouds and she barely missed another curse. After retaliating in kind, she dived down out of the cloud cover, so as to see better and give hers and Ron's spells a better chance of finding their mark.  
>Ron sent a Stunning jinx at the masked one and it hit the Death Eater square in the head, and he fell out of sight. Bellatrix and Rodolphos mostly ignored this, although Rodolphos flicked his wand, sending some sort of spell after him. Tonks felt even more disgust for them – they weren't even loyal to their own comrades.<p>

Tonks ignored Bellatrix's stream of yells and insults as much as she could, but one insult that was shouted at her caught her attention and made her blood boil.  
>"-MARRIED to that FILTHY <em>DOG<em>! Ought to be so cosy - will you have a _family_? I'm sure the pups will be precious..." She continued on this stream and Tonks, absolutely furious, shot several spells in quick succession, and Bellatrix nearly didn't miss them. One Stunning spell went straight at her, but she casually flicked a shield charm in front of her a second before it reached her.  
>Tonks shot another curse angrily and it hit her Aunt's shoulder, throwing her back on her broom and she yelled wordlessly in fury and surprise.<br>Bellatrix was now behind them, and Rodolphus copied her; now Ron was in the most danger and Tonks didn't like it one bit.  
>She let her broom drop and then slowed abruptly before pulled back up.<br>Now they were the ones behind.  
>Tonks grinned and started firing spells again, and she saw that her Aunt's shoulder was cut.<br>Not much damage, unfortunately.

They kept fighting and flying for Tonks didn't know how long, but it felt like a lifetime.  
>They were getting close to Ron's Great Auntie Muriel's now and unease was simmering in the very air around them.<br>Bellatrix and Rodolphus were still going strong and she wasn't sure exactly how well the protective enchantments were going to work. She knew they _would_ work, but how _well _would they work?  
>At this point Bellatrix and Rodolphus were firing Avada Kedavra on every breath, forcing Tonks to do some very quick flying and hexing of her own, and Ron as well.<br>By now both Ron and Tonks had been hit and they were bleeding, though not badly.

Bellatrix sent another her way and it hit her arm, slashing it open. She winced, gritting her teeth to keep herself from crying out in pain.  
>Bellatrix sent Avada Kedavra at Tonks once again and it almost reached its mark but she dived just in time.<br>She fired another curse at Bellatrix but she swerved it.  
>A spell hit Ron and he uttered a profanity before retaliating.<br>Again and again Tonks was forced to avoid curses and spells – some of which were so awful that they weren't even taught to most witches and wizards. Spells that would make even the most courageous beg for death.  
>Avada Kedvra flew at her again and Tonks's heart constricted with fear and shiver of horror at the venom in her aunt's voice. But she would not let her fear rule her; she retaliated and kept fighting. Because that was all there was left to do – and even if it seemed hopeless, they would fight until the bitter end.<p>

With those thoughts firmly in her mind, she continued her desperate fight for her life.  
>Two green jets of light came flying at them as a red jet flew from Ron's wand, and from Tonks's.<br>Tonks's missed, but Ron's hit Bellatrix's spell midair, stopping it as Tonks desperately dodged to miss Rodolphus's. Bellatrix yelled a rude insult directed at Ron as the spell backfired and nearly hit her instead. Ron's next spell was dead-on and it found its' mark...Rodolphus's head.  
>Rodolphos fell back; his head bleeding so much that Tonks could see it even as she flew away.<p>

Relief filled her as Bellatrix was forced to fall back and catch him, or else let him fall to his death.  
>Tonks shot a few more spells over her shoulder for good measure, one more of them hitting Rodolphus and forcing them to stop their pursuit. She heard Bellatrix's yell of fury as another, final spell hit her.<br>"Nice one Ron!" She shouted over the wind.  
>"Thanks! Now if only Hermione could have seen that," He said wistfully.<br>Tonks laughed, "I'll be sure to tell her you were spectacular." Tonks promised.  
>Ron laughed, "Well I don't want to put you through too much trouble," Ron joked.<br>"After a pleasant evening like this? No trouble at all and it'd be downright boring!" Tonks said with a grin, giddy with relief at their success.  
>"Yeah - quiet isn't it?" He joked.<br>"Dead silent," She said.  
>"Disappointing really," Ron said.<p>

After another minute, a faint pop sounded as they flew through the protective barrier of spells surrounding Molly's Auntie Muriel's.  
>"Yes! We made it!" Tonks said, laughing in sheer relief as they flew through the protective enchantments protecting Great Auntie-Muriel's.<br>They dived down to just above the ground and jumped off the broom.  
>Both their faces were bloodied, and Tonks's arm, but all in all Tonks considered herself lucky to be standing in one piece.<br>She only wished she could have, if nothing else, seriously injured Bellatrix.  
>"Thank you Ron, you saved my life back there." She said gratefully, giving him a bear hug.<br>He hugged her back, but Tonks saw his ears were a bit red and he looked a little embarrassed.  
>She grinned, amused, as the Weasleys' Auntie-Muriel came rushing out of the house.<br>She was an elderly woman with shrewd eyes and a quick tongue.  
>"Hey Auntie Muriel," Ron greeted.<br>"Wotcher," Tonks said, feeling almost jovial. It was, as Tonks called it, the after-battle high.  
>"Ronald, Nymphadora, what on earth made you so late? Glad you've finally arrived - but you missed your Portkey." She stated, leading them inside as she talked.<p>

When Muriel said Portkey, everyone in the Order flooded into her mind, and fear, pure and cold, filled her veins.  
><em>Remus.<em>  
>What if something happened to him?<br>And what about everyone else? _Fred, George, Kingsley, Mad-Eye, Arthur, Hermione, HARRY, Hagrid, Bill, Fleur…_  
>She was attempting to shove away the onslaught of panic when Muriel turned to face them inside; her eyes widened as really looked at them in the light.<br>"What in Merlin's name have you done? You've both got blood all over you..." She tsked her tongue and Summoned two towels from the loo, dampening them.  
>"Well, what happened?" She asked impatiently as she handed them the towels.<br>"Death Eaters set on us the minute we started. We all split off in our separate directions as planned, so we don't know what happened to anyone else. There had to be at least twenty of them. I don't know how You-Know-Who could have found out. Someone must have betrayed us." Tonks said. But even as she spoke the words she couldn't imagine who it could have been.  
>Muriel shook her head. "Well at least you two are safe." she said briskly, though a little worried V creased her forehead<br>"And Bill, was he part of this plan?" Muriel asked, sounding preoccupied.  
>"Yes," Tonks answered, puzzled by the question – but when she thought, she remembered hearing Molly say once how much Muriel loved Bill.<br>"He's a good fighter, I'm sure he'll come through just fine," Tonks said, praying she was right.  
>"I daresay he will," Muriel said, seeming to snap out of her preoccupation.<p>

She fussed them into some chairs, and Tonks sank onto it gratefully, so worried she felt like she might go crazy from it.  
>Ron looked wound tight with anxiety and tension too and they shared a look. She realized he was in a hurry to get out of here and make sure everyone else was alright too, but after what Muriel had done for them, they couldn't very well just <em>go<em> either.  
>"Let's get you two fixed up properly. Would like some tea? I'd made some, most likely to be cold now, but I can remedy that in a jif..." Said Muriel, bustling towards what, apparently, was the kitchen.<p>

Tonks heard the tap running on metal, and then after a minute Muriel came back, checking them each over with sharp eyes.  
>"Thank you so much for letting us to put a Portkey in here - you saved our lives." Tonks said frankly, grateful.<br>"Of course, of course," She said, waving a hand in the air to signify that it was no trouble.  
>"Thanks Auntie-Muriel," Ron said, echoing Tonks's sentiments.<br>"Well clean yourselves up, I'll get the tea." She said briskly, bustling back to the kitchen.

Tonks stepped over to a mirror so she could clean up her face.  
>There was a gash on her forehead that her hair hid rather well, though blood was dripping from it, and blood and moisture on her face.<br>Ron had several cuts on his forehead but looked alright, just very worn out. He'd been brilliant.  
>She wiped the blood and dirt off her face quickly, grateful for Muriel's thoughtfulness.<br>Tonks then looked down at her arm, feeling it throbbing for the first time now that she didn't have someone trying to kill her as a distraction.  
>It was a deep slash, still bleeding badly, and the blood was slowly soaking down the arm of her robes.<br>She winced as she pulled the fabric sticky with her blood away from the wound.  
><em>Well overall it's much better than I've fared in some battles.<em> She thought wryly.

She pulled out her wand and took a breath, preparing to heal the wound. But her hands were still shaking from the intensity of the fight with Bellatrix. Rather than worsening her predicament, she simply put her wand away and cleaned around the wound as best she could.  
>Internally she was attempting to suppress her panic about Lupin and the others; panicking wouldn't help anything.<br>Ron looked worried too.  
>"We need to get back as soon as we can," He said, and she knew he was thinking along the same lines as her.<br>"Let's get another Portkey set then," She said.  
>Muriel came back in then, carrying two cups of tea.<br>"There you go, drink those, it'll help. I just put a bit of a healing potion in there. It'll help with the aches tomorrow." She said, placing the cups of tea in Tonks and Ron's reluctant hands.  
>"Thank you so much for everything - but we need to get another Portkey set up so we can get back and make sure everyone's alright." Tonks said, trying to politely convey the fact that they had to <em>go<em>.

As Tonks was speaking, Muriel's eyes landed on Tonks's injured arm.  
>"Merlin's beard! What happened to your arm girl?" She exclaimed.<br>"Bellatrix," Tonks muttered, wishing she'd thought of some way to hide the wound.  
>"I'm out of Dittany...but this ought to help." Muriel said mostly to herself as she buzzed about in a flurry of worry and stern admonitions of how to care for it so it wouldn't get infected.<p>

But Tonks wasn't in the least bit worried about her arm.  
>Much to Tonks's frustration, Muriel took the next five minutes fussing over her, cleaning the wound, and making sure Ron was alright, inspecting him carefully.<br>After another fifteen minutes Tonks was about ready to just leave.  
>"All right, the Portkey." Muriel muttered right as Tonks was about to impatiently remind her.<br>Muriel took out her wand, picked up one of their empty tea cups and muttered the enchantments, making it a Portkey to the Burrow in five minutes.  
>Five minutes...they passed like an eternity, and Tonks, worried as she was, heard barely anything Muriel said.<br>She looked at the clock and saw that not even two minutes had passed. Eternity ticked on, so slowly.

* * *

><p><strong>Lupin's POV:<strong>

Remus Lupin landed in the front yard of the Burrow, supporting George, who was losing blood at an alarming rate.  
>Molly, Hagrid and Harry met them there.<br>Horrified looks dawned on their faces when they saw George.  
>Harry rushed forward and helped Lupin support him and they got him into the house, laying him on the sofa. Molly was in tears as she bent over her son. Ginny gasped in horror. As soon as Molly bent over him, Lupin turned and grabbed Harry by his arm and dragged him back to the kitchen. They had been betrayed; a Death Eater could have taken Polyjuice to look like any one of them and betrayed the plan and infiltrated them.<br>He had to be sure of everyone who came back.  
>Harry looked stunned.<p>

Hagrid was trying to get himself through the back door. When he saw Lupin dragging Harry he protested loudly, "Oi! Le' go of him! Le' go of Harry!" He said indignantly.  
>Lupin ignored Hagrid, pinning "Harry" with his eyes.<br>"What creature sat in the corner the first time that Harry Potter visited my office at Hogwarts?" He asked, giving Harry a small shake, and yelling though he hadn't meant to.  
>He couldn't help it. Everyone had been put at jeopardy because of this, and he wanted to know how it happened.<br>And Dora.  
>What if something happened to her? It didn't exactly ease his mind to know that the most notorious Death Eater and her family had a bloodthirsty grudge against his wife simply because Dora's father had married her mum – the only sane Black woman that had ever breathed.<p>

He forced his mind away from his worried thoughts and back to "Harry's" bewildered face.  
>"Answer me!" He demanded.<br>"A-a grindlylow in a tank, wasn't it?" Harry replied.  
>Lupin released him with a sigh of relief. The traitor wasn't among them...not yet at least.<br>Now he just had to wait and pray that Dora was alright and would return to him.

"Wha' was tha' about?" Hagrid roared angrily.  
>"I'm sorry, Harry, but I had to check," he explained tersely. "We've been betrayed. Voldemort knew that you were being moved tonight and the only people who could have told him were directly involved in the plan. You might have been an impostor." Lupin clarified his actions.<br>"So why aren' you checkin' me?" Hagrid panted as he continued to attempt to fit through the door.  
>"You're half-giant," Lupin said, looking up at his friend. "The Polyjuice Potion is designed for human use only."<br>"None of the Order would have told Voldemort we were moving tonight," Harry said, looking disturbed at the thought. "Voldemort only caught up with me toward the end, he didn't know which one I was in the beginning. If he'd been in on the plan he'd have known from the start I was the one with Hagrid." Harry said, seeming unwilling to believe this of any of his friends.

Horror filled him at the knowledge Harry had been in such peril - again.  
>"Voldemort caught up with you?" He asked sharply. "What happened? How did you escape?"<br>Harry briefly explained what had happened. The Death Eaters recognizing him, and his and Voldemort's brief battle.  
>"They recognized you? But how? What had you done?" He asked, wondering how it was possible they could have singled him out so quickly amongst seven different Harrys.<br>"I..." Harry paused, his eyes shadowed with that look that spoke of experience and pain far beyond his years. "I saw Stan Shunpike...You know, the bloke who was the conductor of the Knight Bus? And I tried to Disarm him instead of - well, he doesn't know what he's doing, does he? He must be Imperiused!" Harry said.  
>Pity and sadness filled Lupin.<p>

Sometimes Harry reminded Lupin so much of James that it was painful. How he missed his old friends. He pulled his thoughts forcefully away from that also.  
>He was aghast that Harry would do something so obvious and reckless.<br>"Harry, the time for Disarming is past! These people are trying to capture and kill you! At least Stun if you aren't prepared to kill!" He said, wondering how Harry could have been so foolish as to do something so recognizable.  
>"We were hundreds of feet up! Stan's not himself, and if I Stunned him and he'd fallen, he'd have died the same as if I'd used Avada Kedavra! Expelliarmus saved me from Voldemort two years ago," Harry tacked onto the end a bit defensively.<br>"Yes, Harry," Lupin said, restraining his temper and forcing himself to speak patiently. "And a great number of Death Eaters witnessed that happening! Forgive me, but it was a very unusual move then, under imminent threat of death. Repeating it tonight in front of Death Eaters who either witnessed or heard about the first occasion was close to suicidal!" He said frankly, worn with the night's events and feeling impatient and anxious because still no one else was back.

"So you think I should have killed Stan Shunpike?" Harry said angrily.  
>He didn't want to argue with Harry, but Harry needed to see how dangerous his actions were.<br>"Of course not," Lupin said, "but the Death Eaters - frankly, most people! -would have expected you to attack back! Expelliarmus is a useful spell, Harry, but the Death Eaters seem to think it is your signature move, and I urge you not to let it become so!"  
>Harry looked embarrassed, but defiant. Lupin felt a twinge of guilt for arguing with him like this after the trauma of the night's events, but Harry needed to understand the danger this could put him in so that he wouldn't repeat the mistake later.<br>"I won't blast people out of my way just because they're there," Harry said, voice hard, "that's Voldemort's job."  
>Lupin didn't have a retort for that, because Harry was right.<p>

His frustration drained and he realized it wasn't fair to argue with Harry as a nerve-outlet. He hadn't been doing so consciously, but still, he'd done so regardless.  
>Lupin was reminded once again what a good man Harry had become.<br>_James and Lily would be so proud of him._ He thought sadly.  
>Hagrid finally managed to squeeze himself through the door. He fell into a chair and it collapsed into a pile of rubble. His muttered oaths and apologies were ignored by Lupin as Harry addressed him once again.<br>"Will George be okay?" Harry asked, worried.  
>"I think so, although there's no chance of replacing his ear, not when it's been cursed off."<p>

A scuffling from outside the house drew his attention and he dived for the back door, praying it was Dora.  
>Harry followed him at a run.<br>It was Kingsley and Hermione. They were clutching the broken coat-hanger that had been their Portkey.  
>Lupin was relieved to see that they were all right, but his suppressed panic about Dora was even more prevalent and ubiquitous. She and Ron should have already been back. Indeed, they should have been the first back.<br>Hermione, whose appearance was in mid-transformation back to herself, flung her arms around Harry.

Kingsley turned and raised his wand, pointing it at Lupin's chest.  
>Lupin mirrored this gesture.<br>"The last words Albus Dumbledore spoke to the pair of us?" Kingsley asked.  
>"'Harry is the best hope we have. Trust him,'" Lupin quoted calmly.<br>Kingsley turned to point his wand at Harry and Lupin stopped him.  
>"It's him, I've checked!"<br>"All right, all right!" Kingsley said as he stowed his wand under his cloak.  
>"But somebody betrayed us! They knew, they knew it was tonight!"<br>"So it seems," replied Lupin, "but apparently they did not realize that there would be seven Harrys."  
>"Small comfort!" Kingsley snarled.<p>

It had been a long time since Lupin had seen Kingsley angry; since...well since he couldn't remember when.  
>"Who else is back?" Kingsley asked.<br>"Only Harry, Hagrid, George and me."  
>A little frightened moan came from Hermione.<br>"What happened to you?" Lupin asked Kingsley, needing something else to think about.  
>"Followed by five, injured two, might've killed one." Kingsley ticked off the list quickly, "and we saw You-Know-Who as well, he joined the chase halfway through but vanished pretty quickly. Remus, he can-"<p>

"Fly," Harry supplied, "I saw him too, he came after Hagrid and me."  
>"So that's why he left, to follow you!" Kingsley said, "I couldn't understand why he'd vanished. But what made him change targets?" Kingsley asked, looking enlightened and confused at the same time.<br>"Harry behaved a little too kindly to Stan Shunpike," Lupin explained.  
>"Stan?" Hermione repeated, looking surprised. "But I thought he was in Azkaban?" She said, looking surprised.<p>

Kingsley out a humorless laugh.  
>"Hermione, there's obviously been a mass breakout which the Ministry has hushed up. Traver's hood fell off when I cursed him, he's supposed to be inside too. But what happened to you, Remus? Where's George?"<br>"He's lost an ear," Lupin said grimly.  
>"Lost an-" Hermione repeated, her voice high and off.<br>"Snape's work." Lupin said angrily.  
>"SNAPE?" Harry shouted. "You didn't say-"<br>"He lost his hood during the chase. Sectumsempra was always a specialty of Snape's. I wish I could say I'd paid him back in kind, but it was all I could do to keep George on the broom after he was injured, he was losing so much blood." He said, hating the memory.

Silence fell then, and Lupin stared up at the sky, willing Dora to appear in the sky with each moment that passed.  
>Willing <em>anyone<em> to appear.  
>Where were Tonks and Ron, Arthur, Fred, Mad-Eye, Bill, Fleur, and Mundungus? He would welcome the sight of any of them right now.<br>"Harry, give us a hand!" Hagrid called from where he was stuck in the back door again.  
>Harry headed off to help Hagrid and then stayed inside. Lupin was rooted to the spot, waiting.<p>

Two figures suddenly appeared in the darkness at the edge of the yard.  
>Arthur and Fred.<br>Lupin told him as gently as possible what had happened and he and Fred ran towards the house.  
>A moment later he heard Arthur's shout, "I'll prove who I am, Kingsley, after I've seen my son, now back off if you know what's good for you!"<br>Lupin remained where he was, unable to move or look away from the sky.  
>Hermione came and stood silently by his side, as did Hagrid.<br>Kingsley came back outside, and took to pacing.  
>Lupin barely noticed as Harry and Ginny, hands linked, joined their silent vigil, staring up at the sky. Every moment he hoped to see a broom appear in the air, and as each moment passed, he was disappointed, and his gnawing panic increased.<p>

Another fifteen minutes passed.  
>They may as well have been years.<br>There was no sign of them still.  
>He tried to be reasonable; she and Ron had missed their first Portkey after all. She would have to wait for another one.<br>And Ron - was he alright? Could that be what was keeping her?  
>Or something else, something worse?<br>Dread clenched in his stomach at the mere thought and he shoved it aside. He had to believe they were both alright.  
>But Merlin, how would he live if something happened to her?<br>Fear clogged his throat; his mind flew back to what had happened that morning...

She was pregnant...having a baby. They were having a baby.  
>His first thought was unthinking disbelief and joy. He was going to be a… father. Dora was carrying <em>his<em> baby.

His hand went to her stomach of its own accord, resting there, awed that their child was growing in her.  
>He was amazed. Overjoyed.<br>But then another thought hit him that drained his joy like a dark cloud over the sun.  
>Shame welled up in him. How could he have burdened her like this?<br>He looked at Dora to see her reaction.  
>She was positively <em>glowing<em>.  
>A love for his wife overwhelmed him, and he pulled her close.<p>

He felt horror rise in him; did she not realize what their child would be burdened with?  
>All because of him.<br>What had he done? Even if, by some miracle, the child wasn't like him, his family would never be accepted in society. By anyone. Even Dora's family would be disgusted. None of them could ever have normal lives. Could she truly not see what this meant? The ramifications would be devastating to all of them.  
>He wanted to talk to her about it, but he just couldn't wipe that beautiful smile off her radiant face.<br>He wished he were a normal man, a man who could rejoice at knowing he was going to be a father.

But he could not. He was not the sort of father any child should have.  
>She pulled back a bit to look into his eyes, and he bit back the words screaming to get out when he saw her dancing eyes.<br>Seeing her joy killed him. Broke him in a way he hadn't even known he _could_ be broken. And he had been sure that he had been broken in nearly all the ways anyone could possibly be. Being wrong had never been so painful.  
>Didn't she realize what hardships lay ahead?<p>

How he hated himself for ruining her life this way. She should have been able to be happy she was going to be a mother - not having to worry that perhaps their child would be afflicted with the curse that had haunted him since childhood.  
><em>I should have been stronger…should never have married her.<em> He thought miserably.  
><em>I'm not good enough for her; she deserves so much more than I'm giving her.<br>_She caressed his face and his anguish intensified. He was the luckiest man in the world. Dora was the only woman he had ever loved, would ever love, and he loved her more than life itself.  
>His tortured thoughts were interrupted by her lips colliding with his.<br>Her kiss was exultant, full of joy; his arms went round her waist, drawing her closer without conscious permission on his part.  
>The kiss deepened slowly; her soft moan sent him over the edge and he lost the restraint he'd been trying to keep and kissed her ardently.<br>The tears flowing down her face were caught by the hand that was holding her face. He let his hands travel slowly down to her waist, and she gasped, pulling him closer.  
>He kissed her fiercely, his joy and anguish conflicting each other.<br>He wished he could stay in this moment forever, wished he deserved to be happy like this...

Even as these memories flowed in an unbroken stream through his mind, still he stared at the sky, almost in a trance.  
>And suddenly what he'd been waiting for, a sight so incredibly welcome, appeared before him: Dora and Ron's broomstick appeared in the sky above them.<br>The relief and joy he –and indeed all of them - felt at seeing them was accented by Hermione's shout: "It's them!"  
>Intense, staggering relief flooded through him as he watched Dora and Ron shoot down towards them.<br>Dora skidded, sending earth and pebbles flying everywhere.  
>"Remus!" She cried, staggering off of the broom and into his arms.<p>

He embraced her tightly; his relief hadn't completely set in and horrible emotions were still crippling him at the idea that she might not have returned.  
>She was alright, the baby was alright. Relief didn't even begin to cover how he was feeling.<br>Her arms around him, feeling each of her breaths against him, and her body held in the cradle of his arms began to ease his panic.  
>She was right here. She was safe.<br>He saw Ron and Hermione's exchange over his wife's shoulder as those thoughts passed through his head.  
>"You're ok." Ron mumbled, tripping towards Harry and Hermione.<br>Hermione flew at him, hugging him tightly.  
>"I thought-I thought-"<br>"'M all right," Ron said, patting her on the back. "'M fine."

Dora let him go and he reluctantly released her. He never wanted to let her out of his sight again, but he knew that wasn't exactly reasonable.  
>"Ron was great," Dora said warmly. "Wonderful. Stunned one of the Death Eaters, straight to the head, and when you're aiming at a moving target from a flying broom-"<br>Lupin felt a flood of gratitude towards Ron.  
>"You did?" Hermione said, gazing up at Ron with her arms still wrapped around him.<br>"Always the tone of surprise," he said as he let her go. "Are we the last back?"  
>"No," Ginny said, "we're still waiting for Bill and Fleur and Mad-Eye and Mundungus. I'm going to tell Mum and Dad you're okay, Ron-" She ran into the house.<p>

"So what kept you? What happened?" He asked tensely, already angry because he knew which Death Eater would have tormented his wife tonight.  
>"Bellatrix," She said, confirming his suspicions.<br>"She wants me quite as much as she wants Harry, Remus, she tried very hard to kill me. I just wish I'd got her. I owe Bellatrix. But we definitely injured Rodolphus...Then we got to Ron's Auntie Muriel's and we'd missed our Portkey and she was fussing over us-" Dora explained.  
>His jaw was clenched tight. Bellatrix wanted Dora...and when Bellatrix wanted someone they usually didn't survive long.<br>Worry about what could have happened that night and the danger Dora would be facing from here on out had him tense and still slightly panicky.  
>Dora turned to the others, seeming to sense that he needed a minute to calm down.<p>

"So what happened to you lot?" She asked Harry, Hermione, and Kingsley.  
>They recounted the stories of their fights and arrivals as well as who had been after them and who they thought they'd injured.<br>Lupin relaxed some; his relief starting to overcome his lingering panic. Seeing her in front of him was gradually easing his tension; he watched her talking to the others, hands moving as she demonstrated something that had happened and her pink hair bobbed with her movement; he was finally able to let out the huge breath that had seemed to be stuck until now.

Yet the continued absence of Bill, Fleur, Mad-Eye, and Mundungus weighed heavy on them all.  
>"I'm going to have to get back to Downing Street, I should have been there an hour ago," Kingsley said, breaking the silence, "Let me know when they're back." He said.<br>Lupin nodded that he would.  
>Kingsley waved to the others and then strode to the fence that surrounded the Burrow and out of the protective enchantments.<br>A distant pop sounded as he Disapparated.  
>Arthur and Molly came running outside, followed by Ginny.<br>They both hugged Ron before turning to Tonks and Lupin.  
>"Thank you," Molly said, "for our sons."<br>"Don't be silly Molly." Dora said quickly.  
>"How's George?" Lupin asked.<p>

He still felt responsible for what had happened; he should have done something… anything. At least he'd kept him on the broom - that was the most important thing.  
>"What's wrong with him?" Asked Ron.<br>"He's lost-"  
>But the general outcry that arose the appearance of a Thestral drowned out the rest of Molly's sentence.<br>Bill and Fleur slid off the Thestral, looking worn but unharmed.  
>Lupin breathed a sigh of relief.<br>Now Mad-Eye and Mundungus and then they could all breathe easier.  
>"Bill! Thank God, thank God-" Molly rushed forward, hugging her son.<br>But Lupin felt dread in the pit of his stomach when he saw the look on Bill's face...he prayed for a contradiction of the awful thought that had just formed in his head.  
>But that look - that look he had seen so much during the First War. A glance confirmed that Fleur wore it as well.<br>Bill hugged his mother, but looked directly at Arthur, and Bill's words shocked them all, seemed impossible...  
>"Mad-Eye's dead."<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Back to Tonks's POV...<strong>

It felt like the world had stopped. The joy and relief she'd felt at seeing Lupin and the others faded like a candle being extinguished.  
>Could that even be true? It felt impossible.<br>"We saw it," Bill said; Fleur nodded, tears falling down her face.  
>She felt so cold all of a sudden; this couldn't be happening. Her shocked mind was reeling, and refused the words.<br>"It happened just after we broke out of the circle: Mad-Eye and Dung were close by us, they were heading North too. Voldemort - he can fly - went straight for them. Dung panicked, I heard him cry out, Mad-Eye tried to stop him, but he Disapparated. Voldemort's curse hit Mad-Eye full in the face, he fell backward off his broom and - there was nothing we could do, nothing, we had half a dozen of them on our own tail -" Bill's voice broke and another, different sorrow filled her at what her friend had seen and the guilt she knew he would inflict upon himself, though it wasn't his fault.  
>"Of course you couldn't have done anything," Lupin said.<p>

He was right, she only felt sorry because she knew how Bill would suffer thinking that he could have. Just as she did with Sirius. But Lupin was right, there was nothing.  
>He was gone.<br>Mad-Eye was so tough, resilient, vigilant. And yet so alive, almost a softie underneath the hardened Auror he was on the outside.  
>She couldn't <em>grasp<em>it.

After a minute everyone seemed to realize there was no point standing outside anymore. They all walked back into the house.  
>Fred and George were laughing together. When they saw their family's faces though, they asked,<br>"What's wrong?" Asked Fred.  
>"What's happened? Who's -"<br>"Mad-Eye." Arthur answered, "Dead."  
>The twin's faces froze in shock.<p>

Tonks collapsed onto a chair, tears overcoming her before she could stop them. But she couldn't find it in her to care. Lupin stood beside her, handing her a handkerchief and laying a hand on her shoulder. He was stiff beside her, and even through her grief and shock she could sense his disbelief and pain.  
>It just didn't seem like it could be real. Mad-Eye...gone...dead...never coming back.<br>Tonks glanced around the room and saw that everyone felt the same disbelief she did.  
>Fleur had tears running down her face too, and Tonks felt very grateful for her friends and her husband in that moment.<br>Hagrid sat down in the corner, dabbing his eyes with his table-cloth sized hankie.  
>She wished she could have told Mad-Eye goodbye, there were so many things she wanted to thank him for.<br>So much he'd taught her, how much she loved him; that he was like her father too.

For a minute, Tonks wasn't aware of anything happening in that room.  
>Her mind was in the memory from earlier that day, talking with Mad-Eye at home.<br>Could that have been just this morning?  
>Already it seemed a lifetime ago.<br>"Here," Bill's voice said, breaking her reverie.  
>When a glass of fire whiskey came floating towards her, she took it gratefully.<br>"Mad-Eye." He said.  
>"Mad-Eye." They all echoed before drinking.<p>

Tonks downed half the whiskey, and for the first time in her brief and disastrous alcohol history, didn't pull a face when she tasted it – instead she simply hoped it'd help somehow.  
>Lupin downed his whole glass.<br>"Mad-Eye." Hagrid said a bit late.  
>"So Mundungus disappeared?" Lupin said.<br>The atmosphere changed instantly, everyone tensed, watching Lupin.  
>Waiting with both apprehension and curiosity.<br>"I know what you're thinking," said Bill, "and I wondered that too, on the way back here, because they seemed to be expecting us, didn't they? But Mundungus can't have betrayed us. They didn't know there would be seven Harrys, that confused them the moment we appeared, and in case you've forgotten, it was Mundungus who suggested that little bit of skullduggery. Why wouldn't he have told them the essential point? I think Dung panicked, it's as simple as that. He didn't want to come in the first place, but Mad-Eye made him, and You-Know-Who went straight for them. It was enough to make anyone panic."

Tonks sniffled; Mad-Eye always knew what to expect. She still couldn't quite get her head around the fact that he wasn't going to come limping through the door.  
>"You-Know-Who acted exactly as Mad-Eye expected him to," She said, her voice thick, "Mad-Eye said he'd expect the real Harry to be with the toughest, most skilled Aurors. He chased Mad-Eye first, and when Mundungus gave them away he switched to Kingsley..."<br>"Yes, and zat eez all very good," snapped Fluer, "but still eet does not explain 'ow zey knew we were moving 'Arry tonight, does eet? Somebody must 'ave been careless. Somebody let slip ze date to an outsider. It is ze only explanation for zem knowing ze date but not ze 'ole plan." She glared around the room, tear tracks still running down her beautiful face as she silently dared any of them to contradict her.  
>No one did so.<p>

Hagrid hiccupped, but otherwise the room was silent.  
>"No," Harry said all of a sudden, his voice a bit louder from the firewhiskey, "I mean...if somebody make a mistake, and let something slip, I know they didn't mean to do it. It's not their fault," Harry repeated, conviction in his voice. "We've got to trust each other. I trust all of you, I don't think anyone in this room would ever sell me to Voldemort." He finished.<br>The room was silent for a moment, and Harry took another gulp of firewhiskey.

Tonks had tears in her eyes; she knew Mad-Eye's scathing view of trusting others too easily, but in this instance, she agreed whole-heartedly with Harry.  
>So, it seemed, did Fred and George:<br>"Well said, Harry." Fred said.  
>"Yeah, 'ear, 'ear," George said, and Fred's mouth twitched a bit.<br>Lupin however, did not agree with Harry, and as Tonks reflected over the model he'd seen in his life... His best friends murdered and the other sent to Azkaban because another 'friend' had betrayed them, his mentor murdered by someone who ought to have been loyal...it certainly explained the pitying, sad look on his face as he stared at his dead friend's son.

"You think I'm a fool?" demanded Harry.  
>"No, I think you're like James," Lupin said, "who would have regarded it as the height of dishonor to mistrust his friends." Lupin said, and Tonks wondered if she was the only one who heard the sadness in his voice.<br>Her mind flashed back to the story, to Pettigrew, a _'friend'_, who had betrayed them.  
>Tonks saw Harry's anger flash into his eyes, but sorrow as well.<br>_Why is there so much sorrow in the world?_She wondered achingly.

Lupin turned away from Harry, and Tonks could tell he didn't want to argue with him.  
>The reason they clashed so much, Tonks thought, was because, despite that what each of them had been through was different, they were much alike. Both so good - <em>too good<em> - to have known as much hurt as they did.  
>Lupin spoke again to the room at large,<br>"There's work to do. I can ask Kingsley whether -"  
>"No," Bill said at once, "I'll do it, I'll come."<br>"Where are you going?" She asked at the same time as Fleur.  
>"Mad-Eye's body," Lupin said quickly, "We need to recover it."<br>"Can't it -" Molly started, clearly not wanting her son in harm's way again so soon.  
>"Wait?" Bill finished. "Not unless you'd rather the Death Eaters took it?"<p>

Nobody said anything, but fury filled Tonks at the idea, and she bade her husband and Bill goodbye, feeling grateful that they were looking for him, but knowing she would worry till they returned.  
>Everyone else sat exhaustedly, except for Harry, whose sad, weary eyes turned to Molly.<br>"I've got to go too," said Harry.  
>Tonks could have hugged him; but he couldn't go. He was finally safe, and he had to stay that way, or none of them would be.<br>"Don't be silly, Harry," Molly said. "What are you talking about?"  
>"I can't stay here." He said, rubbing his forehead as though it pained him.<br>"You're all in danger while I'm here. I don't want -"

More tears came to Tonks's eyes in sympathy for him, and she watched the events unfold, heartbreak for Harry and for losing Mad-Eye overwhelming her to the point of exhausted, aching numbness.  
>"But don't be so silly!" Molly exclaimed. "The whole point of tonight was to get you here safely, and thank goodness it worked. And Fleur's agreed to get married here rather than in France, we've arranged everything so we can all stay together and look after you -"<p>

Harry looked like he felt worse at hearing this.  
>"If Voldemort finds out I'm here -"<br>"But why should he?" Molly asked.  
>"There are a dozen places you might be now Harry," Arthur said. "He's got no way of knowing which safe house you're in."<br>"It's not me I'm worried for!" Harry exclaimed, and the pain and exhaustion in his eyes, far too much for some so young, made her ache for him.  
>"We know that," Arthur said quietly, and Tonks could tell he was thinking along the same lines as her, "but it would make our efforts tonight seem rather pointless if you left." He said gently.<br>"Yer not goin' anywhere," Hagrid growled protectively. "Blimey, Harry, after all we wen' through ter get you here?"  
>"Yeah, what about my bleeding ear?" George protested, hoisting himself up on the cushions.<br>"I know that -"  
>"Mad-Eye wouldn't want -"<br>"I KNOW!" Harry bellowed.

He looked angry and devastated all at once, and Tonks could see he was placing far too much blame on himself. He wasn't to blame at all, this could have happened anytime, it wasn't his fault. In these dangerous times it was a scary possibility they faced every day, and as Tonks sat watching her friends – family really - she couldn't help but be afraid at who could be next.  
>"Where's Hedwig Harry?" Molly coaxed after a minute of silence. "We can put her up with Pidgwigeon and give her something to eat."<br>Harry's face fell into even more sadness. He looked... ashamed, and though he didn't answer Molly, Tonks knew that Hedwig was gone.  
>He was blaming himself for that too.<br>_Poor Harry._She thought miserably.

Harry downed the rest of his firewhiskey as Hagrid spoke up.  
>"Wait till it gets out yeh did it again, Harry," Hagrid said. "Escaped him, fought him off when he was on top of yeh!"<br>"It wasn't me," Harry said, voice flat, "it was my wand. My wand acted of its own accord." He said.  
>Tonks vaguely wondered how that was possible, but as tired and devastated as she was, she was watching these events unfold numbly, pain and sorrow the only registering emotions. And though she knew the err of her thoughts, she wondered in that moment if she would ever feel anything else.<br>"But that's impossible, Harry." said Hermione gently, "You mean that you did magic without meaning to; you reacted instinctively."  
>"No," Harry said. "The bike was falling, I couldn't have told you where Voldemort was, but my wand spun in my hand and found him and shot a spell at him, and it wasn't even a spell I recognized. I've never made gold flames appear before."<br>"Often," Arthur spoke up slowly, "when you're in a pressured situation you can produce magic you never dreamed of. Small children often find, before they're trained -"  
>"It wasn't like that," Harry said impatiently, sounding pained and frustrated.<p>

No one spoke, and after a moment, Harry got up and left the room, muttering about fresh air.  
>After another moment, Ron and Hermione also left the room, silently, to make sure he was alright, Tonks imagined.<br>Tonks knew she should leave, but she didn't want to go anywhere till Lupin came back.  
>Hagrid didn't look like he was going anywhere either though; he was still dabbing at his eyes with his now damp hankie. The shock of Mad-Eye being gone was still such that Tonks really didn't believe it, not yet.<br>When she saw his...his body...she knew the reality would set in.

She cleared her throat quietly, and then spoke to Molly.  
>"Molly, okay with you if I'm here till Remus gets back?" She asked quietly.<br>"Of course Tonks," She said kindly. "Would you like some tea?" She asked tiredly, moving as though to stand up.  
>"No, please don't trouble yourself Molly. I'm fine." She said, not wanting to put out her friend any further.<br>"Alright dear," She said, looking grateful, and sank back against her chair next to George's spot, her hand in Arthur's.  
>Fleur sat tall and anxiously, her eyes on the window and door; waiting for Bill, Tonks knew.<br>Fleur was worried, and Tonks understood that completely. She would feel much better when Lupin was here again.  
>She hoped they were alright.<br>She stared out the window into the night, not really seeing, not thinking.  
><em>Numb. <em>

This night had been so long, and it seemed unreal still that her longtime mentor and friend could just so suddenly be...gone.  
>She wiped at her eyes again, and glanced over at Fleur, whose hands were twisted tightly together in her lap.<br>Her face was tear-stained and she looked exhausted, though, being Fleur, she was still breathtakingly beautiful.  
>Fleur looked at Tonks and their eyes met. Fleur's startlingly beautiful eyes softened understandingly, and she came and sat by the window in the chair next to Tonks's.<br>Tonks felt silent appreciation for their somewhat unlikely friendship.

Time passed, and though Tonks wasn't sure how long it'd been, it felt like too long.  
>Finally, a loud crack sounded and Tonks and Fleur jumped up and dashed out the door to see the men they loved entering the yard.<br>Relief flooded her as soon as she saw Lupin.  
>Harry, Ron, and Hermione met them in the yard too.<p>

Even as much as she'd been dreading seeing the confirmation of Mad-Eye's death, Tonks's heart sank to her knees when she saw that they were empty-handed.  
>"What 'appened?" Fleur asked anxiously.<br>Did you find him?" Harry and Fleur asked the questions Tonks couldn't voice; she wasn't sure if she could talk at all right now.  
>"We couldn't find him; didn't see any sign of him. We tried retracing the route we took, but we could've been anywhere when he fell...I just hope they didn't get to him."<br>Bill said quietly.

Silent tears poured down her face.  
>She'd never see him again, would she?<br>Lupin spoke gently, looking between Harry and Tonks, "We'll look again tomorrow, when it's light out. But..." He trailed off, and she heard what he wasn't saying... it was unlikely they would find him.  
>Tonks felt more tears coming, and she knew her grief wouldn't remain silent. She looked up at Lupin's tired face imploringly.<br>He met her eyes briefly and seemed to understand what she meant, what she needed.  
>"We're going to go," Lupin said wearily to Bill. "Give our thanks to everyone, and I'll see you first thing tomorrow Bill."<br>Tonks nodded to them all, still unable to speak.  
>Bill nodded, and Fleur bade them a subdued farewell. They headed to the house, Bill's arm around Fleur's shoulders.<br>Harry, Ron, and Hermione quietly bid them farewell and followed Bill and Fleur back inside the Burrow.  
>Tonks and Lupin made their way out of the Burrow's boundaries and then Lupin took her hand and Disapparated them home.<p>

They walked inside, exhausted and sorrowful.  
>As soon as Tonks walked in the door, the memory of Mad-Eye's visit earlier that day flooded her mind and a sob escaped her, tears blurring her eyes so much that she couldn't see.<br>"Dora," Lupin whispered sadly, wrapping his arms around her as sobs shook her shoulders.  
>He pulled away after a moment, "What happened to your arm?" He exclaimed, alarmed.<br>Her numb, sorrowed mind couldn't really worry too much about this; she'd forgotten to ask Molly for something to clean her robes with in the midst of everything that had happened.  
>"Oh… I forgot. Bellatrix." She said blankly. She felt as though she was somehow removed from him, so distant from life; from good things and light, warmth and happiness.<p>

He shook his head, "Forgot...still bleeding...Bellatrix..." She caught snatches of what he muttered to himself as he Summoned a soft wet cloth.  
>"How attached are you to these robes?" He asked.<br>"Not at all." Tonks said, her voice hoarse and thick from tears.  
>He tore the sleeve carefully and removed the temporary bandage Muriel had put on it.<br>She gritted her teeth as he touched the bandage, even though he was gentle.  
>Lupin looked up into her eyes worriedly, "I'm sorry sweetheart." he murmured apologetically.<br>"I'm going to have to take this bandage off. I'll try to be as gentle as possible." He said softly.

At the sound of his soft voice, tone touched with his own pain as well as his worry for her - and the pain she was in - the numb, cold curtain that had seemed to be separating her from reality drew away. Everything seemed too clear, too real now. She ached for a denial of the painful reality of tonight.  
>But none would come. She focused on Lupin, who was slowly working the bandages away from the wound they were sticking to.<br>He winced when he got a look at the gash, his eyes tightening, jaw set, though his hands remained so gentle.

He picked up the cloth and wiped away the blood very carefully, then Summoned a small bottle of Essence of Dittany to heal the wound.  
>"This might sting a bit," He warned, looking up, waiting for her permission.<br>Looking up, she saw that his eyes held troubled tenderness, and her own eyes filled with tears at the sight.  
>She nodded and he gently, carefully dropped it into the wound.<br>Air hissed through her teeth at the feel of it.  
>"I'm sorry sweetheart," He apologized again.<br>"No it's fine - it needs to be done." She managed wearily.

He finished cleaning her wound, holding her other hand as he did so.  
>Then he tended to the cut on her forehead in the same manner.<br>Her heart filled with love for him, and gratitude for his thoughtful gentleness, as he cared for her so tenderly, and her chin trembled again before she could stop it.  
>Lupin noticed, "Oh Dora," He said huskily, his voice sad.<br>"Come here," He murmured, taking her to the couch and into his arms, holding her close.  
>"I'm sorry, Dora. So sorry." He said quietly.<p>

She wished she could tell him she was sorry, because she knew this loss was hard for him too, but her voice wouldn't work.  
>The sobs shook her entire body and she was powerless to stop them.<br>She'd never hear the words "constant vigilance" pass from Mad-Eye's lips again, or see that almost gruff but fond look in his eye that he'd always given her. Never get to tease him again, or be startled by that knowing way he had always had with her.  
>Her shoulders shook and her heart ached as a hundred memories of him spun through her head.<br>She'd known Mad-Eye ever since right after she'd graduated Hogwarts, when she had joined the Auror programme at the Ministry, and she felt lost without him. The world already seemed a darker place.  
>"I'm right here," He whispered as she cried.<br>She felt a new wave of tears take hold of her; how was it he knew that she'd been feeling afraid, vulnerable, and wondering what the Order would do without Mad-Eye?  
>Lupin held her in a vise-like grasp, shedding only a single tear, but the nearly uncomfortable tenacity of his arms bound around her belied his pain. She clung to him tightly in return, never wanting to let go. Lupin continued to stroke her hair gently, while whispering occasional words of comfort.<br>It seemed like an eternity that they sat awake, grieving.  
>And for how long that sat that way, she had no idea, but she eventually fell into an exhausted sleep in his arms, spent from her tears and the long fight and the awful loss they had all suffered.<p>

* * *

><p>The next morning when she awoke, she found herself lying in bed, Lupin asleep next to her. The last thing she remembered was falling asleep on the couch in his arms, after crying because...<br>_Mad-Eye._  
>Pain shot through her and tears filled her eyes again.<br>She tried to focus on something else, and stared at Lupin's sleeping face, taking in the familiar sight of his light brown fringe falling slightly over his eyelids, thinking how grateful she was to have him when everything seemed so dangerous and uncertain.

The memory of last night, of losing Mad-Eye, was too much, and she fought to keep her tears at bay and think of something else.  
>But as she watched her husband's peaceful sleep, she suddenly remembered that too composed look in his eyes before...at the Burrow. She puzzled over it again for a moment, grasping at the mystery as a distraction from the sorrow.<br>And suddenly it came to mind where she'd seen it before. She'd seen that look so many times, in so many painful memories. All from when he was about to try and talk himself out of their relationship...she'd seen it the day after Sirius died, the night he'd finally come back from infiltrating the werewolves, and so many other times. Too many others not to recognize it.  
><em>What if he...?<em>She couldn't allow herself to finish the thought, but a tiny sob escaped her at the idea and she quickly tried to quiet her tears so she wouldn't wake him. He'd already stayed up with her nearly all night till she could sleep; it was hardly a kind repayment to wake him again now.

But it was a bit late as he'd awoken at the sound of her sob.  
>He opened his eyes sleepily, a concerned expression already on his face. When he saw her tears he spoke, "Dora, Dora," He whispered, gathering her close in his arms.<br>She couldn't hold back her tears any longer.  
>"Sweetheart…I'm so sorry," He said huskily. He'd known Mad-Eye longer than her; but they'd both loved him.<br>She knew he understood her pain, but he couldn't know that part of the reason for her tears now was the horrible idea of his leaving that had occurred to her.  
>"Remus," She started hoarsely, having not spoken since right when they'd arrived home the night before. "Please don't leave," She pleaded.<br>"What?" He asked blankly, tone incredulous as he pulled back to stare into her eyes.  
>"Please don't go, don't leave me." She said brokenly, knowing she was being a bit irrational, but she couldn't help it.<p>

Mad-Eye was gone, and so much had happened and she couldn't bear the thought of it.  
>"What in the world makes you say that Dora?" He asked, bewildered.<br>"Yesterday...y-you had that same l-look in your eyes that you've had every time you've tried to...tried to..." She stopped for a moment to try and get control of herself.  
>Suddenly realizing how silly she must sound, she took a deep, shaky breath, "N-Never mi-"<br>"Dora," he reproached sternly, eyes wide in concern and confusion. "Tell me."

She nodded, his intense gaze breaking down her weak resolve.  
>"The same look you've had...every... t-time ...you've tried to tell...tell me goodbye." Her trembling voice broke on the word goodbye and her tears splashed down her face; she was powerless to stop them.<br>"Dora," He whispered, his face filled with remorse and sadness bordering on anguish which she could hardly understand.  
>He pulled her back into the circle of his arms, holding her tightly.<br>"I'm right here, it's alright. We're together, it's going to be okay." He said gently over and over as he held her while she cried.

She felt so vulnerable and helpless; hated to be so weak and emotional, but she just couldn't stop the tears. Between Mad-Eye's death and this new, cruel fear, she couldn't stop the sorrow that overcame her then. But despite Lupin's words of reassurance, she noticed that he had not said the one thing that would have been appropriate - what she really needed to hear...he had not said that he wouldn't leave her.  
>She managed to suppress the panic that tried its' darnedest to escape, but only just. She noticed that his breaths were rough, and she felt something wet sink into her hair. When she realized that it was his tears, another sob escaped and she burrowed as close as she could to him, sensing that he needed her right then as much as she needed him.<br>She cried harder all the same when his arms held her so tight she had a hard time drawing deep breaths.  
>But suddenly she didn't mind - suddenly she <em>needed <em>his arms like this around her to assure her that she still hadn't lost the one person she loved most of all.

* * *

><p><strong>Soooo...there you have it.:) I'm sorry this chapter was so sad though - I hated writing it:'(<br>Was it too angsty? Too emotional/pathetic?  
>Please forgive the rubbish fight scenes - this chapter was my first real go at those and well...I think I should stick to fluff! LOL!XD<br>A few notes on accuracy/content...  
><strong>

**I have no idea if the Order flew or Apparated to Privet Drive to get Harry. Or if you can, in Harry's world, even Apparate on a broomstick, thestral, etc. If they flew, it seems like they would have run into the Death Eaters that were waiting for them, so I assume they Apparated, but I don't know. :)  
>The whole Tonks-being-pregnant thing almost made quit writing this, but I really want to see it through - but I apologize for the weirdness, I've obviously never had any experience with anything like that, so it's a bit odd to write. Sorry it's so...blah. :p Also, you may notice an inconsistent and somewhat poor attempt at British spelling. I will, at some point, likely go back through, edit, and update this document. But as I've been having a hard time finding time to update this, I thought I'd go ahead while I have the chance - especially since I have relatives coming in for a visit in two days. :) <strong>  
><strong>Also, this chapter was written probably four months ago, so I'm sorry the writing in and of itself is not very good. <strong>  
><strong>I hope y'all liked it anyways though! :D (and congrats, you just read a 50 page Word document. haha;))<br>Have a lovely day and May God bless you all! 3  
><strong>


	11. A New Leader

**Hello!**

**Please don't faint, I know, I'm _finally_ updating…it's really quite shocking. LOL!**

**But joking aside, if you're actually still interested in reading this after such a long wait, please accept these fresh cyber cookies. :) And thank you to my friend ThisLoveHasNoCeiling, who has the coolest username ever, and waits these ridiculously long waits every time to read this - thank you so much my friend! Also, thanks to Jessdance34 for her review and lovely encouragement, I can't thank you enough! To anyone who's stuck with me on this story, I want to thank you, it means an awful lot to me.  
>I hope you like it and can ignore the typos! haha!<br>Thank you!**

**(as always, HP, characters, places, etc. belong to the lovely J.K. Rowling :)**

* * *

><p>10. A New Leader<p>

When Tonks and Lupin had both mastered their sorrow for the time being, they got up, dressed, and ate in silence. Despite the fact that she had little desire to eat, her body had other ideas. But her mind was elsewhere...  
>Tonks knew where they had to go this morning, and she was trying her hardest not to think about what Lupin and Bill might - or might not - find.<p>

Tonks didn't realise her abstraction until her half-empty plate, upon which all the food had gone cold, was being slid out from in front of her by Lupin.  
>"I'm sorry Remus," she said in a quiet voice, moving to stand up.<br>She was stopped by the warm pressure of Lupin's hand firmly on her shoulder.  
>"Thank you," she said, obliging his silent prompt to stay where she was.<p>

Lupin set their plates in the sink, flicked his wand at them without glancing back, walked back over to where she was sitting, and knelt before her, taking her hands in his and kissing each of them before speaking.  
>"Don't apologise Dora. I'm afraid my mind's wandered to the same place. But perhaps it will be best to go and get it over with, yes?" he asked.<br>"You're right." she admitted, blinking rapidly a couple times and squaring her shoulders.

He gazed at her for a moment and saw how pained she still was despite the brave face and sighed.  
>"Dora, come here." he murmured.<br>She wrapped her arms around him, and he pulled her close, feeling a distant sort of surprise when he lifted her and turned so that he was sitting in the chair with her in his lap.  
>"Sweetheart..." he whispered, his hushed tone filled with sadness.<p>

Neither of them knew what to say to help the other; there were no words for such a time, such a pain. So they simply sat for a little while, clinging to the only light this dark world had for them anymore. Each other.  
>For a while no sound touched them. It was as if they were enclosed in a silent place where time did not exist. As if, at this moment, the world had frozen mid-turn, time forgotten. Neither of them spoke, but they sat holding each other, Lupin rocking her gently and stroking her hair in a steady rhythm that was soothing.<br>And it would have been peaceful but for the pain that they each knew.  
>Their quiet bubble was broken by the clock striking nine a.m.<p>

Lupin sighed and she leaned back just a bit and looked up into his eyes. He met hers, and in his gaze she read a brave sort of sadness mixed with worry for her, and a hard resolve as if readying himself for what he knew he and Bill were going to have to do on this morning.  
>She reached up and stroked his cheek, "Thank you for always being here to hold me Remus." she whispered, her emotions trying to take over again.<p>

He smiled softly, a sad smile that she returned.  
>"As long as I can, I promise I always will be." he murmured.<br>And though Tonks knew it wasn't a promise he could be sure of keeping in these dangerous times, the fact that he wanted to promise it still made her heart ache with a painful kind of joy.

Leaning up, she place a soft kiss on his jaw before hugging him close for another few moments.

A great sigh left him and he kissed her hair, holding her for a moment as well.  
>And then the moment ended and those rose without a word to prepare for the difficult day ahead. But where they were headed to, hard and painful though it was, they were going together.<br>And that was all they needed to get through it. His lips touched her hair once again, before he stood, pulling her up with him and hugging her close for one more moment before letting her go.

They then got ready to go, which didn't take long. Tonks flicked her wand at the food and it packaged itself up and flew into the pantry, neatly stacked on the shelves.  
>Under Lupin's guidance, she had been growing progressively better at charms, and was glad for it on days like today.<p>

Scrunching her face up in concentration, she changed her hair from pink to a muted shade of blue, which she found more appropriate. She then laced up her boots and tucked her wand in the inner pocket of her robes; Lupin donned his cloak and grabbed his wand. Just as they were about to walk out the door, he stopped her and placed a hand on her shoulder and one cupped her face, "I know it doesn't feel like it now, but things will be okay again." He said gently.  
>"I know," She said softly.<br>And they joined hands and walked out the door, down the steps, out of the yard, and then turned and Disapparated together.

* * *

><p>When Tonks and Lupin arrived at the Burrow, they found that it was quiet, almost solemn, and Tonks wondered if everything would reflect the loss that had been suffered the night before.<p>

They sent their Patronuses inside, and Tonks's wolf Patronus ran around Lupin's barn owl Patronus as they flew into the Burrow right through the door and disappeared. Tonks would have been surprised that she would have been able to conjure a Patronus, except for Lupin. Memories of him, and moments spent with him, made it possible.

"What did you think of?" she asked him quietly.  
>He paused for a moment before turning to face her and answering: "I thought of the first full moon that you stayed with me when I transformed." his blue eyes were tender in a way that could never be described as he stared into hers, drawing a soft line along her jaw to her chin, "And you?"<br>"I thought of our wedding...and afterwards..." she trailed off with a blush.  
>He smiled, a happy, but teasing glint in his eyes as he took her hand again.<br>"I'm glad I could help." he joked.  
>"Shut up, git." she muttered, stifling a laugh.<br>The intense look in his blue eyes quieted her humour and made her feel as though the very air around them had grown suddenly warmer.  
>They both stood, hands entwined, eyes locked, remembering...<p>

Someone cleared their throat next to them and Tonks jumped a bit, scolding herself on her lax in Auror-vigilance, and looked to see Fleur standing on the other side of the gate, looking on in marked, but understanding, amusement.  
>If Tonks hadn't been sad, she would have laughed. It was always Fleur that happened upon them when they were wrapped up in each other. Lupin cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, looking slightly embarrassed.<p>

"Hello Tonks, Remus," Fleur greeted.  
>Tonks smiled a little at the way Lupin's name rolled off of Fleur's tongue with a longer than normal 'e'.<br>"Wotcher Fleur," Tonks said.  
>"Fleur," Lupin greeted at the same time.<br>"'Ow are you both?" Fleur asked, kind concern in her stunning blue eyes as she opened the gate to allow them into the Burrow. Tonks thought absently that Fleur would end up making a good Weasley. She was very hospitable, polite, and kind – even if she was very headstrong, she would do the family proud in the end, despite Molly's old worries.  
>Tonks merely shrugged and Fleur nodded understandingly.<br>"And you?" Tonks asked quietly.  
>"As well as can be, given ze recent events." Fleur stated as she led them into the Burrow.<p>

The door of the Burrow opened just as they reached the doorstep, and Bill stepped out, closing it behind him.  
>Tonks took in her old friends' face and saw the same hard expression that was in Lupin's eyes. She felt the sad ache that was new from Mad-Eye's death start to throb again as she thought of how hard it would be to do what they were about to do.<br>"Tonks, Remus," Bill greeted.

They returned his greeting, and Tonks looked away as Bill took Fleur's hand. Looking at Lupin, she felt suddenly so grateful for him she didn't know how to put it into words. "Be careful," she whispered. "And Remus..." she said as he began to turn away, towards Bill. He looked back, "Thank you," she said, wishing she could tell him how much it meant to her that he was willing to do such a hard thing to let everyone say goodbye to their fierce leader and friend, who left them all as a hero.

She blinked tears out of her eyes, and looked up to see the sad, sympathetic expression in his eyes that told her he understood what she was thanking him for, what she couldn't put into words.  
>He was back to her in two strides and taking her hands in his, kissing her forehead, "It'll be alright." he said quietly, for her ears only.<br>She nodded, took a deep, shaky breath, and released his hands after holding them tightly for another moment, trying not to let her fear for her husband take over her rationality.  
>The Death Eaters were most likely too busy congratulating themselves on last night to be out and on the look-out for more Order members… At least she hoped so.<p>

"Ready, Remus?" Bill asked.  
>Lupin nodded, stepped away from her as Bill had stepped away from Fleur, his shoulders set. There were two brooms leaning against the side of the Burrow, and at Lupin's silent command, they came flying over. Bill and Lupin each caught one and then walked through the magical boundaries before Disapparating, brooms and all, to start at Privet Drive and relive their journey from the night before.<p>

Tonks glanced over at the restless face of her friend, and Fleur smiled a little, "Would you like to come een? Molly 'as been waiting for ze two of you. She iz a leetle...anxious." Fleur said, and Tonks nodded sympathetically. "I suppose we all are," She replied absently.  
>Fleur nodded, and they made their way to the door.<p>

Molly rushed to greet Tonks the moment she walked through the door, and she noted the slightly amused, _'told you'_ glint in Fleur's eyes.  
>Tonks was grateful for the strength of her unlikely friend - it steadied her own nerves, offset Molly's worries, and lightened Tonks's heart as much as it could be.<br>"How are you Tonks?" Molly asked in a motherly way, inspecting her eyes subtly for any hint of tears.  
>"Alright," Tonks said, "and you two?" she asked, directing this question to both Fleur and Molly.<br>"I'll be better when Bill and Remus are back to safety."  
>"As will I," Fleur echoed.<br>"Me too," Tonks agreed.

Molly ushered them into the kitchen and poured them all cups of tea, and then they sat in silence, glancing at the clock every minute or so.  
>The seconds ticked by slowly.<br>Ginny entered the kitchen after a little while, closely followed by Ron.  
>Molly fussed over them both as only a mother can do. "Are either of you hungry?" she asked her children, standing up before they'd even answered.<p>

Without waiting for them to reply, she pulled out her wand and flicked it at the tabletop, where a large plate of fresh muffins appeared.  
>Ron's eyes lit up and Tonks nearly laughed.<br>"Thanks Mum," Ron said as he grabbed two muffins and a third which he promptly took a bite out of.  
>She stifled a chuckle, hoping Ron was planning to share those with Harry and Hermione, though it didn't appear that he was.<br>"Wotcher Ron, Ginny." Said Tonks.  
>"Hey Tonks, Fleur," Ron said, ears turning a bit pink as though he'd just noticed the other two women sitting in the kitchen with his mum.<br>"Good morning Ron," Fleur said with a smile.  
>After nearly choking on his bite of muffin, Ron mumbled a hasty "G'morning," in return.<p>

A glance at Ginny confirmed that Tonks was not the only one who found this scene amusing.  
>Ginny was looking at Ron with a disparaging expression on her face as if she wanted to say something snarky.<br>But instead she picked up a muffin and turned, "Hey Tonks,"  
>"Wotcher Ginny," She returned.<br>"How are you?" Ginny asked, a concerned look mirroring the one her mum wore so often in the recent days shadowing her face.  
>"Fine," Tonks answered hastily. "Good to have Harry home safe and sound?" She added slyly, hoping to divert the subject.<br>Ginny sent a fake dirty look at Tonks before laughing a bit and answering a little too casually, "Yeah, brilliant."

But it was plain to all that she was happier now that Harry was around. Ginny just had an extra sort of spark about her. She wondered if that's what everyone in love looked like and they just didn't know it...  
>Her welcome distraction of thoughts on this vein was broken by Molly, and Tonks was jerked back to the weary, daunting reality they were all facing.<p>

Tonks looked on in silence as Molly broke Ron's dazed-looking reverie of staring at Fleur by ushering he and Ginny out of the kitchen to tidy their rooms with the reminder of Fleur's parents' arrival in a few days.  
>Ginny complied without complaint, waving at Tonks, and a grumbling Ron followed, leaving the women in silence once more.<p>

Both the window and the clock frequently drew their eyes.  
>Molly's unique clock was especially helpful. Bill's hand stayed on the 'traveling' spot, but she knew it would begin inching towards home when they were coming back this way.<p>

And so they waited.  
>The silence was not unfriendly; on the contrary, Tonks felt much comforted by her two friends' support.<br>Fleur and Tonks glanced periodically at the window, hoping to see their loved one's returning.  
>But there simply wasn't much to be said. All there was left to do was wait.<p>

* * *

><p>Nearly two, extremely long hours later, Bill and Lupin's Patronuses came floating into the kitchen where they had been waiting. Tonks had been standing by the window since Bill's hand on the clock started moving towards the 'home' spot.<br>As the Patronuses entered the Burrow, Tonks caught sight of them waiting at the gate and walked quickly to the door. Fleur, who had been pacing and sitting at intervals, followed her instantly, Molly on her heels, knitting forgotten. The women quickly made their way out to the gate.

Tonks felt relief flood through her at the sight of Lupin and Bill waiting there.  
>Arthur was already striding across the yard to greet them as well. Gauging from the shed door that was carefully half closed, Tonks guessed that Arthur had been up to something Molly disapproved of – her guess was repairing Sirius's motorbike.<p>

Anxiety quickly replaced her relief as she noted the expression on Lupin's face. He looked wind-blown and defeated.  
>Beside him, Bill wore a similar expression. But his face also bore signs of anger.<br>"Bill!" Molly cried in relief as they reached the men, flinging the gate open for them to come in.  
>Bill said nothing, but Tonks, though she wanted to be wrong, knew what was coming from the hard look in his eyes, and the defeated look in Lupin's.<br>Bill embraced his Mum, and Molly sighed in relief. Arthur patted his shoulder before letting him go to Fleur. Bill turned and embraced his fiancé, for longer, as though he needed the steadiness of her presence.

Tonks was so glad they had each other. She wouldn't have believed it before, but after the night Dumbledore had died it had been proven; Fleur was indeed a strong woman. And Bill was a strong man.  
>But in these times, even the strongest would stumble and crack under the devastating weight of the tragedies they were faced with. Would be driven to the edge of what they could take, and of their very courage.<br>Fleur smoothed his windblown hair gently and Tonks, Arthur, and Molly looked away, letting them have privacy for a moment.

Lupin had shut the gate, leaned against it for a moment, head bowed, before turning and placing himself where he stood now: quietly beside Tonks; she looked over at him, and met his gaze. His eyes held years of pain and sadness, and guilt was there as well, which confused her a bit. He was looking at her as though he'd like nothing more than to pull her close and hide them from the world.  
>She understood that feeling...but both knew that they could never give up.<p>

They had to keep going. Keep trying. Keep _caring_. Find whatever hope they could and cling to it with all they had in them. Their world depended on it.  
>Bill and Fleur let go of each other then and Fleur came over to see what Lupin had to say. Bill came over as well, and rested a hand on his Mum's shoulder and a hand on Fleur's. Arthur had a hand on Molly's other shoulder, and was rubbing it comfortingly.<br>Molly was studying Lupin's face as well, and when Arthur spoke, all of them unconsciously stiffened, fearing what Lupin might say. "What happened? Did you find anything?"  
>Tonks watched Lupin, dreading his answer.<p>

He sighed before meeting their questioning gazes squarely and confirming their fears.  
>"We flew over the entire route and the surrounding area three times - searched from the ground, looked from the sky. We couldn't find a trace of him. Of any of them." He answered, voice low and worn. "It looks like last night's battle never even happened. They cleaned up their mess well." He finished tersely.<br>Arthur's features turned grim, and Molly's eyes filled with moisture but she simply nodded.  
>Fleur looked down, but Tonks saw the sorrow on her normally cool and breezy features; Bill's jaw and eyes was tight like they got when he was suppressing strong emotions and he put his arm around Fleur's shoulder.<br>Arthur glanced at his wife, and his grim expression turned gentler somehow, as if he understood without asking what she was feeling.

Vaguely, Tonks wondered morbidly if she and Lupin would have the chance to be married so long that they had a circle of children and know each other so well as only twenty years with someone can teach you.  
>She watched as if from a distance as Arthur put an arm around his wife's shoulders, hand rubbing it comfortingly, and led her into the house. Tonks had never seen her comply so willingly with consolation in front of others.<p>

Tonks felt numb with disbelief. But one look at Bill and Fleur, who had started to follow Molly and Arthur into the Burrow, hands still clasped, was enough confirmation to make it real. And if it hadn't been, the look on her husband's face would have been enough to confirm the tragedy. Suddenly Tonks felt as though the world had fallen out from under them all. What would they do? Who would lead them?

She didn't realise she was crying until Lupin's arms came about her waist and pulled her to him gently.  
>She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest, letting the sorrow have her for a little while. She knew that at this point it was better to let it have its' hour so that she could heal.<p>

This time though, her sorrow manifested in quiet tears that slipped from her eyes and soundlessly down her cheeks. She was too tired for anything but. Everything in her wanted to deny the horrible possibilities of what had likely happened to Mad-Eye.  
>Her beloved mentor, like another father to her...<br>It was so wrong, that, in that moment it felt as though that alone should have some bearing on this outcome…as though such a simple conviction should change this terrible turn of events.  
>But it would not.<p>

They stood unspeaking and silent, holding each other tightly, weighed down by sorrow and despair as the darkness clouding their world slowly encroached further in on them all.  
>Tonks didn't know how much time had passed when she felt Lupin's arms loosen and he drew back to look into her eyes.<br>His eyes held sorrow and an apology when she finally tilted her chin up so that she could meet his eyes.

Though her tears had dried, Lupin brought his fingers to her face and gently traced the tracks they had left on her cheeks. His other hand released her waist and did the same to her other cheek, slowly coming to a rest cupping her face gently in his palms.  
>Her eyes drifted shut for a moment and allowed his warm hands to comfort her before meeting his deep gaze.<p>

She saw that he had a single tear streaked down each cheek, and gently wiped them both away with the pads of her thumbs before resting her hands over his on her face.  
>"It's not your fault he wasn't there, Remus," she whispered, answering the onus in his eyes even though he hadn't spoken it aloud.<br>A pained expression crossed his features and he closed his eyes tightly for a moment; he then leaned forward slightly and placing a tender kiss to her forehead and, lingering there, his cheek resting atop her head, and her forehead resting on his shoulder, he whispered, "Thank you."

They stayed that way for a countless moment before Lupin sighed and kissed her temple, pulled back, and took her hands.  
>"We'd better go in, I suppose," Tonks said reluctantly. She'd much rather stay in Lupin's arms. But there were things that had to be done now. The Order needed to regroup.<br>Hestia, Elphias, Dedalus and her parents needed to be contacted, as well as Kingsley, McGonagall, Hagrid, and possibly Charlie as well. Though she supposed there was no sense in contacting him yet and worrying him. After all, he would be arriving soon for Bill and Fleur's wedding.

"Yes. I need to speak with Bill about the meeting. We need to regroup with everyone as soon as we can. Today, if Bill agrees." he said, rubbing a hand across his eyes wearily.  
>"Are you alright?" he asked, still holding both her hands in his own.<br>"I will be," she murmured, "as long as I have you."  
>"And you?" Tonks questioned back.<br>"I will be, as long as I have you," he repeated with a small smile.  
>Simple words they may have been, yet the love she heard in them permeated the cold, lonely grief of her heart and replaced it with warmth. She smiled a little, and stood up on her toes, kissing him briefly and lovingly. He returned it softly, and she was comforted by the warm, tender pressure of his lips on hers.<p>

After they broke apart, they walked into the Burrow, hands still joined.  
>They found everyone in the sitting room, and quietly joined them, taking the two empty chairs on the far side of the room, near Bill and Fleur.<br>The younger generation had obviously been told what had happened, and all were somber and sad looking. But Harry's face...  
>Harry's face hit her like a punch in the gut. A face so young should never look so pained.<p>

A glance at Lupin confirmed that he too had noticed Harry's expression.  
>Harry was staring at the floor, face hard, green eyes pained and filled with guilt. His shoulders were slumped, and he was, for the moment at least, oblivious to the fact that nearly every eye in the room was frequently trained on him. Tonks took in the other faces in the room: Ginny's brown eyes were luminescent with tears and fixed on Harry's defeated figure. Ron and Hermione sat side by side on the little couch with Harry, hands subtly entwined. Hermione had tear-streaks on her face, and Ron's eyes were a little red. Every few moments his eyes would flicker to Hermione's and then to Harry's face anxiously, checking on each of them. Hermione shared a meaningful look with Ron before turning her sad eyes to Harry.<p>

Molly and Arthur were sitting together in an obviously enlarged armchair, Molly's eyes sad, Arthur's worn. Fred and George sat on two conjured kitchen chairs, looking gloomy for probably one of the first times in their extremely jovial lives. Bill and Fleur were sitting on two closely drawn kitchen chairs, hands bound together, as hers and Lupin's were.

The silence in the room was heavy and hung with sorrow and loss.  
>After another moment however, the silence was broken by Lupin. "We need to regroup - today." he said quietly. "If we wait, we allow the enemy to only grow stronger in our silence."<br>Arthur and Bill nodded in agreement.

"Molly," Lupin, ever-polite, addressed the Weasley matriarch, "can we gather here this afternoon to regroup?"  
>"Yes. Of course Remus, dear." she agreed, sitting up a bit more and looking as though she had shaken herself out of her sorrowed stupour.<br>They all tried to do the same, and they quickly made plans for the meeting, which they scheduled to take place at four o'clock that afternoon. As it was now twelve thirty, Molly insisted that Tonks and Lupin stay for lunch and until the meeting. Tonks felt like they were invading their privacy, but upon voicing this concern, was quickly assured to the contrary. "I need something to keep me busy," Molly said kindheartedly.  
>Tonks nodded in understanding, "Thank you then," she said gratefully.<p>

And so the afternoon passed with cooking, eating, and general preparations for the meeting.  
>But it wasn't until two that someone thought to ask, "Did Mad-Eye have a will?"<br>"Yes," Tonks affirmed, "He...he told me where it was, a few years ago when he said the war was starting again. I...I thought - well it all seemed so unlikely then. But I promised him I'd remember it..." she trailed off, voice thick.  
>"Does anyone else know where it is?" Molly asked, looking reluctant to send Tonks there after everything - especially as Tonks had been closest to him, and in her condition.<br>"Not - not that I know of," Tonks said, voice unsteady as she realised what she was going to have to do.

With a quiet sigh she mentally braced herself and shoved away all emotions; she had a job to do, and she would do it. Now was not the time to let emotions get in the way of duty.

With that resolve firmly in mind, she picked up the blue robes she had cast aside earlier when the heat of both those and her Muggle clothing underneath had become too stifling, and put them back on.  
>It wasn't until she was fastening them that someone spoke.<p>

"Tonks, where are you going?" Molly demanded.  
>"We need the will for the meeting tonight don't we?" she asked.<br>"Yes," Arthur admitted after a moment of hesitant silence.  
>"Alright then," she said, steeling herself against all distractions.<p>

"I'll come with you," Lupin said quietly, "No one should be traveling alone right now." He said, squeezing her hand before letting go.  
>"We'll be back with the will." Tonks said, and the Weasley's Fleur, Hermione, and Harry all bid she and Lupin a solemn farewell.<p>

Tonks led the way out of the Burrow and into the muggy air of the July summer sun shining down on them.  
>"Thank you," Tonks said as soon as thee door has closed behind them.<br>"I don't want you to have to face this alone. I know it isn't easy." he said softly, his blue eyes confirming the truth of his feelings.  
>His words were like a catalyst for her tears, but she bit them back, restraining the urge to throw her arms around him, and met his eyes instead. Their gaze held, and in the moment of silent communication that passed between them, she knew that he understood everything.<br>"Let's go," she said when their gaze broke.  
>She took his hand and they Disapparated together, disappearing instantly from the sunny yard of the Burrow.<p>

* * *

><p>They landed just outside of the neighbourhood, and walked quickly to reach their destination.<br>Mad-Eye's house was on a rather normal, if not sparsely housed, street, full of unassuming, small homes.  
>They walked down it, trying to look casual, in case there were any Muggles - or anyone else watching. Lupin kept their hands entwined, but she noticed that, like herself, his hand was wrapped around his wand inside his robes, ready to draw and fire at a moment's notice.<p>

As they walked, they casually surveyed the neighbourhood. Once upon a time it might have been a nice one.  
>But it was now apparent that several of the modest homes had seen better days.<br>Most looked abandoned; tall, wild lawns, no cars, doors left open to show an empty interior. And some of the houses' conditions made her wonder what had become of the occupants, as well. The farther down the street they got, the worse the houses looked. Only a few at the start of the neighbourhood looked as if they still housed residents. The rest looked wild and uncared for.

She wished they could have Apparated directly to Mad-Eye's, but there was still the chance, however slim, of Death Eaters being there, and it could be very foolish to do so.  
>The hairs on the back of her neck were standing up and she didn't like the way the neighbourhood felt - as though there were eyes peering out of every empty house, watching them. She glanced at Lupin for reassurance as the sun drew behind the dark grey clouds above them, making the street darker and more ominous than it ought to have been on a summer afternoon. It was also surprisingly cool with the sun hidden away.<p>

Lupin caught her gaze and squeezed her hand reassuringly and she returned the gesture appreciatively.  
>They made their way down the street, silent and cautious, glancing around with wary eyes for any sign of Death Eaters or... <em>unfriendly<em> wizards.  
>Finally, after what seemed like rather a long walk, they made it to the house nearest the end of the street. It looked just as modest as the rest of the neighbourhood upon first glance, but Tonks knew the inside belied the outside's appearance.<p>

It was tidy, nothing unnecessary or superfluous inside, but Mad-Eye had clearly always taken pride in what he had.  
>Tonks gasped audibly, however, when they got close enough to the house to see it clearly.<br>She'd been afraid of this, but had hoped she was worrying for nothing.  
>The door was hanging off of it's hinges, and it creaked as the wind breathed a surprisingly cold breath over the street, making Tonks shiver.<br>She looked up at her husband, and her nerves must have shown in her eyes, for Lupin placed his hand on the small of her back reassuringly for a moment, and she leaned into him gratefully. Another breath of cold air jarred her out of her slight relief and she took a deep breath before nodding at him.

Together they drew their wands and approached the house warily until they stood a few feet in front of the ruined door. They were both mindful of the fact that there could still be Death Eaters inside, and they didn't need to walk into a trap. But there was no way to be sure without moving forward.  
>"We have to go in," Tonks said, her voice barely a whisper.<br>Lupin nodded, but touched her shoulder, causing her to pause and glance up at him. He looked at her, his blue eyes alert and anxious and whispered, "Let me go in first, just in case,"  
>She sighed, but nodded, squeezing his hand before letting him go, praying there were no Death Eaters inside.<p>

Lupin lit his wand and walked into the darkened house first, and she quickly joined him. They stood in the doorway, not venturing any further so that they could not become trapped inside.  
>Though her eyes hadn't yet adjusted to the semi-darkness in the front room of Mad-Eye's house, her eyes still scanned it warily; it was silent inside. But her time as an Auror had taught her not to trust silence.<p>

So as a precaution, even though she couldn't see anyone, Tonks pointed her wand towards the home at large and whispered, "_Homenum revelio_."  
>Nothing happened, and they both breathed quiet sighs of relief.<br>"_Lumos_." Tonks said, and as the added light of her wand bathed the room before them with soft light, she really saw the room for the first time.  
>Her stomach twisted with sickening mix of sadness and anger at the sight before her.<br>The entire place was destroyed. The Death Eaters had clearly made short work of the entire house. Everything was ravaged and broken, and Tonks sadly remembered back to when it had been a home. If not a rough and grisly one - not unlike its' owner.

She remembered coming here with Kingsley after his mysterious talk of Dumbledore and fighting for the truth. Mad-Eye had welcomed them in, and at Tonks's somewhat confused question, had explained everything and invited her to join the Order of the Phoenix. That night the three friends had sat at the table, drinking butterbeer and talking late into the night. Sadness swept through her as she looked at the table now, three of whose legs had been broken off, the top in jagged halves.

Lupin had an odd expression in his eyes as he looked at the table and chairs, broken on the far side of the room. Tonks walked further into the room, and looked around at the wrecked building her dead mentor had once called a home.  
>Vaguely Tonks noted that Mad-Eye's table looked rather like the one in her own kitchen at home, but she didn't pause to wonder at it.<br>"It looks like the Death Eaters have already been here." Tonks said hollowly.  
>"Yes, and made short work of the place too." Lupin said, his tone grave.<br>"Why would they...?" she whispered, sadness overcoming her rage for the time being.

It was a senseless question. A question she already knew the answer too. But being in this house was harder than she would have expected.  
>"Looking for information." he answered, his tone clipped, suppressing some anger of his own.<br>She simply nodded, not sure what to say.

Lupin carefully made his way to her side and looked down, surveying the mess before them. Suddenly he bent over and, moving aside a broken off chair leg, picked up a broken picture frame. Inside was a torn picture of Mad-Eye looking at the camera, that same gruff expression on his face. At his side in the picture stood Tonks, holding her Auror certification up proudly, a huge grin on her face. Tonks watched the picture numbly, remembering day as if it were yesterday; they watched as the mini-scene in the picture unfolded: Mad-Eye looked over at Tonks, smiling as much as Mad-Eye ever had, and she grinned back at him, her pink hair bright and vibrant, and threw her arms around him. The look on Mad-Eye's face was priceless.

Tonks couldn't help the little laugh that escaped her. But it came out strangled with a sob, and she realised there were tears on her face.  
>He was gone.<br>She'd never see her second father again - never get to tease him, and embarrass him with over-affectionate public displays.  
>Lupin's arm came about her shoulders and she leaned into him gratefully, taking deep breaths and looking away from the picture so she could get a hold on her emotions.<br>"Shhh," Lupin murmured gently into her hair.

She was able to do so fairly quickly this time, much to her relief. They didn't need to be distracted in a place like this.  
>"Thank you," she whispered.<br>"Anytime," he murmured.  
>She kissed his jaw before unwillingly pulling away.<br>"We'll have to go to the attic to find his will." she said, clearing her head and focusing on why they were here.  
>Lupin nodded, but motioned for her to wait a moment.<p>

Raising his wand, he performed silent magic and nodded to himself. "Alarm," he said simply.  
>"Brilliant," she said. She knew she ought to have thought of it - it was the best way for them to be informed if anyone entered the wrecked building.<br>From there, Lupin followed her out of the front room and down the brief straight hallway to the room directly at the end, which served as Mad-Eye's bedroom. There was another small bedroom off to the left of this hallway, and Lupin quickly looked inside to reaffirm the fact that there wasn't anyone else in the house.

This room, too, was destroyed; surviving bits of the bed and other furniture strewn in messy ruin on the floor.  
>"Do you think they found anything?" Tonks asked Lupin, worried at the thought.<br>"There's no way to know for sure, but I doubt it. Mad-Eye was the most careful person I've ever known, and I'm certain he would have been prepared for event of a house-raid."  
>She nodded, sure Lupin was right.<p>

Focusing her attention on the task at hand, she looked up past the wood-paneled walls and pointed her wand at the ceiling, whispering a spell of Mad-Eye's own invention that he had confided in her, and waited with baited breath.

Suddenly two blue streams of light etched along the ceiling at lightning speed. The rectangular-shaped path the spell had revealed glowed brilliant blue for a moment, growing brighter till she had to nearly close her eyes against it.  
>Tonks was relieved the spell had worked, and it seemed that the Death Eaters hadn't known about the attic. There was, of course, a concealment charm on the top story of the house to hide its' unusual addition.<p>

When the light dimmed and Tonks was able to stop squinting, she saw that a doorway had been carved into the ceiling where she had performed her spell-work. The light faded, leaving the ceiling back to normal save for the attic stairway that had appeared. Tonks grabbed the handle and pulled down the steps, glancing at Lupin for the first time since they'd entered the bedroom.

He looked amazed. "That was..."  
>"Utterly brilliant?" Tonks finished with a little laugh "I know. The first time Mad-Eye showed it to me I was speechless. He is-" she stopped abruptly, and fixed her statement in a hollow voice, "was incredible - I was lucky to have him teach me." She said, thinking back to those simpler days when her biggest worries were passing her Auror exams.<p>

"Ready?" she asked, nodding her head at the stairs.  
>"Whenever you are," he replied, looking every inch the curious student.<br>_He must have been an excellent teacher,_she thought to herself with a little smile.

He gestured for her to go head and so she climbed up the stairs, Lupin following close behind.  
>It was actually an entirely finished upstairs room, with flooring, proper walls, and all - though the rafters remained bare.<p>

Tonks looked around the small space appreciatively; there were dozens of magical tools and detectors, devices and gadgets; an organised folder of Order documents that Tonks recognised as the very ones she and Lupin had taken from Grimmauld Place the night Dumbledore died, and given to Mad-Eye. There were a few wands, in a dusty case that looked as though it ought to have hung on the wall above a fireplace someplace. It had been a retirement gift from the Ministry - wands of a few of the most infamous witches, wizards and Death Eaters he'd helped capture from the first war.  
>There was also a finely carved wooden replica of Mad-Eye's Patronus, a cougar, resting on top of a dusty chest of drawers.<p>

Tonks walked over and carefully picked up the carved creation, studying it with admiration.  
>"I wonder where he got this from?" she said, mostly to herself. It looked like the ones that were resting on her own mantelpiece at home. The eagle, the dove, and a little duck.<br>"Do you know where exactly he put it?" Lupin asked, drawing Tonks out of her sidetracked reverie.

He was looking through the papers in the Order files, and in the chest of drawers.  
>Tonks wondered if Mad-Eye would mind her taking this to remember him by.<br>A smile came to her as she envisioned his response, which would likely be something along the lines of, 'Well it's not doing me any good now is it?', and tucked it tenderly inside an inner pocket of her robes, to later be placed on the mantelpiece at her own home.  
>"Yes, but you won't find it in there." she said with a small smile.<br>"We ought to take some of these back with us, for the next leader to have."  
>"You're right," Tonks agreed.<p>

Next, she turned and walked back to where the steps had begun, and thought back to the day when Mad-Eye had asked for her help with something important. Which had turned out to be making this attic safe-haven for things he never wanted falling into the wrong hands. Tonks remembered how she had privately thought how her beloved mentor was _slightly_paranoid. Back then the second war had not even started. At that time, all it had been were whispered rumours of Voldemort stirring, a person here and there who mysteriously disappeared, isolated Muggle incidents, and Death Eaters on the move.

Her eyes flicked open as she remembered how to find the smallest hidden compartment and walked 11 paces toe to heel, running her hand along the paneled wall as she went, before stopping and turning to face the rich mahogany panels. There she bent and rested the point of her wand where the floor met the wall, and drew it straight up, muttering the spell as she went. Blue lines appeared once again, this time forming a square at chest height. The small square of light glowed blindingly and she closed her eyes as it shone out before dimming and leaving a small cupboard door.  
>She pulled on the old handle and opened it to reveal a compact drawer.<p>

Inside was a worn, dusty-looking brown satchel, with the burnished inscription:  
>'<em>The last will and testament of Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody.<em>'  
>"Here it is," Tonks said quietly, still unable to quite believe that she was here, making use of the secret information he'd given her so long ago… that he was really gone.<br>She tucked it carefully inside her robes and closed the drawer and cupboard door.

Once closed, a blue light zipped quickly around the door, erasing it as it went. When the light faded, the doorway had gone, leaving nothing but blank wall in its place.  
>With a small sigh, she looked up at Lupin, who was still gazing at the now blank wall in fascination.<br>"Shall we go then?" she whispered.  
>He nodded, picking up the stack of papers and tapping them so that they shrunk to a more convenient travel-size.<p>

They made their way out of the secret room and back down the stairs, into Mad-Eye's ruined home.  
>They watched silently as the blue light sealed off the doorway and once again hid it from view and all knowledge.<br>Both of them kept their wands at the ready as they made to exit the house.

When they reached the front room again, Tonks looked around once more, and then closed her eyes, remembering it how it was; with Mad-Eye sitting at the table, a goblet of a Butterbeer and a weathered glint in his eye.  
>That's how she'd remember this place.<p>

Caught up in memories, Tonks did not see Lupin quickly slip the broken photograph into the inner pocket of his robes.  
>As much as Tonks knew they both would have liked to carefully restore Mad-Eye's home to its right state, she knew that doing so would leave evidence that they had been there. And now more than ever, the Order could not afford such an obvious move.<br>So it was with heavy hearts that Tonks and Lupin left the little house at the end of that inconspicuous street and, joining hands, Apparated back to the safety of the Burrow.

* * *

><p>They landed just outside the Burrow gate, and both of them visibly relaxed now that they were back on familiar ground. They sent their Patronus's into the house and Molly came out and ushered them inside. The clock tolled three forty-five just as they walked in. They had only been gone a little over an hour - not bad, all things considered, Tonks thought absently. The rest of the Order would soon be arriving, and then they would begin.<p>

As much as she - and all of them - knew that this must be done, it didn't make it any easier to replace Mad-Eye. As if such a thing were even possible.  
>All of them were shocked and grieved at the passing of the second strongest wizard on their side. After Dumbledore's death, Mad-Eye's wisdom and experience had been a rallying point for them to meet at; someone who really had the capability and knowledge to lead them.<p>

Now, everything felt too vulnerable. Leadership fell naturally to either Kingsley or Lupin next, both of whom had survived the last war - though only Lupin had been part of the Order during the first war.  
>Neither Kingsley nor Lupin were eager to guide the Order through this difficult time, as neither felt they were ready for such a daunting task. But Tonks had faith in both her husband and her friend. She knew that either of them would be an excellent leader.<br>Though she was, naturally, biased towards Lupin just a little.  
><em>Well quite a bit really,<em>she admitted to herself wryly.

Tonks was broken out of her thoughts by Molly, and she quickly returned herself to the present, "Did it go alright?" Molly asked casually, handing them each a cup of tea as Arthur, Bill, Fleur, Fred and George came into the kitchen where Molly had brought them.  
>"It went smoothly - Tonks knew exactly where to look for the will. But the Death Eaters have already been and gone." Lupin stated, voice acrimonious.<br>At these words, everyone in the room stiffened slightly.  
>"The inside of the place was blown apart. Hardly anything was left in one piece. I don't think they were even looking for much - there was too much useless damage for that. They just...wanted to destroy it." Tonks finished the vein her husband had started quietly.<p>

Everyone was silent for a moment as they took in the couple's words.  
>Gazing around at her friends' faces, Tonks could see the mingled sadness and outrage for such an act of blatant disregard. It wasn't as if it was surprising - but that didn't make it hurt less, and it only caused the anger towards their enemies ever greater as more and more of their cruelty was revealed.<br>Tears burned her own eyes as, despite her best efforts to remember the house as it was - remember Mad-Eye as he'd been in life, all she could see was horrifying images of Mad-Eye falling into the black depths of the dark sky and hurtling towards the earth, unable to save himself.

She felt warm fingers grasp hers and squeeze and she looked up, startled out of her horrified trance to find Lupin gazing at her in concern.  
>She didn't try to smile, or speak; instead she simply squeezed his hand in return and kept it enfolded in hers. He was calm, as usual, but underneath his normal exterior, she felt his tension and his sadness as the meeting drew closer.<br>"Well, at least the place was left standing for long enough that you were able to get his will," Bill finally said quietly.

Everyone muttered agreement as Tonks placed the satchel bearing the will in the center of the Weasley's table, though they were all uncharacteristically silent. Normally plans, suspected enemy movements, or news would be discussed before and during a meeting. But now, exhausted and saddened as they were, no one could find it in them to think so rationally just then.  
>There was a time coming when they would go on with such things, but this particular meeting, this afternoon was not that time. Tomorrow would be that time, and they would face it with all the determination of their leaders and brave loved ones who had come before them. Tomorrow would be the day that they, too, would fight as they had, so they could make certain those they loved had not died in vain.<br>Today, though, they were honouring the passing of a great wizard, and a great man.

Just as these thoughts were circling Tonks's mind, a lynx Patronus floated through the door and Bill went out to let Kingsley in.  
>A moment later, Bill returned to the dining room with Kingsley where they and Molly, Arthur, Bill, Fred, George, and Fleur had gathered to await the meeting.<br>"Remus," Kingsley greeted, stepping over to shake his hand.  
>Tonks noticed the grim set of his features, a stark contrast to his normally steady, easy countenance.<br>"Wotcher Kingsley," Tonks greeted, hoping her voice wasn't as tired and sad as she felt.  
>"Hello Tonks," he greeted, nodding at her, and she noted with sadness that his eyes were worn and disheartened.<br>Kingsley then stepped over to greet the Weasley's.

During the next ten minutes the rest of the Order arrived in a steady stream, all quiet and solemn.  
>By the time the Weasley's unusual clock chimed out four o'clock, the table was filled with all the Weasleys (save for Ron, Charlie and Percy), Fleur, Kingsley, Hestia, Dedalus, Elphias, Minerva, the Lupins, and Hagrid.<br>Everyone was silent, and she knew she wasn't the only one wondering what they were going to do.

In a way, she still couldn't believe they were doing this; that Mad-Eye was gone. He wasn't going to be around to look through doors on raids to make sure there wasn't anyone inside. He wasn't going to be around for her to tease and embarrass even though she knew he had secretly - albeit grudgingly - loved every minute of it. He wouldn't be around to tell her - or any of them - what to do in these dark times.

Tonks was jerked out of her abstraction by Lupin's voice, "Dora?"  
>She looked up at him quickly, and noticed as she did so how quiet the room was and how everyone seemed to be looking at her.<br>Sheepishly, she realised that someone must have been trying to get her attention and she hadn't noticed.  
>"Sorry," she mumbled quickly, looking around apologetically and wondering who had been speaking to her.<br>"Would you do the honour of opening the will?" Kingsley directed his question at her.  
>"Yes," she answered, hoping her voice did not betray the emotions swirling around in her.<p>

It all seemed so final, and she supposed that this will, rather than a funeral, would be their closure.  
>She once again picked up the satchel and undid the clasp.<br>Inside there were three pieces of parchment, rolled neatly.  
>Tonks drew out one of the thinner rolls of parchment that bore a seal.<br>In classically simple, neat-looking handwriting, her name was written. She stared at the roll of parchment, several emotions filling her, before shaking herself out of her surprised reverie and speaking somewhat collectedly - she hoped.  
>"This...um, this is to me." she managed, touched tears and sadness tangling together in an overwhelming web of emotions.<p>

Kingsley nodded, and Tonks carefully slid the narrow roll into an inner pocket of her robes until a time came when she was alone and could read it in privacy.  
>As she reached again into the satchel, she gave herself an internal shake, taking control of the emotions she had a precarious hold on.<br>The next narrow roll of parchment had Lupin's name on it in the same hand. She handed it to him, and, looking surprised at this unforeseen gesture, accepted it and put into a pocket as she had done with hers.  
>And at last a thick roll of parchment was extricated and the leather satchel fell flat and empty.<br>Tonks broke the seal and handed the will to Kingsley.

Her friend and long-time comrade took it without comment, except for a quick nod, understanding that she would not be the best choice to read it just then.  
>Tonks took her seat next to Lupin, who rested a hand on her knee under the table in a comforting gesture. She caught his eyes with a grateful glance and steadied herself more surely this time.<br>Kingsley straightened the parchment before speaking in his deep, calm voice.  
>"<em>'The last will and testament of Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody.'<em>" Kingsley paused here, eyes darting down the parchment a moment.  
>To everyone's great surprise, he laughed once.<br>"Well we're not to be left without instructions. The will is sectioned off into three parts. Voting procedure - of Dumbledore's making, instructions, instructions, and more instructions, and a closing comment."  
>Tonks smiled even as a tear slipped down her face.<br>He was as dependable in death as he had always been in life, and they weren't to be left wondering what they should do - no, their next step was to be guided one last time by Mad-Eye Moody.

Kingsley began to read again, informing them all briefly on the voting process, which would take place directly.  
>It was a simple process, and in typical Mad-Eye fashion, was short and to the point.<br>When Kingsley had finished the brief explanation, he looked round the table, and after a moment Arthur spoke.  
>"Perhaps we should vote before continuing?" he suggested.<p>

Everyone around the table murmured agreement, and so Arthur fetched a piece of parchment and a quill, and, as part of the custom Kingsley had read, Lupin wrote his vote, and then Kingsley took his turn, since they were the first in line to lead.  
>Tonks followed and nearly laughed aloud: both Lupin and Kingsley had voted for the other.<br>Tonks picked up the quill and looked up at Kingsley, who was talking with Lupin, and joked quietly, "Try not to take this vote too personally Kingsley," she teased.  
>Kingsley chuckled and Lupin laughed.<p>

When she had written her husband's name in her casual, loopy script, she made her way back to her seat.  
>"Are you possibly allowing your relationship with me bias your vote?" Lupin asked with mock sternness.<br>"Of course not," she said, flashing them a mischievous grin.  
>Lupin and Kingsley both chuckled and Lupin shook his head at her, lips quirked up at the corners.<p>

The rest of the Order voted, and, as they were awaiting the results - being calculated by Arthur and Bill, Ron and Hermione appeared in the doorway.  
>Molly looked up as they made as though to sit down, "What do you two think you're doing in here?" she demanded, hands on hips, suddenly looking very intimidating.<br>Ron, however, simply scowled, "After the last meeting you said we could join!" he shot back in protest.  
>"I said nothing of the sort Ronald Weasley! This meeting is a very serious matter, and I will not have you two in here for it. Next time, maybe."<br>"Maybe?" Ron asked in disbelief.  
>"You heard me," Said Molly, tone growing dangerous.<br>"We're getting ready to fight this war too, and if you don't bloody let us learn what's going on, how are we ever supposed to fi-"  
>"Ron!" Hermione hissed, giving him a pointed look.<p>

Tonks looked on in interest at Hermione's scolding.  
>Ron stopped talking right away however, and Tonks could see that Molly was as surprised as she was.<br>"We're finished mum," Bill announced.  
>Molly's eyes snapped back to Ron and Hermione, "Both of you, out!" she ordered.<br>They complied: Ron, expression downturned, and Hermione's face pink, apologetic, and slightly embarrassed.

Tonks waved at them sympathetically, pondering what Ron had started to say. And again, she wondered what exactly this task was that Dumbledore had left for Harry that he, Ron, and Hermione felt bound to complete and protect in secrecy. She wished they would tell _someone_ in the Order so that they could help them somehow. It made her stomach turn over to think of the three of them in danger with no help at the ready should they need it.  
>A glance at Lupin confirmed his thoughts were on a similar path as hers. His expression was absent and troubled.<br>She subtly took his hand and he seemed to come out of his thoughts, glancing at her with a small smile and squeezing her hand.

When Arthur, Bill, and Molly had taken their seats and handed Kingsley the parchment, the murmur of conversation lulled. Kingsley looked at the parchment for a moment, a bit of a smile coming to his face as he did so.  
>He stood up, "We've taken a vote, and everyone voted unanimously - with the exception of this person himself...for Remus."<p>

Tonks, who was holding Lupin's hand under the table, felt him freeze, and she squeezed his hand tightly in her own. Suppressing the urge to grin proudly, she turned to look at her husband, who looked, for lack of better description, utterly dumbfounded.  
>His eyes belied how deeply he appreciated their confidence.<p>

Everyone waited with smiles and baited breath to see what Lupin would say.  
>After a few moments of gazing around at the people seated at the table, his eyes finally found hers, and when they did he smiled. A smile that reached his blue eyes and made them light up; she could see the myriad of joy and gratitude and love and so much more that could not even be described. Only his eyes betrayed the emotion though - as was his habit, he kept his emotions in check and rational around others, only ever allowing her to truly see him.<br>Because he was so polite and reserved with his feelings around everyone, she felt doubly fortunate to get to really know this man...and to call him hers.

At last he turned and addressed the table at large. "I…I want to thank you all. Words cannot express how honoured I am by this, and how very much I truly appreciate your confidence in me." Lupin paused, a little smile on his lips as he let his gratitude sink in before continuing.  
>"However, I don't think it would be in the best interest of the Order to have me as it's' leader."<p>

Bill, Arthur, Molly, Kingsley, Tonks, Fred, George, and even Fleur all began to protest, but Lupin cut them off with a hand held up and a small smile.  
>"I say this because I would not always be available. If an emergency should arise on the night of a full moon, I would obviously be otherwise engaged." he said with a wry smile.<br>Dedalus and Hestia chuckled and Lupin looked gratefully at them for the lightening the tense, serious mood at the table.  
>"Remus-" Tonks started, wanting to protest because he was being a noble git again.<p>

He turned to her, and his eyes were happy despite the position he'd just turned down. "Dora," he spoke softly, and she knew his words were only for her, "it's alright." he said, taking both her hands under the table and holding them tightly.  
>He still looked so happy, and Tonks suddenly wanted to kiss him, because she was just so glad to see him happy, but she held herself in check.<br>Lupin turned back to the Order, "You can't deny that I am right in this occurrence. But all the same I am very...moved that you all would consider me to lead the Order, and moreover that you all respect me enough to request this. If things were a bit different, I would have been honoured." he finished, his tone level and humble, if not a bit rueful.

He was as composed and controlled as ever, but his blue eyes, which she had come to know so well, expressed what he was feeling inside...and she saw joy.  
>She had always supposed that, due to the fact that he was unable to control himself in so severe a way one night a month due to his lycanthropy, he controlled everything else about himself very carefully.<br>It was an interesting theory - and it seemed true to an extent, but his openness with her when it was just the two of them put holes in it.

The people at the table, instead of looking annoyed or angry, looked as though they only respected him that much more.  
>As much as Tonks really hated to admit it, Lupin's point was a valid one.<br>So she simply squeezed his hands and rested her head on his shoulder as the meeting continued.

Another vote was called for, and everyone looked to Lupin to vote first. He voted for Kingsley, and, as though by some show of respect for their would-have-been leader, every single member voted for Kingsley Shacklebolt.  
>Kingsley looked surprised, but his ever-present calm belied little.<br>"Will you accept?" Lupin asked Kingsley.  
>Kingsley nodded solemnly. "I wish we weren't being forced to choose a new leader. But since we have to, I would be honoured to accept." Kingsley said.<br>Tonks smiled. Kingsley would make a good leader - though Tonks privately thought Lupin would have been better, she thought was very likely to be partial.  
>Everyone clapped in a respectful way as Kingsley read the oath of loyalty and was officially declared leader.<br>After the noise had died down, Kingsley picked up the will again and began to read.

_'This is being read so I reckon I've passed on._  
><em>So here I'm leaving you all with detailed instructions, some of which Albus gave me shortly before his death.<em>  
><em>First, to the new head of the Order:<em>  
><em>Remember that your duty is gather information, prepare plans to weaken the ememy, and to give the final OK on plans of action, and at this point in the war, to make the decisions that will keep everyone safe as well as fighting.<em>  
><em>Stand together and trust no one.<em>  
><em>Albus said this was only the beginning, and he was right. It's not going to get any easier - and things won't get better unless you all fight for it with everything you've got.<em>  
><em>But don't take thoughtless risks.<em>  
><em>Plan carefully before knowingly entering a danger zone, and treat each mission like a war zone. Plan for <span>everything<span> that could go wrong._  
><em>Next, to those of you within the Ministry: (Nymphadora, Kingsley, and Arthur)<em>  
><em>Remember, the Death Eaters will be watching you most of all because of your public activity within the Ministry. If they get suspicious to the point of questioning it won't be long before they'll set a tail on you, if they haven't already.<em>  
><em>Once they do that it will only be a short time before they will take extensive action against you. The tails are usually also talented duellists.<em>  
><em>Do not take this threat lightly.<em>  
><em>They can kill you and make it look like an accident. It is IMPERATIVE that you get out of the Ministry BEFORE the Death Eaters tailing you learn your routine and most importantly, your location. Once they do the only choice left will be to go into hiding. And hiding can only last so long before your luck runs out. Frank and Alice Longbottom's constant vigilance was the only thing that allowed them to escape the Ministry itself before it was too late. If Bellatrix had not cornered them, I believe they would have survived. Do not make the same mistakes as James and Lily, God rest their souls. It was no fault of theirs, but listen to your instincts when it comes to people.<em>  
><em>Trust no one in this dark hour.<em>  
><em>Never let your guard down.<em>  
><em>If they do trail you, throw them off your tail and get out as soon as it's safe to try. Know, though, that they will try to find you when you go, but it's safer than you being under their noses every day at work. Don't hesitate and stay longer to think of the Order. At this point in the war, there is very little other than information that can be gathered from the Ministry. But none of it is as important as your lives. Believe me when I tell you that other information elsewhere can be gathered that is much more valuable.<em>  
><em>Remus, you need to be careful too - they know who you are, and Greyback's memory is long. Be vigilant.<em>  
><em>For everyone:<em>  
><em>The Ministry is not likely to stand for long under the hands of our current Minister. He has unwittingly appointed too many of Voldemort's spies to positions of great power. Albus himself said that it will fall, so when it does, be ready to go into hiding, and protect those you can.<em>  
><em>When on raids to warn witches and wizards about Ministry tails, and other risky or more public information gathering, use unfamiliar faces, or Polyjuice. If you speak to people who are not on our side about anything confidential, do not hesitate to modify their memory. I didn't say wipe it - but modify. That charm's your new best friend. Use it, but use it well and with discretion.<em>  
><em>Nymphadora, Arthur, and Kingsley will be too easy for anyone to recognise. So if it's going to be them you send out as spies, disguise yourselves well.<em>  
><em>Remus may be recognised from that bloody Prophet article, so be cautious.<em>  
><em>Kingsley, you should go on and pass the duty of guarding the Muggle prime minister on to someone you trust within the Ministry in case you are discovered. Then at least the Muggle government will be safe for now.<em>  
><em>In order to survive this, you're all going to have to make hard choices. Bad choices may cost your life, but so may bad luck. No matter what happens, don't give up - help Potter any way you can. He's our best hope, trust him - he came through when things were bad last time, let's hope he can this time. Follow your gut and constant vigilance!<em>  
><em>Thanks to all of you for the sacrifices you have made and determination and loyalty. You're all hard workers and I'm proud to have stood alongside you.<em>  
><em>Be safe, be ready, and be vigilant.<em>  
><em>- Mad-Eye'<br>_

Kingsley finished, and the silence in the room sounded loud and strange. Tonks sat, not crying, but not dry-eyed either. Not a word about Mad-Eye himself in the will. Just instructions, warnings, and wisdom. Wisdom which they so desperately needed and now more than ever. The enormity of what they were facing made her feel like there was a lead weight sitting on her chest. And it was slowly crushing them all.  
>A couple of people spoke around the table quietly about different aspects of the will.<p>

After a moment, Kingsley spoke, "I would like to propose a moment of silence for Mad-Eye Moody, one of the best men and toughest wizards the world ever saw. He will be much missed, and forever remembered."  
>Tears filled Tonks's eyes again at Kingsley's beautiful words.<br>No one at the table spoke for a solid five minutes. Fleur, Molly, and Tonks all had tears streaming down their faces, and each were holding the hands of their husbands (well, in Fleur's case, husband-to-be), who were equally as grieved.

Tonks looked up at Lupin to see that, while he was dry eyed, his eyes were sorrowful and she saw the depth of the grief he wouldn't show. She held his hands tighter, and he rubbed the back of her palms gently.  
>Kingsley broke the silence deferentially by adjourning the meeting, and announcing there would be another a week from that day unless an emergency arose.<br>And so everyone quietly left Headquarters, solemn and sad. It felt so starkly real now that the Order had moved on. Soon they would have to do the same.

Tonks knew the Order would make it regardless, because they had things worth fighting for. But it would be a lie if she pretended not to feel lost in the middle of this great war, and all the pain, suffering, death, and loss surrounding them at every turn. And now that one of the people she'd been sure would never fall to the evil pervading their world had been cruelly snatched from them, she didn't know what to do.  
>If not for Lupin, she wasn't sure how long she would have been able to stand before crumbling under the enormity of the pressure they were all under.<p>

Tonks and Lupin thanked the Weasley's, said goodbye to Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and everyone else before Disapparating home. Inside, Tonks cried again, quiet, slow, tears.  
>Lupin held her, not speaking, but simply stroking her hair.<br>It scared her a bit that she was so emotional now...she was used to being strong.  
>"It isn't that you aren't strong now. On the contrary, you're the strongest person I know. You just lost your second father yesterday. But time will help the hurt, I promise." he said quietly.<br>Tonks, who hadn't even realised she'd spoken aloud, pulled back a bit to look into his eyes.

As cliche as it seemed, she felt in that moment as if she could see his soul through those lovely blue eyes, a window to his soul even when he said not a word.  
>She didn't know what to say to express how much his words meant to her. But looking into his eyes right then, she realised that he knew.<br>"Thank you," she whispered, resting her forehead on his and closing her finally dry eyes gratefully.  
>Eyes still closed, she felt his fingers cup her cheeks and wipe away the lingering tears so <em>gently<em>.  
>She left her eyes closed, concentrating on the comforting warmth of his hands and the odd, if not melancholy, peace that had settled over her.<br>He pulled away and kissed her temple before tucking her tenderly into his arms, and she nestled into his chest gladly.

After a time Tonks picked her head up from Lupin's chest, and reached up to stroke his cheek.  
>He gave her a sad smile, putting one of his hands over hers on his face, gently drawing it away and to his lips.<br>"Are you alright?" he asked softly.  
>She nodded, "Yes, thanks to you."<p>

She felt Lupin move one of his hands from around her and watched as it reached into his pocket as though searching for something.  
>When she saw what he pulled out, fresh tears filled her eyes.<br>He had taken the photograph from Mad-Eye's house that they had found, and he had repaired the tear in the photo and the broken frame.  
>"I thought this was something you ought to keep. I think Mad-Eye would have wanted you to have it." Lupin said gently.<p>

Sitting up a bit straighter, she took the photo of Mad-Eye and her that they had found broken on the floor. The same scene of her grinning mischeviously at Mad-Eye before throwing her arms around him presented itself on an endless repeat before her tear-filled eyes.  
>She wrapped her arms back around Lupin, attempting poorly to fight the tear that escaped. "Thank you so much Remus, thank you," she whispered around the lump in her throat.<p>

His lips touched her hair and he embraced her tightly, "I love you,"  
>"I love you back," she whispered, feeling the enormity of the love she knew for him crash down on her.<br>She closed her eyes and felt him breath, felt the warmth of his arms around her, and the beauty and sheer joy of his words in her soul.  
>Sometimes she wondered how long they would have together...if they would ever have the chance to grow old together, or if this war would end all hopes of any future for them.<br>The thought was unbearable.  
>And yet in these dark days, with their positions in the war as warriors, their chances were not good, and it was something they'd both had to consider and accept. They both had been forced to acknowledge the dangers and the fact that the likelihood of one or even both of them surviving was low. And though they had been to that hard place and often revisited it in the recesses of their minds, they lived not on statistics, but on hope.<br>Because that was all they has left.  
>On days like these, though, hope was hard to remember.<p>

Mentally shaking herself from her morose thoughts, she suddenly remembered what she'd placed in her pocket just before leaving Mad-Eye's.  
>She sat up, and tucked her hand into her pocket, almost afraid she'd lost it until her hand encountered the smooth, cool wood.<br>"Dora?" Lupin asked, bemused.  
>"I forgot...I - well, I found this at Mad-Eye's. It's his Patronus..." she trailed off as she untangled with care the small figure from the fabric of her inner pocket.<br>"I understand," Lupin said quietly, glancing at the mantelpiece.  
>Tonks pulled it out and ran a finger over the head of the tough looking cougar.<p>

Beside her, Lupin stated down at the figurine in blank surprise.  
>"What is it Remus?"<br>"I just...haven't seen that for a long time - I'm surprised he kept it." he mumbled to himself.  
>"What?" Tonks asked in confusion, not understanding his comment at all.<br>"I... gave that to Mad-Eye a long time ago."  
>"It's beautiful," she said quietly, studying it a moment more before touching it with her wand and sending it to the mantelpiece to rest alongside the eagle, dove, and duck.<p>

They all were crafted with the same detailed care…though the duck was less gracefully made, and Tonks turned to Lupin curiously, "Did you get those three in the same place?"  
>"Yes," Lupin nodded with a smile.<br>"What?" she asked, smiling a little. Her lips felt stiff from not smiling; it was good to see him smile.  
>"If I told you...well, it would ruin something I was rather hoping to keep a surprise."<br>"Till when?" She asked, curiosity getting the better of her.  
>"Christmas," he answered simply.<p>

She gaped at him in jest, "That's a long time to keep me wondering." she protested.  
>He chuckled, "Well it'll be even more fun when I finally show it to you then."<br>She sat back in a huff, before laughing and shaking her head. "Fine," she conceded with a smile.  
>"Thank you," he replied.<p>

Settling back down next to him, she rested her head on his chest contentedly. She felt his lips touch her hair a couple of times before he settled, placing his cheek atop her head.

They lapsed back into their comfortable silence for a little while before Tonks thought of a question she'd wanted to ask him.  
>"Remus?" she asked, looking up at him thoughtfully.<br>"Yes sweetheart?"  
>"Why didn't you become leader for the Order? I respect your decision, but I just wondered..."<br>"The same reason I told everyone…I'm not reliable enough. They need someone who can be on call every day, every night. I can't do that."

"I'm sorry-" she started to say.  
>"Dora," he interrupted, placing a finger over her lips and gazing into her eyes with a tender expression. "It's okay. I'm not upset about it. On the contrary, their offer made me very happy because I realised again how lucky I am to have people around me that value and respect me despite my condition. I don't deserve it." he murmured.<br>"Yes you most certainly do so." she argued softly.  
>"We'll call it an impasse then. And besides, I'm going to have my hands full trying to stay in the good graces of my pregnant wife. I hear women can get very…tetchy during pregnancy." he said, a teasing glint in his eyes.<br>"Git," she muttered, "you have a permanent residence in my good graces." she said,  
>"We'll see," he said with a chuckle.<p>

She opened her mouth to respond, but before she could he silenced her with his lips, sweet and teasing.  
>She responded to him, and completely forgot what she had been about to say... but she didn't care.<br>When they broke apart, Tonks snuggled more deeply into his embrace.  
>"I love you," she murmured.<br>"As I love you," he replied softly.  
>After such an emotionally taxing day, and everything that had happened only the night before with moving Harry, they both of them were exhausted, and soon fell asleep right there on the sofa, still in each other's arms.<p>

* * *

><p>The clock chiming three a.m. woke Tonks from sleep.<br>The lights still on left her squinting as she looked around groggily and took in her surroundings. She realised they had fallen asleep on the sofa. Lupin was lying on his back, his head resting on the arm of the sofa, and Tonks was stretched up beside him, her cheek resting on his belly, his legs stretched out beside her on the very edge of the sofa; his hand resting on her hair.  
>A soft, fuzzy brown blanket covered them both, and she realised that was why she was so cosy and warm.<p>

Lupin still slept soundly, fringe half-over his eyes, mouth slightly open, and peaceful.  
>She loved to see him peaceful and vulnerable like this - it was a rare gift he showed only to her.<br>Suddenly realising why she felt so different, she looked down at herself and started: she was in her natural form.  
>Odd. Changing usually required effort - once she had a morph, she could normally hold it quite easily, even in sleep. It was changing it that was a deliberate thing, and something that normally required a bit of concentration.<p>

A smile came to her as she thought of how Lupin had always loved her natural form...even though she didn't understand why. In her natural state she wasn't as sporty looking as she morphed herself to look. Her natural shape was a touch curvier, more gently formed; her hair was a light brown, short with gentle waves, grey eyes, a couple inches shorter, and pale. Her usual morph only altered small things...toned down her curves, a couple inches added to her height, changed eye-colour for a bit of fun, and of course, hair variations depending on her mood.

Shaking her head to clear it, she sighed, not really wanting to move, but feeling an ache in her neck that would surely annoy her later if she allowed herself to drift back off.  
>A yawn interrupted her train of thought and replaced it with a new one. She carefully sat up, mindful not to wake her sleeping husband just yet. For she had just remembered something she needed to do first.<br>The letter from Mad-Eye was still in her pocket.  
>Carefully, she got off the sofa and stretched her sleep-stiff body. Taking a moment, she also readjusted her morph back to her preferred height and blue cropped hair.<br>At last, she took a deep breath and took the letter out of her pocket, broke the seal, unrolled it, and read...

_Nymphadora,_  
><em>My part of this is over.<em>  
><em>But yours isn't. I know you're strong, and so is Remus. Help the others, and above all help Harry any way you can.<em>  
><em>You will need to be extremely vigilant in the Ministry. Being in your condition will compromise you after time. Don't attempt to stay in the Ministry when they begin to question you. Think of the safety of your child and of Remus and do not be foolish. There are other ways for information to be had, so don't take avoidable risks.<em>  
><em>If I had my way, I would have left my house to you - it isn't much, but it's something I would have liked to do for you. But I don't reckon the Death Eaters let it stand past my death, so do not attempt to go back there.<em>  
><em>Lastly...<em>  
><em>Generally I don't approve of compromising vigilance by showing too much emotion. But since you won't be seeing me again if you're reading this I'd like to tell you that I thought of you as a daughter, and I love you.<em>  
><em>I'm proud of you, and of the woman you are.<em>  
><em>Be safe lass.<em>  
><em>Your mentor,<em>  
><em>Mad-Eye<em>

Even after she had read the letter over three times, she didn't move. She simply stood staring at the parchment in her hands, unaware of the silent tears streaming down her face as she ached for one last chance to talk to him...to thank him.

Numbly, and somewhat in a daze - partially from just waking and partly from the emotions the letter had caused, she sat back down on the sofa. No sooner than she had sat down, she started and jumped up again - she'd sat on Lupin's feet.  
>His eyes fluttered sleepily for a moment before seeming to take in anything. When his half-open eyes landed on her, he sat up slowly and ran a hand through his greying hair with a sleepy sigh.<br>"Dora..." he murmured wearily, looking at a loss.

Without speaking, she handed him the letter to read.  
>He took it and read it. When he was through, he took a long breath and slowly let it out before putting an arm Tonks in silent support; she rested her head on his shoulder gratefully.<br>"Have you read yours?" she asked quietly after a few moments of silence.

Wordlessly, Lupin shook his head and one of his hands disappeared into his robes and resurfaced a moment later holding his own letter.  
>As Lupin opened it, she sat up so as to read it too...<p>

_Remus,_  
><em>I'm glad to see that you made it.<em>  
><em>After seeing you lose so much in the first war, I'm glad to see you finally happy.<em>  
><em>Don't ruin it with your senseless fears. I'm glad to see Nymphadora settled with a good man like you. You will both need each other to get through this war. Just don't distract each other too much.<em>  
><em>But also remember: if you're obvious in public, and then you're captured, you two will be used against each other, so be vigilant.<em>  
><em>If I had my way the house would go to you two. A little bigger - better place to start a family (you picked a hell of a time for that). But I doubt the Death Eaters allowed it stand long enough for the two of you to take it. And it wouldn't be safe seeing as how they likely know where it's at too.<em>  
><em>Since I had to face and fight in two wars, I'm glad to have done so alongside you Remus.<em>  
><em>Take care of your family and be vigilant.<em>  
><em>- Mad-Eye<em>

Tonks looked up with bleary eyes at her husband to see that his eyes were damp with unshed tears.  
>He tried to collect himself, but Tonks only took his hand in hers and kissed it gently, "It's okay Remus," she lied.<br>Everything wasn't okay...none of this should be happening.  
>He gently took her letter out of her hands, and then kissed her forehead before rising and looking around the room before walking into their bedroom.<br>Tonks, bewildered and exhausted, slowly followed.

Lupin was sealing and concealing a small drawer in the upper right hand corner of their wardrobe so that it was hidden from sight when she arrived in their room.  
>"What's that for?"<br>"Precaution," he answered, "You and I both know how to break these seals, but in case our location is ever in danger or found and searched...well, they still won't have evidence that we're connected to the Order. We need to put anything here that we would want to leave for our child, just in case..." he trailed off and placed their letters inside before turning to face her.

He must have seen the aching fear in her eyes, for his softened and he walked over to where she stood in the doorway and took her face in his hands, his eyes wracked with a pain that made her ache.  
>"Dora," he said quietly, "we have to prepare for the...likely possibility that we may not both make it through this." He paused to brush away a tear that had leaked from the corner of her eye.<br>"And we likewise must prepare and plan ahead for the possibility that neither of us makes it through this...we have to do what we can to leave him or her with what they need, and someone to look after them." Lupin said all this quietly, sombrely, and she could tell this had been on his mind for some time.

The weight of his words hit her like a punch in the stomach, and one of her hands automatically fell to her cover her abdomen.  
>"I...I know," she whispered, feeling helpless and scared in a way she never had before.<p>

The thought of leaving their baby alone in this world, especially the way it was now, was terrifying. She didn't want him to have to grow up in fear and oppression and war, as they had done.  
>She wanted better for her son than that.<br>He or she deserve to be able to grow up and be a child, and not be touched so early in life by death.

"This has been on your mind for a while, hasn't it?" she asked softly, her free hand reaching up to cover his cradling her face.  
>He nodded, and she could nearly see him think for a moment before he spoke. "After seeing so many families ripped apart and destroyed during the first war, and knowing Harry's family and past like I do...it was one of the first things that crossed my mind that afternoon when you told me about our baby."<p>

Compassion filled her at the haunted expression in his eyes, and she moved forward and wrapped her arms around him.  
>He had seen so many awful things - so much senseless, cruel death.<br>Her soul ached because she could not take it away.  
>But that was the way of death and darkness and war...once you were touched by it, you were never the same. It could not be undone. Nor could it be forgotten. But neither should it be forgotten, for then people like Lily, James, Sirius, Alice, Frank, Mad-Eye, and Albus would fade away rather than remembered for their courage.<p>

She and Lupin parted briefly and changed out of their robes into pyjamas.  
>As she did, Tonks's mind wandered back to James and Lily and Harry, and their courage even in the face of devastating loss.<br>And she suddenly knew that the price they would all have to pay would be worth it if only they could free their world and its people forever from this darkness. If they could achieve that...if they died fighting for that. Then it was not for nothing.  
>She turned to look at Lupin only to find him right behind her.<p>

Taking his hands in hers, she told him what was on her heart.  
>"Remus...we-we both might die...but if we do, I want to die fighting to make this world a better place for our son to grow up." she stated, voice fixed, unwavering, despite the tumultuous emotions she felt in her heart.<br>Lupin met her eyes with a sad kind of love. "Son?"  
>"I've got just got a funny feeling about it." She said with a sad smile.<p>

His eyes glistened with a shimmer of moisture, though he smiled softly in return; a look of sad joy, if there could be such a thing, shown from his face, and her heart understood what words could not explain.  
>She blinked rapidly to quell the new emotion that arose within her at the look of admiration and resolution that had settled in his eyes as she spoke.<br>"You are the most incredible woman I have ever known," he murmured, drawing her into his arms once again.

A soft sigh left her, and she closed her eyes as she felt his lips touch her temple and linger there, kissing a sweet path to her forehead and down her nose to her mouth.  
>His lips were gentle and slow, and she forcibly emptied her mind of everything except the sweetness of his kiss...an outward expression of their profound love.<br>Most of all, she tried not to think about how brief this all could be.

Just as these thoughts were making some headway, she was pulled smoothly off of her feet and into the air.  
>Surprised, her thoughts scattered like a wisp of smoke in a strong wind.<br>"Remus, what are you doing?" she asked, trying to sound cross.  
>Lupin called her bluff - not difficult to do considering the smile in her voice.<br>"Making the best of the time we have," he said with a soft smile and a playful peck on the tip of her nose.

She grinned and allowed him to tuck her in before rolling onto her side to face him as he climbed under the covers next to her.  
>They reached for each other, and fell back to sleep in the sanctuary of each other's arms.<br>But Tonks did not sleep well...she was plagued by dreams of Lupin's troubled eyes and nightmares of his past departures.

* * *

><p>Despite Lupin's reassurances the morning before when Tonks had tearfully begged him not to leave, over the next few days he was especially quiet and reserved. Not unkind, but very quiet and preoccupied; when Tonks tried to talk to him about it, he just said he wasn't feeling well after the difficulty of the last full moon and the next one coming near.<br>For some reason she didn't believe him; had the feeling that he wasn't being entirely honest with her. But he wouldn't tell her what was bothering him, though she was afraid she could guess.

She was trying not to think too much about Mad-Eye, but sometimes she still couldn't help her tears. And on those occasions Lupin's somewhat distant manner vanished, and he held and comforted her.  
>He was still kind and thoughtful, but there was just something wrong…off.<p>

It was making her uneasy, but she did her best to just try and take him at his word, hoping he would come out of it soon.  
>He seemed especially troubled the morning a knock sounded at their door.<br>His out of focus gaze on the _Daily Prophet_broke and his eyes snapped to the door; his removed demeanor disappeared in an instant and he looked at her, alarm dawning in his eyes for a brief moment before he collected himself.

Tonks's mind was brought back the memory of the Order's new knowledge. Knowledge that there had been a mass-breakout from Azkaban that the Ministry had hushed up. A shiver of fear shot through her at the thought of who could be at their door.  
>Lupin drew his wand and stepped in front of her protectively as the knock sounded again.<br>As glad as she was to see his cool mood go, she was slightly miffed that he felt she needed protecting. She drew her wand also, stepping up beside him and looking him in the eye.  
>He seemed to accept her silent statement of 'I'm in for the fight.'<br>A fond, but strangely sad expression came into his eyes and his lips quirked up a bit at the corners.

She smiled at him before stepping quietly towards the door, Lupin walking beside her.  
>"Who's there?" He asked evenly when they reached the door.<br>"It's me, Molly Prewett Weasley. Wife of Arthur Weasley, who constantly meddles with the Muggle gadgets, and currently is tinkering with Sirius's motorbike behind my back –trying to fix it for Hagrid - and hiding it in the shed."  
>Tonks grimaced for Arthur's sake, though couldn't help but laugh at Molly's excellent observation.<p>

Lupin's face relaxed and he opened the door.  
>"Wotcher Molly," Tonks greeted.<br>"Hello Tonks, Remus," she said with a smile as she came inside.  
>"Would you like something to drink Molly?" Tonks asked, trying her best to repay at least a small portion of the hospitality she'd always received at the Weasleys.<br>"Thank you dear," Molly said, smiling, "I wish I could, but I know Arthur will be worrying. I'm just on my way back from the grocer's shop, but I wanted to drop in to invite you both to Harry's birthday party tomorrow night. I wasn't sure if either of you would be by Headquarters today - and I couldn't risk sending an owl - least of all Pigwidgeon." She said rolling her eyes and reminding Tonks very strongly of Ginny as she did so.

Lupin chuckled and Tonks's heart softened at the sound and she smiled again.  
>"Of course we'd love to come." Lupin said.<br>"Thanks for inviting us Molly!" Tonks said enthusiastically, her heart lifting at the idea of a celebration.  
>"Of course, I know Harry wants you both to be there." Molly said, looking pleased.<br>"How is he doing?" Lupin asked, looking concerned.  
>"He's alright. Though I can't get Ron, Hermione or him to tell me where they're going yet." Molly sighed.<p>

Tonks knew that Lupin and Arthur, had both already asked also, but Ron, Hermione, and Harry seemed to feel bound in secrecy.  
>It was best not to meddle if that was Dumbledore's wishes, she supposed.<br>Lupin and Arthur both seemed to accept that as well, but Molly could not.  
>Tonks could understand Molly's worry, but knew it was rather pointless to pester them about it.<p>

"Maybe they'll come around, but if they don't, we'll have to respect Dumbledore's wishes, and hope that he knew what he was doing." Tonks said.  
>Molly sighed, nodding.<br>"Don't worry, Molly. Albus was no fool. If he asked them to keep it among themselves there must have been a reason, but he knew them well, and he knew what they could handle." Lupin said gently, resting a hand on her shoulder momentarily in kind comfort.  
>His eyes took on a faraway look as he spoke and Tonks could practically see him remembering.<br>Molly nodded, looking absent as well.

After a moment of silence Tonks spoke, trying to use a light tone in hopes of cheering up Molly and her husband. And she as well, for thinking of Dumbledore also made her think of Mad-Eye, and she found that despite the time that had passed, she still could hardly believe they were gone.  
>"What time should we come Molly?" Tonks asked, thinking that a change of subject was probably in order.<br>"Around five I think. And Fred and George will meet you at the end of the lane, for safety's sake, you know." She said.  
>"Alright, we'll be there." Tonks said with a smile.<br>"Good, thank you both." She said, looking rather more cheerful.  
>"Anytime. Thanks Molly." Lupin said as Molly turned back to the door.<br>"See you tomorrow then," She said, bidding them farewell.  
>"Bye Molly," Tonks and Lupin said in unison, making Tonks grin like a kid.<p>

They heard the faint pop of Molly Disapparating and went back to cleaning up lunch.  
>"Brilliant that Molly's doing that for Harry don't you think? Nice he gets to do something normal in spite of everything." She said.<br>"It is. Harry could use some normalcy after everything he's been through." Lupin said sadly, and Tonks knew he was thinking of James and Lily and Sirius.  
>"At least he doesn't have to be alone anymore and stuck with his aunt and uncle outside the wizarding world. He's got all of us." She said, reminding him indirectly that Harry still had a family. Even if they weren't blood family, they all loved him.<br>Lupin nodded absently.  
>"I can't believe Harry's seventeen. I remember the day he was born. It makes me feel like…an old man." Lupin admitted.<p>

Tonks laughed a little and Lupin looked at her in surprise.  
>"What?" He asked.<br>"You're far from old Remus." She said conclusively.  
>"And you would know this how?" He asked conversationally.<br>"Trust me, I know." She said casually, glancing up at him with eyebrows raised suggestively and a playful wink.

Lupin rolled his eyes and chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "You are…"  
>But she didn't allow him to finish, darting forward for a brief, playful kiss.<br>"Thank you," she murmured when they parted.

From there Tonks smiled and went back to clearing breakfast.  
>Lupin picked up the <em>Prophet<em> again, but his eyes remained fixed on a point just above the paper, and she sighed, sent a final spell at the dishes, and walked over to the table.  
>"What's the article about Remus?" she asked casually, waiting to see if her observation was correct.<br>His eyes darted to the top of the page before he opened his mouth to answer.

"What's wrong?" She asked, gently pulled the paper from his hands and setting it aside so he could no longer hide his eyes.  
>There she saw the troubled look he'd been hiding behind his newspaper today.<br>He looked into her eyes sadly for a moment before speaking, putting his hand over hers  
>on his face.<p>

"I'm just worried about you,"  
>"About me? Why?" She asked, mystified.<br>"The baby...I've already ruined his life, and he doesn't even know me yet. He'll hate me. And so will you because of what I did to our child. I've been so selfish." He said, distressed, anxious.

"Remus! Merlin, haven't you learned anything from being married to me?! Don't you know me better than _that_? I would never - _could never_ hate you! The only thing I hate is how you _will not_ let this go! When will you see that I'm HAPPY?!" she exclaimed, anger getting the better of her for a moment. "I'm happy with you and I'm happier than I can even tell you about our baby! I've _never _been happier…even despite everything that's happened." She said the last bit quietly, wavering unsteadily as her anger left her, and she felt small and lost again. Quickly, she looked down so he wouldn't see the pain that had hit her like a slap in the face at the thought of Mad-Eye.

But he had seen it.  
>"Dora, come here." He said gently, opening his arms.<br>For a moment she sat still, childishly considering being stubborn and staying right where she was because she was mad at him for his unwillingness to let her in.

But when she looked up and saw the sadness and love in his eyes, she went to him and curled up in his lap, tears filling her eyes.  
>A small sob escaped her and his arms came about her, holding her close.<br>"Dora, I'm sorry." He said quietly.  
>For a few minutes he just held her, letting her cry into his shirt. After a minute he spoke again, tone muted.<br>"I know you're happy. I just...I hate what I've done to you."

She looked up into his eyes, a fierce expression in her eyes despite her lingering tears.  
>"The only thing you've <em>'done to me'<em> is make me happy!" She said, voice low and fervent.  
>Her tears forced her to pause and it was a moment before she could speak.<br>"Do you really hate that so much?" She whispered sadly around the lump in her throat.  
>"No. No I don't. I'm glad that somehow I make you happy - I've never been happier in all my life than I've been with you these last months. I just feel so...guilty." He said quietly.<p>

She hugged him closer and another small sob escaped her.  
>Opening her mouth to speak, she found that her voice had failed her and nothing would come out.<br>"Shhh," He whispered, kissing her hair. "I know," he stroked her hair and held her while she cried.  
>She felt so ashamed that she couldn't control herself any better than this. But she was so scared of what Lupin's moods meant and she missed Mad-Eye so much.<br>He would know what to do. She wished she could just talk to him. Even just see him one more time. So she could tell him how much he'd meant to her. Tell him thank you. Tell him goodbye...

After a little while, Tonks's tears had finally ebbed, but Lupin was still holding her. He seemed to need the comfort as much as she did. That was what war did to you; made you so worried and helpless that the smallest ray of sunshine or piece of hope was grasped like a lifeline and held onto like a last breath of air.

The Ministry was spinning out of the control of the Minister, and Tonks hated watching, seeing what was happening and being unable to do anything about it.  
>She looked up at Lupin, wondering what he was thinking about.<p>

His eyes were far away and they had a sad expression about them, though they were certainly more peaceful now.  
>But a thought that she had been pondering lately came to mind suddenly, she she spoke hesitantly.<br>"I'm...I'm sorry Remus."  
>"What on earth for?" he asked, looking bewildered at her sudden apology.<br>"For being so...weak and upse-"  
>"Dora." he interrupted, pulling back to face her, his tone surprisingly firm and emphatic. "Just because you are pained by what you have seen, and are afraid of what may happen...this does not make you weak. I've known a truly weak person...a man who betrayed his friends just to ensure his own safety. He was a coward, and yes, he was weak. But you," he placed his hands on either side of her face and brushed her cheekbones with his thumbs so gently, "are not weak. I've never known anyone stronger than you. Or braver."<br>"Remus-" she started to contradict him.

He placed a finger on her lips and continued. "Being brave doesn't require you not to be afraid - it simply means that you act despite the fears. You fight despite the risks. That is true bravery."  
>A tear trailed down her cheek as she gazed into his eyes, filled with conviction, admiration, and love.<br>She wrapped her arms around him and he returned the gesture, holding her close.  
>"I love you, Remus." she whispered.<br>"I love you back." he murmured into her hair.

She closed her eyes and let the warm feel of his arms and the comforting, familiar scent of him drive away any fear...she basked in this moment, trying not to wonder how long they would have for such moments.  
>But she decided to simply appreciate it, and live for now...in case it was all they had.<br>And so she rested her head back on his chest, eyes finally dry, her pain lessened greatly by his warm hold and feeling his breath on her hair. He was rubbing her back gently, in random patterns and she sighed, relaxing against him, he smiled slightly, and they stayed that way, neither of moving for a very long time.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading!:D<br>Here are a couple notes on this one… this chapter was super long; I'll spare you the details, but know that this is split up for your sanity, and mine! haha!**  
><strong>Rather than just connect them, I believe I will make them separate and more reasonable length chapters. So this is the new, improved, and much shorter chapter ten. :)<strong>

**Ron's comical behaviour where Fleur is concerned was inspired by my current re-reading of Goblet of Fire.  
>As far as Lupin's Patronus is concerned, we still don't know – it may be revealed in the next year, because J.K. Rowling stated that she wrote a full-length biography for Remus for Prisoner of Azkaban on Pottermore – so we will likely know soon!:)<strong>

**The reason I chose an owl was actually well represented in an artwork I saw on deviantART, by ~She-Beast if you'd like to check it out:)**

**That's where that idea came into play, but I'd love opinions/feedback on what y'all think his would be and why! :D Mad-Eye's Patronus…that was random, but I'd be interested to hear y'all's thoughts on that as well:)**

**Also, as I was editing this, I got to thinking, and is it just me or do Tonks and Remus fall asleep on that darned sofa a lot? Haha! It must be really comfy…I want one. XD**

**Anyways, I'll stop talking now. ;)**

**Thanks so much for taking the time to read!**

**May God bless each of you3**


	12. Edge of a Knife

**Hello There! **  
><strong>Happy 2013! I'm sorry, truly, for how long it's taken me to update - life was so crazy towards the end of last year. I hope you all had a great Christmas and a happy New Year's! <strong>  
><strong>Well, here's chapter 11...there's some dialogue in here from The Deathly Hallows - none of that, quite obviously is mine, it all belongs to the lovely J. . I'm just having some fun:)<br>Anywho, I hope y'all enjoy the chapter! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, faved, or followed - if I could send you a nice big box of cookies, I most certainly would! :D **  
><strong>I'd especially like to thank ThisLoveHasNoCieling for keeping me inspired and loving Tonks and Lupin with her own brilliant fanfics, and Kerd151 for the lovely reviews that made me want to finish the arduous process of editing! Y'all's kindness makes my day!<br>Lastly, thanks to anyone who reads this, it means a lot, and I hope you enjoy it. :)  
>Thanks to you all, and happy reading!<strong>

* * *

><p>11. Edge of a Knife<p>

The day of Harry's birthday dawned bright and warm. July thirty-first.  
>Tonks woke early, and turned to look out the window. The sun was just coming over the horizon; she rolled back over again and looked at Lupin.<br>He was still sleeping, his hair mussed around the top. She smiled, thinking absently that his bed head was cute.  
>With a blissful sigh she snuggled back into her pillow, gazing at her sleeping husband. Her eyes traced his face, and she couldn't help but think once again how beautiful he was.<p>

A grin formed as she contemplated her own slight sappiness.  
>I love you Remus Lupin.<br>"I love you too." His hoarse voice said softly.  
>She jumped; startled to see his blue eyes staring back into hers, surprisingly alert seeing as how he'd just woken up.<br>"Merlin! I didn't realize I'd said that out loud, I'm sorry I woke you." She apologised sheepishly.  
>"I'm glad you did. It was a good way to wake up." He said with a smile.<br>"I can charm an alarm clock to do that if you want." She joked.  
>He laughed aloud.<p>

"Come here," he said with a smile, his arms closing around her waist and pulling her close.  
>His fingers traced slowly down to her stomach, making her shiver, then he started tickling her; she shrieked and tried to jump away, but his arms held her fast.<br>She laughed breathlessly begging him to stop; he was laughing so hard you would have thought she was the one tickling him.  
>"What about the baby?" She asked, her attempt at an innocent, concerned tone were somewhat marred by her gasps of air and laughter.<br>He stopped immediately, his thoughtful expression making it obvious that he was deducing whether it were possible to hurt a baby with such behaviour; she giggled, "I'm gonna like this kid."  
>He groaned, but upon meeting her mischievous expression, laughed out loud, "You are shameless."<br>"Yep, and proud of it." She smirked.

He pulled her back to him and rolled so she was lying on top of him.  
>"How are you this morning?" He asked, that warm look of mirth still in his eyes.<br>"Never better as it happens." She said with a soft grin.  
>"Me too. What a happy coincidence." He half-joked pleasantly.<br>She smiled – though perhaps she'd never stopped smiling - and kissed him briefly and sweetly, then laid her head on his chest, sighing contentedly.  
>He started playing with a lock of her pink hair and she smiled again.<p>

After a little while, Tonks reluctantly spoke, "I guess we should eat breakfast."  
>"Mmm," he hummed noncommittally.<br>"What would you like?" She asked, looking up at his face.  
>"Should we try omelets again?" He asked with a teasing glint in his eyes.<br>"Only if you feel like cleaning eggs off the ceiling again," She said, rolling her eyes with a rueful laugh.  
>He chuckled, "Maybe not."<p>

His hand continued to play with locks of her shoulder-length blue hair, his fingers running through it slowly, and she began to think maybe she should have kept her mouth shut about breakfast. It was so peaceful just to lie here with him, and she suddenly fervently wished she never had to leave the tranquility of this moment.  
>"I have an idea," Lupin said suddenly.<br>"What?" she asked curiously.  
>"You'll like it, I promise,"<br>"If not we can always attempt the omelets." She joked lightly.  
>"Sounds good," He said, smiling.<p>

As she moved to get up, he pulled her back down for another kiss.  
>His lips were warm and insistent on hers and she softened into his arms, melting like butter on hot bread; he pulled her closer and she sighed happily against his lips.<br>After a couple minutes she pulled away, trying to clear her head. "Come on...we should have breakfast." She said, grinning.  
>He smiled and let her up, then linked his fingers with hers and they walked pyjama-clad into the kitchen.<br>Lupin turned on the stove and got out... pancake mix.  
>"Pancakes?" she asked curiously.<p>

He'd made them for breakfast a few times before - though usually when he had it was more of a brunch, and so it didn't seem as out of place; now she was curious.  
>He grinned, "I know they're not traditionally for breakfast, but back when I lived at the Bed &amp; Breakfast, Angela was always feeding me pancakes. She said that if anything would stick to my ribs it'd be those," he said, chuckling.<br>"She always had them for breakfast, and at first I thought it was strange, but after a few years of it, I got to where I liked them quite a bit, and when I moved here, it was a habit, and well..." he gestured to the open pantry where approximately six pancake mixes lay on a shelf.

She laughed a little, "I always loved pancakes, but mum didn't make them very often, so this is fun." she said, grinning impishly.  
>"Well now we can have them whenever we want," he said, grinning back. "Do you know that in America they're actually considered a breakfast food? That's why Angela served them that way, to make the tourists feel more at home. I think it worked too, because she always had a pretty full house - though I was the only permanent resident." he added as an afterthought, his eyes taking on a faraway look.<p>

"Lucky them," she said, grinning slightly as she remembered how much everyone in the town had loved him.  
>Blue eyes met hers and the world seemed to fall silent but for their quiet breathing and the early morning light streaming through the kitchen window, illuminating dust motes dancing around the kitchen, and his sandy-grey, bed-mussed hair. A strange, loving yet sad expression formed in Lupin's eyes and he cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs stroking her cheeks, "I'm pretty sure I'm the lucky one," he murmured, his eyes soft.<br>"Ahh, no, I think that'd be me," she said, smiling as his lips met hers sweetly.

Before they could get too distracted they went back to making breakfast.  
>Lupin bravely let her mix it up - and she actually didn't ruin it. Then she watched as Lupin flipped flapjacks.<br>She studied what he did as he cooked the next three then asked, "Can I try it?"  
>"Of course," He grinned.<br>She took the spatula.

Oh, what a bad idea that was.  
>Five minutes later, though neither was sure exactly what had happened; pancake batter was all over the stove and her pyjamas.<br>She looked up at Lupin, feeling like an idiot, and saw that he was laughing.  
>Looking around again, she started laughing too; she was hopeless.<br>And it was hilarious.

She laughed till her stomach hurt and then laughed some more; it was wonderful to laugh.  
>During dark times like these, any sort of relief or distraction from the ever-looming dangers and grim reality was welcome.<br>She handed the spatula back to Lupin quickly once she'd collected herself.  
>"Well now we know what you ought to fight the Death Eaters with. You'd take them out before they knew what hit them," Lupin said, laughing again.<br>He cleaned up the mess she'd made (including her pyjamas) with a few flicks of his wand.  
>"Thanks," Tonks said, fingering her now clean top.<br>"Well, that's the least I can do, seeing as they might wind up being the victim of more destruction later in the day." He said with a wink.  
>She rolled her eyes and gave him a playful shove.<p>

Lupin manning the stove, Tonks leaning casually against the kitchen table, they chatted about inconsequential things like the weather and the paint in the sitting room - which Tonks was trying to convince Lupin to allow her to charm to something besides white. She was convinced she nearly had him wrangled into surrendering on that front - though admittedly, he didn't seem to care too much about it, he seemed rather preoccupied with watching her as she spoke, rather than listening.  
>A light blush tinted her cheeks when he, having placed the last flapjack on a plate, crossed the kitchen to the table, and reached around her to place them on the table, in such a way that his body pressed gently into hers, drawing a little breath of surprise out of her.<p>

Just as she was about to ask him what he was doing, he drew back a bit and place a hand on her face, cupping he cheek tenderly.  
>"Thank you," he murmured.<br>"What for?" She asked, bemused.  
>"For being the best friend I've ever had and so much more." He returned softly.<br>A wave of warmth washed over her, and she wrapped her arms around his waist; his wound around hers in a similar manner, as she whispered, "I love you,"  
>"I love you too, Dora."<br>"How do you do that?" She asked after a moment.  
>"What?" He questioned.<br>"Make me feel like everything's going to be okay."

He drew back a bit, his yes boring into hers, a myriad of sorrow, hope, and love...and a pensive expression she couldn't quite place.  
>"I've wondered the same thing about you. I know what's coming, what war brings, yet, this time is...different. I have a reason to fight, and something to hope for when this is all over…something I haven't had in a long time." He replied quietly.<p>

Both stood, minds miles away, hearts entwined, in the kitchen filled with sunshine, and wished the war away.  
>And as they sat down for a breakfast of flapjacks and warm syrup, it was so easy to pretend, just for a moment, that it was over. Without making a conscience decision to do so, both of them let themselves pretend for a little while.<br>"You're too good to me Remus, you know that?" She said with a smile as she started washing the plates.

He smiled and kissed her hair as he walked by to put the syrup away.  
>"I know that you're too good to me." He said softly, walking back over and drawing her into a hug.<br>"Well I suppose we're both too good to each other then. A pleasant impasse, really," She said, teasing a bit.  
>She pulled back a little and looked into his eyes with a smile on her face.<p>

After a moment of delicious anticipation, in which his lips teased her cheekbones, chin, and jaw, he slowly met her lips.  
>With a sigh of appreciation, she wrapped her arms around his neck and he smiled against her lips, pulling her closer, his lips warm and slow on hers.<br>Her heart leapt with joy and the next few minutes were a sweet blur as his lips danced with hers.  
>When they broke apart, he laid his head on her hair, "I love you," He said softly.<br>"I love you too." She whispered.

It was there standing in his arms that she realised his somewhat removed demeanor had vanished since their talk last night. An acute sense of relief overtook her and she hugged him tighter, just standing there and holding each other for a little while.  
>Tonks was relieved to have the day off from work that day; the Ministry was quickly becoming the most dangerous public place in the Wizarding world aside from Diagon Alley.<p>

She and Lupin started to dutifully clean the house, as it had been...well, a while.  
>But after only a little while, both of them were dragging their feet a bit.<br>With a wilting sense of purpose, they started to work on her next task - laundry. She didn't really mind when Lupin took her hand and led her away from their chores and over to the couch. What with her chaotic, never constant shifts at the Ministry, and Mad-Eye's death, they were both in a constant state of exhaustion, and on this rare day where neither had an Order assignment or assignment of any other kind, it WAS tempting to just relax and spend time in each other's company.  
>"Remus-" She started to protest, albeit somewhat half-heartedly.<br>He leaned over and kissed her, silencing her protest and effectively distracting her. He kissed her slowly, but purposefully, and all thoughts of cleaning left her head completely.

After a minute he pulled away, "I promise we'll finish the housework later." He said, his hand stroking slowly down her face and neck, tracing her collarbone.  
>He looked into her eyes for a moment, and then he was kissing her again.<br>She returned his kiss ardently, fingers tangling in his hair.  
>He pulled her closer, deepening the kiss and she gasped as his warm breath met hers.<br>The kiss changed and he kissed her slowly and sweetly, breathing each other in as Lupin gently pulled her onto his lap. She melted against him, content.  
>For a little while she was unaware of anything except Lupin, his arms around her, his warm breath on hers.<br>The afternoon was passed quietly; quiet moments' shared, warm kisses, and reading together, Tonks's head on Lupin's shoulder.  
>Happiness bubbled up in her at the simple life they shared together.<br>They were peacefully unaware of the changes their own little world was about to face.

* * *

><p>That night at four forty-five they Apparated one lane away from the Burrow.<br>They walked hand-in-hand to the head of the lane, and were met by Fred and George.  
>After checking to make sure that they were who they appeared to be, they relaxed.<br>"Hello Remus, Tonks." The twins greeted in unison.  
>"Wotcher Fred, George." Tonks greeted, grinning.<br>"How are the two of you doing?" Lupin asked.  
>"Great,"<br>"Good." They answered.

They chatted animatedly while waiting for Hagrid, George making at least ten ear jokes.  
>Hagrid arrived, dressed in the same hairy, brown, rather unusual suit he'd worn to their wedding.<br>"All righ'?" Hagrid greeted cheerfully.  
>"Wotcher, Hagrid," Tonks returned the greeting.<br>"Hello Hagrid," Lupin said.  
>"Hey Hagrid!" Fred and George greeted once more in unison.<br>"Is that everyone?" Tonks asked.  
>"Everyone that knows Harry well enough to come…though I bet about half the wizard population'd be here if they knew where to find Harry Potter. Some harmless and some decidedly less so." Fred said dryly.<p>

Tonks nodded, sure he was right.  
>"Shall we be off then?" They said, gesturing down the lane towards the Burrow.<br>They walked down the lane together, the hot July sun shining above them, entertained by Fred and George's jokes.  
>Hagrid struck up a conversation with Lupin and Tonks fell into easy conversation with twins, walking a little faster than Lupin and Hagrid, who were apparently discussing a rather serious topic, judging by the look on their faces when she glanced back.<p>

"Ear-y weather we've been having, ay Freddie? Not even a speck of a breeze." George joked, as they walked through the gate and she laughed.  
>They walked on ahead to get the door, and she stepped back to let Hagrid go through first. While Hagrid tugged himself through the door, Tonks looked up at Lupin and saw to her surprise that he looked troubled again. Concealing her frown, and hoping the evening would cheer him up, she put the thought out of her head; perhaps seeing Harry would take his mind off things and he wouldn't fall back into his cool, restless, troublingly distant demeanour.<br>After Hagrid managed to get through to the inside, Tonks and Lupin followed him through the house, and out into the large back garden, which had been decorated for the occasion. There they were greeted by the Weasleys, the Delacour's (who had arrived only a few days before, for their daughter's wedding), Hermione, and of course, Harry.

They walked over to greet Harry, Lupin shaking his hand and smiling.  
>"Happy birthday, Harry," She said, giving him a big hug.<br>Then they both stepped back to allow Hagrid to wish him a happy birthday as well.  
>Tonks watched the conversation between Harry and Hagrid happily; Lupin seemed to take things in with a rather sad look on his face, and she guessed he was wishing James and Lily could see the fine young man their son had become.<p>

He stared, eyes unfocused out into the horizon as Tonks listened to Harry and Hagrid.  
>"Seventeen, eh!" Hagrid said as he took his bucket-sized glass of wine from Fred. "Six years ter the day since we met, Harry, d'yeh remember it?"<br>Harry grinned up at his friend, "Vaguely, didn't you smash down the front door, give Dudley a pig's tail, and tell me I was a wizard?"  
>Tonks laughed quietly to herself upon imagining this. She knew it'd been hard for Dumbledore to contact Harry, but she hadn't known it'd been that hard.<br>"I forge' the details," Hagrid chortled.  
>"All righ' Ron, Hermione?" He asked.<br>"We're fine, how are you?" Hermione asked.  
>"Ar, not bad. Bin busy, we got some newborn unicorns, I'll show yeh when yeh get back." Hagrid rummaged around in his pocket.<p>

Harry looked down uncomfortably, and Ron and Hermione shared a significant glance.  
>Tonks had the sudden, startling realisation that they wouldn't be going back to Hogwarts.<br>Worry for them sprung up in her as she gazed around at her family; all worried for the safety of those they loved in these times; what was this mission Dumbledore had left him?  
>Was it dangerous? Where we're they going? She could understand with sudden sympathy where Molly was coming from.<p>

"Here, Harry," Hagrid's voice interrupted her worried thoughts.  
>"Couldn' think what ter get yeh, but then I remembered this."<br>He handed Harry a small drawstring pouch with a long string.  
>"Moleskin. Hide anythin' in there an' no one but the owner can get it out. They're rare, them."<br>"Hagrid, thanks!" Harry said, looking thrilled.  
>"S'nothin'," Hagrid said, waving a huge hand.<br>"An' there's Charlie! Always liked him - hey! Charlie!"

Charlie walked up to Hagrid, Harry, Ron and Hermione, and the three struck up a conversation on dragons.  
>Tonks hadn't known Charlie was here, she was glad to see her old friend again.<br>He had changed – he looked older, a bit rougher, his hair was a little longer, and he had some new scars – all part of the occupation, he'd insisted on his last visit with her. Taking him in with new eyes, she realised how happy he looked, and was suddenly very glad he was doing what he loved, even though it had changed their friendship quite a lot.

She promised herself she'd speak to him later – Charlie was a real laugh, and she could use one. But seeing the enthusiasm in his conversation with Hagrid, she figured it may be a while.  
>Tonks looked over at Molly, who was talking to Madame Delacour, but Tonks noticed she was glancing distractedly at the gate approximately every ten seconds or so.<br>Molly was worried about Arthur.  
>"I think we'd better start without Arthur," She said to the garden at large after a minute. "He must have been held up at - oh!"<p>

They all saw a streak of light come flying across the yard and settled into the shape of a weasel.  
>Arthur's Patronus.<br>His voice came out of it, "Minister of Magic coming with me."  
>For a moment there was silence, the Delacour's looked absolutely shocked, and they were gazing curiously at the spot where Arthur's Patronus had been a moment before. It was easy to forget that the Order were the only ones that practised that sort of magic.<br>Though Tonks supposed Bill would teach Fleur, as she was now part of the Order.  
>Just as she looked over at Lupin, he spoke in a rushed manner.<br>"We shouldn't be here," Said Lupin immediately.  
>"Harry - I'm sorry - I'll explain another time."<p>

Lupin grabbed her wrist and pulled her away to the fence surrounding the yard and over. Then, grasping her arm firmly, he turned on the spot and Disapparated.  
>Tonks's head spun as they landed in front of their own house.<br>Lupin let her go and trudged inside, looking miserable and slightly angry.

After a moment of attempting to regain her perilous equilibrium, she followed him slowly inside, still trying to figure out what had happened to make Lupin so upset.  
>Tripping on the threshold as she went in, her feet caught her out of old habit, her eyes darting around in search of her husband.<br>He was on the couch, head in hands when she entered.

As she sat down next to him and rested a hand on his shoulder, he picked his head up and gazed into the empty fireplace.  
>"Remus," She started quietly, "why did we run away?"<br>"I didn't want to put you and Arthur in jeopardy at work, and Harry doesn't need that either, he's got enough on his plate." He said, his voice hard.  
>Tonks closed her eyes against the sympathy that arose on her on his behalf; and against the anger for the bigotry of this world they lived in.<br>"I...I understand. But surely...you must know Remus, that the Minister is foolishly prejudiced - the whole Ministry is blinded by fear. They're looking for someone to fight, to punish, so that the Wizard community will think they're doing something, and because they can't even see their real enemies well enough to fight them. You shouldn't devalue yourself because of other people's prejudices." She said gently; she understood why they'd left, but she didn't want Remus to hate himself for it all over again.

He nodded absently.  
>"Remus." she said in a tone that made him look her in the eye. "What's happened?" She asked, almost scared of the answer.<br>"Hagrid mentioned that Kingsley told him the Minister had been considering passing more anti-werewolf legislation that would further restrict us from working in the Muggle community, and our acceptance to certain places within the community."  
>Tonks looked down, guilt filling her.<br>"You knew, didn't you."  
>It wasn't a question, but Tonks nodded dolefully all the same.<br>"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked in a muted tone, looking at her steadily with heartbreaking eyes.

She met his gaze sadly.  
>"I didn't want to hurt you unless I <em>knew<em> that he was going to pass them. I just kept hoping maybe he _wouldn't_." She whispered, tears burning the corners of her eyes.  
>There were those pregnancy hormones again.<br>But Tonks knew she would have been upset about this even if her hormones were completely normal.

"I appreciate that, Dora, but if I was going to have to hear something like this, I would rather hear it from you." He said, his voice worn.  
>"I'm sorry Remus," She said, sad at seeing his pain, and at causing some of it by keeping this news from him.<br>He liked to know what was going on, she knew that; it hadn't been right of her to keep it from him, and she vowed she wouldn't do it again.  
>"But no matter what they do, what rubbish they pass, it doesn't change you and I. I promise no matter what happens, we'll figure it out together. I'm not going anywhere." she promised.<p>

He gazed at her for a moment both long and short, his sad eyes piercing her heart; he drew her into his arms tightly.  
>"I don't deserve you." He said.<br>"Neither do I deserve you," she whispered, looking up at him so he could see the sincerity in the words she spoke.  
>He looked into her eyes, a half-sad, half- loving look in his blue eyes.<br>A single tear slid down her cheek as she wished for a way to take away his pain.  
>He brushed it away with his lips,<br>"I love you so much," He said huskily, kissing both her cheeks and then her mouth.  
>A gasp escaped her when he pulled her onto his lap, deepening the kiss.<br>Without conscience decision on her part, she teased her tongue into his mouth and he groaned, kissing her harder.  
>She melted against him, desire aroused by the sound.<br>Everything that worried her slipped away as she lost herself in their embrace...

Later that night, wrapped warmly in her sleeping husband's arms, her mind wandered to their baby. She couldn't help but wonder what he would be like. They'd no idea if the baby was even a he. Maybe he was a she. She smiled, knowing that it really didn't matter. She only hoped that Lupin would be able to remember how much she loved him and not panic in response to everything that was happening.  
>Because none of it affected her love for him in the least.<br>The war was terrifying, yes...but he was her refuge.

* * *

><p>The next day Lupin was troubled again. He barely said a word as they prepared for Bill and Fleur's wedding.<br>Tonks was wearing her favourite - and really only - dress; it was long and shimmery, fluttering all the way down to her ankles, and a deep blue color. It dipped down into a scooped neckline with thin straps; folds of fabric wrapped all the way around, some shorter and others longer, till they reached her ankles.  
>Tonks was excited; she was so happy for Bill and Fleur, and doing something so cheerful amidst everything else that was going on would be wonderful.<br>As a finishing touch she scrunched up her face and morphed her hair to shoulder-length blonde for the occasion. It matched her blue dress rather nicely and she cheerfully tugged on her white, flat shoes and meandered to the door of their room, looking into the sitting room where Lupin was flipping aimlessly through the Prophet.

He was dressed in his seldom-used, old black dress-robes; the thin fringe that usually fell over his forehead had been brushed to the side.  
>He looked so handsome. It was still hard to believe they were married - that they were going to have a family.<br>She rested her hand on her belly, smiling as she gazed at Lupin.  
>As she watched him, he rose, still unaware of her watching him from their bedroom doorway, and walked to the kitchen.<p>

Lost in her happy thoughts as she was, she didn't see Lupin re-enter the sitting room.  
>Feeling eyes on her, she came back to present to find him staring at her.<br>She walked over and smiled up at him.  
>"Almost ready then?" She asked casually, looking up at the clock.<br>He nodded, and she smiled at him.  
>But as she took in his eyes, she had to fight to keep her smile in place; he still had that sad look in his eyes from the night before and it broke her heart to see it.<br>She looked down, not wanting him to see the sadness in her eyes - he had to know how happy he made her...otherwise he might once again begin to pay heed to the fears that tormented him.

Instead, she wracked her brain for something to say that might make him smile, and erase that terribly sad shadow from his eyes. But she drew a frustrating blank.  
>She looked back up at him, a question on her lips with the intention of distracting him, but when she saw his expression, fell silent.<br>He was staring at her with an odd mixture of awe and sorrow.  
>"What?" she asked, a bit self-conscious.<br>"You are so beautiful." He whispered, softly stroking her cheek.  
>Her face warmed a bit under his hand.<br>Seeing the light in his eyes encouraged her and she smiled and ran a hand slowly down the side of his face. "You don't look half-bad yourself, Mr. Lupin." She said softly.

He smiled slightly and leaned forward slowly, his mouth meeting hers with a soft sort of intensity. His hands went to her now blonde hair, pulling her closer and she melted into his arms.  
>The kiss deepened and a low sound came from Lupin's throat.<br>After several blissful minutes, they broke apart, Tonks resting her head on his chest, his on her hair.  
>After catching her breath for a moment she spoke, "Thanks. Now I have to brush my hair." She whispered jokingly.<br>"As happy as I would be to do that for you, are you not a Metamorphmagus?" He murmured against her temple, his warm breath sending a shiver through her.  
>"Mmm, if we weren't about to be late, I would happily forget that I'm a Metamorphmagus." She teased, kissing his jaw and smiling up at him mischievously.<br>"I may take you up on to offer later." He said, smiling a little and kissing her forehead.

Tonks pressed a sweet kiss to his lips, and then he took her arm and they Disapparated to the Weasley's lane.  
>Tonks entwined her fingers in his and they walked to the Burrow. When they were still a little ways away, Tonks saw a large white marquee canopy tent.<br>"I don't think Fleur's the small event type of woman." She said, chuckling.  
>"I get the feeling you're right." Lupin said.<p>

He still looked troubled; Tonks tried to just act normally in the hopes he would come out of it. Whenever they tried to talk about what bothered him they always wound up at odds with each other. So she decided for once to, as Charlie had always been fond of saying, 'let sleeping dragons lie.'  
>They were met at the gate by Arthur, who checked to make sure it was them before letting them in.<br>"What did we talk about with Harry at Christmas last year regarding Albus Dumbledore and certain other persons?" Arthur asked Lupin.  
>"We talked about Harry's suspicions that Draco Malfoy had become a Death Eater and Snape was aiding him, bound by an Unbreakable Vow.<br>At the time, neither you nor I believed that Snape was on the other side, we both told Harry that Snape was most likely under orders from Dumbledore to pretend to offer help so that Dumbledore could know what the Malfoy boy was up to." Lupin explained quickly.  
>Arthur smiled and shook Lupin's hand, "Good to see you Remus."<p>

Next he turned to Tonks: "What have you and my wife talked of constantly for the last two weeks?" He asked.  
>"The baby," Tonks said, smiling immediately and touching her middle without consciously bidding her herself to do so.<br>"Hello Tonks," He welcomed.  
>"Wotcher Arthur." She greeted.<br>"Everything going smoothly so far?" Tonks asked casually as they walked through the gate.

"Very. Molly, Fleur, and Madame Delacour seem to be very efficient and…elaborate planners, especially all together." He said, shaking his head with a chuckle.  
>"Is Harry safe?" Lupin asked quietly, looking around at all the guests warily.<br>"He's taken some Polyjuice Potion with some hair he took off of a red-haired boy down in the village.  
>He's "Cousin Barny" for the evening. He's the one with curly hair." Arthur clued them in.<br>"Ingenious." Lupin said, nodding.

Just then more guests appeared yet side the gate, and so Tonks and Lupin made their way to the queue lined up outside the marquee tent waiting to be seated.  
>A rather deaf couple was having an amusing conversation in front of them and Tonks couldn't help but wonder whose acquaintances they were, the Weasley's or the Delacour's.<br>"My dear, I tell you, it's pronounced '"floo-er, not fl-"" Said the older woman loudly.  
>"No, I'm sure it must be Floure."<br>And with that last comment before they were led away to be seated, Tonks guessed they acquaintances of the Weasleys.

Ron, Fred, George, and 'Barny' were all rather dynamic at seating the guests, and before they knew it they were at the front of the queue.  
>"Wotcher," Tonks greeted as 'Barny' came back out of the marquee.<br>Harry jumped a bit and turned to see them. He smiled, looking nothing like himself, but still seeming surprised that they had recognised him.  
>"Arthur told us you were the one with the curly hair." Tonks explained.<br>'Barny' led them into the marquee and up the aisle inside and Tonks figured she should explain about the night before.  
>She knew Lupin wanted to, but probably wouldn't yet and she wanted to save him the grief of doing that.<br>"Sorry about last night," she whispered as they walked. "The Ministry's being very anti-werewolf at the moment and we thought our presence might not do you any favors." She said quickly.  
>"It's fine, I understand," Harry said, addressing Lupin mostly.<p>

Feeling very glad that Harry took the same view on it that she did, she turned the corner to their seats. They had to deal with the Ministry's stupidity, and respect them for their authority – and at times protect themselves from it accordingly, but that didn't mean they agreed with the Ministry.  
>Lupin gave Harry a swift smile, but his face fell into that troubled look again as they took their seats and Harry- 'Barny' - left them to seat more guests.<p>

There were several loud cracks and a crash diagonally to the left and back in the far corner of the marquee from where Tonks and Lupin were sitting. Tonks looked back to see Hagrid had seated himself on five regular chairs and broken them all to a pile of toothpicks. He was apologising to everyone that walked by and after Arthur repaired the chairs, sat down into his magically enforced seat, looking sheepish, and quietly tried not to get in the way.

It wasn't until after she'd turned back to sit properly in her seat that she noticed Lupin gazing at her with that tender look, but his expression was also touched with confusion and a bit of sadness.  
>"Why did you say that to Ha- Barny?" He asked.<br>"Why did I say what?" She returned, confused.  
>"About the Ministry and the werewolves," He said.<br>"I'm sorry. I knew you felt bad about leaving last night - we both did - and I just wanted to explain to him why...I should've let you-"  
>"That's not what I meant Dora," He said gently, "I meant about <em>our<em> presence and _we_? You're not a werewolf." He said quietly. "You don't put all you loved ones in danger simply by existing near them."  
>The grievous edge to his last comment made her ache on his behalf.<p>

"In these times, Remus, I'm just as much of a danger for him to be associating with - I'm under constant scrutiny at the Ministry - everyone is. It's just different with me, given my...allegiances."  
>Lupin opened his mouth to speak, but when 'Barny' led a small party of wizards by their chairs, he hesitated.<p>

The wizards, fortunately, were taken to a row closer to the back, and Tonks turned to address the question Lupin had asked before.  
>"Remus, don't you understand?" She paused, glancing around as Fred led another couple past, and saw to her relief that they had a couple chairs' berth between them and the other witches and wizards sitting near them.<br>"You're my husband, and I love you. I'm always going to have your back - take things on with you. The Ministry's full of a lot of prejudiced prats, trying to make the whole lot of us out to be bad.  
>You're my family, Remus - my home. And you know something - I really hate working there, I HATE what my job has become - working under the man that has caused so much suffering and pain for you. If it wasn't for the Order, I would quit right this instant. When I decided to become an Auror, I didn't sign up to work under a bigoted hothead. I thought I would be able to fight injustice, not help create it." She paused again, reining in her emotion. "And something tells me it's heading in a worse direction." She admitted her fear in a near-whisper.<p>

Lupins's piercing expression had softened and he took her hand, "Dora...I...I'm sorry I've been so preoccupied lately that I haven't noticed like I should've how hard this job has been on you. I... wish I could share the burden with you somehow."  
>"I wish I could help ease <em>your<em>burden." She mumbled. "That feeling's mutual...but always know Remus, that no matter what happens, we're in this together, because I love you. So no matter how hard it gets, or what we have to do, it'll always be 'we'. Because you're an irreplaceable part of me now." Tonks said fervently, staring into his eyes, and watching the tender expression in his eyes grow as she spoke.

Lupin looked like he would have kissed her if they hadn't been sitting in a marquee full of people.  
>As she stared into his soft blue eyes, she marveled; she hadn't known it was possible to love someone this much.<br>Instead she took his other hand, "I know," she whispered, leaning her head on his shoulder.  
>He ducked his head and quickly kissed her hair and placed their entwined hands on her lap, covering her one hand with his free one so that hers was wrapped in both of his.<p>

Smiling, she looked around at the crowd, moving only her eyes and leaving her head on Lupin's shoulder.  
>The marquee filled with jittery excitement as the last people now sat in their seats.<br>There was some murmured conversation, and a few excited laughs as everyone waited eagerly for the moment the bride would arrive.  
>Arthur and Molly strolled up the aisle, smiling and waving to friends and relatives as they made their way to their seats in the front row.<br>Bill and Charlie, wearing dress-robes with white roses in their button-holes, stood up at the front of the marquee, waiting for the bride.  
>Fred wolf-whistled and there were several laughs and giggles all around.<p>

The crowd must have been collectively holding its breath, for when the music swelled and Fleur entered on the arm of Monsieur Delacour the crowd sighed collectively, and there were 'ooh's' and 'ah's' from every corner of the marquee.  
>"Wow," Tonks breathed as she watched her friend glide up the aisle, next to her bouncing father, who was smiling hugely.<br>Fleur was wearing a simple white dress, the lines all folding gently around her, dipping low in the front and back, and seemed to be emitting some sort of silvery glow.  
>She looked absolutely breathtaking.<p>

Her beauty seemed to rub off on everyone she reached today; Ginny and Gabriella, Fleur's little sister, were both wearing golden dresses with elegant knotted twists in their hair, and they looked even prettier than usual walking behind Fleur. And when she reached Bill, he looked as though he'd never encountered Fenrir Greyback.  
>"Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two faithful souls..." The little wizard, who had presided over Dumbledore's funeral, as he did most large public events, began the ceremony.<br>During the middle of the ceremony, Ginny glanced around at something someone in the crowd had said, and smiled and winked at Harry sitting on the second row still disguised as 'Barny'.

The ceremony was beautiful, the little tufty-haired wizard certainly had a way with words, Tonks had to give him that.  
>Then at last, the moment they'd all been waiting for arrived.<br>"Do you, William Arthur, take Fleur Isabelle..."  
>Molly and Madame Delacour were sobbing in the front row, and Hagrid blew his nose, making a trumpet-like sound, and Tonks knew he was crying into his table-cloth sized hankie.<p>

Tonks couldn't help remembering her own joy on hers and Lupin's wedding day as she watched Bill and Fleur say their vows with tears in her eyes. A glance at Lupin had her grey eyes meeting his blue ones, and the warm, consuming expression in them told her that he too was remembering. She smiled at him, a tear escaping as she did so.

After a moment she tore her eyes away from his and looked back to the ceremony. It would hardly do to get too distracted just then.  
>She watched them finish their vows, and when Fleur said the words "I do."<br>Tonks knew - felt, the love she saw on Fleur's face and heard in their words, their promises to each other, and she knew that would they very happy together.  
>"...then I now pronounce you bonded for life." The little wizard said as Bill and Fleur embraced. The minister waved his wand high over the heads of Bill and Fleur and showered silver stars down over them as they kissed.<p>

Fred and George led a round of applause and everyone joined in enthusiastically. Golden balloons burst overhead and birds of paradise and tiny golden bells floated out of them, adding to the merry noise now filling the marquee.  
>"Ladies and gentlemen!" The wizard called over the noise. "If you would please stand up!"<br>Tonks and Lupin rose to their feet, Tonks wiping her eyes.  
>He waved his wand and all the chairs floated upwards and hovered while the canvas walls of the marquee disappeared.<p>

It was now a tent supported by golden poles with a beautiful view out over the sunlit orchard and countryside beyond.  
>A pool of molten gold spread into a polished dance floor in the middle of the pole tent.<br>Then the floating chairs arranged themselves around little tables with white tablecloths on them.  
>Tonks smiled as she watched the reception begin.<p>

Waiters carrying trays with all manner of food and drinks on them appeared, and Tonks took a sandwich and a butterbeer, thanking the two gentlemen.  
>Lupin took a butterbeer also, and some fruit.<br>Tonks found her chance to talk with her old friend Charlie, Lupin joining them as well.  
>Tonks and Charlie animatedly recalled their adventures at Hogwarts: night-flying, sneaking out to have contests to see if they could get past Filch in the halls and flying through the Womping Willow branches on the grounds.<br>Lupin's lips tightened upon hearing this.  
>"Don't worry Remus - miracle though it is, none of us ever got hurt...not from that anyways." Tonks reassured him.<br>"Don't know how we managed it." Charlie laughed.  
>"Me either. I think Dumbledore must have known though - he always knew." She said.<p>

The simple days were so appealing now life's was so uncertain and complicated, but back then she didn't have Lupin, and she wouldn't trade him for anything - simple or otherwise.  
>As she and Charlie caught up on the things they'd missed in each other's lives, she couldn't help but notice the strange look that came over Lupin's face as he watched her enthusiasm whilst talking to Charlie.<br>She stored it in her memory so she could ask when she got a chance.

A few minutes later, Charlie left them to congratulate his brother 'properly', and something in the mischievous glint of his eyes made her wonder how much Bill would appreciate the gesture.  
>Tonks and Lupin walked through the crowd, chatting to friends and meeting new people as they walked about the tent.<p>

They talked for a while with Bill and Fleur as well, wishing them joy and congratulating them.  
>Tonks noticed the same preoccupied, odd expression on his face as he watched Tonks make a joke about some prank they'd been involved in at Hogwarts.<br>Both Fleur and Lupin laughed at the end of the story, though it had taken Bill and Tonks a bit of time to stop laughing enough to convey exactly what had been so funny about it to begin with. But Lupin looked... well she couldn't quite say what...she felt certain she'd seen the expression before - a long time ago, but she couldn't place the memory or pin the expression.

About half an hour later, Tonks and Lupin were standing together, among the other guests, watching the cake get cut.  
>Two miniature Phoenix's took flight when the first piece was cut and everyone got a piece after the bride and groom. It was delicious.<br>Lupin still looked rather troubled, and now a bit preoccupied, that strange expression still lingering as well, and he watched her interaction with Charlie quietly. After Charlie caught sight of one of his other old Hogwarts buddies, and Lupin was in conversation with Arthur, Tonks approached Molly, who was walking through the crowd as though looking for something.

"Molly," Tonks said, catching her attention.  
>"Tonks!" She said, looking a bit emotional still, but happy.<br>Tonks returned her friend's greeting and was about to speak when they were distracted by the little wizard who had presided over the wedding announced the dance of the bride and groom.  
>Molly and Tonks watched quietly for a moment, and Tonks almost felt like she was intruding on something very personal. Bill and Fleur were gazing into each other's eyes, and Fleur's beautiful eyes shone as they never had before, and Bill had never looked happier in all the years Tonks had known him.<br>"I hadn't pictured him with someone like her, but...I like her." Tonks said absently after a few moments, both of them still watching Bill and Fleur dance slowly, foreheads touching.

Ginny was on the other side of the dance floor, camera in hand, taking a few pictures of Bill and Fleur dancing.  
>"I think they're going to be so happy." Molly agreed, wiping a tear from her eye and smiling as she watched her son and new daughter-in-law dance.<br>There was only a soft murmur of noise during this first dance.  
>Once the first song ended, more couples stepped onto the dance floor, and the conversation resumed its normal pitch.<br>"Molly, I wondered if I could as a favour of you?"  
>"Of course Tonks, what is it?"<br>"I was wondering…if you could give Remus a reason to go to into the Burrow for a moment? I need to ask him something, but if I suggest it, then he'll probably get suspicious and make up some excuse to avoid my question."  
>"Certainly. Is everything…all right?" She asked, obviously not wanting to pry, but concerned.<br>"I – that's what I'd like to find out," Tonks admitted. "I just want to talk to him for a minute."  
>Molly nodded, "I understand."<p>

So she followed Tonks over to where her husband stood, now preoccupied with watching a young couple dancing.  
>"Remus, would mind fetching the rest of the butterbeer from the kitchen?" she asked, and Tonks could see she hated to ask this of him, as a guest.<br>"Of course, Molly." Lupin said, smiling kindly.  
>Suddenly Monsieur Delacour was before them, camera in hand. "Smile!" He exclaimed.<p>

Lupin put his arm around Tonks and the flash blinded them for a moment. By the time they could see again he'd gone on to his next victims. Tonks laughed, glad to see Lupin looking amused too.  
>But Tonks knew him well enough to see that something about his expression was still off, and she needed to know what it was.<br>"I'll help you fetch those butterbeers." Tonks offered, following him as he left the marquee.  
>"I could've managed, Dora." He said quietly.<br>"I don't mind." She said, smiling at him in a way she hoped affirmed the truth in her words.  
>"You can go back to the wedding; I don't want to make you miss anything."<br>"I want to get something from inside anyways." Tonks lied.

Well...she did want an answer to the odd look on his face. So it wasn't entirely untrue.  
>He wouldn't look her in the eye either, she noted, puzzled.<br>They reached the Burrow and walked inside and Lupin went straight into the kitchen; Tonks followed him, and watched as he started looking around for the butterbeer.  
>Knowing he was purposefully avoiding her eyes, she kept her penetrating stare on him till he at last looked up.<p>

"What's wrong?" She asked once she had his attention.  
>"Nothing." He said, tone preoccupied, eyes darting away from hers once more.<br>"Come on, Remus..." she reproached him; she knew there was something bothering him. And it must have been bothering him a lot, because he hadn't even thought to use a Summoning Charm to find the butterbeer.  
>She wasn't going to remind him though; she might not get an answer if she did.<p>

So she waited for a moment. And another. And another after that.  
>He sighed in defeat and finally met her eyes, a slightly sheepish expression on his face.<br>At her expectant look, he glanced away again before finally speaking, "I just wondered - I hadn't really thought of it before...did you ever...date Bill or Charlie? You know, when you were younger..." Lupin said, his voice faltering.

He had an odd look on his face and his tone was strange too - a false sort of casualty rang in it.  
>Contemplating it for a moment, she watched him turn away and attempt to busy himself by searching the pantry for the butterbeer; again, he could have Summoned it, so she knew he was purposefully avoiding her gaze.<p>

Sudden understanding came to her, and if it wasn't for her sympathy and the sweetness of it, she would have laughed aloud. Really, it made sense that he would wonder, after seeing her and Charlie talk so animatedly...and he had never asked before, but she knew their age difference was a source of consternation for him, though never once had it bothered her in the slightest. In fact, she'd never given it a thought until he'd mentioned it.  
>But knowing him as she did, all the pieces fell into place and she gazed at him with sudden understanding.<br>"You're jealous." She said, not asking, because it was apparent she was right; her tone reflected her slight amazement and surprise - she wouldn't have thought he would be one to get jealous. He ought to know now much she loved him.  
>But now at last it came to mind where she'd seen that expression before.<br>Long ago, at an Order meeting Tonks had told Ginny about her disastrous first - and last - attempt at a blind date. She remembered it clearly...

Tonks closed the door of Grimmauld Place behind her, tapping it with her wand so it would lock itself, realising as she did so that she was early for the meeting. At that moment she'd never been so glad to be living at Grimmauld Place. In fact, she'd lived here all summer, having moved in directly after joining the Order so as to help with the cleanup efforts and also to keep her parents safe. The less they knew about what the Order was up to, the better.

Relieved to be home at last, she looked around with more appreciation than she had ever felt for the drab, cold, dark interior of number 12, Grimmauld Place.  
><em>Merlin, am I tired<em>, she thought, her mind going wistfully to the bed she hadn't slept in in nearly forty-eight hours.  
>Tonks stowed her wand and dashed immediately upstairs, shucked her clothes, and turned the water on full blast.<br>After a scalding shower that washed away her fatigue for the time-being, she dressed in clean robes, morphed her hair to a teal-blue colour that reached her chin in ringlets, and made her way downstairs.

The Weasleys, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Mad-Eye Moody had also moved in at the beginning of the summer, though temporarily for the most part. Sirius was the only permanent resident; they were all here to help with the cleanup efforts - which, it seemed, would be extensive. But things seemed to be coming along alright, if not a bit slow because of the other work they were all doing. Sirius, Hermione, Molly, and the kids had done a lot, because they were here the most. Tonks was up to her eyes in Ministry work, and Lupin, Mad-Eye, and everyone else were swamped with Order assignments and recruiting.  
>Oh well; she'd rather duel a Death Eater or four than be where she'd been before this.<p>

She rubbed her forehead with her hand, trying to coax her headache away.  
>Charlotte had meant well, she supposed - but had Charlotte <em>seriously<em> thought that she'd hit it off with a guy like Thomas?  
>She sighed, her mind filled with a perplexing, annoying tangle of thoughts.<br>So filled, in fact, that she completely forgot about her personal speed bump - the troll leg umbrella stand.  
>Her foot caught it and she went sprawling to the floor, landing with a loud thud, her shoulder breaking the fall, so that the side of her head hit the floor with less impact than it might have otherwise.<p>

Even still it was enough to make her already achy head throb painfully and the room tilt at an odd angle.  
>She rolled onto her back with a groan and lay there for a minute, hoping the entryway would stop spinning.<br>Footsteps sounded from the end of the hall, and she muttered a mild curse, and tried to get up.  
>The room threatened to become two, and so let herself fall backs and closed her eyes tightly, willing the nausea to pass.<br>Well there was nothing for it, she thought, annoyed with herself for being so bloody clumsy. But, not wishing to add retching to the embarrassment of this scene, she sighed and lay there feeling completely pathetic as the hurried footsteps grew steadily closer.

"Tonks!" A hoarse voice she knew well exclaimed.  
>Remus Lupin.<br>The next thing she knew he was kneeling beside her, a gentle hand on her shoulder, "Are you all right?" he asked worriedly.  
>"Never better." She said, unable to check her sarcasm.<br>He half-smiled sympathetically, "Do you think you can sit up?" he asked.  
>"Only one way to find out." she sighed.<p>

She could usually be good-humoured about her clumsiness, but after the day she'd had, and the sleep she hadn't, she was simply frustrated.  
>He unexpectedly put his arm around her shoulders and helped her sit up slowly, turning her so her back was resting against the wall. The room spun sickeningly before her once more and she clamped her eyes shut and waited for it to pass.<br>"Thanks," she whispered, trying to fight back the nausea that accompanied her spinning head.  
>"Dizzy?" He asked.<br>"Yes...if I opened my eyes there'd be two of you."

Tonks was very aware of Lupin's presence beside her, and so she heard him clearly when he sat down next to her.  
>"Did you hit your head very hard?" He asked gently.<br>"Yes," she groaned miserably.  
>Light fingers coming up to rest carefully on her forehead startled her.<br>They traveled to the right side of her head just over her ear, probing gently, hesitantly.

She couldn't help the wince that escaped her when he touched the goose egg that was already rising.  
>"Sorry," he apologised, removing his hand from the sore spot quickly.<br>"It's alright; that is going to hurt later though."  
>She didn't know why, but his warm hand on her forehead had greatly eased her headache and she relaxed against the wall, her frustration evaporating, and she realised he had used some sort of charm to alleviate the pain in her head.<p>

"Thank you," she murmured appreciatively. "I need to learn that charm."  
>"My pleasure," he said, sounding like he was smiling. "I'll teach it to you sometime."<br>It was comforting to have Lupin beside her; they'd been friends for nearly a year now - ever since she'd joined the Order of the Phoenix.  
>Perhaps, she thoughts absently, the reason she'd been so frustrated with Charlotte's blind date set up was that none of the guys she'd ever met were like Lupin.<br>He was very much a gentlemen, and very polite; but also had a good sense of humour and a loyal, kind character; he was smart too; gentle, yet he was a good leader, and he was very warm and welcoming... a ready listener.  
>And he wasn't bad looking, either.<p>

Suddenly she realised the train of thought she was on and shook herself mentally; hoping Lupin didn't notice her blush.  
>This was all simply a platonic observation...she had a great deal of affection and respect for her friend. Mentally she shook herself and returned to reality.<br>Finally, she opened her eyes, and to her immense relief, the room remained still.  
>She looked over and smiled at Lupin, who had indeed sat down beside her, keeping her company while she regained her equilibrium.<br>As she looked into his warm blue eyes, her rather dull, tired, annoyed mood disappeared quite completely, and she felt happy again.

"Wotcher," She said, greeting him properly.  
>"Hi," He greeted back, chuckling.<br>She grinned, still staring into his eyes. His had an oddly fond look in them, as well as something else she couldn't quite place. They were both staring without realising it, and she couldn't find it in her to want look away; she didn't want to move. His eyes were so...she didn't know a way to describe it, but it didn't matter.  
>As the moments zoomed past, she felt herself growing warm under his gaze, and she was sure she was blushing again.<p>

A door shutting somewhere upstairs broke the intense, strangely intimate silence that had enveloped them.  
>She let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding.<br>Lupin seemed to shake himself slightly, "Ready to stand?"  
>She nodded, "Ready,"<br>He stood and held out his hand, she took it gratefully and allowed him to help her up.  
>Even when she was steadily on her feet once again, he didn't let go. She wasn't sure if he didn't realise it, or kept holding her hand because he wanted to, but she did know that she certainly didn't mind. His skin was surprisingly soft, and warm like his eyes. But, ever sensible, he was likely making sure she was steady before letting go.<p>

"Any dizziness?" He asked, voice slightly husky as his eyes searched her face.  
>She shook her head and he nodded, "Good as new," Tonks smiled. "Thanks for keeping me company." She added.<br>"Anytime." he said, his voice soft; still holding her hand.  
>Impulsively, she hugged him, wrapping her arms around his neck.<br>She didn't know what made her do it; she usually hugged her friends, but with Lupin, it felt different somehow, meant something different...a very good different that she wasn't at all familiar with.  
>He seemed surprised, but after a second, his warm arms wrapped around her shoulders; she felt so warm and safe in his arms, and was strangely loathe to let the moment pass.<p>

Yet in the next moment the sound of someone coming down the stairs sounded and she loosened her arms reluctantly.  
>"Thank you," she said again as she let him go.<br>His eyes had a softness in them she'd never seen before and it completely disarmed her. A sort of tender warmth she couldn't place; no one had ever looked at her that way in her life, and she didn't know what it meant; but she suddenly felt warm with joy. She fought the impulse to grin hugely, she felt so happy just standing there looking into his eyes.  
>What was the matter with her?<br>"You're welcome," he murmured, his soft eyes still looking into hers.

Ginny Weasley came into Tonks's peripheral vision and she turned away from Lupin.  
>"Wotcher Ginny!" She greeted enthusiastically.<br>"Hello Ginny," Lupin said, sounding a bit distracted still.  
>Tonks had been friends with Ginny's brothers Bill and Charlie, when they'd all gone to Hogwarts together - though Bill was actually a year older.<br>She'd met Molly and Arthur a couple of times when she was still at Hogwarts, at Platform nine-and-three-quarters. When she'd joined the Order, and met all the Weasleys, she was thrilled. Getting to know the rest of them was an unexpected treat.

Right away she had hit it off with Ginny, and they were friends already even though they hadn't known each other very long.  
>"Hey Tonks, Professor Lupin," Ginny greeted amiably. "What's up?"<br>"Oh just getting in my bruise quota for the day, you know." Tonks joked.  
>Ginny laughed, and Lupin chuckled quietly next to her.<p>

She smiled at him before looking back at Ginny.  
>"Are you all getting settled in okay?" Tonks asked. She imagined it must have been a bigger adjustment to move an entire family like that.<br>"Yeah...nice isn't really the expression I'd use for the place, but it's not too awful." Ginny said, grinning impishly.  
>Sirius appeared at the top of the stairs, apparently hearing the chatter, and came down to see them.<br>He grinned at them all, looking very cheerful about having house guests until further notice.  
>"Hello," he greeted them all.<br>"Wotcher Sirius," Tonks replied.

Sirius came over and gave her a big bear hug.  
>"How's my favorite cousin?" He asked jovially, an arm still around her shoulders.<br>"Tired," Tonks said honestly.  
>"Well, a few days in this lovely, relaxing establishment and you'll be feeling better in no time." He joked.<br>"Yes, I see it has done worlds of good for everyone here already." She teased back, winking at her cousin.

She and Sirius had become really close over the summer, and she was glad that all the stories about him weren't true. He was a great man, really. Been through some tough spots, but he had a good heart.  
>Sirius greeted Lupin and Ginny, and the four of them headed into the only clean room of Grimmauld Place...the kitchen; and there they waited for the other members to arrive.<br>Tonks sat down with Ginny, their backs to the fireplace, where Lupin lit a cosy fire before sitting down across from Tonks.  
>She smiled at him warmly.<p>

Sirius immediately struck up a conversation with Lupin, and Ginny and Tonks likewise.  
>"How was your day?" Ginny asked.<br>Tonks turned and answered her, though part of her attention was still focused on Lupin.  
>"Long. My friend Charlotte tried to set me up a blind date with her cousin Thomas - it was <em>awful<em>." Tonks said, sighing.

Ginny laughed, "What'd she want to do that for?"  
>"Well...Charlotte's always dated a lot - she thinks it's fun. I never dated all that much - not like I have a problem with dating...I just haven't, I guess. Lately things have just been busy, and at Hogwarts...well there always seemed to be better things to do!" Tonks laughed, thinking of the mischief Charlie, Bill, and she had gotten up to while at school.<br>"Charlotte always had a hard time understanding that I didn't just want to date for the sake of dating...she's had a lot of boyfriends." Tonks said, chuckling wryly.  
>Ginny nodded.<p>

"So what happened on the date?" Ginny asked curiously, resting her chin on her palm and looking at Tonks with interested brown eyes.  
>Just as Tonks was about to relate the whole story, she felt eyes on her and looked over to see Lupin was subtly listening to their conversation rather than to Sirius, and he had an odd expression his face. She couldn't pinpoint it; she turned back to Ginny.<p>

"He was just such a big-shot flirt. He's trying out for an international Quidditch team and that was all he talked about...until he tried to put a move on me."  
>"Seriously?" Ginny asked, her eyes widening and she laughed.<br>"Yeah, and I'd never even _met_the bloke before today. Never mind getting to know someone for the bloody right reasons." Tonks sighed, annoyed once more as she thought back to the waste her afternoon had been.

"When I told him I had to go, and thanks but I didn't think I wanted to go out again, he was a prat about it...I guess Charlotte meant well, but I hope I never see her cousin again." said Tonks. "If I do, I might be tempted to Jelly-Leg Jinx him for payback." Tonks laughed, only half-joking.  
>"So no more blind dates for you, huh?" Ginny teased, an amused glint in her eye.<br>Tonks laughed out loud, "Never."  
>As she was laughing, she glanced over to see that Lupin still had the exact same oddly puzzling, almost sad expression on his face...<p>

She came back to present, bemused yet feeling just rather amused as well.  
>He'd just finished Banishing the last of the butterbeer.<br>Now he looked downright abashed.  
>She suppressed a smile, love for him warming her down to her toes.<br>Looking again, she saw his face was slightly red; she walked over to him.  
>He made as though to turn away.<p>

Tonks caught his arm and turned him back to face her, smiling.  
>"Bill and Charlie are my friends, and have been for a long time," Tonks said gently.<br>Seeing that he wasn't content with this answer, she swallowed her own slight embarrassment and spoke.  
>"I never dated Charlie; that would have been..." she trailed off for lack of a good word - weird didn't seem adequate - "strange. He's like my brother."<br>Now they'd gotten to the embarrassing part.  
>"Bill and I went on one date - Molly was so adamant that we'd be right for each other, so we tried it; more for her sake than anything else...but it was...we just didn't have that sort of relationship. It was always so familial and relaxed - we never were anything but friends. Charlie and Bill, well, they're pretty much like the brothers I never had." She explained.<p>

If it were possible, he looked even more uncomfortable.  
>"I'm sorry - I know I shouldn't care. It's the past, and it's past. I just..."<br>"You're curious." Tonks shrugged. "I'm your wife, it's only natural. Someday I expect you to tell me about all your Marauder conquests." She replied with a grin.  
>He snorted and looked out the window, falling silent.<br>Patience waning, she bent to the side so that she was level with his eyes.  
>"So - what did you want from in here?" Lupin asked as she straightened and met his eyes.<p>

While his tone was casual, his held a mixture of sheepishness, tenderness, and relief.  
>She felt immeasurable affection and love for him; his sweet, embarrassed expression and the fact that he was jealous over her...she couldn't keep herself from kissing him.<br>Surprised, it was a moment before he responded. When he did, his lips were gentle, but passionate, taking her breath away.  
>Lost in the feel of his kiss, time seemed to stop, and joy filled her heart.<br>When they broke apart, their arms wound around each other, and Tonks breathed deeply, content, and for a moment almost believing that everything was right with the world.

Perhaps, she observed absently, she simply wished it so much that it felt for a moment as if it could be true.  
>After a minute, she reaffirmed the truth that Lupin needed to hear.<br>"Remus, you are the only man I have ever loved. There's never been anyone else for me." She said quietly.  
>He finally met her eyes, his blue ones tender, "It's always been you; all my life I didn't realize that… I was waiting for you to come along, and I have never loved anyone except you." Lupin murmured, stroking her face with the pad of his thumb, leaving a warm trail down her cheek that seemed to land somewhere in her heart.<br>She smiled at him, and his hand worked its way into her hair and he kissed her again.  
>Tender and intense, her stomach did a flip as he drew her in against him; she wondered if she would ever get used to the tender way he looked at her and kissed her...she doubted it.<p>

After a moment that could have been a minute or an hour, they drew apart, and Lupin cupped her face, kissing her forehead gently before resting his against hers.  
>"I love you, Remus." She whispered.<br>"I love you too, so much." Lupin murmured huskily.  
>His arms came back around her and they then stood in a quiet peace in each other's arms, watching the reception through the window; it was so pretty, the people milling about in the yard and the sun was setting, casting a beautiful red and gold sunset across the sky.<p>

"We ought to go back," Lupin sighed.  
>"You're right," she said reluctantly; she was enjoying just letting him hold her, but the wedding was beautiful and she was so happy just to be there with Lupin.<br>She kissed him briefly one last time, then twined her fingers with his and walked back out to the marquee with him.  
>They got back in time to see Fleur and Monsieur Delacour's father-daughter dance.<br>After the song ended, other couples began to trickle onto the dance floor.

"May I have this dance?" Lupin asked, blue eyes twinkling.  
>Tonks looked up at him in surprise and was thrilled to see that warm look had returned to his eyes, along with that rare Marauder gleam.<br>"As long as you'll catch me if I fall." She replied, grinning.  
>"I promise." He said softly, and the seriousness of his tone, and its meaning did not escape her as their eyes met.<br>"I trust you," She said quietly, smiling.  
>He smiled softly, seeming to know how she felt, and took her hand and they walked to the floor.<br>"You should know...it's been a while since I danced..." She said, "last time didn't work out so well for me…" she trailed off, remembering her broken ankle.  
>"What happened?" He asked.<br>"You don't want to know." She grimaced.  
>He looked at her expectantly.<br>"I broke my ankle." She admitted ruefully.

He kissed her forehead, "I assure you this will not be a repeat experience."  
>She laughed.<br>"But just so you know it's been years since I danced too." He said.  
>"Good, I won't feel so bad!" She laughed.<br>He chuckled and they stepped onto the floor, the song was mercifully a slow one, though Tonks felt suddenly shy looking up at him.  
>Lupin smiled a little, putting her at ease in a way only he could, and placed his hands on her waist and she put hers loosely around his neck.<br>He drew her closer and she rested her forehead against his jawbone, sighing contentedly, warm everywhere he touched her.  
>"I love you Dora," He whispered in against her hair.<br>"I love you too," She said, blinking away the moisture that threatened to fill her eyes.

It could have been just them dancing alone for how unaware they were of the other dancers on the floor.  
>His warm breath fanned onto her hair and her heart beat sped up when Lupin pulled her closer so that her body was against his and he turned his head and let his lips brush her forehead.<br>"Remus," She whispered, closing her eyes.  
>His arms held her tighter as they danced, content in each other's arms.<p>

When the song ended she reluctantly let him go and they walked off the floor together, hands entwined.  
>Some of the wizards were having a really good time, having had a bit much firewhiskey, they were singing an old wizard's hit in the corner of the tent, holding their near empty glasses high.<br>Tonks laughed and shook her head.

The beautiful celebration came to grinding halt when a jet of light streamed down into the tent, and formed into a lynx.  
>Kingsley's Patronus.<br>Kingsley was at the Ministry...that could only mean...  
>"The Ministry has fallen. Scrimgeour is dead. They are coming."<br>Horror filled her; the Ministry had _FALLEN_.

Dumbledore and Mad-Eye had always said it would, and she'd believed them because they were wise and had been through this all once before...but she hasn't wanted to - had unconsciously hoped they were wrong. Thinking around the shock, she snapped into Auror mode, and assessed the situation.  
>They were coming here. All of these people...they had to get them out.<br>She looked at Lupin and in the split second of shocked silence before the guests' panicked, silent communication passed between them. They had to get the people out, and fast.

Lupin's eyes were hard and determined, but as they fell on her, she could see them gain a shadow of fear. She wished she could tell him everything would he fine; she'd love to hear that right now too. But with the Ministry gone over...no one was safe anymore. The second ended as the silence was broken by a scream and chaos ensued; time seemed to move in slow motion as she flew forward, urging the guests to Apparate away from here.  
>The first mask-covered faces arrived in the crowd and people began Disapparating, the protection around the Burrow had broken.<br>Tonks raised her wand at the same time as Lupin and shouted, "PROTEGO!" trying reshape at least some of their safety.  
>The Order members all around echoed the cry.<p>

Tonks saw out of the corner of her eye Ron, Hermione, and Harry Disapparate.  
>Now at least they all had a chance. <em>Harry<em> had a chance, and that was what mattered.  
>She knew it was Harry they wanted, and if they didn't find him here perhaps they'd just...just what?<br>With a shiver she cast all dark thoughts out of her mind and focused; she cast another spell, but as more Death Eaters arrived in the tent it became clear that their spells were not holding.

Nearly all the guests had managed to Disapparate by that time a dozen Death Eaters stood in the midst of what was, ten minutes before, a celebration.  
>Dueling was beginning all around when a silken voice spoke loudly over the ruckus.<br>"There is no need to fight! Simply answer our questions and we will not harm you." Lucius Malfoy said.  
>Somehow Tonks didn't find him terribly convincing.<p>

She glared around at the Death Eaters, wand at the ready by her side, anger not even beginning to describe how she felt; which of them had killed Mad-Eye? If she knew she would pay them back in kind.  
>But the voice of reason cautioned her against revenge and anger. Mad-Eye had said countless times that emotions getting the best of you on the battlefield were the fastest way to get yourself killed.<br>"There are Death Eaters at each of the Order houses this evening.  
>We want answers, give them to us, and we won't give you any trouble. Fail to cooperate, and we shall not forget." Malfoy's silky voice drawled.<br>"Where is Harry Potter? The Ministry wants information on his whereabouts and we know you are in contact with him."  
>Malfoy finished.<p>

Wands pointed threateningly at them from all sides, contradicting their promises not to harm them; Tonks recognized the Ministry worker Runcorn among the Death Eaters, and while disgusted, wasn't surprised.  
>Lucius and the Death Eater Nott walked towards the house; a wanted criminal Death Eater that the Ministry'd been after for ages named MacNair grabbed Arthur, "How about giving us the grand tour, ay?"<br>Arthur nodded stiffly, and shook the Death Eater off.

Tonks didn't recognize any of the other Death Eaters present. Though most of them remained masked.  
>The last eight of them fell behind the Weasley's, the Delacour's, Dedulus Diggle, Hestia Jones, Hagrid, Elphias Doge, and the rest of the Order that was present.<br>They followed Arthur, Lucius, Nott, and Macnair into the Burrow.  
>"We know that your son Ron Weasley is good friends with Harry Potter. Also heard he's not returning to Hogwarts...perhaps he'd like to talk with us?" Macnair taunted.<br>Molly started to speak but Arthur cut off his wife.  
>"You may see him if you like...he's gravely ill with Spattergriot, but if you're up to the risk..." Arthur said, leading them up the stairs to Ron's bedroom.<p>

Tonks couldn't help but wonder what on earth Arthur meant; she'd seen Ron Disapparate with Hermione and Harry not an ten minutes before.  
>Nonetheless, if Arthur had something up his sleeve to protect Ron, Harry, and Hermione she wasn't going to say a word.<br>The masked Death Eaters proceeded to ask questions. Where was Harry? When was the last time they'd seen him? Just where would he be heading if he wasn't going back to Hogwarts; Tonks rolled her eyes; Harry going back to Hogwarts now would be tantamount to suicide - these Death Eaters clearly assumed Harry and the Order were a bit dim.

When Arthur and Macnair returned downstairs, Macnair seemed convinced he had indeed seen Ron, and asked no more questions about him.  
>While they were all being interrogated, Lucius and Nott searched the house top to bottom.<br>They found nothing, but threw a lot of things around. Tonks flinched and Molly let out a small, sound as more glass was shattered upstairs.  
>The Order wanted to fight, but at the same time, knew that if they did, they'd only give the Death Eaters a good reason to arrest them - just now most of them were only suspected Order members.<br>Fighting would lose them any small chance they had left of all of them getting out unscathed.  
>They all kept their hands clasped around their wands, just in case.<p>

The Death Eaters trashed the house, and Tonks heard Molly's clock strike an hour, and then another.  
>Tonks stood close next to Lupin, subtly glancing at him every now and then.<br>His face was tense; his jaw set and his eyes were hard, but Tonks knew his eyes well enough to know that there was barely-concealed dread in them.  
>After more than three tense, agitated hours, the Death Eaters finally came downstairs.<br>"Well, it seems you are not harboring any information on Harry Potter. But-" Lucius hissed, "if we should find that you have hidden him, or information on him and his whereabouts, the consequences will be...tragic." He said dangerously.  
>He glanced around at them all, smirking, and asked a few more questions.<p>

As the Death Eaters moved as though to leave, Molly stepped forward, voice strong despite the fact that she was standing amid the ruins of her home.  
>"And may I ask what cause the Ministry has to be seeking Harry Potter?"<br>"He is wanted for questioning about the tragic death of Albus Dumbledore." Malfoy answered immediately.  
>It was complete rubbish and everyone standing in that room knew it.<br>Rage filled Molly's face, and Tonks was grateful that Arthur reached over and drew her back with the rest of the Order.

Lastly, before turning to leave, he turned to Tonks.  
>"Oh, Nymphadora, your aunt Bellatrix wanted me to congratulate you on your marriage to your pet Remus Lupin. Welcome to the family." Lucius said.<br>The only thing that warned Tonks what was going to happen before it did was the sneer on Lucius' face.  
>He threw a hex towards Lupin and Tonks, whose hand had clutched her wand inside her robes all night, like Mad-Eye had taught her, had it out in an instant, blocking the hex silently, shaking with fury.<p>

Lucius, look of disgust growing, lowered his wand, and Tonks breathed a sigh of relief; she was fighting back the temptation to throw a curse at him, and she very nearly did, but Lupin's warm hand closed around her wrist. She looked up at her husband and saw that his face was calm; but his eyes were sad. He shook his head slightly to the side and she lowered her wand, but didn't put it away - no one was going to hurt any of her friends.  
>"How sweet," Lucius mocked. "I'm sure we'll be seeing you two around - Bellatrix would love to see her favourite niece you know."<p>

There was a dangerous look on Lupin's face at Lucius's words.  
>"Well, do take care of your wolf, Nymphadora, I've heard they can be quite difficult to train - I wish you the best of luck." He said, his voice silky, smirking at the enraged expression came onto her face.<br>Furious, she started to raise her wand but Lupin stepped in front of her, and she sighed angrily, and slid her hand down Lupin's arm and took his hand, hoping that he wouldn't allow Lucius's words to get to him.  
>"So touching," Lucius mocked silkily.<p>

After another minute, Lucius swept out of the house, the others following him swiftly.  
>The windows burst all of a sudden, glass shards flying everywhere.<br>But the shards seemed to all go around them. She looked up at Lupin in surprise to see that he'd silently and quickly cast a shield charm over them all to keep them from getting hurt.  
>"Thank you," She breathed.<br>He nodded,  
>"Thank you Remus." Arthur said.<br>Everyone else echoed their thanks gratefully.

Tonks let out a shaky breath she didn't know she'd been holding.  
>"Well, I suppose that's that then." Tonks said, defeated as the realisation set in.<br>"What?" Molly asked, confused.  
>"We're going to be watched; all of us. The Death Eaters know that we know Harry, they're not going to just waltz off and say 'ta-ta, do send us word next time Harry drops by."' She said wearily.<br>"She's right," Bill said, "Dad, Tonks, you need to be _really_careful at work. So does Kingsley - they know his house was in the Order's protection now. And we need to send someone over to make sure he's alright."

"No need," Said a deep voice from the doorway.  
>On edge from everything that had happened in the last three hours, Tonks spun, wand pointing at the source of the voice.<br>"Kingsley," she breathed, "What form does your Patronus take?"  
>"A lynx, which was sent to you this evening at Bill and Fleur's wedding."<p>

With a sigh of relief, she lowered her wand, and realised as she did so that half of the people behind her had been pointing their wands at Kingsley as well.  
>"Thank heavens you're safe," Molly said quietly.<br>Kingsley nodded in her direction before turning to Arthur.  
>"Arthur, you and Tonks were noted to be missing tonight from the Ministry. Tomorrow they will question you on where you were and why. Have your answers ready and make sure they match up, since they know now that you were both in the same place."<br>Tonks nodded, "My childhood friend was getting married - couldn't be any simpler than that."  
>"This is my son's wedding, that should be all the answer they need." Arthur said shortly.<p>

"Might it be safer for them to quietly leave the Ministry before they're discovered?" Molly asked.  
>"Not now. If you disappear now, they'll have proof against you, and you'll be hunted." Bill said.<br>Tonks had never felt so helpless - either way she would be in danger...every move she made had to be carefully considered before it was made or the consequences could be dire.  
>"You're right," Lupin said, his eyes were clouded with anxiety at the idea of Tonks going to work at a Ministry run by Death Eaters and overseen by Voldemort.<p>

"I can't believe they all just...left." Ginny said quietly, sounding relieved.  
>"Me either," Tonks said.<br>Fleur hugged Bill, and Tonks saw a tear slide down her face.  
>Bill returned her embrace, looking relieved, but grim.<br>Arthur put his arm around Molly, looking weary, but relieved; Ginny stood between Fred and George, who looked solemn, and each had a hand on their little sister's shoulder.

Charlie met her eyes, and she could see in her friend's eyes that he was beginning to accept the gravity of what had just happened.  
>Tonks took Lupin's hand, and squeezed it, weak with relief herself that they were all still standing.<br>"There's work to be done. Each of the safe houses needs to be checked and its occupants attended. Check for signs of an Imperius Curse." Kingsley warned.  
>Everyone began to move in different directions. "And no one use You-Know-Who's name – he's Tabooed it, and anyone who speaks it'll have half a dozen Death Eaters show up within a minute."<p>

All of a sudden Lucius's words echoed in her head: _"'There are Death Eaters at each of the Order houses this evening.'"_  
>That meant her parents...what if Bellatrix...<br>She had to go.  
>She looked up at Lupin,<br>"My mum and dad - theirs was a safe house too, I have to make sure they're alright!" She exclaimed, sudden fear gripping her.  
>"I'll go, you stay, there could still be Death Eaters there." He said.<br>"Does the career title Auror mean nothing to you? I'm coming - we don't have time to argue about this!" She said firmly.

The Weasleys and remaining Order members all started deciding where to go first...make sure everyone else was alright.  
>Lupin's eyes penetrated her for a moment, and then dropped, and with a sigh, he took her hand and they Disapparated to the lane where her parent's house was.<br>They didn't go right to the house, that way the Death Eaters - if there were any there - would not be alerted to their arrival.  
>They ran down the lane fast as they could, and Tonks tried to keep her fear at bay.<p>

When they were in sight of the house, Tonks heard a scream from inside; panic filled her and she ran forward.  
>Lupin grabbed her arm, "Dora wait! If we play this right we can force them to leave."<br>"But-"  
>"Trust me?" He asked, voice intense.<br>"Always." She promised.

A smile flickered briefly across his face, "Alright, what we need to do is sneak in from both sides, you around back, and I'll go in the front, keep your wand out." He instructed.  
>She was unordinarily grateful for his taking control of this situation. Mad-Eye had taught her that being emotionally compromised on a mission could jeopardize the entire thing. So she listened to her husband, who suggested the very thing she would have, had her mind and judgment not been clouded by panic.<br>With a nod she drew her wand and made her way silently, ducking under the windows, to the back door.  
>"Alohemora!" She whispered, unlocking it.<p>

Soundlessly she walked through the kitchen and into the sitting room to see, to her horror, that Lupin had been grabbed by a big Death Eater, and had his wand pointed at his throat. Lupin was the only one that had noticed her; he moved his eyes back and forth as if shaking his head no. Her hands flew to her mouth, and she managed to catch the cry that threatened to come from her throat.  
>For a moment she was at a loss what to do.<p>

Perhaps she could try to stun the one holding Lupin to give him a chance to grab his wand.  
>But she had to get closer...as she was moving around to get to a place where she could hit only the Death Eater, she stumbled.<br>Managing to catch herself, she cursed mentally; the noise she'd made had been small, but it was enough.  
>The Death Eaters and her parents looked up, surprised, and her parent's expressions turned to horror.<br>Her mum was lying on the floor, and Tonks could see she'd been tortured, her dad was on his feet, though he was leaning on the wall for support.  
>"Nice of you to drop in," sneered another big Death Eater by the name of Mulciber.<p>

Tonks recognized him; they'd been on several hunts to try to catch him, but he'd always eluded them.  
>"We've just been having a nice little chat with your parents - but they've been a bit vague...perhaps one of you would care to elaborate?"<br>Suddenly Mulciber made as though to grab her like Lupin; she pointed her wand at him.  
>"You really want to do that darlin?" He asked, pointing his wand at her mum, "Crucio!"<br>"No!" Tonks's cry was drowned out by her mother's scream.

"Expelliarmus!" She exclaimed, taking a leaf out of Harry's book.  
>Mulciber's wand flew out of his hand and Tonks caught it; her mother was released, and she gasped in relief, lying very still.<br>"Don't you touch my mum!" Tonks said fiercely.  
>Mulciber chuckled for some reason.<p>

Lupin shouted, "Tonks move!" a moment too late.  
>Someone grabbed her roughly from behind, causing her to drop both the wands she'd been holding.<br>Now she was a prisoner, though she couldn't see her captor.  
>Tonks saw to her horror that the Death Eater holding Lupin had cursed him for his shout of warning, and Lupin's chest had a bloody gash across it.<br>"Well that was futile, now wasn't it?" Mulciber said, picking his wand up off the ground where it had rolled towards him.  
>"Perhaps you need to be taught a lesson..." he trailed off and Tonks was about to reply angrily when her father's voice spoke.<br>"Is anyone hurt or...?" Her dad asked desperately, and Tonks knew what she was asking.  
>Had they killed anyone.<p>

"Nope, but we may be forced to make an example of this one-" Whoever had Tonks jerked her roughly by her hair and she winced and bit her lip. If she thought it wouldn't put her family in even more danger she would be trying to escape "-if you don't cooperate." Mulciber said, smiling cruelly as a terrified cry escaped Tonks's mum.  
>"Over my dead body." Lupin growled furiously.<br>"Well - we're flexible."

Tonks felt herself go cold at the thought, "No!" She cried angrily, trying to mask the all-consuming panic that had come over her at the thought of this threat.  
>Her dad put a hand on her mother's,<br>"What more do you want to know?" He asked.  
>"I want to know where Harry Potter is." He said.<br>"I've told you, I don't know where he is," Her dad said calmly, though she could see the fear in his eyes.  
>"He's been here recently, so you must have some idea of where he's gone." Mulciber said.<br>Her dad remained silent.  
>"Well, I think the proper encouragement will induce you to be a little more helpful." He said.<br>Tonks was dropped quite suddenly on the floor, and as she began to rise, a curse hit her...  
>"Crucio!"<p>

"NO!" Lupin cried at the same time Tonks's scream of agony split the tense silence.  
>It felt as though someone was ripping her, piece by piece. Tearing and burning her. White hot knives where piercing her flesh. The pain was overwhelming and she didn't know how long it lasted, but it felt like an eternity.<p>

He released her and she gasped, tears rolling down her face, unbelievable amounts of pain searing through her. She'd had the Cruciatus Curse used on her before - it was a hazard of her job description. But somehow it wasn't something one could get used to and handle well. The three other masked Death Eaters present had wands pointed at her parents, who had struggled to run towards her.  
>Lupin was struggling to get away from his captor, and had already hit him.<br>"Crucio!" He cursed again, and Tonks, who had just managed to shakily get to her feet, fell to the floor again, a scream escaping her.  
>Agony overwhelmed her.<p>

Lupin continued to struggle against the hold the Death Eater had on him.  
>"We were under orders not to kill anyone, but you're pushing your luck, werewolf. I might have to make an exception." He said menacingly to Lupin.<br>Ice filled Tonks's veins as she heard this, even through her torment.  
>It felt as though someone was slowly tearing her in half and breaking her bones with a sledgehammer at the same time.<br>"Please don't...don't hurt him!" The hysterical cry came from her, though it sounded throughout the house.  
>"The Dark Lord was very specific, just…"<p>

The rest of his sentence she missed, an agonised cry escaping her lips even though she tried to hold it back. She must have blacked out, but she was brought back by a sound.  
>The thump of someone hitting the floor; it sounded unnaturally loud.<br>Lupin.  
>Terror filled her. Had they killed him?<br>She writhed, screaming as the Death Eater cursed her again.

Freed for an instant, so managed to force herself to roll over through her pain, she saw Lupin lying on the floor, frozen except for his eyes.  
>And they were filled grief, pain, panic, and anger.<br>"Anyone have something they'd like to share now?" Asked one of the Death Eaters.  
>When he was met with silence, Tonks was brought back into the fiery torture.<p>

Voices spoke, but Tonks couldn't hear them, couldn't focus on anything, all that existed was pain. She didn't know how long had passed - it felt like an eternity. Lost inside her own head, she couldn't see or hear anything. She could only feel the torture.  
>A scream brought her back to awareness of something else other than the pain.<br>Her mother screamed again and she prayed for it to end; that they would all survive.

Someone was ripping her apart, tearing her skin away bit by bit. She couldn't keep back the screams of complete agony.  
>"Please...please..." The cry sounded came from her but it sounded so foreign, as though she were listening to it from a long way away.<br>"Well, I think that would satisfy Bellatrix, don't you?" Mulciber asked his companions with a chuckle.  
>Tonks was sick with disgust, pain, and fury, but she also felt weak and panicky. She wasn't sure she could move.<br>"Nothing'd satisfy her except them dead...but given the circumstances..." he trailed off with a chuckle.  
>He kicked Tonks hard on the shoulder and she cried out. She stayed on the floor, hoping that if they thought she was too weak to move they'd leave her alone and she could get to Lupin. Make sure he was okay.<p>

They released her mum from the Curse and left suddenly; they seemed to have a silent agreement, all of the Death Eaters released their captives and swept out the door, Disapparating away.  
>Tonks forced herself shakily to her knees and made her way to Lupin, and saw to her relief that he was only Body-Bound. She grabbed her mother's wand, which was closest, "Ennervate."<p>

He got to his knees and caught her in his arms, holding her shaking body so tightly it was hard to breathe.  
>"Are you alright?" He asked, his voice sounding panicky.<br>She nodded, unable to speak.  
>"Thank Merlin, oh Tonks," He murmured, kissing her hair.<br>A few tears of relief and pain escaped from her eyes.  
>He was so steady and warm, and her weak body leaned against his exhaustedly, grateful for his strength when she was so weak, for the safety of his arms.<p>

After a minute of sanctuary in each other's arms, Lupin stood, and helped her to her feet.  
>Her knees wouldn't quite hold her and Lupin wrapped his arm around her waist, supporting her as they made their way to her mum and dad.<br>Her dad had helped her mum up and onto the couch and they were both sitting, shaken. Her dad had his arm around her mum's shoulder.  
>Lupin sat Tonks down on the couch next to her mum and then sank onto it next to her.<p>

Her mum put an arm around her waist, and Tonks lay her head on her shoulder, so relieved they were all okay.  
>Lupin still grasped her hand tightly in his, his other hand rubbing soothing circles on her back.<br>"Ted, Andromeda, are you alright?" Lupin asked worriedly.

"Yes. Yes, we're alright." Her dad answered; her mum, like Tonks, looked as though she was unable to speak.  
>"What happened? How did they get past the charms?" Her dad asked.<br>"The Ministry has fallen...Scrimgeour is dead. Voldemort is the Ministry now." Lupin said grimly.  
>"The Ministry...fallen..." he trailed off, shaken by the news.<br>"I know," Lupin muttered.  
>"How did you lot know?" Her dad asked.<br>"Kingsley sent his Patronus to warn us at the wedding, so most of the guests were able to Disapparate before the Death Eaters got there."  
>"What happened exactly?"<p>

"You-Know-Who spent his first night as Minister by sending Death Eaters to every single house that had been being protected by the Order and the Ministry."  
>Her dad looked horrified.<br>"Is everyone else alright?" he asked quickly.  
>"Everyone at the Weasley's is fine. But we need to get back and make sure everyone else is." Lupin said, standing wearily.<br>"Don't use You-Know-Who's proper name – Kinglsey warned us that it's been Tabooed. Anyone who does will have half a dozen Death Eaters tramping down their door." Tonks threw in weakly.  
>Her dad's eyes widened, but he simply nodded.<br>"Are you sure you two are alright?" Lupin asked.  
>They nodded.<p>

He looked relieved, though still tense and worried.  
>Tonks kissed her mother's cheek then started to rise.<br>"No. Dora, stay here with your parents. You need to-"  
>"Remus, I'm coming with you." She said determinedly.<br>"Dora-"  
>"I'm coming." She said stubbornly.<p>

He sighed in defeat and put an arm around her to keep her steady.  
>They bade her parents' goodbye, promising they would stop by one more time before they went home.<br>Before leaving, Tonks and Lupin cast protective charms around the place; this time, they held, and her parents would at least be a little safer.

They Disapparated to the Burrow; Molly was there with Ginny, and filled them in on what had happened.  
>Lupin lowered Tonks to sit down on a chair and she leaned against him while Molly spoke. She caught the bits that everyone was alright, but the Death Eaters had burned Dedulas Diggle's house down.<p>

Tonks was relieved that everyone was alive, but a sudden fear had taken hold of her...would the curse Mulciber used have hurt her baby?  
>She felt so weak, her body still smarting from the torture, her shoulder aching where he'd kicked her, and she was sure it was bleeding underneath her robes.<br>Molly looked at Tonks after her brief explanation, "Are you alright dear?" She asked.  
>"Mulciber and four other Death Eaters were there when we arrived at the Tonks's. They used the Cruciatus Curse to torture Ted, Andromeda, and Tonks." He said, clutching her hand tighter as he spoke.<p>

Molly looked aghast and rushed forward, putting a hand to Tonks's forehead, "Are you alright Tonks?" She asked.  
>Tonks nodded, "I'm okay."<br>"Ted and Andromeda are fine too, just shaken," Lupin answered before she could ask.  
>Lupin dug around in his pockets for something, "Eat this, it'll help you feel a little better." He said gently, handing her some chocolate.<br>With a slight smile she took it, remembering other occasions when he'd given her chocolate to help some ailment or wound.  
>She looked up at him and saw the bloody cut on his chest.<br>"Remus, you need to take care of this," she said, touching the torn fabric of his robes and pulling them over carefully to examine the wound.

He nodded and took out his wand, silently drawing across the wound and after a minute, it was gone.  
>She felt relieved to see him alright again.<br>"Try it Dora," he said, gesturing at the chocolate, clearly hoping it would help.  
>Taking a bite, she ate slowly, and felt some of the weakness leave her.<br>By the time she'd finished with it, her pounding headache had vanished.

"Any better?" He asked, worried still.  
>She nodded.<br>"Alright, I'm going to go do what I can with Bill and Arthur-"  
>Tonks started to stand and he gently eased her back down.<br>"You need to stay here with Molly and Ginny. I'll be back,"  
>"No," She said hoarsely, "I need to come with you." She argued.<br>"Stay here with Molly and Ginny and help them with the protective charms around the Burrow, that way we won't have another surprise like this again tonight."  
>She looked at him, and saw he was adamant, so she sighed and nodded, standing slowly, her knees still shaky. He didn't let go of her till he was sure she could stand alright.<p>

Then he Disapparated to where Bill and Arthur and the others were.  
>And so they went about the work of protecting themselves once more, and repairing the damage the Death Eaters had done. Once most everything was fixed, the Weasley's and Lupin had returned to the Burrow.<br>Bill and Fleur had gone on to their new home, which they had checked and found to their relief was safe still. Lupin informed Molly, Ginny, and her that the Order had checked the Lupin's home and it was also unharmed, apparently the Death Eaters hadn't bothered with it since it was empty - same with Bill and Fleur's place. Just to be safe, the Order had placed a Fidelius charm on shell cottage and their home. Only the Order knew, and the official Secret-Keepers would be the owners of each home. Remus assured her that Tonks could inform her parents as well, and they would be safe if the Death Eaters ever wanted to 're-visit.'

Arthur sent a Patronus to Ron, saying that the family was safe but telling him not to answer, because they were being watched.  
>After checking on her parents and everyone one more time to make sure they were alright and doing what they could by way of protective spells and enchantments on everyone's homes, Tonks and Lupin Disapparated home, sometime after two a.m.<br>Tonks was still shaky and cold from having the Cruciatus Curse used on her.

Apparently the Death Eaters had been under orders not to kill anyone, only to gather information by whatever means necessary, but their grudge against Tonks and her family for being on the 'other side' of the war, was enough incentive for them to be harsher with them than the rest.  
>Still remembering Lupin's horrified, livid face, his agonised eyes as they'd tortured her; she'd taken his hand and was loathe to let it go. He had been helplessly bound and she could do nothing to release him.<p>

Her whole body still smarted and ached, and she was afraid for her baby. What if something had happened to him?  
>She didn't know exactly when she'd started doing so, but she always seemed to refer to the baby as a him.<br>Tonks and Lupin set extra protection around their home (though they doubted they'd need it due to the Fidelius Charm, they couldn't be too careful in these times) before walking through the door, exhausted. While relieved that no one was hurt, it was terrifying to know that no one could help them, and the Death Eaters could do whatever they wanted...there was no punishment for them anymore.

What little protection the Ministry had been able to offer was now void.  
>How were they ever going to be safe again? And what price would be demanded for that safety?<br>Tonks made her way unsteadily over to a chair, collapsing onto it, her shaky knees unable to support her a moment longer.  
>Her body was trembling and it wouldn't stop; her breathing was fast and uneven and she wondered briefly if she was having some sort of meltdown.<p>

In the next moment Lupin was there, scooping her up and sitting her on his lap, holding her tightly.  
>"Dora...oh, Dora. You're alright. You're alright..." He murmured over and over.<br>His arms wound around her brought her out of the terror and despair that it was so easy to fall into during war, and back into sanity.  
>She didn't realise she was crying till Lupin pulled back a bit and started softly wiping away her tears with a gentle hand.<br>The way she was feeling scared her; her body shaking uncontrollably, the tears that wouldn't stop, and she felt so cold.  
>"Shhh, Dora. It's okay. We're alright. I'm right here." Lupin said, his voice thick with emotion, rocking them gently; she saw a tear had escaped his eye too, and was sliding slowly down his beautiful, scarred face. And his words sank in...he was right. They were okay, and as scary as tonight had been, that was the most important thing.<p>

Once again, rational thinking took over, overriding the fear.  
>Usually she could be optimistic, but after all that had passed, she was shaken...and only Lupin could return her to her normal state of mind.<br>But wasn't that what best were for? To help each other keep going, even when darkness has fallen. Because after night there is always morning.  
>And so on the morning they would set their eyes.<br>Everyone was alright.

There was only one other thing making Tonks really uneasy.  
>Harry, Ron, and Hermione.<br>Where were they? Were they safe?  
>The Death Eaters at the wedding hadn't known Harry was there, they just wanted information.<br>She was relieved Harry had taken Polyjuice potion and had been able to escape, but she knew she would worry about them till word was heard from them. And in these dangerous days, who knew how long that would be.

"Remus...do you think Harry, Ron, and Hermione are okay?"  
>It was a moment before he answered, "I hope so. They Disapparated, and the Death Eaters had no idea Harry was there, so they should be able to be relatively safe in hiding. They'll likely as not start on the work Dumbledore left for them, whatever that may be." He said.<br>Tonks nodded, "They're just so...young."  
>"So are you." Lupin said quietly.<br>When she glanced up at him, his eyes were roving her face with a worn sort of worry.  
>"It's different," She insisted. "I chose this...I wanted to fight. This doom chose Harry, and he has to fight to be free of it."<p>

Lupin nodded. "They are all very powerful. And Harry's been through enough with Ron and Hermione involved that he knows his stuff. But I'd still rather if someone older from the Order could help them." He said, sighing wearily,  
>"Me too." She said quietly.<br>Lupin's gentle, comforting touch eased the pain and cold that was lingering from the curse.  
>They sat, and Tonks's tremors eased and she was warm in Lupin's arms before long. Neither of them moved for a very long time.<p>

* * *

><p>That night Tonks awoke in the early hours of the morning. She'd fallen asleep sitting with Lupin, and apparently he'd carried her to bed, though she'd no recollection whatsoever of this. She closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep. But remembering her nightmares, distorted versions of what had happened at the wedding; she shuddered and moved closer to Lupin. He didn't wake, but his arms tightened around her.<br>How was it he always knew what she needed?

She closed her eyes, breathing in the comfortingly familiar smell that was one hundred percent Lupin.  
>More relaxed, but still unable to drift back off, she realised something was bothering her. Something Lucius had said, that triggered a memory of something Bellatrix had once said.<br>She had a nagging feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach, but she couldn't place where it had come from or why.  
>So she wracked her brain, trying to find the source of her anxiety; she thought back to the night they'd moved Harry, and sadness filled at the memory of Mad-Eye's death.<p>

Tears pooled in her eyes and she squeezed them shut, sorrow falling over her as she thought of her lost friend. How she wished he was still with them.  
>After a few minutes she forced her mind away from those painful memories to the chase...tried to recall all the cruel words Bellatrix had shouted that she had, at the time, tried to ignore.<br>Suddenly, as clearly as though Bellatrix was standing right there, saying it again, she remembered the words that had brought on her anxiety...  
><em>"'Will you have a family? I'm sure the pups will be precious.'" <em>

It had been an insult, shouted to distract and infuriate Tonks so that she wouldn't think clearly. It hadn't worked, but it _had _made Tonks angry.  
>But now, the words filled her with cold dread.<br>How had she not thought of it then? Not realised?  
>Tonks was pregnant...and what if...what would Bellatrix do to her baby if she found out about him?<br>She wanted Tonks so badly, and her mother and father as well - and it was only because Tonks was a half-blood to use as an out for revenge against her 'traitor' sister. What would Bellatrix do to her son, whose father was a werewolf?

She would stop at nothing, Tonks knew.  
>How on earth could she protect her child?<br>For the first time, Tonks understood her mother's horrified reaction when, at 15, Tonks had announced she wanted to be an Auror.  
>She understood that fear, that helplessness.<p>

Laying a hand on her stomach, she took a deep breath to calm herself. The only answer she had for the present was that she had to hide it. Bellatrix - and now the Ministry - could _not_ find out. The longer no one knew, the longer her child would be safe.  
>But she wasn't foolish enough to think she could hide it from Bellatrix forever.<br>When the day came, Tonks would do anything to protect him - and so would Lupin - she already knew that.  
>She would protect him with her life, and as she gazed at her sleeping husband, she knew that he would too.<br>The future seemed more uncertain than ever, and as she buried her head in his chest and squeezed her eyes tightly shut, she wished for an end to the nightmares this war forced upon them. Wished for a way to protect all those she loved from the brutal end that they would all have to face to finish this war once and for all.

* * *

><p>But sleep was not to be had that night for Tonks. When she at last managed to drift back off, a new, terrible illusion plagued her, and she couldn't escape from it. Triggered no doubt by remembering the night the Order moved Harry, a dream - a distorted memory - held her captive.<br>She was on her broom, up in the air. The Order was moving Harry, but for some reason Tonks was alone in the air, save Mad-Eye and Dung.  
>They were fighting together, and Dung was cowering and shooting spells to save only himself.<br>As they were fighting, Tonks suddenly realised they had the advantage and she and Mad-Eye shared a triumphant glance before fighting on.

And then suddenly, what had looked so hopeful a moment before turned into a nightmare. Thunder sounded and Voldemort appeared.  
>He was flying right towards them, bearing down quickly, his wand raised, a cold cruel look of determination on his face.<br>Tonks heard the crack of someone Disapparating in a lull between the thunder and spun from her attackers to see Mad-Eye sitting on his broom alone. Then, before she could stop him, or before she had the chance to even call out a warning, Voldemort shot a curse straight at him.  
>It hit him square in the face. He froze in midair and fell sideways off his broom, almost as if in slow motion.<br>"_MAD-EYE_!" Tonks screamed as he fell into the storm clouds that were all around them. She dived, desperate to find him. Only when a Silencing Charm was cast upon her did she realise she was still screaming his name. Another spell flying right by her nose forced her to pull her broom up sharply to avoid it. She missed it but narrowly.

In a last desperate attempt, she dove, foolishly hoping she might not be too late to catch him.  
>But then Voldemort was stopping her again.<br>She caught a last glimpse of Mad-Eye's body flying through the air, hurtling towards the ground.  
>"Mad-Eye!"<p>

Suddenly, a voice penetrated her dream -  
>"Dora! Dora wake up!"<br>The stormy battle scene was dispelled as her eyes flew open and she jumped, sitting bolt upright in surprise.  
>Glancing around, she got her bearings.<br>She was sitting in bed, blankets and sheets tangled around her legs, sweating, tears rolling down her face.  
>And there, beside her, eyes wide and anxious, was Lupin.<br>"Remus?" she asked in confusion, the dream still clouding her mind.

She was shaking from the aftermath of the nightmare, unable to let go of the horror of the dream; a sob escaped her.  
>Then Lupin's arms were around her, pulling her to sit in his lap and holding her close. His arms engulfed her, and she clung to him, burying herself in his chest gratefully.<br>"I'm right here Dora," he murmured in hushed tones over and over, rocking her gently back and forth.  
>His strong arms about her brought her a measure of comfort and security even as tears rolled silently down her face. She closed her eyes, focusing on Lupin and his whispered words, trying to rid her mind of the terrible images it had conjured in sleep.<p>

Arms warm around her, his hands rubbed her back in a soothing motion, keeping her tethered to reality.  
>In that moment the war felt like it had been an eternity...she hardly felt like the same person she'd been before joining the Order.<br>So many people, so loved, all gone.  
>Would it never end? When would it be enough? When would it finally be over? And how much would they all sacrifice before it was?<br>Right now the war was balanced on the edge of a knife...a push from either side, and they would fall into or out of favour with victory. Only time would show whose advantage this fall would work to...and how many lives it would claim when it did.

"We're alright Dora, we'll be alright." Lupin mumbled again, one hand coming up to stroke her hair.  
>Sorrow for the torn world around them making her soul ache, she buried herself in her husband's arms, wishing desperately in that moment that the entire war was nothing but a nightmare. That she could wake up, and have it disappear.<br>But these dark times were far from over, and only time would tell how much more would have to be given before the bloodlust of war was satisfied.

* * *

><p><strong>Hello again:) So, I'm sorry to finish another chap with sadness on Mad-Eye - while these chapters are long, it's really only been a few days since Mad-Eye died, so it makes sense that she would still be pretty upset. Do y'all think it's too dramatic though? I nearly took out the last scene, but it's really a better ending than the one before.<br>Also, my apologies about any typoes or grammatical errors - after doing the general edit, the grammatical one seemed so tedious - and it was 2 in the morning, so I opted out this time. But if it's really bad, I won't again. hahaXD It's also come to my attention through some commendably observant readers (that I am thankful for!:)) that there are several little dis-continuities in the story - I've written this over the span of a year, and my memory is rubbish:p If you notice any, please do point them out to me so that I can fix them! :)  
>And I hope y'all liked the chapter! Thanks so much for reading, and making me smile! :)<br>**May God bless you and all those you love in the new year! 3 **  
><strong>


	13. The Fall

**So...NOT DEAD! haha But more seriously and less Sherlock-ishly, Hi everyone!  
>It's no secret that I've been MIA for about a year, and I am so so very sorry to everyone who's messages I didn't reply to, and for temporarily abandoning this story. I took a step back from the web community so that I could focus on college and my life for a while. Now I'm learning to balance things, which happily means writing again, which was something I sorely missed. I do intend to finish this (and it's getting nearly there), and though my updates will be staggered and irregular, they will actually be, y'know, existent now. ;)<br>To everyone who has favourited, commented, and followed in the last year, THANK YOU! This chapter is dedicated to everybody who was patient and nice enough to wait so long for this, you guys are beautiful, thank you! **

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><p>13. The Fall<p>

The next morning Tonks awoke to the quiet sound of rain pattering on the roof.

Getting her bearings, she realised she was laying in Lupin's arms still, much the same as they'd fallen asleep.

Not moving a muscle, she closed her eyes again, content to simply lie there warm and content.

Memory of all that had taken place at Bill and Fleur's wedding the night before flooded her groggy mind.

It chilled her down to her bones to think how near a thing it had been. All it would have taken would have been one wayward Death Eater, and any one of their number could have been gone. Even Lupin.

That knowledge made this moment of simply lying in his arms very dear indeed.

Facing death had a peculiar way of making you see the beauty of the smallest and simplest things around you.

With that thought floating in the region of her barely conscious mind, she opened her eyes to take in and savour every tiny detail of this moment... the warmth of Lupin's breath on her hair and forehead, the comfortable pressure of his arm lying over her waist, the lark singing outside her window, the warm sunlight warming her back through the white sheer curtains, the smooth feel his hand entwined loosely with hers...once more she closed her eyes, trying to memorise everything, and though she wouldn't quire admit it to herself, trying to shake the disquieting feeling that she may one day be glad she had. She closed her eyes and dozed in and out of consciousness, dreaming at last of sunshine and slept in peace...

A warm hand trailed slowly across her jawbone, and Tonks sighed sleepily, not quite able to convince herself she should open her eyes.

The gentle strokes continued across her features and she blinked groggily, lips curving into a sleepy smile.

Her eyes opened to find his blue ones gazing at her, and to her surprise his gaze was troubled and touched with sadness.

But upon meeting her gaze, his features lightened, though the shadow lingered unchanged in his blue eyes.

"Wotcher," She said quietly, her voice still hoarse.

"Good morning." He greeted, pulling her closer.

He kissed the crown of her hair and his arms tightened; she felt him take a deep breath and let it out slowly, the tense set of his frame relaxing into hers.

"You're here," he murmured.

"Was there somewhere I was supposed to be?" She asked dryly.

"It was just a bad dream." He said tersely.

Tonks sobered, stowing the sass and taking in his somber features, shoving the sudden and much too familiar stab of worry back into the recesses of her mind.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. It's enough to wake up and see you next to me."

She nodded in understanding and took his hand, giving it a light squeeze.

"How are you feeling this morning?" He asked, pulling back enough to look into her eyes, studying her for some lingering sign of the previous night's trauma.

The look in his eyes brought back the nightmare that she'd had during the night. And along with it the memory of Lupin holding her, rocking her until her tears were spent; cradling her close in the sanctuary of his arms and murmuring comfort in her ear, stroking her hair until sleep took her at last. She felt a bit ashamed that a dream had made her lose control of her emotions like that, but nonetheless, Lupin had been there for her, and she was grateful.

"I am now," she whispered, closing her eyes in contentment when he rested his forehead against hers. "Thank you," she breathed.

"Anytime," he murmured, understanding what she was thanking him for.

A moment of silence - comfortable but melancholy, enveloped them, and Tonks rolled onto her back and settled against his warm side, his arm settling around her shoulders, fitting them together as naturally as breathing.

Lupin looked sideways at her, looking like he was trying to sort a way to put something.

"What is it?" She asked, raising her hand and trailing fingers along his jaw.

"When... you lose someone in a war," he said slowly, "nightmares are a natural part of the grieving process." He said, somehow knowing she needed to hear that. "It was always the most difficult part of the process to me..." He added quietly.

The fingers that had stilled on his face were taken and squeezed in his hands and she smiled sadly at him. "I'm sorry you had to be alone, back then," she murmured.

"That's okay. You were worth waiting for." He murmured kissing the top of her head and her temple as she swallowed away the lump that stubbornly lodged itself in her throat. Reaching up she kissed the corner of his jaw and blinked her glassy eyes closed as he tightened his arm around her shoulder and she felt his lips quirk up in a small smile.

A peaceful, comforting warmth enveloped them. It wasn't too often they got to have a lie in like this, and the quiet and warmth of just laying together and feeling for a moment like they were living a normal life untouched by the horrors of war was inexplicably precious.

In fact, Tonks was nearly back to sleep when Lupin spoke again.

"So you _are_ feeling alright?" he reaffirmed, brushing a dusting of dark blue fringe out of her eyes.

"Better this morning," She answered slowly, opening her eyes as she recalled her worry.

"Remus...you don't think...I mean - you think the baby's alright?" She whispered, tilting her head up to see into his eyes.

"The Cruciatus Curse cannot harm any internal organ or entity except the brain. Even then, the curse would have to be held for a period of ten or more minutes without ceasing multiple times to do any permanent damage." He explained. "During the First War, when Lily was expecting Harry, she and James were on an Order mission. She had the Curse used on her when two other Death Eaters showed up and a duel broke out. James and Lily got away okay - unfortunately so did the Death Eaters. James was in a panic by the time they got back to Headquarters," Remus remembered ruefully, "Sirius and I were the only ones there and none of the three if us relaxed until Lily shouted at us to bloody calm down because she was fine. I suggested we send a Patronus to Madam Pomfrey, just to be sure about it and she told us what I just said. She was right, naturally, and Harry was born perfectly healthy." He finished.

Tonks nodded, smiling a little at the story and trying not to think of how terribly and abruptly that little world had been shattered. To her surprise, tears pricked her eyes. The relief was tremendous, banishing the last of that sickening fear for her child.

"Dora, it's alright." Lupin whispered, propping himself up on his elbow so he could see her face.

He gently wiped away the few tears that tumbled down her cheeks.

"I know, I just...already love him so much, and I was so ...well, scared." She admitted in a whisper, regaining control of herself.

His eyes took on that tender look that made her catch her breath.

"Dora," he said softly, laying back down and pulling her into his arms.

She buried her face in his chest.

"I'm so glad you're alright." He whispered. "Both of you."

"I've never felt so helpless..." Tonks whispered.

His arms tightened, "Me neither," he said quietly. "I'm so sorry they hurt you. That should never have happened...it was my fault, and I should have known better tha-"

"It wasn't anybody's fault, Remus." She cut him off firmly. "There wasn't any way you could've stopped it - these things cannot always be helped. It's an occupational hazard. Most importantly," she went on when she saw him open his mouth as if to disagree, "we're all okay." She said, not wanting him to blame himself for what had happened.

The situation had been serious and more dangerous than either of them cared to really appreciate. But both knew it, and were doubly grateful for the simple gift of waking up side by side.

He didn't respond, but she could nearly feel him brooding about it.

A somewhat irritable weariness had begun to unwelcomingly present itself whenever these moods took him, and she felt guilty about them, but to her annoyance, they persisted.

Attempting to take his mind off what was bothering him and her own emotions, she mentioned a thought she'd had before she'd fallen to sleep the night before.

"Remus...I know this is sort of morbid, but..."

"That's not new..." Said Lupin ruefully.

Accepting the mere idea was painful. Despite how she hated to actually consider the circumstances regarding this suggestion, they had to be practical, had to account for every possible scenario, however unpleasant it may be to contemplate.

Nothing was certain and nowhere was safe.

They had to prepare for the future as best they could in the gathering darkness.

"The letters that Mad-Eye left for us...if something were to happen to us...I just thought it'd be nice to... It-well, maybe it would be a good idea to write one to our baby..." She trailed off; taking a deep breath, she glanced up at her husband.

Lupin looked pained in a way she had never seen before, and she suddenly knew that he was thinking of Harry, and when he met her eyes with a piercing, sorrowed expression, she knew he saw the same sadness echoed back a hundred times in her eyes.

"Just...just in case." She said quietly.

Lupin stroked her cheek comfortingly, as if to balm to his words, "I think we should. And we should think about making a will..." he said heavily.

His eyes swept the small bedroom and he scoffed quietly to himself, "Not that we'd be leaving her much."

Tonks' instinct was to retaliate sharply to his negativity in hopes of pulling him out of the well of self-loathing he seemed to often drown in. The weight of their conversation had taken its toll, though, and the most her voice could manage just then was a weary: "Don't be like that,"

Lupin's brow unfurrowed at her words, but his expression remained steadfastly gloomy and she shoved away the unfair frustration that internally reared up at his attitude. Of course, given her chosen career and the war, she'd become acquainted with the idea of her death...but fully grasping this idea of dying now that they had a child in their lives - it was _painful_. Painful to think of the hurt he or she would have to endure if one or both of them was killed. It was too much to really take in, and while Tonks felt a deep woe at the thought alone, the emotions remained trapped inside her, and she pondered it all in silence. Lupin beside her was also silent, his arms around her, a million miles away. When she glanced up into his eyes, she saw more of an understanding - there was pain there, yes, but also acceptance. As though he had really thought about this before...had seen it before. Because he had...James, Lily, and Harry.

"This's all been on your mind from the moment I told you I was pregnant, hasn't it?" She whispered around the constriction in her chest.

"Yes," He admitted. "But I'm not going to let anything happen to either of you - as long as I draw breath, I will protect you."

Tonks tried not to be bothered by the sad look in his eyes when he said he'd protect her.

"I suppose I should have thought of it earlier...but I was just so HAPPY that I suppose I didn't want to consider something like this..." She admitted.

"There's nothing wrong with that. You _should_ be happy - at war time, there needs to be something hopeful, to think of - some sense of 'after this is over'. Something to fight for. We shouldn't be naive or unprepared, but hoping is hardly a sin - far from it. In fact, I would say it is one of the best ways to fight."

"And what, really, is more hopeful than a baby? Innocent and new and filled with possibility..." Tonks said wistfully.

When Tonks surfaced from her mind after a moment, she found Lupin gazing at her, his eyes alight with some unrecognisable expression.

"What is it?" She murmured.

"I love you, Nymohadora Lupin." He said softly.

A smile played around her mouth, and she studied his eyes lovingly. "You too," she murmured.

His lips were soft and pliant and she smiled into his kiss despite it all.

They lay quiet for a while, both wanting to pretend for a little longer that maybe it was a normal day in the world and Tonks would go into work with nothing but paperwork to do and be home by five.

But for now at least, they were here. Alive. Together.

"You know, Remus...you should be excited too..."

Lupin dropped his eyes, and a closed air came about him.

Tonks' niggling sense that something was wrong seemed to tap her on the shoulder again. As she opened her mouth to attempt to put the question into words, he spoke.

"Are you hungry? It's half nine already."

And with that he sat up, kissed her forehead, and went about getting dressed.

Disquieted that he wouldn't talk to her about this, Tonks remained silent, trying to think how she could broach the subject without him getting too upset.

Somehow, though, she had a sinking feeling this wouldn't be solved in one talk - this was a problem of Lupin's. Really, it was just the one problem, like always. And though Tonks seemed perfectly capable of forgetting it most of the time, Lupin had never been able to do that. Subconsciously she'd always known there was a little part of him that hated himself for what he was. That blamed himself for his mother's early death. His father's reticence. And no matter how much she loved him, she couldn't fix this. She couldn't save him from himself. As she had learnt long ago, some battles could only be fought - and won - on your own.

Shaking herself out of her frankly depressing thoughts, she rolled out of bed and dressed in a pair of faded jeans and a loosely fitted yellow shirt. Before she walked out of their room, she paused and concentrated, scrunching up her nose, and morphed her hair to a shoulder length sweep of blue waves.

She entered the kitchen a few steps behind Lupin, who seemed preoccupied again.

Tonks used a simple spell to whip up some toast, and Lupin handled the devilishly tricky egg charm. They sat down to breakfast in silence.

She glanced up at him from her toast and eggs, noting the distant expression and tense set of his shoulders, and looked back down.

It was quiet. And not a good quiet. It was stiff, and odd, and she wanted very much to break it, but she didn't know what to say, so she said nothing.

Initially her thought about his moods like this had been to give him some space - sometimes he had these moments where he seemed to be wrestling with some formerly formed opinion or struggle and he usually came out of it if she didn't press or push him to talk about it. Two things that were hard for her; she knew she could be a bit too invasive. It was, though, she hoped he knew, out of caring that she did so. It used to drive Charlie crazy when they were best friends running around at Hogwarts. But this wasn't a schoolyard friendship. Lupin was her husband, and more than anything she just wanted to help him heal from his broken past.

Lost in her thoughts as she was (and seemed to be all too often these days) she nearly jumped out of her skin when Lupin reached across the small table and brushed a few breadcrumbs off her lower lip.

A rueful, apologetic smile greeted her, and her own tense shoulders loosened as Lupin smoothed out the tiny frown on her forehead with his thumb.

Uncertainty and a bit of senseless hurt kept her from meeting the earnest gaze she could feel fixated on her.

Finally the fingers that had soothed her frown away cupped her chin up, forcing her gaze to meet his. Blue eyes studied brown and though the wall that had brought on the awkward silence was gone, they still were guarded, still keeping their secrets, even now. Tonks tried not to be stung by the knowledge and gave him a weak smile.

"I'm sorry, Nymohadora. You were right." He said, his sincerity breaking away any remaining tension that existed between them.

Giving his hand a squeeze, she stubbornly ignored the snide voice of pessimism pointing out that he still hadn't said he was happy about the baby.

Nonetheless, he began talking about some of the places they could visit after the at was over in an overt attempt tot change the subject. Enjoying their break from reality as much as her husband, Tonks let the effort go unnoticed and joined in wistfully. Mostly they thought of visiting Egypt - Lupin had been fascinated by the photos and stories the Weasleys had brought back when they had visited several years prior, and hearing him and them both speak of it so highly, Tonks very much wanted to see it. Such frivolity merely kept them dreaming, but both knew that all entrances and exits were watched indefinitely.

What with both of them having somehow managed to make themselves high profile targets of Voldemort and his followers, they had to be careful to stay off the grid. So they talked. Talked about what they would do and where they would go and the places they'd gone as children...and for a while, at least, the nightmare outside their door could be just that - a nightmare. And nothing more. ...

After they cleaned up breakfast they both agreed that the housework could no longer be ignored. Lupin was generally tidy - Tonks couldn't say the same of herself. Not the best at putting things where they were meant to go, she seemed to always leave traces of whatever she'd been doing lying around after her. But since Tonks didn't have to be at work that day, and the Order was at somewhat of a standstill, they wouldn't get a better opportunity.

The Order could call at any time, and so they were always subconsciously at the ready...shoes always on, wands always at hand, cloaks hanging by the door.

But it was now starting to be difficult for the Order to do all that much. The more they had to go into hiding, the more it would suspicious if anyone spoke out against what was happening...they had to be careful and lie low unless it is a matter of life or death.

Recruiting was basically over, because anyone could be a spy or Imperiused, and it wasn't safe to trust anyone they couldn't be absolutely sure of.

The focus now was now shifting to doing what they could to keep people informed of what was happening, provide suggestions for keeping safe, and protect those who didn't realise they were being targeted. Namely, Muggles and the odd wizard or family that the Ministry sent warrants up to the Auror department for. And occasionally they would search for the bodies of those who had been reported missing.

This endeavour was somber, sad, and quite dangerous; Mad-Eye's old invisibility cloak was necessary for the task, because there was always a chance the Death Eaters were still lurking nearby.

More than anything now, their main task was to gather as much information as possible, protect, warn and assist who they could, and listen intently for news of Harry and his whereabouts.

It didn't feel like much, but with Voldemort slowly tightening the noose it was all they could do. They just had to hope they could be ready when Voldemort made his move against the wizarding community.

But at this exact moment, things were quiet, and they reveled in it.

Lupin was putting away the jam, and Tonks turned to the sink. Lately she had been brushing up on her charm work from a book of Lupin's, and she was finally ready to try this particular spell on more than one dish at once. She'd never been much good at household charms, but after a month and a half of hassling through chores without them, she'd decided it was time to learn.

Tonks performed the incantation silently, and the dishes picked themselves up, and water came pouring into the sink from the faucet, soap sudsing as it filled.

The problem became apparent immediately.

The plates flew out of the sink and the water wouldn't stop.

"Merlin!" Tonks muttered an oath as a plate came flying towards her. She jumped out of the way and it shattered against the wall where she'd been standing a moment before.

They both leapt into action: Lupin dashed over to the sink, which was now overflowing onto the floor.

With a flick of his wand the faucet stopped, and with a flick from hers the water on the floor was siphoned up.

One thing she was particularly good at was cleaning up messes, as she made them rather frequently.

"Immobulus!" Tonks directed towards the careening plates. They froze and floated in midair, and Tonks let out a sigh of relief.

Feeling a bit embarrassed to have botched it up so bad, Tonks ducked her head as she walked over and grabbed the plates and silver-ware from midair and placed them carefully in the sink.

When she looked up at Lupin, she saw that he was laughing quietly, clearly trying to hide it in hopes of not hurting her feelings.

"Git." She muttered with a harmless and half-hearted smack towards his shoulder.

Lupin caught her hand before it touched him and pulled her into a hug, seeming to sense that while she saw the humour in it, she was disappointed with her failure.

"It's alright, it happens to everyone," he said, still chuckling.

"You're right." She sighed.

"It's easy for that to happen if you're too enthusiastic with your wand motion- I can show you, if you like."

The professor in him was showing through, and she looked up at him and smiled fondly. He must've been a brilliant teacher, she thought absently.

He had told her once it was the only thing he'd ever really wanted to do, and it tore her up inside to know he would never be able to do it again.

"I'd like that - if anyone can teach me to do household charms properly, it'll be you, professor." She said, a grin threatening to break loose.

Lupin chuckled, "I'll show you tonight." He said with a smile, brushing his lips over the crown of her hair.

"Thanks," she murmured, eyes drifting closed as he pulled her closer and kissed her temple.

"Anytime," he murmured against her skin, his warm breath tickling her ear.

She shivered a little in the best sort of way and melted under his sweet kisses.

Suddenly she was so happy to have him close to her; wet and laughing, his eyes warming her to her toes.

He was gazing warmly back into her eyes; she blinked and in that moment his lips met hers.

The kiss was happy and sweet, speaking a thousand things that words could not.

She didn't know quite where her sudden burst of joy and love had come from, but as their lips danced joyfully, she knew he felt her happiness. His arms tightened around her and she smiled against his mouth.

He deepened the kiss and Tonks shivered down to her toes and began to stand up on her tip-toes so as to reach him better. She felt his lips curve into a smile as his hands wandered into her hair.

Suddenly she found herself up in his arms, and she laughed breathlessly as he kissed her cheek.

"You enjoy surprising me, don't you?" She asked with a grin.

"Yes - and you seemed to need a lift, so I was merely being a gentlemen."

Tonks laughed and kissed his jaw.

"Are you saying I'm too short?"

"Not at all," he said seriously.

"Because I could have just morphed myself up about an inch or so," she reminded him.

"I love all of your forms, but I admit I'm partial to your natural form - you fit perfectly into my arms that way." He murmured.

Tonks felt a surprisingly strong surge of emotion at his words. There were many things about Lupin that she loved, but one of the things she was very often grateful for was that, unlike most of the blokes she'd been around growing up, Lupin didn't love her for what she COULD be or look like (and those possibilities were endless with her, thus she'd gotten a lot of rude, unwanted attention growing up) - he loved her for WHO she was, no matter how she chose to look.

Laying her head on his shoulder, she whispered, "That's my favourite too."

She saw his cheek curve into a smile and closed her eyes, not even realising she had begun smiling too.

Just then the clock tolled noon, and Tonks sighed.

"I guess we'd better get to work." She said ruefully.

He chuckled and lowered her to the ground, pressing a lingering kiss to her forehead before letting her go.

Early in their marriage they had realised that with running here and there for the Order, they needed to designate a day once a week where they did what needed doing around the house, or their lives would only be more difficult.

Today, since neither of them had been called in by the Order, they would clean and do the wash.

Lupin sent a charm to the dishes and they began to scrub themselves clean.

"Thanks Remus."

"Don't mention it - it was rather funny, and I think we needed the laugh besides." He said, grinning.

She half-smiled up at him, "Right you are."

Once the cleaning was done with, and they had charm-dried the wash, she picked up The Lord of the Rings off the coffee table and settled into the sofa. The book had been a recommendation of Hermione's - she said the concept of magical rings was quite interesting, and there had been several of them recorded throughout wizarding history, though nothing quite as powerful as the fictional one in the novel.

Next to her Lupin was rifling through the Prophet - which despite her objection he had continued to read, even after that last bigoted article about werewolves.

Tonks, who had been immersed in Merry and Pippin's conversation with the large, sentient tree creature called Treebeard, was startled by Lupin abruptly standing and pacing a step back, looking dazedly at the article as though it had dredged up some long lost, unpleasant memory. He noticed her eyes fixed on him in concern and turned quickly and strode into the kitchen, the Prophet still held tightly in his fist.

A sense of dread nagged at her and she set down her book, worried, but thinking maybe he needed a moment.

After counting to sixty, she took a deep breath and slowly made her way to the kitchen.

He was sitting in a chair, shoulders bowed, eyes gazing out the window, unfocused, a familiar ghost of a struggle in his eyes.

Sitting down next to him, she prayed nothing else awful had happened.

She reached out and gently stroked his hand, which was grasping he paper so tightly his knuckles were white.

Seeming to come back to the kitchen from wherever his mind had taken him, he loosed his grip on the paper at her soft prompting. But he would not meet her eyes, and with dread she suddenly knew what had happened.

"Remus?" She finally managed.

He handed the Prophet to her.

"Page two."

She smoothed it out and opened it, and saw on the bottom right hand corner, an article titled:

**Ministry Passes New Anti-Werewolf Legislation. **

The article following described the new restrictions and bans placed on werewolves by the legislation, and detailed the next legislation they were hoping to pass, which included terrible restrictions and awful judgement for not only werewolves, but Centaurs, House Elves, and Goblins too. There was hardly a place they were legally allowed to be employed, certain entire towns they weren't to enter, and certain rights they weren't even allowed. They were being treated like animals - worse than animals, because these were HUMAN BEINGS, DAMMIT, and they were chaining them to a life of misery, hopelessness, and poverty.

As she read she grew more and more disgusted and angry; Lupin stood and walked to the window, where he paced back and forth slowly.

Tonks read on to page three numbly, shaking her head subconsciously, revolted by the hate so apparent throughout the article. That simpering dirtbag Umbridge clearly has a string hooked into that puppet Voldemort made Minister." Tonks muttered venomously.

The final section of the article caught her attention and the anger surging through her was diluted by dread and sadness. "Oh no," she whispered.

'**List of known werewolves:'**

**Fenrir Greyback**

**John Doverman**

**Remus Lupin... **

Her eyes stopped on his name and refused to move on down the list. After a moment she shook herself and her eyes skimmed over the rest of the names. Below the names there was an address for witches and wizards to write in and report if they saw these people and where, so that the Ministry could be sure the 'beasts' were complying with the new laws. Angry tears stung her eyes and blurred the page as she read his name on the list again before balling the paper up and chucking it into the corner of the kitchen. She missed the rubbish bin, and she sighed in resignation and walked over to throw it away.

Her mind carried her back to two years ago, when similar rubbish had been published. But at the time they were trying to discredit Dumbledore and it was about Lupin being a 'dangerous' teacher. People had tried to hex him in public, and she had gotten so angry at one particularly nasty shoppe keeper that she'd nearly hexed him, but Lupin has stopped her and insisted that it was alright, they should just go. She had the feeling he was remembering that too.

Not sure what to say, she walked over and stood next to him, gazing out the window, lost in thought. While she was, naturally, angry at the moronic prats that had published and passed that rubbish, a cloud of hopelessness instead encamped itself over her, and she couldn't help but wonder when this all would finally be over.

The source of his consternation was clear now; she was afraid of his reaction...he had spiraled into self-hatred and silent bitterness before, had nearly done so just that morning, and she couldn't bear to see him do so again. Not when he had been so content that afternoon.

Honestly, she felt slightly foolish - of course that legislation would have passed now - Voldemort was running the Ministry, who knew what kind of rubbish would come through uncontested? With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, she looked at her husband and read in his bowed head and slumped shoulders that he had realised this long before she had.

"I don't know why we bother to read the paper - it doesn't print any honest news anymore." She muttered.

Lupin didn't speak, and Tonks took a deep breath before glancing over at him.

The expression on his face broke her heart and she honestly could have hexed the author of that article to the last century with a smile on her face.

Two tears slid down her cheeks as she gazed at him, broken by life and by the cruel world they lived in. If only he could see how GOOD he was.

Lupin wouldn't meet her eyes, and she was futilely angry with every single thing and every single person that had ever hurt him and brought that terrible pain into his eyes.

She hated to see him hurt because of this. After all he had been through, he deserved to be happy.

"I think we should cancel our subscription. It's not like they're writing about anything accurate anymore. We can rely on the radio and the Order." She said firmly.

Even as she said it and wanted to completely shun the Prophet, she knew even before Lupin spoke that it wasn't a good idea - they needed to stay informed of what was happening, and so Tonks muttered, "I know, I know-"

"We can't afford to give up the best source of information about the Ministry's movements." He sighed.

"You're right, I just hate all of that rubbish!" She exclaimed. "It's wrong, and messed up."

He nodded, still not looking at her, he stood staring out the window.

She stubbornly walked around so that she was standing right in front of him.

He still would not look her in the eye.

"And they are so so very wrong about you," she murmured.

She waited for a moment, then sighed and cupped his face in her hands, bringing his eyes up to meet hers.

To her shock and grief there were unshed tears in his eyes.

"Oh Remus," She whispered, another tear sliding down her cheek.

One of his tears spilled over and she leaned forward and brushed it away with her lips.

"Remus, I'm so sorry." She said sadly.

"No, I'm sorry." He said heavily.

And she could hear the guilt in his voice, see it in his eyes.

"Why? You think I'd prefer to spend my time around gits like the bloke who wrote that article?" She asked, unable to keep the sarcastic and slightly offended tone out of her voice.

He bowed his head.

She wrapped her arms around him.

"You're not alone. I'm with you, and I always will be. I'll always stand by you, no matter what." She promised vehemently.

Finally he moved, and wrapped his arms came about her, holding her close.

"Thank you Dora. I'm sorry." He said.

It was as if her words had no effect, he still looked so miserable.

"I love you," She reminded him gently, kissing his chin before tightening her arms around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder, and allowing him quiet to consider her promises.

Again she thought about what she'd realised earlier... that it wasn't an issue about her dealing with his lycanthropy; it was a question of him accepting that he wasn't hugs lycanthropy. He was prejudiced against himself because of the pain and suffering it had caused him in his life. Only he could overcome it.

She just had to hope that her continued acceptance and love would help him at least a little bit.

He didn't let her go for a long while, he just stood holding her, and Tonks wasn't sure, but she thought she might have felt a tear sink into her hair.

The next day Lupin's removed, preoccupied behavior had returned, and Tonks again felt that nagging dread, somehow knowing it wasn't going to be long before something would have to give.  
>They were balanced on the edge of a precipice, and they could fall in either direction. Only one thing was certain. And that was the fall itself. ...<p>

* * *

><p>The next three days passed in much the same manner, Tonks inexplicably feeling that something bad was going to happen, but going to work, and living her life with Lupin as she normally could, hoping he would come out of this. She desperately wanted to talk to him, wanted him to talk to her, but every time she tried he closed himself off or changed the subject.<br>So she carried on, told herself to stop being paranoid, stop seeing things, and wait for him to come around. He always did...eventually.

* * *

><p>Five days after the wedding and Harry, Ron, and Hermione's unexpected departure found Tonks and Lupin as they had been: precariously balanced.<br>Each day with Tonks hoping Lupin would finally talk about what was bothering him. While Lupin was as kind and curteous as ever he was, he was also pensive, distant, and troubled.

When she went to work that day and heard Pius talking proudly about the new legislation to a reporter from the Daily Prophet, she had the sudden urge to march up and yell at him for his bigoted prejudice. And maybe do to little more than yell, she thought, clutching her wand without even realising it.  
>Unfortunately, this was not exactly an option. It would likely land her in Azkaban at this point, and it would certainly give away her allegiances, which was very dangerous and also very foolish just now.<br>She walked by quickly so she wouldn't act on the impulse.  
>But remembering Lupin's pain the days previous made it extremely hard for her to do so.<p>

Work was long that day. A group consisting of Kingsley, Dawlish, Gruver, and herself went out looking for traces of where a few Death Eaters may have gone after torturing a Muggle couple. The Order had been notified of the occurrence almost immediately because Dedalus Diggle's home had been on the same street. Kingsley had taken them to the Burrow and Tonks' mum, who worked as a Healer at St. Mungo's, came and patched them up; Kingsley modified their memories and Arthur found a place for them to stay in Hertfordshire so they would be out of harm's way. This had all taken place at midnight the night before. Tonks and Lupin had been called to the Burrow by Kingsley to help sort the Muggles out. By the time that was all done with and Molly had forced breakfast down her, Tonks had just enough time to to rush straight to the office.

Pius had immediately informed them of what had happened and sent out five of the Aurors to investigate, but Tonks noted that Dawlish, Tate, and Gruver all seemed to search for where the Muggles went, and showed no interest in catching the actual criminals involved. Only Tonks and Kingsley looked for traces of the Death Eaters.  
>They found traces, but weren't able to find the Death Eaters.<br>Probably because the suspects are actually part of the Auror programme, Tonks thought disgustedly.

They returned to the Ministry after dark, exhausted and empty-handed.  
>Tonks had been awake for over twenty hours and was near to dead on her feet.<br>Kingsley bade them goodnight before trudging away to report to Pius.  
>Tonks didn't envy him that task.<br>Pius was not likely to be happy about their non-success. Or at least he would act that way, but he didn't really care. In fact, she didn't understand why they'd been sent at all, but she was too tired to try and figure it up just then.

Wearily she trudged up through the visitor's entrance, the very misleadingly named morning sickness causing her stomach to roll uncomfortably as she Disapparated.  
>Landing in the front yard, she walked through the shadows, the large tree in front casting an even deeper darkness, up the steps and through the door.<br>Immediately her eyes darted round in search of Lupin, expecting but still dreading the look she knew would be in his eyes, the troubled silences he'd fallen into over the last several days.

She found him, book in his lap, gazing into the fire, his eyes far away.  
>"Wotcher," She greeted.<br>He jumped up, pointing his wand at her. "I am Remus John Lupin, werewolf, and partial creator of the Marauder's Map, on which Prongs, Padfoot and Wormtail also worked."  
>"I am Nymphadora Tonks Lupin, pregnant with the child of Remus John Lupin, also known as Moony among James, Sirius, and Pettigrew, the three wizards you just named." She said tiredly.<br>He sighed in relief, lowering his wand, "Hello Dora," He greeted.  
>She walked over to him and he wrapped his arms around her.<br>"Long day?" He asked sympathetically.  
>"Very," She sighed, content now that she was with Lupin.<br>"What would you like to eat?" He asked.  
>"I can do-"<br>"Dora, you're exhausted, let me." He insisted.  
>After a moment she nodded gratefully.<br>"Thank you," She said.  
>He smiled and led her into the kitchen.<br>"Pizza?" He asked.  
>"That sounds divine." She said, finding to her relief that the nausea had passed.<p>

She helped - though not by putting on the sauce, as they had learnt the hard way that she should not be trusted with such a task - which Lupin teased her mercilessly about on good days.  
>Instead she graded the cheese onto the pizza before Lupin flicked his wand at it. Instantly the pizza was steaming and Tonks inhaled the delicious scent appreciatively.<p>

After supper they were sitting on the sofa, and Tonks was reading again. The Two Towers had just segue-wayed into The Return of the King when Tonks finally surfaced from the novel and stretched sleepily, looking over at her husband as she did so.  
>Lupin was staring at his book, eyes unfocused and unmoving.<br>"Your book must be really boring," She said, her tone light, attempting to hide her anxiety at his distant behaviour. Sometimes she thought she was bloody paranoid. Though not without reason, she thought to herself rather sourly.

"What?" He asked, jumping a little at her voice, as though she'd startled him out of some deep thought.  
>"Your book-" she said, nodding towards it, "-must be really boring." She repeated.<br>He chuckled, though it sounded forced, "What makes you say that?" He asked.  
>"Because you're not reading it, you're just staring at it."<br>He opened his mouth to speak-  
>"You haven't turned a page in ten minutes." She said, calling him on the bluff he was about to make. "And you read faster than me."<br>His lips quirked up at the corners, but it didn't reach his clouded blue eyes.  
>"Remus, what's wrong?" She asked.<br>"Nothing-"  
>"Remus. I know there's something bothering you. There has been all week." She said, closing her book and looking at him worriedly.<p>

He stood up, and walked to the window, taking a deep, shuddering breath and rubbed his hands across his face wearily. The way he left his face buried in his hands for a moment before looking up at her frightened her, "You're right. But you're not going to like it..."  
>The dread and little whisper of fear that she'd been pushing down for the past five days reared up in front of her, but she bravely spoke through it.<br>"I need you to tell me what's wrong so I can help you." She pleaded.  
>"Thank you Dora," He said sadly, his eyes filled with pain, "but this isn't something that's just going to go away. I was foolish enough to believe that, for a little while, and it's already cost you so much...it's past time I stopped being selfish. I have to do what's right."<br>"Remus what are you talking about?"  
>"I'm talking about you, about us. About the baby."<p>

Fear jerked cruelly at her heart and she looked up at him, willing him not to mean what she was afraid he meant.  
>"Dora, I just can't stand this anymore. I can't stand knowing how much I've hurt you, how much I've hurt our child and he doesn't even know us yet. How will he feel one day when he knows that his own father caused his misery, his pain? He will hate me for how selfish I was and you will resent me because he'll be so unhappy. I can't bear to sit around and wait for that to come." He said, staring into her eyes for only a moment before resuming his fixated gaze at the floor.<br>But she'd seen them, seen that look. And she knew what that look meant.  
>His blue eyes were anguished and pained and made her want to cry; though in tone, he spoke infuriatingly evenly, though she knew him well enough that she heard the pain behind the calm. He was always in so much pain. It broke her heart to see him hurting over something like this, something that he didn't even need to worry about.<br>"Well you'd be sitting around waiting forever because that day is _not _going to come! I love you! NOTHING can change that!" She said louder and not quite as…eloquently than she'd meant to.  
>"You say that now, but-"<br>"I will _always_ say that and it will _always_ be the truth!" she stopped herself and closed her eyes, taking a deep calming breath, "Remus just listen-"  
>"NO! You <em>NEED<em> to hear this, _you_ need to listen!" He shouted.

She froze. She'd never heard Lupin yell like that before. It wasn't as though it hurt her feelings - Merlin knew she'd yelled at him enough; rather it scared her, because he'd never fought reason so hard before. Never been so blatantly unwilling to listen to the truth. It wasn't kindness anymore. He honestly believed what he was saying, and did it out of fear rather than love. It had always been a twisted attempt to do what was best for her because he loved her. But now he was afraid, and he was going to run away.  
>Leaving her alone.<br>Again...

"You can't keep living like this; rejected and poor because of me, and now with a cursed child - you can't even rejoice at being a mother because of me!"  
>"I am happy about being a mum, I don't care if he is a werewolf - it doesn't really change ANYTHING! How <em>many<em> times have I told you that? Don't you believe me yet?!" She exclaimed, barely able to contain both her sorrow and her anger.  
>"And with this new legislation things are about to get even worse - and this is only the beginning of what they will pass. When people are afraid, they forget compassion - they are unkind and harsh out of fear. But it doesn't matter why. This is too dangerous for you. <em>I'm<em> too dangerous for you." He said, more to himself than to her.  
>"No you're NOT! And everything's dangerous right now - that's not your fault and even if we were two boring old Muggles we'd still be in loads of danger!" She shouted. "And everyone's scared, Remus. Especially you." She added, voice quiet and frigidly sharp.<br>"Dora, I love you, I just can't bear to watch you hurt because of me. You'd both be better off without me." He said slowly.  
>"REMUS!" She shouted desperately, so angry that he wouldn't listen to a word she said that she finally shouted to see if she was making a sound or raging at him from inside her own head. Maybe she was crazy...<p>

He stopped and looked into her eyes for the first time since they'd started this argument.  
>The distant expression and the myriad of pain in his eyes broke something in her and she didn't know what to say, how to fix this.<br>He opened his mouth to speak again, as if he hadn't already torn her down with his words.  
>Sadness filled her to the point that she wasn't capable of anger anymore.<br>He stopped when he saw the tears in her eyes.  
>There was a cold space between them, uncomfortable and hurt. Afraid and confused.<p>

She sat back down on the sofa, pulling her knees up to her chest, trying to calm herself and be rational.  
>Surely...surely he didn't mean it. He couldn't. Not now.<br>He didn't say a word to her for the rest of the night, didn't even look at her. Tonks wanted to talk, wanted to mend this, but she didn't know how.

That night he lay as far from her as possible, and her fears increased. The distance was forever. A million unspoken words and unvoicable thoughts, putting once more miles and miles of mountains and shadows between them where they had finally found sunshine and warmth. And at the centre of it all was a desperate plea for him to stop and just hear and believe the truth of her heart spoken so many a time.  
>She hated being far away from him like this, and hesitated only a moment before moving across that huge distance, closing that insurmountable space, so afraid he would push her away as her arms closed around him.<br>For a minute he didn't move, then he gathered her up tightly in his arms, buried his face in her hair, and she felt tears well up in her eyes.  
>What was he thinking? Surely he couldn't mean what he'd said tonight. He hadn't listened to a word she'd ever said if he really believed all that.<br>A tiny sob escaped her and he kissed her hair, leaving his face pressed against it, he whispered sadly, "I'm so sorry Dora."

* * *

><p><strong>Remus' POV...<strong>

A robin's sweet song drifted into Lupin's consciousness as he awoke. It was a welcome thing to wake this morning. He had been caught in a dark dream of Dora's death, and even still the horror of it was too real. She had been murdered by Bellatrix, and Voldemort had told him that if he had left her alone, perhaps her aunt would have found a more worthwhile target. But the disgrace of marriage to a werewolf was too deep a stain to leave unpurged. And that her blood was really on his hands, because only due to his actions had he ordered her death.  
>Though he had hated what he was all his life, he had never felt more like a monster than in the nightmare, with Dora lying lifeless in his arms because he had been audacious and foolish enough to love her.<p>

His eyes darted to her pillow, and the breath that'd been lodged in his throat finally released.  
>Dora was lying on her side facing him; her steady deep breaths told him she had yet to wake. Her arm was laid loosely over his waist, as was his over hers, and their other hands were lying side by side. Careful not to wake her, Lupin threaded his fingers through hers. Breathing in slowly and deeply, he shoved away the horrifying images of Dora lying dead, all because of him. He wished, however, that he could ignore the frightening reality if it...but he could not, because it was terrifyingly possible that it could come to pass.<p>

As he gazed at his wife's lovely face, so peaceful now, the memory of it twisted in agony flashed into his mind. The feelings that had begun suffocating him the night before he at last allowed to rise to the surface, knowing he needed sort through them.  
>He shook himself mentally to rid himself of her lifeless eyes. All the warmth flickered out. Gone.<br>But the image of her in pain was burned into his mind, because that HAD happened. The night the Ministry fell...and it had all been his fault.  
>The whole thing. If he hadn't been so hasty, he would have noticed the Disillusioned Avery at the door.<br>And this was just one time - he recalled Dora's words from the night they'd moved Harry: "Bellatrix wants me quite as badly as she wants Harry, Remus, she tried very hard to kill me."  
>Bellatrix had always wanted Dora dead - and Ted, both of whom she considered the blemishes on her family tree. Not that she would ever call them family.<br>But her vigour and malice for this task seemed renewed since Dora's marriage to him.

In this, he knew, lay the crux of the matter.  
>Had Dora married a normal man, they wouldn't have all suffered like they had that night. Maybe a bit, yes. But nothing like they had.<br>Both Lucius and Mulciber had made vulgar comments, and as they flashed through his mind, he heard again how they were laced with poisonous threats. He knew that it was because of him they had all suffered so much.  
>Bellatrix was disgusted by their marriage and would do anything to purge the 'stain' on her family tree - supported, he was sure, by Voldemort himself. Dora's life was in more danger because of it. Because of him.<br>And despite all the excuses he'd made to himself in the past, he knew now - saw with agonising clarity - how wrong it was of him to stay and continue jeopardising her and the life of their unborn child.

At the thought of their baby his heart twisted even more painfully - if he went through with the thought that drifted into his head like a dreaded whisper, that child would never know how _much_ he was loved by his father. Would never know the incredible, heart-rending joy he had felt in finally having a family. He had dreamed of it since he was young and was told it could never be.  
>Bitter now it was that his dream had finally come true, only to be snatched from him by the respective bigotry and cruelty of society and his own good judgement.<br>So the battle of his better judgement and his heart commenced...  
>For his heart insisted that Dora's joy and light would be extinguished...as would her hope - the war was taking it's toll on her, what would this blow cost? Losing all hope during a war was tantamount to deadly. Would it truly help her?<p>

But his better judgement contended that she coped well and healthily thus far, and she would find joy again. Her sunshine would return.  
>And no longer would she be doomed to the darkness that constantly shrouded his life in shadow.<br>It was the right thing. That night had been terrifying, agonising, awful - and it was only the beginning of what Dora would face if things remained unchanged.  
>If they remained. The Ministry's new legislation was proof of that. And there would be more laws passed, more injustices done, before they saw the end of this.<br>On Harry's birthday Dora had been so quick to assure him it hadn't passed yet. But even then he'd known it would mean that nowhere could a werewolf attempt to remain in any semblance of humanity - the only paths obtainable would be to crawl to Greyback, or starve.

And then the Ministry had fallen, and this doom set in stone.  
>The article in the Prophet had announced that the new legislation called for, among other things, the seizure and investigation of any werewolf that was or had been employed in the Muggle world within the span of the last five years.<br>The Ministry was tightening the noose. It was the final move in the chess game - there was officially no way he could contribute to their needs. A decision he'd made during their engagement now brought him to bitter sadness. It would put Dora in danger more than ever before now that these laws had passed. Because he had, unbeknownst to her, been working back at the Muggle grocer's shoppe he'd been employed in after James and Lily's deaths.

Unwilling as he was to bring the Longs to harm, he knew he would immediately have to give up his job at the shoppe. Peter, the shoppe owner, was Angela and John's son, and Lupin was very fond of that whole family. It saddened him to know that contact with them would have to be severed for their own protection.  
>Now he very much regretted having kept it from Dora. He had been working there again since seeing Freddie, Peter's son, back in May. The extra Muggle money had been put to good use fixing up the house a bit before Dora and he had married in June.<p>

Ever since, he'd been putting it back under a loose floorboard in case of emergency. Knowing that they had that extra cushion made him able to breathe a bit easier. But now, he was forced to give up his small contribution. Along with everything else in his life, it too was fleeting.  
>It had been a good feeling, contributing, providing - but now he regretted his decision to go back to work at all, because it endangered Dora so much now that the Ministry was corrupt.<br>He was going to be investigated - and though the Ministry had always disapproved of werewolves reproducing outside of 'their own kind', he knew that should they discover Dora's condition now that they were infiltrated, the baby's life would be in danger.  
>And he couldn't bear it. Couldn't allow them to see her when they were scrutinising him.<p>

And to top all that off, he felt his very soul bow in shame at the knowledge that he couldn't provide anything at all for her - she had the entire burden of supporting them on her shoulders, and it wasn't right. She deserved so much better.  
>And yet, as he gazed at her face, he saw it in a hundred memories, and his love for her tore at his heart cruelly - never had he thought he could love someone this much. It was singularly and simultaneously the most wonderful and terrible thing in he had ever known.<br>But the joy of it was past, the dream was over. For her sake, if he truly loved her, he knew what he had to do.

And despite knowing the futility of it, anger arose in him at the vicious and malign way their world was. He was angry because to be with the woman he loved was wrong; angry society had made it so, indignant because of the ludicrous new legislation that practically ensured the starvation of any werewolf that wasn't willing to do the bidding of Greyback. He was furious at the Death Eaters who had harmed his wife, and at Bellatrix for her vengeful vendetta against the Dora and her family.  
>The injustice and anguish of this final, impossible choice he was faced with filled him with anger and bitterness. But even as all these thoughts raced through his head, his anger waned in the face of despair and anguish at the agonising path that lay before him.<p>

Gazing at Dora's resting face, always so full of sweetness and love and understanding, the misery of it all gripped him strongly and he fought back the impulse to give into the grief and stay.  
>The thought of causing her more pain, even if was for her own good, was nearly unbearable.<br>He wished for nothing more at that moment than to be a normal man...to be able to just love his wife, and provide for her.  
>The beauty of it all swept him away for a moment...to not have to fear hurting her, or worse, every month; not to feel the shame of being unable to share the workload... she wouldn't have to endure the cruelty of bigoted people whenever they were out.<br>He loved her so much it almost hurt, and yet...he still knew what was right.  
>And this was not it.<p>

The guilt and shame were stronger and louder than his heart's pain.  
>How could he claim to love her if he stayed and it resulted in her death?<br>How could he ever forgive himself if he hurt her? How could he live with knowing that the same prejudice, cruelty, unkindness would be directed at her simply because he was her husband?  
>How could he ever forgive himself if he was the reason someone hurt her?<br>It was simple. He couldn't.  
>He had been living a borrowed life - a life of light and joy that a dark creature like him should never even hope for.<br>And in that moment, as he gazed at Dora's light blue hair, another fragment of Remus Lupin's bruised heart broke, and a tear slid down his cheek.  
>But his mind was made up. His resolve was firm. There was only one way forward.<br>Shutting away his pain once more, he pressed a feather-soft kiss to Dora's hair and rose soundlessly from the bed to do the only thing he could.

* * *

><p><strong>Tonks' POV...<strong>

When she woke up the next morning, she was alone for the first time since they'd been married.  
>Lupin had left a note saying he'd gone to the Burrow to talk to Arthur about something.<br>Her heart sank to her feet as that nagging anxiety stirred in her again. Slowly she prepared for work, tarrying purposefully in hopes of seeing him before she left. It wasn't so much that it was hurtful, but it just wasn't like him.  
>He didn't show and she Disapparated to London with a knot of apprehension forming in the pit of her stomach.<br>A nasty little voice in her head pestered her. 'What if he's gone? What if he doesn't come home tonight?'  
>With a shake of her head she entered the Ministry and got to work.<p>

But all day the tense and slightly nauseous feeling in Tonks' stomach grew, and by the time she was let off work, she was torn between running home and moving in slow motion because she was so afraid of what she might - or might not - find there.  
>Trepidation at its peak, she Disapparated around the corner from the Ministry and took a shaky breath before walking up the gravel path and up the three steps, hesitantly opening the front door.<p>

The first thing she saw was Lupin's suitcase sitting by the door. Her heart plummeted and her eyes stung, but she felt her hair blaze red...a dozen conflicting emotions rushed through her and she walked dazedly, both angry and devastated, into the sitting room, where Lupin was pacing with his traveling cloak on his shoulders.  
>"Remus?" She half-whispered, hoping to conceal the barely withheld tears from her voice.<br>He looked into her eyes for one long moment, and the cold, unkind distance in them cut her to the quick.  
>"Remus, what are you doing?" She asked, gazing back into those harsh and unfamiliar eyes and suddenly felt like a small child whose world was collapsing around her.<br>"I'm...I have to leave." He said curtly.

A sob rose in her throat and she took a deep breath and let the anger rise to the surface instead. "You promised, Remus! You said you'd never do this to me again! You _PROMISED_!" She accused, unable to conceal the hurt in her voice. She recognised how immature she sounded, but the only part of her brain that seemed to be functioning reasoned that there was the most minuscule of chances that if he was reminded of his promise he would stay.  
>His eyes tightened in a way that would be imperceptible had she not known him so well.<br>"I can't do this to you anymore, I just _can't_. The war is going so badly. This new legislation is just the beginning of what will happen, and you deserve better than to be killed because of what you're married to."

"I'm not married to a _thing_, Remus. I'm married to a _human being_; a man...a wonderful man. And why are you even bothering bringing the legislation into this? You know I don't give a damn what the Ministry does - it's corrupt for Merlin's sake! What d'you expect?!"  
>"I expect that the woman I love would be better off without a monster making her a target for judgment, evil, and violence. So will the baby - you won't have to worry about being in danger because of me anymore."<br>"I'm not a child, Remus. I know you're scared that about the baby, but the rest of this isn't new and you still married me, so what is it? What's the reason this time?" She spit harshly.

His shoulders were rigid now, and she fought the immediate regret that flowed through her.  
>"Back in May I began working for the Longs again, and now that the Ministry's gone over, I will be investigated for having worked within a Muggle community, and you, as my wife and doubly so as a Ministry employee and as a suspected Order member, will be in danger of being imprisoned or worse. As if that isn't enough...my kind don't usually breed outside of our species, and they will do everything in their power to make you give up this child, or worse."<br>"Why didn't you tell me?" She whispered, hurt and fear cutting her deeper than it had yet.  
>"It doesn't matter now."<br>"Yes it does. It DOES. Tell me Remus. Spit it out." She demanded, eyes stinging, heart breaking, hair flaming red.  
>"Because I know it's not a job any decent wizard would be proud of!" He spat bitterly. "But I stupidly thought I was still doing something good for this family by putting back the extra money, just in case. But now I've endangered us worse than ever before, and I don't plan to stick around and make you suffer the consequences of my foolish actions."<p>

He walked over to her, and reaching out a hand, wiped a tear she hadn't felt fall from her cheek. "You deserve better than this Dora, you deserve joy, not tears. You've always deserved better. So _much_ better than me. And now you'll have a chance to find that. It was a gift to have the time I had with you, and I will never forget you; in a few years, you'll have found someone new, and you would thank me. You'll both be much better off. I don't want you to stay with me because you feel sorry for me. You're a wonderful woman, and whoever he is will be very lucky to have you."

Tonks stumbled back from his touch, feeling sick at his insinuation. Did he really believe he could be replaced so easily in her affections? That she could love another the way she loved him?  
>And worst of all that she married him out of pity, and didn't even love him.<br>"How dare you?" She wanted to shout the words, but they came out low and hushed and filled with all of the emotions boiling inside her. "How dare you suggest that I married you out of PITY!" She spat.  
>"Can you deny that you pitied me?" He accused, eyes burning with bitter pain.<br>"I married you because I LOVE YOU! Nothing more, nothing less. So you walk out that damn door, because I know," her voice broke and she took a deep breath before ploughing on, "I know that there's nothing I can do to stop you. There never has been, and I was a fool to think this time would be any different. But don't EVER ever even think that I did anything less than love you with my whole heart, because Merlin, Remus, why else would anyone stick around and go through this over and over? I love you like I have loved nothing and no one else, so don't you _ever_ say that." She said, so angry she was shaking.

Lupin now stood with his head bowed, and Tonks' anger was the only thing keeping her standing...her knees felt weak, and she knew the tears were coming.  
>Why was he so determined to break them? Why?<br>Did he really even love her? But even as she asked herself, she knew that he did. That was why he couldn't look her in the eye now, and also why, though misguided, he was going. Because he really believed that she would be better off without him, and he loved her enough to put her happiness above his own. This realisation vaporised her anger and she broke; covering her face with her hands, she sank onto the sofa and let out the strangled sob that had been lodged in her throat for what felt like a year.

The sofa shifted and she felt his arm go about her shoulders. She was torn; half of her wanted to curl up in his arms and cry and refuse to let him go, and other part was so angry she wanted to kick him out herself; she resented him for all the pain he had caused her, it was as plain and simple and painful as that. But she knew she never would, if he would just stay with her.  
>Settling for a compromise, she leaned into his shoulder and cried, silent tears falling down her cheeks and onto her knees and fingers, which still covered her face.<p>

After a few minutes Lupin stood and stooped to press a lingering kiss her temple.  
>Standing abruptly, Tonks fingers' caught the edge if his cloak and he turned back to her hesitantly.<br>"Please don't do this Remus. Don't leave me again. Not now." she gave in to her last option and begged.  
>"I know you don't understand, but trust me. You will be happy again - happier than you ever were with me. And safer. So much safer. I will never forget you. I love you. Goodbye."<p>

And with those last heart-wrenching words he swept to the door, picked up his bag, and was gone.  
>Tonks ran after him and reached the top of the steps in time to see him Disapparate.<br>She sank onto the top step and curled in on herself, suddenly feeling small amd vulnerable and so alone.  
>Sobs shook her shoulders and she cried until she ran out of tears and then cried some more.<p>

It was almost dark when Tonks, silent tears still slipping down her face, rose and walked numbly back into the cottage.  
>There she turned down the covers and crawled into their suddenly too large bed fully clothed, and feeling cold despite the blankets she lay under, she cried until her eyes fell shut like a weak dam on an endless river.<br>Little did she know that, not so far away as it seemed, a worn man lay in an abandoned barn and, lost in the pain of his own loss, shed a few tears of his own.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, I'm really sorry to come back with the depressing chapter - I'm not gonna lie, I procrastinated writing this. Which is probably why it took so long to actually put it up here. *sheepish grin* I will update again as soon as I get the chance though!<br>****So we come back to them the morning after the Ministry has fallen, and dealing with the trauma of those events. **  
><strong>As for the end, I was honestly so mad about what Remus chooses to do here that I had a really hard time writing this, and this last scene was one of the ones I re-wrote the most times (six times, I think). I hope it's in character, as I had to really dig deep to delve out the what I believe just have to have been complex reasons for Remus leaving her like he does in The Deathly Hallows. I'm sorry this bit is so depressing, but I'm sticking to canon here, so you know he'll be back. ;)<strong>  
><strong>Most of all, a huge thank you to anyone who reads this, especially those who have waited for so long for this update. I would like to dedicate this chapter to all the people who have commented and favourited and asked when I would post again, this is for you guys.<strong> **I hope life has been really wonderful for you all, and that spring is warming your lives and making you smile!  
>God bless! <strong>


	14. Rock Bottom

**Anyone that is still kind enough to be reading this - Hello! *waves* I've finally had some chances to write lately, so I thought rather than just try to finish the extensive draft of what was this and what will now be the next two chapters, I decided to just post them as I found that I could split them up. So this is much shorter than usual, but schedule-pending, there will be more sooner! Actually will be sitting down to write more when I've finished posting this.  
>So coming back with Remus having just left and <em>sorry<em> for all the sad stuff! :( No worries though - this too shall pass;) I would like to dedicate this chapter to every single person who has read and subscribed to my work over the time that life and college have kept me torn away from my writing - you guys, thank you so so much, you're the best! 3 *sends cookies to everyone* **

* * *

><p>14. Rock Bottom<p>

It was with a heavy heart that Tonks, who hadn't slept a wink, greeted the dawn.  
>Her feet hit the floor, and like a robot she went about her morning routine of getting dressed, cleaning herself up, and making the bed.<br>But when she walked into the kitchen, she opened the cupboard only to be greeted with the sight of pancake mix. Her mind carried her back to the happy mornings she and Lupin shared just after they were married, having desert pancakes for breakfast. Quickly she slammed the cupboard door again, both on the memories and the cabinet.

She marched out of the kitchen without eating at all, grabbed her robes, wand, tied her boots in record time, and all but ran out the door.  
>Lying awake all night the night before after crying all her tears, Tonks had made a firm resolution to herself that she was <em>not<em> going to let Lupin once more turn her into the ghost of herself that she had been when he left the first time.  
>No.<br>She refused to turn into that again.  
>With a tenacity of steel, she slammed her tears back into the corner of her heart and fortified herself to continue with her life.<br>This morning she had to work - so she would go.

It didn't matter that she'd left an hour and a half too early...no one at the Ministry would care. In fact, it'd probably serve to better her cover, she thought bitterly - showing up early like she was excited to hunt down all the innocent people the Auror Department had been tasked with hunting down lately. Of course, as Kingsley and Tonks both worked in that department, that put the Order in the fortuitous position of being able to warn witches and wizards the Ministry were planning on targeting. So Tonks focused all her energy on that single task and propelled herself to the Ministry.  
>Mind like a mess of tangled brambles of anger, sadness, resentment, inadequacy, and emptiness, she walked round in a daze, manually performing her duties and mentally cataloging names without really focusing on it.<p>

It wasn't until 5:30, when Kingsley came in for his night shift after guarding the Muggle Prime Minister all day, that Tonks was forced to wake from the shield of nothingness which she'd constructed to protect and enable her to make it thought the day.  
>Now was the difficult part of the day...facing people that knew her. That knew her well.<br>That would be able to tell something was wrong.  
>But to her relief, here at the Ministry at least, she and Kingsley were mere acquaintances, and exchanged civil and impersonal nods of greeting as he passed her to his office.<br>He didn't break his 'character' for even a moment. Once he was settled at his desk, though, she could feel his eyes briefly on the back of her head, and knew with a sinking, gut feeling that her Metamorph powers were glitching. Needing no mirror to confirm it, she simply raised her left hand and slowly turned her hand palm up. On her wrists were scars she had learnt to morph away as soon as it had been healed enough to do so.

When she was but five years old, Bellatrix had tried to kill her and her parents. Bellatrix had slashed her wrists with a spell, and only her mum's training as a Healer enabled Tonks to be sitting here this day. Even though she'd been young, the memory was as clear as if it were yesterday. The pain...all that blood...the bloodlust in her aunt's eyes and her mother screaming... that was the day she had resolved to become an Auror.  
>Never again would her family be endangered and she helpless...<br>A door slammed down the hall, and Tonks shook her head and focused on the task at hand.  
>Finishing up the list of 'suspects' - Muggle-born witches and wizards the Ministry were planning to bring in for questioning about 'blood status' - Tonks stared at the names and tried to remember that she was still fortunate. Despite the aching in her chest, she and her child were at least safe. Well - as safe as anyone was in these times. The Ministry wasn't hunting her down, and that was some sort of blessing.<p>

_**Cattermole, Mary Elizabeth**_

…the first name on the list burned into her memory and her heart went out to the woman. A witch with a family, a life - all the things Tonks herself hoped for – no idea her world was about to be turned completely and utterly upside down by power hungry, narrow-minded people.  
>Tonks heart burned with a determination to save as many of these people as they possibly could.<br>Having spelled her quill with a handy little charm Charlie had taught her, everything she had written on the list had been copied exactly onto a spare bit of parchment in her left boot.  
>Her task was to carry the list to the Order so they could delegate who would go where, and when, to warn the various witches and wizards on the list that they needed to leave the country and seek safety far away until they were notified it was safe to return.<br>Who knew if it ever would be...some, perhaps, would be away so long their lives would simply move on and they mayn't ever return.

The day reached its end all too soon, and Tonks clocked out, Disapparating once to an empty field to make sure she wasn't followed, then to the Burrow.  
>Wearily she knocked on the door, identifying herself to Molly and stepping inside to be greeted with the pleasant scent of a fresh tart.<br>Molly's eyes lingered on her hair for a moment too long before she ushered her into the kitchen.  
>Tonks fished the list out of her boot. "Here you are, Molly. Make sure Kingsley gets this - he took a late shift today and I couldn't be seen giving it to him at the Ministry."<br>Molly placed it in a secret drawer and promised she would see to it.  
>"I was just about to put the kettle on - would you stay to tea?" Molly asked, her much too keen eyes seeming to see right through Tonks.<br>"I wish I could," Tonks enthused, as much as she normally would when she was simply tired. "I've got to get back and fix something for Remus, though, so I'd best be getting on." It slipped out before Tonks really thought about it.

She hadn't meant to lie - more out of habit had she spoken, but now that she stopped to think, she realised she didn't want to tell anyone that Lupin had left again.  
>Didn't want the pity and the stares and the feelings of inadequacy – the wondering why she couldn't even manage to keep Lupin around for two months before he took off again.<br>So she didn't take back her words, and left the Burrow with guilt gnawing at her, and an empty belly that she didn't feel like filling.  
>A small twist in her stomach made her pull up short a few steps inside her own door, however.<br>She was suddenly mortified at herself.  
>What had she been thinking? She had to eat – Jr, as she'd taken to calling the baby, was probably starving, which is likely why she was so exhausted. Well - that and the fact that she hadn't been able to sleep at all.<br>Summoning what motivation she could, she halfheartedly made up a plate of chicken stew and forced herself to eat the entire thing.  
>Unable to face the empty bedroom again, Tonks lie down on the sofa and fell into an uneasy and restless sleep.<p>

* * *

><p>A whole week passed in this manner, until Tonks felt like a robot.<br>Sleep was restless at best on the sofa, and she forced herself to eat, taking no pleasure or care in it at all. She ate for Jr and for his sake alone.  
>But she wasn't spending all her time crying, and so she was somewhat dignified - still she kept steadfastly to her routine and ignored the looks that lasted just that tiny bit too long. No one was forward enough to ask and she wasn't about to offer up any explanations.<p>

It wasn't until exactly one week later that it all came crashing down.  
>Tonks was at the Burrow, helping Molly and Ginny clean up after a meeting that had run particularly late.<br>Burning with shame but unable to find the courage to tell her friends the truth, Tonks had lied and said Lupin was house-bound with a stomach virus.  
>Now she moved slowly and methodically thought the motions of house charms and helping with dishes and so forth.<br>Ginny, who had been upstairs during the meeting as per her mum's firm orders, seemed pleased to be involved again. However she kept glancing at Tonks from the corner of her eye, and Tonks tried to pretend like she didn't notice; even though she knew her brown hair and dull eyes were like neon signs.  
>Lost in the abyss of her own mind, Ginny's voice barely registered.<br>"It's been some time since we saw Remus around here." She observed casually although her eyes were shrewd and concerned.

Molly threw Ginny a warning look as Tonks jumped at the sudden challenge and a little sugar dish went flying out of her hands and shattered on the floor.  
>Molly turned right to Ginny and fussed her out of the kitchen, giving her the leftover bread for the chickens as Tonks stood unmoving, staring at the shattered dish and feeling altogether too akin to its broken state.<br>"Tonks?" Molly asked gently. "What's wrong?"  
>All the careful walls she'd thrown up in a desperate attempt not to feel the raw pain of being abandoned again - no less with pregnant, too - came crashing down and she spun away, tears burning her eyes as she wished she could turn back time and not have jumped.<br>"I..." Tonks tried to start and faltered, unable to continue.  
>"Won't you tell me what's the matter?"<br>Walls crumbled and vulnerable, Tonks bolted.  
>"I'm sorry, Molly - I just can't." she threw behind her as she rushed out of the door and Disapparated into the night, leaving a sob and two very worried friends behind her.<br>Shaking with tears, Tonks kicked off her boots and curled up, robes and all, in bed for the first time since the night Lupin had left, and cried herself to sleep.

* * *

><p>There was a strange, annoying knocking sound probing at the edges of Tonks' consciousness.<br>Her mind rebuked the noise, annoyed, as she woke. It was still dark outside. Tonks suddenly realized that it was a knock at the door she was hearing. Out of habit she turned to shake Lupin and was jolted harshly back to all that had happened.

It was the first time she'd really slept since he left – more out of sheer exhaustion than anything.  
>Waking up to an empty house wasn't something anyone welcomed…most especially not at three in the morning, during a war, when no one ought to be able to see your house courtesy of a Fidelius Charm.<p>

Walls demolished and resolve shattered, Tonks felt as if Lupin had only just left all over again – the emotions she'd tried so hard to bury crashed into her mind, a dozen emotions vying for top spot in her heart as Lupin's cold, distant eyes flashed through her half-conscious memory.  
>Deep, unquenchable sadness took hold, forming an unshakable shroud of darkness around her soul. Hope extinguished, and desperate not to return to the listless sadness she had known when he had last left her, she snapped herself severely into logical thinking, shoving all emotions out of focus and apathetically taking in facts.<br>Obviously the person at the door could see her house. That could only mean that either one of their Secret Keepers had been captured and tortured for information - unlikely, as the news of one of their number being captured would have been passed throughout Order immediately, and it wasn't likely that anyone left in the Order would sell out the others, even had they been captured.

Or, it _was_ someone from the Order, knocking on the door at three in the bloody morning. Utterly nonsensical as it was that someone should be doing that, it was nonetheless the more likely of the two.  
>She hoped.<br>So Tonks rolled out of bed with a groan, rubbing her red eyes and grabbing her wand. Stealthily she moved to the door, clearing her mind she spoke out clearly and coolly, scolding herself when the half hopeful thought that it could be Lupin outside crept in.  
>"Identify yourself!" She called.<br>"Tonks? Thank Merlin, it's Molly Weasley. You pointedly stayed away last Christmas because I had Remus staying at the house, too."  
>Tonks squeezed her eyes shut and bowed her head, gathering strength for a moment to face her friend and not break down.<br>Drawing in a long breath, she slowly opening the door, holding it until Molly had crossed the threshold.

It came rushing out when Tonks saw that Molly was not empty handed.  
>A loaf of bread and a jar of jam were tucked into a basket hanging on her arm, and a Tonks' eyes nearly welled up once more at the starkly simple and wonderful thoughtfulness of her friend.<br>"What's the matter, Molly? Has something happened?"

Molly assessed her carefully for a moment before speaking. "Well, dear - I had hoped you would tell me." She said gently, but with little room for excuses or arguments.  
>Tonks, who had been leading them into the kitchen where they could sit down, faltered in stride at her words.<br>Molly continued into the kitchen without breaking stride, pretending not to notice Tonks' valiant struggle to remain composed.  
>By the time Tonks had re-gathered herself enough to enter the kitchen the lamps were lit and Molly had the kettle on.<br>Squinting at the sudden brightness, Tonks tripped and crashed into the table, banging her hip into the corner.  
>And stupidly, that was the thing that undid once more her careful self-control. Tears welled in her eyes and she crumpled into a chair, forearms on her knees and face towards the floor.<p>

Molly was by her side in an instant, her mothering instincts right on target, and wrapped an arm around Tonks' shoulder.  
>"Tonks, what happened? Where's Remus?"<br>"I...I don't even know." Tonks managed, stifling a sob as she looked up and frankly met Molly's eyes.  
>Molly's face fell into sadness so genuine Tonks' tears welled up anew and she buried her head in her hands.<br>"Remus John Lupin!" Molly uttered his name as if it were profanity.  
>"When Arthur told me he'd been by Headquarters last week, taking that risky assignment we'd all but abandoned...oh I should have known there was something wrong. If I had only seen him - but apparently Arthur thought everyone knew – he didn't know Remus was going off like this."<p>

Molly waved a wand at the bread and the now sliced loaf floated over to the table with the jar of jam and a spoon at the ready. "He didn't tell you he'd been to see Arthur, did he?" She asked and she spread jam onto a slice and placed a plate in front of Tonks, waiting patiently for her to speak.  
>Every thought and unspoken hurt and act of Lupin's over the last three years all seemed to weigh the world upon her shoulders. Yet for the life of her although she suddenly and keenly felt how broken they really were - always had been - she couldn't find the words to speak to ease the burden of what she now saw with such painful clarity.<br>"I just don't understand why he won't let himself be happy, Molly. What did I do wrong?" She finally implored, voice breaking into a whisper.  
>Molly sat up straight and pulled her chair close enough to Tonks' that she could take her hands.<br>"I am only going to say this once, Nymphadora, so you had better listen closely to me.  
>This. Is. <em>Not<em>. Your. Fault. Whatever demons Remus is struggling with, they are not of your making. He has been fighting the same battle for a very very long time, Nymphadora - much longer than he's known you." Molly's statement was all at once comforting and reprimanding.

Tonks took a shaky breath and nodded.  
>"I remember when I first met Remus - my brothers Fabian and Gideon were part of the first Order with Remus, James, Lily, and Sirius. I didn't know he was a werewolf at the time - even back then it was something that ostracised him from society. But I remember I was struck with how gentle he was, how fervent and wise and ... sad for someone so young. Later when I learnt why I remember how sad it made me. He's always carried this burden, Tonks, even then. When he met you - that's the first time I can recall that he sort of...lightened. Not always so serious or sad, he seemed to just be happier around you. And that was something I'd only barely glimpsed a piece of once or twice when his friends were still alive. Although even then he wasn't so unbroken. You were the closest to being whole that he has ever been. And it scares him, because I think he must keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, for things to go wrong. He thinks that he loses everything he loves, and I don't know much Nymphadora, but I know he is terrified to lose you."<p>

"But doing this? Breaking us over and over? How many more times can I pick up the pieces and hand them back to him? I'm breaking too and he sure as hell doesn't pick up those pieces - he keeps throwing them at the wall. Keeps leaving...leaving is losing me just the same, why doesn't he see that?"  
>"I think perhaps…because if it's his choice that he makes to keep you safe, then he feels as if by losing you personally then at least he's not losing you in a far worse way. Well - worse to him anyways."<p>

"That's just not fair - for one it's never been wholly his decision to make, but he keeps making my choices for me and I just _hate_ it Molly. I want to be angry and I want to shout at him and hex him back twenty years but I know if he came home right now I'd fling the door open wide and let him stay until he broke us some more."  
>Tonks buried her head in her hands, having bared her heart much more than she'd intended. Despite the shame she felt in doing so, the relief of dropping some of the weight was tangible and welcome.<br>"There isn't anything more wrong with your relationship than in any other, Tonks. Love does that to people - what you and Remus share is strong, and it will draw him back, I believe, whatever he may have said. Remus has some deep rooted issues, which isn't surprising given his past. But l don't believe that love can't overcome them, if he chooses to let it."

"I used to think the same thing, but this time...I don't know Molly. I'm not sure of anything anymore..." Tonks voice trailed off to a whisper, closing her eyes and hating how Lupin had the power to make her into this sad, hollow person.  
>Both overwhelming grief and anger shadowed her heart, and which would win she couldn't tell.<p>

A high pitched whistle broke the pensive silence of the room and both women jumped slightly.  
>Silently Molly summoned the kettle and two teacups and saucers, setting them to rest and filling the room with the aroma of bergamot.<br>Tonks, exhausted and both overwhelmed and devoid of emotion all at once, sat in silence and watched the steam swirling lazily into the air.  
>Molly set the saucer in front of Tonks and a dash of milk and honey to it, remembering from their visits the previous year how she took her tea. The memories piqued a chord deep within Tonks and she was forcibly struck with gratitude for how good of a friend Molly had always been to her. Lupin had been the cause of their acquaintance initially blossoming into closer friendship.<br>She remembered very clearly the first time they'd taken tea together... -

The Burrow was warm in quiet, cosy disarray as Tonks made her way inside just a week after Sirius' death.  
>The sound of dishes clanking in the kitchen, and voices coming from upstairs greeted her as she sent her Patronus ahead of her and tried not to cringe as its new shape preceded her. Moving through the living room, she caught sight of herself in a mirror and faltered to a stop next to it, startled for a moment by her own appearance.<br>The reflection staring back at her was one she hadn't seen since losing Sirius' friendship when she was a little girl and her mum told her as gently as she could that he'd been sent to Azkaban.  
>Her hair was a limp, lifeless brown; her eyes, usually a lively brown with a touch of hazel (or even pink, if she was feeling very vivacious) towards the iris, were dull and subdued.<p>

Ever since Sirius' abrupt death, and Lupin turning her away the day following, she'd been struggling with her Metamorph powers. But last night had been the final straw. Lupin had announced at the meeting that he was taking, per Dumbledore's request, a mission to infiltrate the werewolves under Greyback's control, and that he would keep in touch best he could and report back when he could get away. But to gain their trust he was to be discreet and unassuming among them. It was the only way to get close to the undecided individuals in the pack to gauge which might lend understanding rather than bitter ears to their cause.  
>This was to be expected - it was part of the fight against Voldemort - they all had to do their parts and undertake the missions they were best suited to. Tonks knew that. But worry and even fear for Lupin were driven into her heart like an icy stake - werewolves were volatile.<p>

Violent.

These werewolves weren't like Lupin - they didn't live amongst society and were proud not to be accepted into its' arms. They didn't even try to act human - they were cruel and barbaric, even to each other. Greyback was brainwashing them all into the belief that under Voldemort's reign they would have equal rights to wizards themselves…and Greyback secretly hoped to eventually overtake them. Of course, if they paid about five minutes' worth of attention to how Greyback himself was treated amongst the ranks of Voldemort's followers, they would realise how ridiculous it was to buy into that way of thinking.  
>So Lupin would go and attempt to show those who were willing to hear the truth about what they were involved in. And show them a better way.<br>But they were feral, and Lupin was so so human - so_ good_. They would sense this and, rather than it being the beautiful gift it really was, it would be seen as a weakness to be stamped out by dominating his thinking with their own or killing him...unlike wizards, werewolves weren't shy or hesitant about discarding those whom they believed to be disloyal. Especially within Greyback's ranks.

And then Lupin had had the utter indecency to take leave of the meeting directly afterwards, not even permitting her to say goodbye. His eyes had caught hers just before he slipped out the door, and though Tonks had tried to reach him, his eyes screamed with apologies beneath the apathetic surface, and he'd ducked out of her grasp, Disapprating into the night just as she reached the doorway.  
>He was gone, and she had no idea if he was okay, or whether she would see him again - would ever have the chance to convince him he was a wonderful man who was very much loved by so much and so many and by none more than her.<p>

These thoughts clouding her mind, Tonks resurfaced and shook herself harshly for what felt like the dozenth time that day.  
>She was angry at herself for having such poor control over her powers, and her heart was heavy with grief; missing Sirius, aching for Harry, and worry for Lupin had equaled out to several sleepless nights, her powers abandoning her as they only did in times of great emotional upheaval.<p>

Lost as she was in her own dizzy thoughts, Tonks nearly jumped out of her skin when Molly poked her head around the corner from the kitchen and waved Tonks inside, "Ah Tonks, I thought it must be you - come in, I've just put the kettle on - that's right..." Molly spoke in a strangely reassuring manner, guiding Tonks despite her valiant efforts to hide her emotional turmoil. But no matter the effort her hair gave it all away and she knew it.  
>Molly, however, though her eyes rested on her a moment too long, proceeded to bustle about like she didn't even notice, and Tonks relaxed a fraction.<br>When Tonks made to step over and help Molly with the biscuits, Molly swatted her away and cheerfully ordered her to sit down and 'just relax for once.'

The cosy hominess of the Burrow began to work its magic on Tonks - it was quiet this time of day - everyone else was working on missions for the Order or at work in the Ministry. Dust motes floated in the air, showcased by the rays of late morning sunshine that was dappling the kitchen through the old wooden window frames, and the nearly unintelligible sound of knitting needles clicking in the family room, and the sound of Molly's unique clock ticking, paired with the smell of freshly cooked biscuits and the sound of the kettle on the edge of boiling made the entire moment feel as if it were removed from everything else in the world, preserved and immortal even though it was in reality precious and rare and was shattered in that very moment by the teapot singing shrilly. "Now then, how do you take your tea?" Molly asked.

"Milk and honey," Tonks said with a little smile – her mum always used to use honey rather than sugar, and the habit had stuck long into her adult years.

Molly smiled and placed a practiced touch of both into the cup and setting it before her.

Tonks murmured her thanks.  
>"I'm afraid you've just missed Kingsley - he was here just a half hour ago, brought news of a poor muggle-born family - Death Eaters targeting them. Bill, Kingsley, and Mad-Eye were arranging getting someone unconnected to the Ministry out to warn him and his family."<br>"Who did Kingsley send?" Tonks asked conversationally.

Inside she burned with shame - usually Tonks was the first and only person considered for jobs like this - her unique Metamorph gifts made her perfect for when an indistinct but friendly face was needed. And of course then she would just disappear, having helped someone without endangering anyone who could be implicated from the Ministry - it was growing dangerous there, and Tonks was never sure who she could trust. But now, because of the bloody moodiness of her Metamorph powers she couldn't be any help whatsoever. None of them would agree to send Tonks into a situation like that when there was a risk her powers would fail and she could be recognised and identified as a known Ministry official. Even though she was willing and frankly getting stir-crazy, Tonks knew they were right. A small part of her recognised that this recklessness was borne of resentment and sadness over Lupin's constant and adamant refusal to admit that they were crazy about each other.

"Charlie, this time - he's usually in Romania, and he knows a few good disguise charms - enough to keep him from being recognised, at the least." The way Molly wrung her hands around the dishcloth in her hands betrayed her nerves about the whole thing.  
>"I'm so sorry Molly - it shouldn't be Charlie out there today, it should be me - I promise I'll sort out my iss-"<br>"Tonks." Molly cut across her sharply. "Charlie chose to be a part of the Order just the same as you, and he knew what he was getting himself into - it isn't always your job to go undercover. We're managing just fine. It seems to me the problem right now is whatever's troubling you." Molly finished gently.

When Tonks didn't say anything, but instead looked down at her hands and traced a pattern in the wooden grain, Molly poured herself both a cup of tea and summoned the biscuits to the table and took a seat across from her.  
>"Everyone needs tea and a listening ear sometimes, Nymphadora Tonks, and I've been a mum long enough to know when I see someone who needs it." Molly admonished when Tonks remained silent, torn between sharing her burdens and ignoring andor denying them until they disappeared.

Molly seemed to read her silence for the hesitation that it was, and pushed Tonks' teacup towards her encouragingly with a friendly smile.  
>And Tonks gave up - she needed someone to talk to, needed advice - no matter how much she wished this would all just disappear, it wasn't going to. So she took a breath and told Molly the story.<br>The story of how comradeship turned to respect, and grew into strong friendship, which blossomed over time into affection deeply rooted in the knowledge of the others' goodness, courage, kindness, and selflessness.  
>"For a long time we were just ... that. You know Remus, he never did anything more than rest his hand on mine when we would catch a quiet moment alone - but we both knew. Spending so much time as a team for the Order - we got to know each other as well as ourselves without really meaning to.<br>When Sirius...I went to him as soon as I could. He was so broken up he would hardly speak, but he let me in...we sat up for hours, not saying a word, just sitting together."  
>Molly's eyes were misty, and she poured them each a new cup of tea as Tonks paused.<p>

"And so I told him - the next morning. Told him he didn't have to be alone with this, that I loved him - and he shut me out. Wouldn't hear a word. I swear he's gone half blind and deaf in the last two weeks and I just... I just _miss_ him, Molly. I feel like a stupid schoolgirl, but I just miss him. He hasn't let me talk to him alone - he barely lets me talk to him at all - and he's always so closed off. It's like we were never even friends, and he was my best friend. When he left for his assignment he wouldn't even stop to let me say goodbye. He looked me right in the eye and slipped out the door. I'm so angry at him!" Tonks admitted, swiping frustratedly at a tear that had slipped down her cheek. "I don't want to miss him but Merlin I do." Tonks laughed once, short and sad and Molly took her friend's hand across the table -

"Dear Tonks, I'm sorry. I had wondered - last summer at Grimmauld Place if there was something between you two. None of us knew that you two were so close as that, but it was plain to everyone how fond you were of each other and that you got on quite well. Sirius made a few pointed remarks and jokes to Remus - I suppose he knew, as long as he'd known Remus, that he was falling in love with you. Sirius would have seen it in so old a friend..." Molly trailed off sadly.

Tonks held the warm teacup tightly in her palms and soaked in the comforting heat of it gratefully, her heart twisting sadly for Lupin, and aching with the loss of Sirius.  
>"It just kills me to think of him being all alone - to have lost your very last friend in all the world like that - I can't imagine..." Tonks murmured sadly.<br>"Well he hasn't though, has he? He's still got you, if he's smart enough to stop being ridiculous and come back." Molly stated plainly, half-smiling at Tonks.  
>"He's a stubborn man, Tonks - but I've seen the way he is around you. In all the time I've known him, I've never seen him so fond and close to anyone like he is with you. You make him happy, I've seen it. Don't give up - all's hardly lost yet, it's just a bump in the road. I've the feeling he'll come around."<br>"Do you really think so? He's so bloody stubborn sometimes I could just hex him!"  
>"I do really think so. It may take a long time, but I think eventually he'll see what I see."<br>"What's that?" Tonks asked.  
>"That giving up a young woman who loves him as much as you do would be absolutely mad."<p>

Tonks laughed - a real laugh this time, and it felt good.  
>"Thank you, Molly. I needed to get that off my chest."<br>"I understand perfectly. But not to worry Tonks, I'll sort Remus out - he's being absolutely ridiculous, and somebody's got to tell him that."  
>Tonks wasn't sure whether to be grateful or mortified at the idea of Molly giving Lupin an ultimatum on her behalf. But as stubborn as he was being and as desperate as Tonks was, she opted for grateful and hoped that maybe Lupin would believe she was telling the truth with someone disconnected backing her up.<br>It may not help a jot - but at least Tonks wasn't alone with her sadness anymore, and that was the spark that kindled a deeper friendship between Molly Weasley and Nymphadora Tonks...

Now, sitting the kitchen of the house she had been so happy in not a month before, she was torn between laughter and tears at how little and how much had changed between that first tea and this one tonight.  
>A hand on hers made her jump slightly.<br>"I'm sorry, Molly - I was a mile away." She mumbled apologetically.  
>"Even further than that, I think." Molly returned sympathetically with a squeeze of her hand.<br>"Try to drink your tea, dear - it'll do you good." She mothered good-naturedly.  
>Doing as she was bid with a ghost of a smile at her friend's nurturing nature; she took a sip of tea and found that it did give her an odd sort of small strength.<p>

It was quiet for a while, and Tonks couldn't help but think that though she'd always thought Molly was a rather outspoken person, she also was a rare person that knew when silence was as good and healing a balm as comforting words.  
>She drew strength from the company and the silence and collected her thoughts, bullying away her raw emotions back into a prison of sorts and stubbornly refusing to cry or to feel them so acutely.<br>He would not reduce her to this again. She was strong, and this time she would not become a ghost of herself without him.

Molly broke the quiet of her inner resolve when they had finished their tea.  
>"Now...I don't want you to think I'm saying this out of a lack of faith in Remus," Molly started carefully, "but I don't at all like the idea of you being alone in your condition with things the way they are right now."<br>"Molly, I'm twenty-five years old, and-" she began to protest.  
>"And I do know that - but these are dangerous times, and I know you're an extremely capable witch, but at least for the sake of putting my mind at ease, won't you at least consider coming and staying at the Burrow until Remus comes home?"<br>"I..." Tonks trailed off, looking around at what had quickly become the dearest home of her life. She didn't want to leave it...leaving felt like giving up.  
>If he came back to find her gone, would he search her out or talk himself out of them again without her having the chance to refute his ridiculous excuses?<br>She wasn't sure and couldn't bear to take the risk.  
>"I - I want to stay here."<p>

Molly opened her mouth to protest, and Tonks fought down the sting of frustration at feeling like a child all of a sudden and quickly said - "At least until the meeting on Friday night - if...if he hasn't come back by then, then I'll think about it." Tonks conceded reluctantly. "It is awfully quiet here now..." Tonks admitted, thinking of how happy memories chased her through every room and almost mocked her with the contrast of the happiness then and the sadness now.  
>Molly's lips were pursed, but she nodded. "I understand, Tonks - I do. Please just let us know if there's anything at all you need, alright?" She said.<br>"I will, Molly, thank you so much."  
>"I'd best get back before Arthur gets to worrying - do think about it Tonks, you're always welcome at our place."<br>Tonks nodded, "I will."

Tonks helped Molly gather the basket she had brought and walked her to the door.  
>"There, then." Molly said, brushing her cheek motherly, "try to get some sleep, dear." She said kindly.<br>Tonks nodded and accepted the hug Molly offered before waving as she walked out of the door and Disapparated just beyond the Fidelius Charm's borders.  
>Turning, she closed the door on the first person besides Tonks the house had seen in a week.<br>The emptiness was deafeningly loud, and Tonks fought back a sudden wave of sadness.  
>Try though she did to sleep, she tossed and turned all night, the bed feeling huge and cold without Lupin curled next to her.<br>All she could do was stare at the ceiling, hating the silence more and more with every passing second, her sadness and frustration mounting as the clock ticked with agonising laziness...

It was with dark circles under her eyes that Tonks knocked on the door of the Burrow the next morning just after tea time.

* * *

><p><strong>So...sorry for all the sad and the short-ness - I'll be updating again soon I hope. Y'all be blessed and I dearly hope that life has been being kind to each and every one of you! God be with you, and may the road rise up to meet you every day^^ <strong>


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